Category Archives: Healing from child abuse

How do you be authentic?

To be authentic means to be honest and show all of who you are to the world. You don’t pretend to be perfect or to have it all together. You show your humanness – your strengths, your doubts, fears and messiness. You show it all, accepting this too is part of who you are.

You don’t need to parade your weaknesses around. You just don’t actively hide them. You are not embarrassed about them. They are simply areas of your personality that have not yet healed into wholeness, into love and peace. They are your growing edge, your next steps. And it is wonderful that you are seeing them, acknowledging them, loving and accepting them, because then they can shift and dissolve.

Life is not as harsh as many think it is. These aspects surface to be released, to be felt into completion. If you willingly feel it, face it, breathe into it, acknowledge any earlier memories associated with it, love the younger part of you involved and bring it into your heart, then it dissolves, the pain goes.

It is only when we try to ignore it that it stays or gets louder, so we will look at it and hopefully embrace it. If we do, the shifting can be easier and we won’t need to attract people or situations to trigger us on that issue.

If you don’t heal the betrayal inside you, you will attract someone to betray you, so you feel those feelings and can heal. It happens to help you heal. But often us humans don’t realise that. We think the person hurting us is bad, broken, evil, unkind or unaware.

We think we are bad, broken, a victim, that life is unfair and cruel, and people can’t be trusted. This is all just wounding to be healed.

We are all innocent, all pure, and all capable of goodness and love, as it is our core nature. We are just clearing out density, so we can embody the light.

So if you have a habit or a thinking pattern or defensive mechanism that you are ashamed of, let go of the judgement. It’s just a habit to break.

Love and accept yourself, see what is going on, and be kind to yourself. Embrace yourself like you would if it was a child hurting, because it is. It’s your inner child, your younger self that needs help to let go of the hurts.

When you can look at it like this, it is easier to see there is nothing ‘wrong’ with you, nothing to hide. You are just a work in progress, we all are. We are all working towards wholeness – where we accept ourselves and others, and flow with life in loving and peaceful ways.

We all have aspects of ourselves that need upgrading or healing. We each have those annoying thought patterns or habits. Love yourself anyway. Be who you are. It’s okay to be you exactly as you are.

You don’t need to hide, or pretend to be better than you are, or hide how you are feeling to please another. You don’t have to pretend to be something you are not, or alter yourself to fit in with the crowd.

Be who you are and shine. Be who you are and love and accept yourself. When you do you will attract others who are also being authentically themselves, and you can enjoy life together, acknowledging each other’s gifts and areas for growth.

We all want to be seen as we are, to be loved and accepted. We just fear we will be rejected, seen as not good enough. If you have these fears it shows you a part of you is still hurting from past experiences. Go inside and heal that part, help it to let go of its pain. Listen to it. Embrace it. Breathe with it while it releases its emotions. Let it be healed by golden and rainbow light. Give it a place in your heart. Accept it and love it and the wound will disappear.

For it is your own love and acceptance you have been craving. When you give it, it is easier to be yourself and show it to the world, as you know you are okay. Even if someone does reject you or is cruel, it won’t destroy you. Just feel any emotional reaction and send love, knowing their reaction is about them and their inner state of pain or turmoil. It is not really about you.

When you are authentically yourself your energy levels rise, as you are no longer wasting energy hiding, or trying to figure things out, or guessing at what other’s want. You can just be yourself, smile and ask for what you want, trusting others to do the same.

You take responsibility for living your life peacefully and lovingly, doing kind acts wherever you go – when you want to, and when you don’t want to, you don’t. You can do whatever you feel like as long as it isn’t hurting anyone else. When we each take responsibility for balancing our own lives we will have fuller energy cups. We won’t be depleted. We won’t be exhausted trying to give from an empty cup. Instead we will overflow from fullness and joy.

It will be easy to give and have a positive impact as our energy field is clear and radiant. That is what it means to be authentically yourself, shining your light for all to see. No need to hide who you are.

You are a beautiful child of God, a masterpiece, just chipping away the rough edges to reveal the beautiful statue within the stone. It takes eons to wear away those rough edges. So be proud of them and of your progress.

No need to be perfect. It’s okay to be flawed, to be human. We each have a different mix of density – pain, thoughts, and patterns. We are each a unique kaleidoscope of life experiences, and we each have beauty. See the love and accept who you are.

