Tag Archives: depression

How to know when to stay or go?

There are times in all relationships when intimacy declines and you start to wonder whether the relationship is a healthy one or not.

One of you may have diverted your energies elsewhere, making you unavailable fully to your partner. Some people connect in at work, sport, a hobby or focus more on the children leaving a partner feeling alone and less connected. Of course some have affairs. But more often than not one or both partners become distracted internally, dealing with whatever emotional pain and triggers have been occurring.

This diversion inwards makes less energy available outwards and again a partner may feel left out in the cold. They can feel that their partner’s warmth, their focus, and their energy are not with them anymore. Sometimes if this is temporary it can be sustained in the relationship as is. If the distracted partner comes back to focus with the other, all is well.

Sometimes however this disconnection can continue for a long time. It can be completely unintentional and not due to a lack of love. If one or both partners are dealing with emotional pain, they are simply not available to fully connect with the other. They may truly want to, but feel unable to.

If the partners can talk about what is going on honestly. If they can support each other in their efforts for growth, they may find a way through. But both must be willing to talk openly, honestly and to do the work to heal their inner hurts.

No matter how much you love the other, you cannot heal their wounds for them. They have to go within, feel and heal. They have to make the time to look at the way they are living their life and choose to make changes so they can be happier, healthier and more available to mutually nurture and nourish the partner and the relationship.

Each has to choose to make the relationship a priority, to create time together doing fun things. If they don’t it can become stale, boring, not stimulating and they might drift apart.

No matter how hard you try to please the other or to take care of the other, if they are not looking after themselves it won’t work.

They have to step up, take action and do the work to heal their hurts, change their thinking and behaviour patterns, so that they can be more positive, more available for themselves and the other. They have to do the work. You can’t do it for them.

If you stay too long in the above scenario you will become deflated, depressed and despairing. It is outside of your control to make it work. You can’t force it, pretend it, fluff it up so you feel better. You need to face facts and see whether or not your emotional needs, your intimacy needs, your physical needs, etc. are being met within the relationship.

If they are not you need to consider leaving for the sake of your own health. You can’t wait forever. You will get angry. You will get resentful. You will get manipulative and forceful trying to get your partner to take action. But if they aren’t ready, they’re simply not ready, and no amount of pushing, cajoling, crying, etc. will change that.

You can’t roll a boulder uphill easily. That is what you are doing if you are trying to get someone to change who simply doesn’t want to or know how to.

Even if they’re depressed and unhappy, they won’t change till they feel capable and you can’t make that happen. You can love them, encourage them, provide books or other resources, but then you need to accept what is. Step back and wait. Give the person a chance to decide what they are and are not willing to do.

Sadly they may choose not to take action. That is their right. Your choice is whether to accept that or not. Your choice is to decide how long you are willing to wait before you start focussing elsewhere too.

The healthiest thing to do is to focus on making your life happier. Spend time with friends, do activities or hobbies you enjoy. This takes the pressure off of the relationship so you both can breathe.

If the partner becomes more available you can connect back in deeply. If they don’t you will feel more held and fulfilled in your life outside of the relationship and you can let that expand. The choice is yours.

Face facts and decide what to do. Don’t pretend all is okay if it is not. Don’t blame the other. Just see it from their side. They need to focus elsewhere. This is not a rejection of you or a judgement of you. It is just a phase of life taking them in a different direction. The question becomes will your roads meet again or travel further apart.

Surrender and trust that no matter what happens life will lead you both forth to experience what you need to, in order to keep healing, evolving and opening your hearts. You will both be taken care of as you move along your journeys, together or apart.

If you do part, give thanks for all you have shared, learned and grown during the relationship. Give thanks for the good and challenging times through which you gained more clarity on what is important to you, and what you will not accept or compromise on.

Give thanks for the love, the joy, the passion which may have long gone cold. Give thanks for the acceptance and connection which would have nourished you in the beginning. Let go of judgements, condemnations or harshness. Just let go with love and trust you will be led forth into that which you need next in your life.

When the time is right you will meet another and the cycles of love and growth will continue. We go through many of these cycles each lifetime. Sometimes the cycle occurs with the same partner, when relationships cool then warm up again, and sometimes it occurs with new partners.

Trust that what is meant to be will be, and all is truly okay, even if it feels painful to acknowledge the truth of the current situation. Take a deep breath and smile, knowing all is okay deep within and anything that needs to shift and release will.

Flow with the waves of emotion and let them dissipate. You will have grief over letting go of something you thought would last forever. It’s only natural. Be kind to yourself each day and don’t think too far ahead. Relax and let go knowing all will be okay in the end. Blessed BE.

By Jodi-Anne (27 April 2019).

  • Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
  • If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
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How do you go with the flow?

Going with the flow refers to letting life lead you forth. You let go of expectations, goals, focused achieving and you surrender to life and follow its cues and directions for you. It is letting your heart lead instead of your mind.

Some people baulk at this concept. They fear it means sitting around, wasting time, doing nothing. This can’t be further from the truth. When you surrender to life you will be guided forth to do what is needed for your highest good. This may mean facing past hurts and healing them so that you can become more whole and integrated, then the Universe will lead you forth to be of service in some way that benefits the whole.

