Tag Archives: death

What is the most helpful thing to say or do for someone who is dying?

cropped-chakra-banner.jpgThis is a topic many of you struggle with. Finding out that someone you love is dying soon or slowly in pain, terrifies you all. It breaks your heart open and you feel temporarily lost as the normal layers of protection over the heart are dislodged. You feel vulnerable, exposed, scared, and lost. Many want to run and hide, put the defences back in place and forget the news that shocked them.

Others want to rush to the person to comfort them, to assist them, to be with them. Some do that. Some feel so awkward not knowing what the best thing to say is or to do. They feel frozen in terror unable to decide. This is shock. It is the freeze or immobilisation state. You need to calm and soothe your body, so it can relax back into its normal state, before you can be of use to yourself or the person who is dying.

The news which is always devastating serves as a catalyst shaking up all who hear it. It gets them to question how they are living their lives.

You automatically wonder what it would be like to have received a death sentence like that yourself or for it to occur to those you hold dearest – parents, partner, or children. You try it on in a sense. You try to imagine it or feel it. You do this as you are trying to make sense of the implications, trying to understand how the other person feels and how you can help.

Do not torture yourself guessing. Simply ask. You can say to the person “I’m having difficulty accepting the news. I’m so sorry you are going through it. I wish I could change it. Please tell me if there is anything I can do that would be useful for you. I don’t mind what it is. I just want you to know I love you and I’m sorry you are going through this.”

That is the truth of the matter. Don’t burden the person with how you feel or what it has brought up for you. Try not to put on a stoic face, emotionless and soldier on through an interaction with the person. They don’t need any coldness.

They need warmth, closeness, to know they matter, that they have made a difference in your life and that they will be missed. Helping them to feel loved, seen, accepted, and cherished is the best thing you can do.

Let go of your fears and just be there, if it is appropriate for you to do so. You can offer, but accept if the person says no, that they would prefer to spend their remaining time alone, or with their family and closest friends.

You don’t have to turn up on the door step and camp out. It isn’t necessary. You don’t have to feel guilty for living your life or having fun. You don’t have to sacrifice your wellbeing. It won’t help the other to live longer.

If you do notice yourself falling into unhelpful patterns, stop, listen within, and send love to the part of you that is scared, hurting or feeling vulnerable. Talk to that part of you and comfort them.

Remind them that you’re not in trouble here. You didn’t cause it. You can’t control it. And you can’t fix it. It’s not your responsibility, and it’s okay to be upset. Comfort that part of you and find peace with what is.

It’s okay to rage at the sky or God, to say how it seems unfair or you wish it was different. It’s healthy to let the emotion out. Whether its fear, anger, rage, sadness, despair, guilt for being healthy, etc. Just acknowledge what you feel inside and love those parts of you, so that you can come back into balance.

Know that in time it will be you or someone closest to you. Death happens to us all. We can’t prevent it, but we can choose to live our lives more fully, so that when death does come knocking, and it will, that we can open the door and smile saying “I’ve got no regrets. I’m ready. It’s okay you’re here.” To not fight against what is.

When it is your time, it is your time. No amount of begging, crying, bargaining will alter it. We all have an allotted amount of time here on Earth. We each have the choice of how we spend it; of how much love we share and how much good we do in the world. Do what feels right to you and celebrate your life.

Thank the person who is dying for all they have shown you, for being the catalyst for your healing and learning to love even when it’s painful.

Thank them for all you have done together and shared. Tell them your favourite memories of them and your time together. Help them to see the goodness of their life, to feel a sense of “Yes, I’ve used my time well. I have mattered. I have loved, and I’ve had some fun”.

Help them to celebrate their life so that they can ease into their transition more peacefully. Of course you can only do this if the person is willing. They may have anger, guilt, resentments, grief, etc. that they are working through. They may feel a victim, abandoned by God. They may be thinking it is unfair or refuse to even acknowledge their situation.

Some choose to soldier on living life as normally as they can, until they drop dead. Others decide to party, travel, make the most of their remaining time. Some have no choice, bedridden and in pain. We do not have control of what occurs and when. We only have a choice in how we respond to it.