Show that to the world and celebrate who you are warts and all! We all make smelly poo and farts. We all have snot and pus when infected. We all lose hair and skin cells and bleed. We are all of this, as well as our smiles, our light, and our love. It’s time to embrace it all and just be yourself. So be it. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (5 August 2018).

  • Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
  • If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
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How do we stop fighting against our lives?

You fight because you resist surrendering your defences and feeling your pain. It feels too big, overwhelming, obliterating. You sense the depths of emotional pain inside and you fight against facing it all.

Yet at the same time you search for solutions so you will feel better. You want it to be gentle, sanitised, easy, but emotional pain has to be felt and transmuted, felt into completion, loved and accepted. You get tired of layer after layer surfacing and wonder whether it will ever end. It won’t. It just changes form.

You are not lost or drowning, you just think you are. It is like you are in water that is deep enough that it has the illusion you can’t stand in. You swim or doggy paddle trying to stay afloat. You know you can only do it for so long. Eventually you have to give in, to let yourself sink. It is only then you realise you can actually stand and you are okay.

That is what you’re doing. You keep swimming or running or hiding when you don’t need to any more. It is safe for you to be still, to rest, to play, to look around and enjoy life, to connect with others. But part of you still flees, still fears bad things happening. Part of you still stays small hoping not to be noticed, worried what others may do to you.

You waste so much energy in fight or flight or trying to figure things out, solve imaginary problems, predict future outcomes in an attempt to avoid those you don’t like. What is meant to be will be. You can’t run away from it or hide. It will happen.

Surrender to your life’s plan and destiny. It was set before you were born. It was agreed to prior to incarnation. The movie starring you has already been made. It’s in the theatre, part way through screening, and you are waving your hands hoping to change it, to alter the script, but it is already done. What is going to occur will occur. You can’t prevent it or alter it dramatically, so stop wasting your energy fearing what is next, trying to control or manipulate it.

Accept what is and trust you will be led forth by God, by love, by your higher self, to experience what you need in order for you to heal and grow, for your soul’s evolution.

What is needed will occur. Some of it will be enjoyable and some of it will not, but it will all lead you forth to growth and integration of your higher self into your body, so you can shine your divine light and a heart full of love into the world.

You are being led to a good place. It is beneficial. You just doubt it, question it, mistrust it. You fight against it, but it is all happening for your highest good.

You know that tragedies lead to rethinking the way you live life. They lead to personal reflection, insight and growth. They serve a purpose. They come when they are needed. You can’t prevent it.

Stop wasting your energy worrying about ‘What if’s’. Half of what you imagine won’t happen and the other half will not be as bad as you imagine. It is all leading you forth to heal and open up to receiving and giving love more easily.

So relax and enjoy your life. Trust God’s plan. Slow down and have fun. Don’t worry so much. Don’t try to figure it all out. You don’t need to see what is up ahead. What matters are the next few steps. Be in this moment and see where your heart guides you. Listen to your body and its messages.

Slow down and BE. Integrate all the shifts and changes you have been through. Let your body adjust to the changes in vibration and your nervous system to relax out of survival mode into being mode. You can do it. You just need to stop. Stop all thinking about the future. Trust what is to come is good for you. Allow what is, to be what it is and know it will change if and when it is meant to.

You don’t have to work so hard. Rest, you deserve it. You need it. Simplify your life and make time for being, for enjoying yourself, doing things you love and spending time with people you can connect with heart to heart.

You are allowed to take time off, time out from work or study or responsibilities. Relax and be, that is what you need most, and that is how you stop fighting against your life. Accept it as it is.

We each have a unique journey designed for our soul’s evolution. Everyone will experience something different. Some people will have it easier than you and some more difficult. It depends what they are here to learn.

Those who experience deep challenges are keen souls, eager to evolve quickly. They have agreed to experience in one life, what other souls may do over 3 or 4 lives. They have chosen to condense it, so they can evolve more quickly, but that means this lifetime will be full of ups and downs, more chaos, more challenges and disasters than usual.

It can seem too much at times and this is why you fight against feeling the pain. You haven’t chosen a gentle path. You’ve chosen a steep and rocky one, and the best way to navigate it is slowly, step by step, taking time to breathe deeply, to connect to nature and its beauty and calming effects. There are lots of supports available as you navigate through your life.

