Tag: connection

Why do we fear rejection so much?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse, Personal Development, Relationships, Self help techniques

In the past rejection meant death, whether it was the witch hunts, the torture chamber or being left to fend for yourself in the wild as your tribe moved on without you. To be isolated and alone meant death, not just sadness and loss, death.

In today’s world rejection is less serious, a loss of a friend, a job, a group. They can easily be replaced. It is not life-threatening. It only feels like it is or like something serious. In reality, it is not.

The intensity of our fear of rejection depends on how much we were hurt when little. If our parents were there for us and we felt accepted, seen, heard, and loved, we will have a sense of secure attachment, love, and safety when interacting with others.

But if our parents weren’t consistently available to us or our interactions with them led us to feel not seen, heard or accepted, we will have pain interacting with others. If we felt rejected by our parents, not good enough for them, that is a deeply painful process to experience. It is this pain of not being loved and accepted fully by our parents, the devastation of that which then taints our interaction with others. We fear feeling that pain again.

But the reality is as an adult we are not dependent on others like we were as a child on our parents. We needed our parents to care for us, to provide for us. As adults, we can give that to ourselves. So rejection is not as serious or life-threatening anymore. It is just the emotional pain of our past experiences with our parents that leads it to feel so serious.

We can do healing work to heal those wounds so that we feel more secure and safe within. We can meet our own needs and reconnect with our body, releasing the stress, tension and trauma, so that we feel safe and secure within and can be more relaxed and open with our interactions with others. When the wounds are healed it no longer feels so dangerous and we can react playfully and joyfully as we meet others, knowing we are safe and can have fun. Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) can help us to release those tensions and complete the old trauma activations freeing us to enjoy life more fully.

The reality is you may be rejected many times throughout your life. It may be lovers, it may be parents ashamed of your choices. It may be misunderstandings between friends or work colleagues. Do not react with anger or hurt, simply move on, accept it for what it is and move on.

While rejection feels like a loss, like a forced change of direction or focus, it is actually occurring for your highest good. That person or situation has served you well. They have shaped the next chapter in your story. They have helped you redirect your efforts to something or someone else. 

Not everyone will be in your life forever. People come and go, they grow and evolve, and their vibration shifts. If your vibrations conflict, you will part. It is not actually personal. It is energetic and it is meant to be.

A deep loss, of a loved one or parent or child, for instance, may cripple you emotionally for quite some time. It helps you to release sadness and grief. It helps you question your life and what you are doing with it. This may lead you to listen to your heart more and do something you care more about, instead of just going through the motions, doing things that society tells you to do. 

The loss prompts significant change and it serves you. It is a gift, not a tragedy. A gift, remember that look for the good that comes out of all your experience and it is easier to accept.

A minor misunderstanding with someone you barely know, which results in the end of the blossoming friendship, shows you that rejection, while a little hurtful, isn’t the end of the world. Life goes on, your normal life is still intact, just that person will no longer be a part of it. This shows you rejection is okay, there is no need to fear it so much or give your power away to other people so much.

You are actually okay on your own. You don’t need people as much as you think you do. It is not the ancient battlefield or tribal village anymore. There are large numbers of people out there who are willing to be your friend, your partner, your lover, your work colleagues. When the time is right you meet them. You don’t need to search, you don’t need to try and force it or effort it or think too much about it or what you will and won’t say so people will accept you and won’t hurt you, reject you, abandon or abuse you. Just be yourself. That is all you need to do. Those that are meant to join with you will. Those that aren’t, won’t. It is as simple as that. So stop walking on eggshells around other people. Be yourself and be proud.

Rejection is not a death sentence anymore. It is simply one of many events in life that help shift your perspective and help you evolve, as you travel along this journey called life. Blessed BE, Amen.

In this video, Jodi-Anne explores ‘Why do we fear rejection so much?’ It is one of over 100 questions she has asked about life and channelled an answer through automatic writing. All of these answers to questions about life, how to live peacefully and happily are available for free on the ‘Life Insights‘ page of her website.

