If you are a parent in an alcohol affected home:
- Be flexible regarding the demands you make on yourself and your children, remembering that problematic situations call for adaptable measures
- Try not to isolate yourself and your family from outside interaction or from interaction within your home
- Do not blame your children for wanting to get help
- The alcoholic is not to be excused from parenting
- Avoid pressuring your children either verbally or with your actions, to take sides in conflicts you have with your spouse
- Avoid using the opinions of your children about the use of alcohol or the alcoholic parent to get at the alcoholic
- When the home situation is excessively disruptive or verbally abusive and your children go off to be alone, seek them out and comfort them
- Avoid placing your oldest child in the position of being a confidant or surrogate parent to replace your spouse as a parent.
- Encourage and support your children to become involved in school and community activities
- Try to arrange times for your children to have their friends visit regularly
- Avoid exacting promises from your children that they will never drink
- Avoid constantly asking your children if you should leave your spouse
- Educate yourself about alcoholism and community resources
- Become involved in community resources or self help groups for family members of alcoholics
- If you alcoholic spouse seeks help, try to become involved as a family in the treatment process
- Do not dwell on the past, learn from it
- Use alternatives and new endeavours, not old habits
- Stop doing what you do not do (start being a positive parent)
- Take care of yourself and get help NOW.
From: Robert Ackerman, 1987, Children of alcoholics – a guide for parents, educators, and therapists, Fireside, Simon & Schuster