Just accept what is and do what is needed to heal and balance up, but do it peacefully, slowly, don’t push too hard. Be kind to yourself and your body. It has been through so much and it needs you to treat it with reverence and love. Be that loving parent and best friend for yourself. That is what is needed, so you can relax and enjoy your life.

You can do it. You are and you will get better at it as you stop fighting against what is and you trust more in what is to come, for it is good, very good indeed. It leads you home to your heart with love. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (26 July 2018).

  • Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
  • If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)

Jodi-Anne’s books and ebooks now available

JMS books Gold Buddha

These two channelled books contain insights on the healing journey that we are all on. We are all learning to love and accept ourselves, to let go of past hurts, and live in the NOW. We are all opening up to love, to feeling our emotions fully, and taking the risk to be seen, heard, and loved as our authentic self.

It feels vulnerable to risk showing who you truly are, to let go of your defence mechanisms and image, to say “This is who I really am. These are my strengths, my weaknesses, my fears. I’m not perfect, I’m human and I’m doing my best to be a healthy, happy person”. These books contain some of the tools I’ve used along the way in my healing journey. I hope you find them useful.

CoverThe healing journey demystified’ is my healing journey, along with advice on how to proceed through the many layers of emotional density, armouring, and protection mechanisms that form when you have suffered a challenging start to life. It also contains a summary of the stages of healing from child abuse and examples of actions you can use to heal.

‘Advice from a higher Source’ contains 85 answers to questions I’ve asked about life. The answers are channelled, downloaded from the Universe/God/Life/Whatever you want to call it. They are loving messages of support to help us through the challenging moments that we face. I’ve asked questions such as ‘How do you heal from the past and enjoy life?’, ‘What is our purpose?’, ‘How do you recognise when a relationship no longer serves you?’, ‘How do you accept the now, and not focus on past or future as the source of happiness?’ ‘Why do we have to go through so much pain?’ and many, many others.

CoverI randomly open it each morning and read the answer I’ve opened to. It amazes me how it is always the one most relevant to how I’m feeling at that time. This book gives us hope and understanding of what is occurring and why. It helps us to see the bigger picture unfolding on Earth, as we all consciously evolve into loving, heart-felt human beings.

Both books and ebooks can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (To purchase in your country’s currency, once the link opens, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country 😊😊😊)

Happy reading, many blessings, Jodi-Anne

What is suicide? How best to help someone feeling suicidal?

Suicide is a way of escaping emotional pain that has become too strong to bear. The person is overwhelmed by life and unsure of how to cope or what to do. They sense it would be easier to leave and return into nothingness. They may or may not be aware that to do so is to return to God, to unconditional love and support that is available to all of us while still in the body.  We can access this support by asking for it. That is what prayer is – you are asking for love and support to help you through tough times.

Each can pray easily just by asking “Lord, please help me to overcome my burdens and release them at a rate my body can handle. Please help me find the strength to carry on, the humility to ask for and accept help, and the humbleness to sing your praises. Thank you Lord for your help and support. Please hold my hand as I walk forth on this journey which feels too much for me right now”.

Anyone can pray. If you don’t feel comfortable asking Jesus, ask Mother Mary, God, The Universe, Mother Nature. It matters not who you ask, but that you do ask. Ask and you shall receive. Listen quietly within to hear the answer, to feel the support and gain the insight and clarity you need.

Many people when they hit rock bottom do so because they feel alone, lost, abandoned, disappointed with life, they feel it is meaningless, that there is no point going on. You can help someone in such a state by loving and accepting them, by doing fun things together, even if it is just watching cartoons, sitting in nature, massaging their feet, eating cake, having a laugh. You want to lighten their spirits in whatever way will work.

Just telling them how much you care and would miss them helps, but it also creates a pressure, a feeling of guilt for the person and this isn’t helpful. They are already burdened enough without adding more for them to feel bad about.

It is more effective to say “I love you and I see you are struggling to stay here on Earth. I respect your right to choose to leave or stay. I hope you choose to stay because I do love you, value you and want you in my life. However, if you feel you must go I will accept your choice. It will be hard, but I will honour you and your life and remember you fondly. I will make something good out fo it, even if you can’t at this stage. Know you have had a beneficial impact on me, you have helped me in so many ways, just by being my friend/family member. We have shared so much and I thank you for that. I hope we get to continue sharing life together, but if not I respect your choice and I will look upon you fondly and hold you in my heart. You are very special to me and always will be, no matter what you choose”.