Why do accidents happen?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Personal Development

Here’s a video exploring why accidents happen. I channelled this a few years ago when I’d had a serious car accident and was wondering why such things occur, what purpose they serve. I was told that accidents, serious illnesses, near-death experiences all get us to stop, to reevaluate how we are living our lives and to alter our priorities. They are therefore useful and purposeful. They are not random or meaningless. They occur for a reason. I hope you find it interesting and insightful.

In this video, Jodi-Anne explores ‘Why do accidents happen?’ It is one of over 100 questions she has asked about life and channelled an answer through automatic writing. All of these answers to questions about life, how to live peacefully and happily are available for free on the ‘Life Insights’ page of her website.

How do you know what you really want?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Personal Development

Life presents you with many opportunities to have what is your heart’s deepest joy – love, connection, inner peace, but you cannot feel these things fully until you clear out the blocks to them.

Throughout life all beings suffer in some way. All have layers of disappointment, hurt, betrayal, emotional pain locked inside them. This forms a wall or barrier to not let people truly close again, just in case they may hurt you in some way. Depending on how much pain depends on how strong the defensive wall.

For some people the wall is small and you can just hop over it. They easily form attachments and can enjoy life connected to others, showing who they really are and feeling relatively safe to do so.

For others the wall is massive, you cannot get anywhere near them without shutters going up, dragons flying over the moat and alligators snapping their jaws warning you to stay away. This extreme reaction shows the person has deep emotional pain stored inside. They are scared to connect, scared to be hurt again, and scared to love. They desperately want love and connection, to feel safe and accepted, but have deemed it too risky. They have turned away from love, from the essence of life feeling it is too risky. They say “No to life”. No to receiving whatever closeness is on offer to them, no to feeling peace, joy, happiness, abundantly fulfilled. They stay locked in pain, in isolation, sad and alone, because it feels too risky to let people in, to feel vulnerable and feel and release the emotional pain inside.

Such a person’s heart is weighed down with grief and what it truly wants is to be free from this, so that it can beat strongly with passion, with zest for life, leading the person forward to embrace the activities that person loves to do and will gain most fulfilment and personal growth from. The heart beat is the signal home, listening to the heart and its messages is the journey. Unloading the emotional pain, the baggage, the unneeded passegers or defense that talk to you in your head – these are the pit stops along the way, and the further you go, the better you feel, the more space you have, as you let go of that which weighs you down and isn’t needed.

Many people resist the jouney, they don’t know how to feel safe and access the emotional pain that needs to be released. They try to push it away, pretend it isn’t there instead. This just clogs your arteries, blocks the fuel lines and leads to your engine not working properly. You are still on the journey, you are just making it harder, creating suffering through your resistance. Eventually the pressure will become so strong that the radiator will blow, forcing yout to stop and pay attention, to do the maintenance needed, so that you and your vehicle (your body) can function effectively again and travel where you need to go.

Life is a journey of healing, of expansion and what the heart really wants is to be heard, to sing joyously as it goes on meeting people deeply with love and joy for life, celebrating all that is and the opportunity to evolve that is given to us by being here on Earth.

Once the heart is free from the weight of emotional pain, the connection to self and Source also deepens, enabling it to share great wisdom and messages with you, to guide you forth to your destined purpose here on Earth. This will be something you love doing, something that makes your heart sing and is of benefit to others, something you do and time passes quickly without you realising it because you are so deeply immersed in it and enjoying it. These are clues of your purpose, your true joys, your real heart’s desire. It will be different for all of us, but the first step to accessing it is the clearing out of the old baggage, the accumulated emotional pain, so you can step forward joyously in life.

apple loveLife will help you do this, it will guide you forth – to the right book, course, movie or song to trigger you so you feel and hopefully release the emotional pain. The right people, situations and events will happen to force you to face what is stored inside, to stop and listen to your heart and its messages. The more you choose to do this consciously – through stillness, meditation and dialogue with your heart, the less life needs to bring painful situations to make you listen.

When you consciously choose to tune into your body and invite it to share with you what needs to be felt and released it will. The body holds all of our tension, stress and trauma locked into the cells and muscles. It is this build up of unexpressed emotions, of not honouring how we feel or not speaking our truth when we wanted to that leads to the tightening up of our necks, backs, shoulders – the parts of us that lock up and ache with tension and stress.