Just talk to someone who is dying and accept where they are at, whatever stage of the mourning process they are in. Accept where they are at and be there as much as they want you to be. And celebrate your life, your time and your options.

Thank this beautiful person for reminding you that life is short and you need to use the time you have as wisely as you can. Thank them, love them and let them be however they choose to be. It’s their life. Their rapid process of clearing, realising, feeling, etc. as they wind down and close off from this lifetime.

Yes you can talk about what happens after death, but be respectful. Everyone has different beliefs. Some won’t want to talk about it, and some may be desperate to do so, wanting to prepare themselves for the next chapter.

Know that you are all taken care of. There are Angels, Guides, loved ones who are departed, who will meet the person when they cross over. Death is not the end. It is just a waking up out of the body and ego, back into the fullness of who you are.

Your higher self, soul self, is magnificent. Part of you has been on a journey here on Earth to learn and grow. You already have the fullness of life, but you step down into a body to experience it, to feel it, to go through duality.

earth-1375640_1920 (Pixabay free)

In the other realm there is love, fullness, oneness. There are no opposites. You come to Earth to experience the opposites, to feel loss and pain, and love and joy.

You come to Earth to advance your soul’s evolution and learning, through living out various experiences. Each lifetime you choose a different focus to explore and hopefully master. If you don’t, you come back again and have another go.

This is not the end of your friend’s life. It is just the end of this chapter. Her book has many, many chapters already lived and more to come. So don’t despair, know that what is meant to be will be. If she is to live longer she will, but if it is her time then that is final, but she will live on in your hearts and memories.

She will also live on in spirit as she explores the other realm, and eventually when she is ready she will choose to return to Earth to undertake her next adventure in duality. All is okay. Just accept what is and breathe through any emotions.

You know what to do. Just be as kind and patient and accepting as you can be, as everyone will be going through deep emotions as they adjust to the news, and work out what they want to do to assist this beautiful person in her final days on Earth. May you all find peace in your hearts. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (11 May 2019).

  • Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
  • If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
Advertisements

How do you accept someone’s fate?

When someone is given a bad diagnosis it is tempting to try and fix them, to take control and try to rectify it all. This is not what is needed. Drop through the defensive reactions and feel the pain leading you to step into rescuing. It is your pain – your sadness that your friend is sick or dying or has suffered some great loss. It is your anger at feeling helpless and unable to resolve it. It is your fear of upsetting them by not doing enough or doing the wrong thing, saying or not saying the right thing. Stop trying so hard. This is not about you.

Your friend is in pain, just be there for them. Just hold their hand, comfort them, listen to them. Ask them what they need or want from you and do what they say. They may not want to rush off seeking miraculous cures half way around the globe. You would, but they might not. They may choose to spend whatever remaining time they have with their loved ones, enjoying their home, pets, favourite food and spaces. They may want to slow down, surrender, accept their fate and die peacefully with those they care most about.

Yes, you could research diets, treatments, cures on their behalf and share that information. You could do that and it is indeed kind and coming from a loving space. But can you do it peacefully or are you losing your peace, your balance, your self-alignment in your desperate quest to help the other?

What is it deep down that you are afraid of facing: your friend’s demise, your own, your buried emotions from the past? Work through whatever arises for you with kindness and compassion. You don’t have to suffer or feel guilty for being alive. You don’t have to stop living your life, just because they are unwell. You don’t have to drop everything to be there all the time. Send love, do what you can do peacefully and rest. You do not need to make yourself sick too.

We all die at some time. We will all perish one way or another. Sometimes it happens slowly, sometimes quickly, sometimes unexpectedly and sometimes way too soon. That is life. There are no guarantees here, so do what you can to enjoy your life, to love fully and have an open heart, spreading joy wherever you go. If you live this way you are making a positive impact with every breath and step you take, with all who you interact with. When you live this way, with an open, loving heart, you are being of great service to the planet and to humanity who will remember you fondly when you do return to Heaven and to those loved ones waiting for you on the other side.