This makes it clear that they are loved, wanted, cherished and respected. That is what the person is longing for to feel connected, valued, heard. They don’t want to be lectured at, rescued or made to feel guilty. They don’t want to be called selfish or broken / damaged / worthless, they are already feeling that.

By respecting their choice you are giving them permission to make a change in their life. They may have been feeling weighted down by life and now you are helping them to see they have choices, more choices than they realised.

Don’t ask too much of them. Let them be, send love regularly and hold them in your heart. Pray to the angels to take care of them and let go of trying to figure it out / control it. You can’t. You simply can’t. If the person chooses to die – it is their choice, not yours. If it is their destined time to go, you can’t stop it. If it isn’t they will stay regardless of what you do.

Remember to honour yourself and your family throughout all of this. Be there for them too. It is a big ask for all involved, as everyone’s emotions and hurts will be triggered. It leads to lots of growth in all who are affected, if they truly allow themselves to feel their pain and listen to their hearts.

Life is not easy. We all go through our ups and downs. Know that suicide is just another way to die. It is not a particularly bad sin or problem. The person will still be welcomed and loved by God. They will find peace and healing on the other side and they will get to return to Earth and try again. They will reexperience a similar situation, so they can play out an alternative outcome. This can occur many times, until the person finds a way to cope, survive and thrive. It is part of their soul’s evolution and expansion.

So do not judge another who suffers. Don’t fear they will go to Hell and be punished. Don’t sacrifice yourself and your needs trying to rescue them. They need to feel empowered, not weak. They need to know they have choices, rights, etc, so that they can have a sense of power. Find what brings them joy, what they love and do that – be it a hobby, gardening, travel, etc. Find ways to help lift their moods and bring joy into their life. These are the best things you can do.

And know that if you lose patience, if you get frustrated and angry, if you explode at them about it all, that’s okay too. Just apologise afterwards and explain how hard it is for you to watch them in pain and how you wish you could take it away. Tell them how much you worry and that you know it doesn’t help, but it’s hard not to do. Show kindness to yourself and them. It helps more than you know. Blesed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne M Smith (22 November 2017).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

If you find this information useful consider donating to support the sharing of more useful information, even $5 is a great help.

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How to move out of survival and live?

Many of you who have had deep pain and hurt in your younger lives have learned to survive by doing whatever is necessary to get through your day. You work, you smile, you help, you laugh and you hide away at home when you can because that feels safe. In essence you are still expecting attack and you work hard to avoid it. Your focus is on getting through each day without attack, with minimal dnager, conflict and abuse. You collapse at the end of the day exhausted, satisfied to have survived and to have gotten through relatively unscathed.

In doing this you are simply surviving each day, you are not enjoying your life very much or creating what you really want. You are not living your authentic self, you are using a range of cover ups and defense mechanisms to protect your vulnerable, scared child. That feels more important than having fun, socialising. This is true for many of you.

There are others who are also just surviving, but they focus on pleasure and not much else. They have given up trying to achieve anything or to be successful in their chosen path. They have given up on their dreams believing it isn’t worth the effort to pursue them. They settle for comfort food, alcohol, drugs, sex and a simplistic, hedonistic life, without contributing very much to society.

There are many survival patterns, underneath them all is pain, pain waiting to be felt and released, so you can step up and show your true self to the world, so you can enjoy life and contribute to the welfare of all by shining your light brightly.

You do not need to stay hidden, small to be safe. You don’t need to keep yourself small, stuck to feel like you have no control, no choice, no option. You do have options. Every day, every hour, every minute you are making choices affecting your health and wellbeing. You choose to do nothing or to sulk or pout or be angry or disappointed or to feel hopeless, like there’s no point trying. You choose to repeat the same mundane day over and over – go to work, eat, sleep, wake up, repeat over and over. You choose to numb out and watch TV or to eat or drink or whatever method you use to escape your dissatisfaction with your life. You are choosing to be stuck, to be a survivor or victim of life and your experiences.

