A healthy relationship is one in which both parties attain greater wisdom and self awareness. This occurs through using all situations to reflect on their conditioning and subconscious beliefs. The beloved is a mirror to your consciousness showing you your areas for growth and insight. Each triggers the other to provide them with the opportunity to heal and grow together towards the light and God-likeness.
It is a dance of growth, a sharing, a connected togetherness. It is not a clingy we, but a grander version of you and I. Together they dance and sing through life helping each other to grow. They share their insights, their feelings and dreams. They share their inner most thoughts and have no fear of rejection as they know the other does the same, and together they look after each others vulnerability. You hold my hand and I hold yours. I choose to be here for you and you choose to be here for me too.
It is a mutual reciprocity of love and acceptance. They see each others potential for growth and improvement, but rather than judge harshly, they love who the person is now and see them expanding/evolving into their authentic self. They love the person fully which enables the other to feel safe enough to be themselves. They let their defenses down and can be in touch with their heart, their true authentic self and become that in the world.
It is an honoring of two souls who have come together to share and learn. There may be challenges, but they are seen as an opportunity for reflection and growth, to get to know the inner workings of each other at a new level.
These relationships are common, not rare. However they are often overlooked as too easy or simple. We have been conditioned as human beings to look for Mr Right / Mrs Right, the perfect one to meet all our needs and rescue us from our life. Prince Charming and Cinderella type stories. But this is not love, this is not real life. For that type of rescuing does not help you grow. It is an unhealthy relationship where the Prince is a pseudo-parent figure taking responsibility and the damsel in distress stays a weak, dependent child. That is not an example of a healthy relationship.
A better example would be Hansel and Gretel who are not needy, but co-exist, they live together and grow together day by day. I hear you all shouting but they are brother and sister. Yes, these relationships that support growth can be siblings or friends. It doesn’t have to be just romantic partnerships. Let go of the fantasy of romance. It is fine as a concept, but know that it fades, know that as you get to know your partner you will see things you don’t like. It is meant to be that way. The honeymoon phase of the relationship has to end for the true inner work to happen.
When you are pushing each others buttons that is when insight can occur. You can reflect on when else in life have you felt that same way. You may realise your parents treated you in a similar manner and you adopted a belief about yourself as a result. If you no longer want to attract that same kind of treatment change your belief about yourself and what you will attract will change. Learn to set boundaries and speak your truth about how you do want to be treated and make sure you are treating yourself that way. Do you really love and respect yourself? Do you meet your own emotional needs? Do you take care of yourself well? If you don’t it is madness to expect someone else will.
Do your inner work to heal and find peace and your life will be much more peaceful and balanced. There are many ways to centre and ground yourself to go within, to connect with your heart and inner guidance. One way I have found particuarly useful at clearing out stress, tension and trauma so that I can sit in stillness and listen within for my truth and guidance is Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE). It helps to move your body out of reactivity – anger, fear – back down into calm relating where it is easier to connect with others heart to heart.
A healthy relationship is one where each party takes responsibility for healing their own issues and meet together in wholeness.
They don’t judge or project their stuff onto each other. Instead they share what they have learned and give thanks for the support they give to each other. They thank God for their lives and the chance to evolve and grow. They stay open to change knowing life will guide them forward to higher and higher levels of growth and service to the whole.
They are interdependent, capable of being on their own, but choosing to be together. There is no neediness or dependency, and if a time comes when one decides to go their separate ways, they celebrate what they have shared and walk away without regrets. They know each will find the next person they are to learn and grow with when the time is right. There are no guaranteed commitments for life. Couples stay together while they have more to learn from each other. When the learning is done they may go their separate ways. There is no fear of this, just trust and love.
For a healthy person knows they will always be connected energetically to their loved ones no matter how far they roam and it is their connection with them self and God that really counts. Those are the true, permanent commitments and they are the only ones you need. Blessed BE. Amen.
By Jodi-Anne (18 June 2015).