Remember that when people die they re-enter the realm of unconditional love, of peace and contentment, of non-duality. They reunite with their loved ones, with God, their Guides and Angels. They get to be home in Heaven; to review their life just lived, to see how they did throughout their journey, where they grew and evolved, and where they still have room to grow. This then becomes the focus of their next life, so they can heal and master that issue.

It is all a progression to being able to embody your higher self on Earth, a growing to perfection and completion, so that you can be unconditionally loving and united with God while in the body. So this is not the end. It is just one transition in many that occur as a Soul evolves from one incarnation to the next.

So it is not a tragedy, not something to be mourned. It just means your friend is coming to the end of this lifetime. She has learned her lessons, experienced what she needed to experience and is ready for the next step on her adventure. And if she is not yet complete, then she will live on despite the diagnoses.

People do defy their clinical diagnoses every day. People live longer than they are told they will. Some do experience unexplainable cures – from the medical perspective. Some live on and some die. It is not up to you. It is up to the person and God, and what they chose as their life plan before incarnating on Earth.

So let go of trying to rescue or fix or deny your feelings of helplessness. Accept the truth: you are sad your friend is sick. You wish it wasn’t happening and that you could make it all better. Part of you wants to cry, to yell, to fight, but the best thing to do is to surrender, to accept what is, and to accept your friend’s choices, no matter what they choose. Whether it be to rest and go out gracefully or to search for a cure and more time. It is their choice, not yours. So let go of control and breathe. Breathe through all the emotions and fears and come back to love. Come back to love and just be there, willing to do whatever your friend wants you to do.

Yes you can provide some information on cures, diets, healers, etc, but then let go. Let them choose in their own time. This is their journey, their process and much is occurring inside them. A serious health diagnosis is a catalyst for great change within a person. It causes huge amounts of self-reflection, realisations and insights. It leads to great spiritual growth and Soul healing. This is its purpose. It is a phase of massive, rapid shifting of core beliefs, attitudes and ways of being. It is a catalyst for growth and change. It is not meaningless or random. It has great purpose and it is serving the person, even if it looks like it is not.

All who are affected, who know the ill person will be altered. Their process causes great shifts and evolution in all they know. Each person will be triggered in different ways due to their past. They will face and work through these triggers to find balance and love, or they will fall further into disconnection, loss and addiction. Each will grow as a result of their love for the person who is sick and their response to it. See how big a catalyst for change these situations are.

Each person will grow, will reflect on how they are living their life and make changes to operate more in accordance with their heart.

Some will do so out of fear, thinking they need to enjoy life as much as they can while they still can.

Some will want to create a positive legacy to be remembered by, to do good and feel like their life has helped others, made a difference.

Some will start to live more simply, letting go of stress, busy-ness and consumerism, realising you can’t take it with you and your time is more precious than the things.

Some will focus more on connecting heart to heart with others, deepening friendships and connections as these are what last in the long term, as opposed to things.

There can be many different reactions, but see how they all lead to growth. See how your friend’s illness not only is a catalyst for her, but for all those who love her and wish her well. See how much she is being of service to you all with what she is going through. See how perfect the design of life is. You may not like what occurs, but it all occurs for a reason and that reason is evolution and growth.

Remember you are not your bodies, you are Souls having a vacation on Earth to learn and grow, and at some stage the vacation ends, and you return home to those who love you and celebrate your growth and evolution with you, until you choose your next incarnation and adventure on Earth. Death is not the end, just a stepping stone in a path of many lifetimes, leading you home to love and peace within. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (21 July 2018).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

What is the healthiest response to loss of a loved one?

Peaceful-Radio-slider-1The healthiest response to loss of a loved one is to allow whatever emotions you are feeling to flow through you and be released. Death is not annihilation of the person. It is the liberation and expansion of the spirit back to its fullness.

We can only access a small portion of our true self while in the body. We are limited due to our minds, egos, and the distractions of the flesh, which stop us connecting with God, our higher self and innate wisdom. All of that comes back together at the point of death. It is freedom from suffering and re-immersion into bliss and peace, knowing with full certainty that you are loved, accepted and complete, because love is all there really is on the other side. That is what you are immersed in, the vibration of God which is love, so it is a peaceful and joyous occurrence.