You could be choosing to do something new, to try a new hobby, to connect with people and do activities, to have fun and socialise. You can choose to do study to work towards a career change or to volunteer at a nursing home or food shelter or other act of service, which not only helps others but results in you feeling better about yourself and your life. There is so much you could choose to do, but you have to choose it. You have to action it, take the risk for things to change.

Don’t let your life slip away. Take charge and live it. Flow with what life brings you, the ups and the downs, and make the most of it. When you get triggered or you get insight into your defense mechanisms, your pain, work through them to heal them and free yourself up. You don’t have to stay stuck in the old patterns and pain – free yourself and live.

It is time to have fun, to be free, to shine your light, to do what you missed out on, to experiment and discover what you enjoy in life. It is time to LIVE, choose it and the Universe will help you do it. CONNECT with nature, with yourself, with others. Let yourself be seen, heard, supported and loved. Let the goodness in, it is all around you, waiting for you to open your arms to receive it. It is time, it is overdue, it is banging on the door hoping you will hear it. Step up, speak up, live your life and let go of the old ways. It’s time to live more fully, not just survive. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne M Smith (23October 2017).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

If you find this information useful consider donating to support the sharing of more useful information, even $5 is a great help.

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Disease as a chance: every symptom and disease has a message

This is a brilliant article explaining how Family Constellations work and providing examples of the powerful healing and insight that clients receive from doing a constellation. 

http://www.nasconstellations.org/blog/disease-as-chance-every-symptom-and-disease-has-a-message

If you would like to experience this in real life I am holding a Systemic Family Constellation Workshop 28 Oct in Meadows, South Australia. For details click here.

Do we need to forgive?

Many people say that to have peace we need to forgive those who have hurt us, to let go of the pain and any resentment, judgement, hate or anger we may feel towards the other person. It is true if we hold onto these emotions we are keeping our self stuck in the energy of the past events and keeping it alive in our body. By focusing on the “wrong doing” we keep our self reliving it and replaying it in life, as we attract in other similar situations – in a subconscious attempt to heal the wound.

If we have formed beliefs that the world is dangerous or people can’t be trusted or everyone’s out to get me, then we live life with that viewpoint. Our eyes can’t perceive all the data that is there when we look at a scene. Millions of bits of information is sent to our brain which filters it based on our beliefs of what is most vital for us to see for our survival, our well being. So if we are locked in fight or flight or trauma from the past with beliefs that we are in danger all the time, then that is what the data gets searched for and we only see that subset of infomration about the scene we are viewing. We don’t notice the beauty, the love being shown between people or animals and their owners, etc, we just see the potential dangers, threats and situations to avoid in order to best protect our self. It is a self protection mechanism called a ‘negativity bias’. It is an evolutionary tool, a mechanism that makes sense biologically to keep us alive.

The sad part is that if you have those type of negative beliefs or buried trauma inside your body you miss out on seeing and feeling all the goodness in life that is their waiting for you to see it, to let it in, to trust and believe it is possible, that you deserve it and to accept it. You are worthy of good things, of fun, of love, of laughter and joy. You are worthy of wealth, abundance of food, shelter, clothing, health, etc.

The world is abundant, there is goodness out there, all around us, we just have to do the work to heal our programming – our negative beliefs and to shift out the pain and trauma in our bodies so it knows the war is over and can relax and start to enjoy life more.

If you are holding on to a grudge about what has happened to you or onto what you have missed out on because of your experiences – then you are keeping yourself caught in that dynamic of feeling bad, victimised, empty of joy and vitality. You are punishing yourself with your choice of thoughts and actions that will result from that level of thinking.

Forgiveness is not about letting go of wrongdoing, it is about realising that whatever has happened in your life has happened and accepting it and getting on with your life to let more goodness in. You accept what is and turn towards life, to focus on the now and what is to come, instead of being turned away from life focused on the past, entangled with it and missing out on your now. Focus here, now and move forward, you can do it. It is a choice you have to choose to make.

Many people hold on as they think it is punishing their parents or those that hurt them. They don’t want to let them off the hook, but doing this just keeps you caught up in the pain. You need to choose to let it go for your own sake, so you can move on and enjoy life. Your parents may not have been perfect parents, but they did what they could for you with the knowledge and emotional maturity they had. They too may have been suffering and caught up in the pain of their past.