One way to release this is using Trauma and Tension Release Exercises (TRE). It is a way of accessing the body’s own natural mechanism for releasing stress, tension and trauma. It is a tremoring process – the body shakes out that which it no longer needs. The shaking uses up the adrenaline and cortisol that get built up in the body when we are triggered into fight, flight or freeze and don’t run or fight.

When we swallow how we feel because it isn’t appropriate to tell your boss how you really feel or to tell your In-Laws that you don’t want them to visit again, that tension, that triggered charge gets shoved down into the body. TRE helps to release it. It lets your nervous system unwind, to use up the stress chemicals and relax back down to its calm state.

TRE can be learned in an individual appointment online or an appointment in person. Once learned you can use it regularly for the rest of your life to release tension, stress and trauma, so it doesn’t build up in your body and you can live in a more relaxed and joyous way. It’s well worth learning it as a self-care technique that you can use to support yourself.

It is up to you to choose to face what is within, so you can be free of it and enjoy life more fully, loving and connected to self, others and Source. It is worth the effort and Jodi-Anne and others can show you how. There are many guides along the way who have parts of the map that they can share with you to make the journey easier. Noone has all the puzzle pieces. We are all learning and growing together. Each has its own way, unique to them, others can only point the way. It is up to you to heed the messages from deep within that will guide you to freedon and Heaven on Earth. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne M Smith (20 November 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

From disconnection to connection

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Health, Parenting, Sustainability

Many people have lost their connection with their hearts and the Earth. They live busy, stressful lives where they rush from one moment to the next, rarely slowing down to breathe deeply or see the beauty all around them.

Such hectic lifestyles lead to a focus on doing, achieving and rushing which result in a lack of rest, peace and joy. We rush about and touch briefly with those around us. We may not eat together and converse savoring the opportunity to connect deeply with what each other is going through.

We may not take the time to play or exercise, both of which are needed for our bodies to be healthy. We spend so much time indoors we forget the majesty of the Earth and all the treasures available to us if we sit quietly in nature.

The green and blue colours which dominate in nature are soothing to our bodies. These colours help us relax and BE. That’s why people can sit and stare at the ocean and feel perfectly content doing so. The salt air also cleanses us energetically making it a very therapeutic activity to do. Likewise, spending time in parks, forests, gardens all helps our bodies to relax, our autonomic nervous systems to regulate and balance back up, to come out of fight or flight and adrenaline rush. Gardening also helps with spores from the soil being dug having a calming effect on the body.

So much happens without our realising it. There is now a field of research called ‘Earthing’ or ‘Grounding’. Where they have scientifically shown that the Earth’s surface has an electrochemical current that gets transmitted to us when we are in physical contact with her. When we walk bare foot or have other skin to skin (Earth’s surface) contact, an exchange of negative ions occurs, which is beneficial to health.

Many people have reported amazing reductions in inflammation, pain and other health issues simply as a result of spending more time connected to the Earth. You can buy earthing sheets for your bed so you can sleep grounded. The sheets have silver threads that conduct the electrical energy through them. However, it’s not electricity. It is just the Earth’s energy drawn through the third prong in a power outlet – the Earth wire. The power point can be turned off and it still works. Similar to sticking an earthing rod into the ground and running a wire from it to the sheets. For more information check out the Earthing Oz website. There is also a documentary made about the amazing health benefits of Earthing that is sometimes available for free viewing. See: http://youtu.be/jgwF0tpioTU.

In ancient times we all had greater contact with the Earth. We walked barefoot or in leather moccasins which also permitted the transfer of the current. We slept upon the Earth perhaps on animal skins which are conductive too! We grew and harvested our own foods and caught or hunted animals to eat.

Modern society is largely separate from that past. We wear rubber soled shoes which block the transfer of the Earth’s current. We spend our time indoors mostly and we buy the majority of our food already processed and prepared from the supermarket. Many are very disconnected from nature spending more time playing with technology than in nature.