For those left behind when someone dies there is temptation to be angry at God for letting it happen; there can be guilt for not seeing the person enough; shame over any resentments you still hold towards the person and of course sadness at your loss. The sadness really is about those who stay, not those who go. It is saying “I will miss having you here to talk to and see, I love you and didn’t want you to go. I am sad for my loss, not yours. You are at peace, with God and your family. You are in a better place than I. I wish you well and I will soldier on in this place, till I too join you in that place”.

The sadness can also be tinged with fear of your own death or others you love. Know we will all die, but we only do so when it is our time – it is planned, pre-set before we are birthed. We have a destiny to fulfil and we cannot avoid it. No one dies before their allotted time. No one goes unexpectedly – they know intuitively, deep within, when it is to occur.

Our time on Earth serves a purpose for our evolution and growth. We come to learn / master certain lessons or experiences, to round out our soul’s knowing of all that is. In each lifetime we experience certain events or aspects of the whole. We keep doing this until we have experienced it all. In one lifetime we may be the villain, in another the hero, and yet another the victim. We get to experience it all. This can only occur if we can end each lifetime once the mission is completed, so we can go on to the next. There is no oblivion or nothingness. Life goes on in a different form and then a different body. So there is no real death. Life continues.

Your loved ones watch you from the other side. They send you love, they cheer you on, they sit beside you when you cry and despair. They are not gone and you are not alone. Know they continue to exist and they want you to enjoy your life as much as possible, to make the most of the gift of life on Earth. So do not wallow in pain and grief for too long. Let the emotions flow.

Talk to your loved ones still here about how you feel or a counsellor if necessary. Spend time in nature and let it soothe your soul. Meditate and connect in with the silence and your heart. Feel your heart and its messages. Let yourself rest and recuperate. Look after yourself well with nourishing food, time for sleep and exercise. Remember to live, it’s okay for you to live on. You don’t have to die too. Don’t shut down or numb out, out of loyalty or longing to join your loved one. They don’t want this. They don’t want their death to harm you. They want you to live fully, to embrace life in honour of them. They want their influence in your life to have led you on to greater things, not hindered you or slowed you down. It helps to say “I will live fully and honour your memory. I will live a while longer, then I will join you at the right time. It is not up to me and I surrender to God’s plan”.

Most of all it is important to honour your needs and emotional reactions. Don’t suppress your feelings or deny them. This just buries them in your body which can eventually lead to illness.

If you have to go to work or care for young children, then make sure you do take some time each day for yourself, to sit with your feelings and honour your needs. You can’t give constantly to others and not burn out. You need to also receive – let other’s assist you. Let go of your perfectionistic tendencies – it is okay for the house to be a little dirtier than normal; it’s okay to eat take-away food for a while, rather than cooking yourself.

Honour yourself and your needs. Be kind to and comfort yourself, like you would if it was a good friend going through the experience. Be that friend to yourself and let people in. Don’t isolate yourself thinking people won’t understand. They will. Everyone goes through this at times – be it the death of a pet; a close friendship or relationship; or death of a loved one. It is all similar – a dying of what was known and a moving into the unknown. That is what people fear, the unknown. They worry what will occur and whether or not they will be able to handle it. Know that you will. Whatever comes you will handle it. You are strong enough. Otherwise it would not be occurring.

It is through adversity we learn to accept, surrender, let go of control, to open up to God and the mysteries of the Universe. It is through challenge that we see how strong we can be, when we need to be or events force us to be. It all leads to our spiritual growth and evolution and that is what we are here for. Life on Earth continues until we have learned what we wanted to learn, what we chose as our focus, prior to incarnation. When the learning is complete, so are we, and we let go of the body and return home to God, to our fullness and to those who came before us. It is a celebration and graduation all at once. A time of joy and love, so choose peace when someone you love crosses over. Know they have gone home and they are okay. Honour yourself and your needs and know it is all happening as it is meant to. There are no accidents or mistakes. Trust in life and keep living. It is not your time to go yet. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (12 Aug 2015).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.