Family Constellations shows us that when people are entangled with ancestors and the traumas or unfinished business within the family system, their energy is literally stuck there in that event or with that ancestor who may have been rejected, died young or suffered some tragedy that wasn’t spoken about or fully grieved. That stuck energy, that trauma occupies their energy, they are bound to it, turned towards it, enmeshed with it and literally unable to look away and focus on their now.

If your parents were entangled in the past in this way, they simply could not focus all their energy on being present with you, giving you the love and nourishment that children desire, hunger for. They literally were not available to live their lives fully and you missed out on their attention, the full connection with them that you wanted. They too missed out on being fully present in their life and on being an attentive, loving parent with their children. They missed out too.

See how the trauma continues down the line. If you judge your parents and turn away from them, reject them, assume you are better than them or know more than them – then you too turn away from being present fully in your life. A lot of your energy is caught up with your past and what you missed out on, on the pain and disappointment or anger over what happened. You say no to them and in essence no to life. You stop letting whatever goodness they can give you in. When you have kids they too will feel the lack of your presence and feel like you are not fully present or available for them. They too will feel they have missed out and they may judge you and turn away as they get older. The pattern repeats unless you heal the trauma, so that all who are entangled can finally let it rest and turn to focus on their own lives, to live them fully, joyously, focused on creating and accepting the goodness of life.

Family Constellations can help to untangle the traumas and past hurts, it can help free everyone involved, so they can focus on the now and enjoy it.

Your parents didn’t deliberately hurt you. If it seemed like they did, this was just their pain seeping out, being projected onto you. They too have wounds from their childhood and from their ancestors which they carry. They too are burdened and lived out all this pain the only way they knew how to do so. The result was what you experienced as their child. They didn’t have the tools to do it differently. Now we can. Now we can set ourselves and them free, to enjoy life more fully.

Do the work to heal and let go of the pain, accept what happened and see your parents for who they truly are, and thank them for your life. Focus on the goodness they gave you and let it in. Even if there was trauma and abuse, they gave you life and that is a great gift. Accept that and honour them for that.

If your parents are still alive and you interact with them, let yourself receive their love in whatever way they can show it to you. They may not be able to express it, but perhaps you can see it in their gestures, their gifts, their contact with you and wanting to spend time with you, their compliments or money or food – whatever it is, let them give to you, let yourself receive the goodness, love and energy from them, so that your cup is filled, so that you are nourished and can live your life from a place of fullness, not emptiness, barrenness, darkness.

If your parents are dead or are not able to give you love then you can visualise receiving the love and goodness from them and from other relatives who you may have had more positive interactions. Recall positive times and relive those memories, anchoring in the fun, the love, the goodness. See those ancestors around you in Spirit, supporting you, encouraging you, cheering you on as you live your life.

Let the goodness in. There is much waiting for you to receive it, but to do so you have to let go of the old emotions and traumas, so your arms are free to receive the new. You can do it! You can do it for yourself, for your children, for your family. All will benefit when you heal and let go of the past burdens that you have carried. The whole family system is affected when a member of it chooses love and does the work to heal. It is a true gift that you can give to yourself and your family, so all can live more peacefully.

Forgiveness is not about right or wrong, about who did what and atoning for it, making up for it. It is simply about accepting what occurred and healing the wound so you are free from the pain. It takes effort to heal and become free. Simply saying “I forgive you” does nothing, very little. It actually has a negative effect because in essence it is a judgement on the person and their action. It says “I know you should have done better, but you didn’t, and I begrudgingly accept that and I will forgive you because I am a better person, a bigger person than you”. See the judgement in this, feel how it stops the flow of love.

It is like putting a boulder in the river, disturbing the flow of life force energy from your ancestors, your parents, to yourself. It is like you are trying to politely cover up something that is disgusting and pretending it is no longer there – like putting a white cloth over the top of some vomit or dog poo. It still stinks, it is still there, but it appears to be gone, buried, hidden. You then tiptoe around it, trying not to look at it or step in it, but it is still there, just waiting to be seen, festering, decaying and having a negative impact on your vitality.