Today’s children – many of them – have not spent a lot of time playing outdoors, using their imaginations, watching the clouds or playing with bugs. They don’t ride their bikes to the local creeks and catch tadpoles or have adventures. The creeks in some areas are gone, turned into concrete channels and some feel it is too dangerous to let kids roam the street, concerned about what may happen to them. Some parents feel it is safer to keep them inside, to let them play video games all day long. The result – greater levels of obesity, anxiety and depression. Also boredom. Many kids don’t know how to BE in nature, they would see it as boring. They are used to fast paced, action filled games and TV/Video shows that capture their attention and entertain them. They’re not used to generating their own fun or being still. This is something that is really sad for all concerned as many kids have not experienced deep conversations with those they love, with an ongoing heart to heart interaction. We all need that level of human connection and we need connection with nature too – in order to be truly healthy.

Another negative side effect of being indoors so much is a lack of natural light. Sunlight contains the full spectrum of light. If you shine it through a prism we see a rainbow. Each colour is a particular energetic frequency – that is what it is and our body uses each colour to regulate its functioning. If you become deficient in a particular colour there will be a negative impact on your body.

Colours are a certain energetic frequency
Colours are a certain energetic frequency (Image from: www.myuniversalfacts.com)

Fluorescent lighting, energy saving globes and LCD TV and computer screens all emit the blue spectrum – the higher end of the colour frequencies and less of the lower end – the red, orange and yellows. Excessive exposure to blue frequencies can lead to depression and is one reason we are seeing an increase in depression in our society. To alter this you can spend time in nature absorbing sunlight. You can also buy full spectrum light globes. You can even buy yellow TV/PC glasses that balance up the excessive blue with the opposite colour = yellow. Yellow is needed for our nervous systems to work effectively. You can wear the colours you need, decorate your house in them or have colour light therapy to help your body come into perfect functioning.

Colour is just a certain vibrational frequency and we are all made of energy. Our bodies are simply atoms vibrating at a certain density that seems solid but in fact is all energy. Light and colour is also energy and helps our bodies to heal itself. For more information about light therapy and the use of colour for happiness and health see my page on Samassati Colour Light Therapy.

So, if you are feeling sad, exhausted or depressed make some time to BE in nature, to connect into the peace and tranquility, to absorb her energy through skin to skin contact. Go for a walk, do some gardening, grow your own vegies. There are lots of things you can do that will help shift your mood. Even the act of walking at a normal pace for 20 minutes creates a change in the hormones and chemicals in the brain leading to greater peace and calmness. This is important for all of us, but especially those who are struggling in some way.

If you have kids ensure they spend some time outdoors playing or BE-ing. Get them involved in outdoor activities – be it scouts, sports or even environmentally restorative activities such as tree planting.

Schools today thankfully usually have some activity on this front. Many have their own vegie gardens, native gardens, chicken coops, compost and worm farms – that expose children to nature and important information about nutrition. It embeds a joy of working the soil and growing your own food. It teaches them how to prepare nutritious meals from what they’ve grown.

These programs have been found to have much wider benefits too. They help foster teamwork and leadership skills in kids. They build self esteem and give an opportunity for non-academic kids to also excel and feel successful. Indeed some of the academically gifted kids struggle outdoors and get to see the strengths of the other kids. These programs are often run in partnership with the community. Parents and other helpers assist the kids with the gardening or other activities that they do. This provides children with exposure to role models that they may not normally have access to. This is especially beneficial for the many children who are growing up without their Dad’s around on a day to day basis. They get to form a positive relationship with men who show them respect and appreciation of themselves and the Earth.

Guidebook explaining how schools and communities are working together for sustainability.
Guidebook explaining how schools and communities are working together for sustainability.

I conducted, along with my colleagues at RMIT University, a 3 year review of such partnership programs in Victoria from 2008-2010. Click here to read case studies of what schools are doing and here to see the benefits that result.

Our findings were used to produce a guidebook for other schools and communities to use on how to establish effective ‘School Community Learning Partnerships for Sustainability (SCLPfS)’. The guidebook is available for free online at: http://mams.rmit.edu.au/s3ysio6sumic1.pdf.

So, lets get connected with the Earth and enjoy the many benefits of doing so! The more connected we are the more likely we are to care about what occurs on the Earth. Like a protective parent standing up for it’s child, we can stand up for the Earth – speaking out against activities that harm her; taking action to reduce further damage; and repair that which has already occurred. All of us can play a part in this process. So, lets step up and use our voices and our hearts to create a world full of love and respect for all beings – for us and the Earth.

Blessed BE, Jodi-Anne

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