You are not bigger than or better than your parents. They are the BIG ONES and you are the LITTLE ONE. They came first, they gave you life and the life force flows from them to you. If you resist them, you resist life. Let the life force flow to you unhindered. It is not about forgiving them, it is more like accepting them for who they are and letting them stand there with no judgement or condemnation. Just let them be who they are and thank them for what they did give you. Anything they couldn’t give you, you can get from elsewhere. You can make something good out of what they gave you, make something good out of your life and the opportunity presented to you. In this sense forgiveness is about peace, acceptance and harmony, and restoring these to the family system for the wellbeing of all. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne M Smith (21 October 2017).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

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Positive experiences reverse impacts of trauma

This is a great 2:37 min podcast explaining recent scientific research that has found that the impacts of trauma experienced in your life or trauma inherited from your ancestors through changes to their DNA that are passed onto you in their sperm or egg, can be reversed through positive environmental experiences.

In this study, which involved mice who had been traumatised, they found that the trauma behaviours such as depressive behaviours, cognitive problems, anti-social behaviours, and risk taking all stopped after exposure to positve environmental experiences. Furthermore the trauma markers on their DNA healed and were not passed on to their offspring.

If you find this information useful consider donating to support the sharing of more useful information.

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Intergenerational trauma

In this video, Mark Wolynn, author of the book ‘It didn’t start with you: how inherited family trauma shapes who we are and how to end the cycle’ explains intergenerational trauma, how and why it happens and how to stop the trauma being passed on to future generations. I loved this book and got many useful insights from it for myself, for the courses I teach and the clients I serve.

Why do we worry so much?

Worry is a form of self denial. Humans do it to negate their circumstances and keep themselves feeling small. If they would boldy choose, make a decision, act, life would proceed much more smoothly, but this would enable greater rates of change and change can be scary, confronting and uncomfortable. Worry therefore avoids this future discomfort by creating discomfort now!

It is like a brake on a car. It gets stomped on to slow things down. And just like pushing the accelerator and brake at the same time results in no movement, just wasted fuel and strain on the vehicle, the same occurs to the human body which feels pulled forward to act and worry stops it doing so.

Worry creates strain in the body, it improves nothing and in that sense is useless. Instead speak the truth to yourself. When facing potential conflict or a decision you are scared to make, simply say “I am unsure of what to do here. Instead of being nervous or worrying, I give myself permission to go slow until I have clarity on what to do”. That way you can still feel good and take the time you need. You don’t have to worry and feel bad to slow down taking action.

Likewise if the worry is due to fear of conflict or rejection, you can say to yourself “I am scared of being hurt in this situation. I am going to nurture myself and be kind to myself, knowing I feel vulnerable. I will love and accept myself, and that is what matters most. Whatever else does occur, I will be okay, because I will be loyal to myself and treat myself well. I am strong enough to cope with whatever occurs because I am my own best friend. If I sense danger I will simply leave and I will let someone know where I am going so they can check in with me after to see if I’m okay. I won’t force myself to do things I am not ready for. It is okay to take small steps towards my goals. It is okay to do what I need to do when I can and to wait and rest until I am able”.

Many of you push yourselves too hard. You simply expect too much of yourselves and then wonder why your body is feeling fatigued or less than 100% well. If you toss and turn at night, instead of sleeping, it is your body’s way of telling you – choose peace, choose calm, choose rest.

Honour yourself. Heal the part of you that is worrying, comfort and reassure them, they need your love. For it is just a part of you that is worried or scared. It is not your whole self. Just a part, a younger part that needs to feel safe, protected and looked after. That is your job, to support that younger, inner part of you, so they don’t need to sabotage your efforts to protect you from what they fear will happen. Send them love, thank them for caring about you and bathe them in healing golden light, so they can drop their burdens and cares. Invite them into your heart, hug them and welcome them home, to rest and recover in your heart centre, your sacred room of love. There they can rest and recover feeling safe, loved and at peace. They no longer need to be afraid as you will take care of things, they can relax. You will listen to their concerns and take any appropriate measures as a result.

There are many parts of you that have strong feelings or preferences as to how you act and listening to their concerns, befriending them and then deciding after weighing up their input, will result in much smoother outcomes. They won’t need to shout at you any more or keep you small. The loud inner voices which may have kept you in pain will quieten, as they feel heard, valued, and supported. You can then go about your life without negative interference from within.

In this sense you can see worrying is a form of protection, a part of your inner guidance system that you can learn from. When you do so, the worry drops away and life becomes much more peaceful and enjoyable. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne M Smith (03 February 2017).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.