There is no point in you trying to force and effort it before you are ready. It simply won’t work and you will exhaust yourself in the process. The emotional density and residue inside you will fight against what you are trying to achieve.

It would be like having your foot on the gas and the brake at the same time. You may make a lot of noise and smoke, but you won’t go far. When there is still residue inside it blocks you from achieving what you think you want from your mind. Your heart, your body knows whether or not your goal is good for you and if it’s not it won’t let you achieve it.

If your body is still full of fear or negative beliefs saying “You have to hide to stay safe. Stay small so no one sees you or hurts you” then of course you will self sabotage if you at the mind level try to go out and be seen and achieve some big goal.

The ego doesn’t like to go slow, but the truth is it will be much more effective to flow with life, to heal and integrate, and then step forth into the light for all to see.

Too many people push themselves way too hard. Then they burn out from exhaustion or depression and disappointment with life.

School teaches us about achieving, about careers and getting stuff, achieving materialistic success. They don’t teach about the dangers of focusing on that as a successful life.

Poor health, marital breakdown, obese lonely kids addicted to screens, alcoholism and violence associated with numbness from feeling life is too hard and it’s not worth all the effort, feeling life is meaningless and getting eventually bored and lethargic no matter which shiny new toy you buy – house, car, yacht, etc.

Life focused on materialism takes you away from your heart. It is all ego driven and that isn’t fulfilling ultimately. What is fulfilling is connection – connection with self, with God, with family and friends, with community – feeling like you belong, that people care about you, and that you matter to someone.

We are happiest when we feel loved and secure. When we can relax and just be, knowing all is okay and we are looked after. This comes from a life led by the heart, from flowing with the guidance that comes inside you those intuitive urges, random thoughts or insights that urge you to go somewhere or speak to someone that you hadn’t been thinking about doing.

It comes from the outside synchronicities and guidance that confirm your path or intuitive urge. You think about needing a massage and next thing you see a sign for a massage on your walk at lunch. Or you think about having a holiday and someone starts talking to you about the country you would like to go to.

The form of confirmations can be many. Sometimes a song comes on the radio with lyrics that touches your heart, a movie scene, a book. There are so many ways the universe gives us messages, encouraging us to flow down a certain path that is most in line with our highest good.

To me it is a little like those ‘Choose your own ending’ books that I had as a child. The signs are there to go a certain way, but if you don’t listen another set of signs comes along to guide you and another, and if you still don’t listen eventually it’s a car accident or a health scare or some other large event that makes you stop and think about how you are living your life. It happens to get you to reflect and choose differently. It is not random, it all has purpose.

Life orchestrates it all, so we get the input we need to help us along our destined path. When you relax and follow the signs life is a lot easier. You don’t need to use so much energy or fight to be seen or heard. You relax and trust that whoever is meant to see you or hear you will and that’s enough. You don’t have to achieve huge amounts or be a super star. You are enough just being you and doing what you love, living your life with kindness.

If you are intuitively guided to a large action packed life, so be it. But if you are intuitively guided to a simple and quiet life, that’s okay too. You may be in a phase of healing and integration. There may be a more outgoing phase later, but don’t covet it or thirst after it. Trust that what comes is what is needed for your highest growth and embodiment of the light this lifetime.

So going with the flow is not a passive nothingness, it is an active attention to the inner and outer signals guiding you forth as to what to do and when to do it. It is an active listening within and without for the guidance that may come from many different sources and in many different ways.

As you do this your intuition strengthens and you will get clearer and clearer signals. Sometimes, often, you will be asked to do something that is outside your comfort zone, that stretches you – you can resist out of fear or take the leap of faith trusting that you will be supported as you take the plunge into the depths of yourself and your purpose here on Earth.

You will experience exactly what you need for your evolution and growth. Life is leading us all forth, to achieve what matters most – insight and growth, connection with our heart, love, God and Mother Earth. We are all growing and evolving, and it is all happening as it needs to. Trust in that and flow with life. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (6 August 2018).

  • Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
  • If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)

Jodi-Anne’s books and ebooks now available

JMS books Gold Buddha

These two channelled books contain insights on the healing journey that we are all on. We are all learning to love and accept ourselves, to let go of past hurts, and live in the NOW. We are all opening up to love, to feeling our emotions fully, and taking the risk to be seen, heard, and loved as our authentic self.

It feels vulnerable to risk showing who you truly are, to let go of your defence mechanisms and image, to say “This is who I really am. These are my strengths, my weaknesses, my fears. I’m not perfect, I’m human and I’m doing my best to be a healthy, happy person”. These books contain some of the tools I’ve used along the way in my healing journey. I hope you find them useful.

CoverThe healing journey demystified’ is my healing journey, along with advice on how to proceed through the many layers of emotional density, armouring, and protection mechanisms that form when you have suffered a challenging start to life. It also contains a summary of the stages of healing from child abuse and examples of actions you can use to heal.

‘Advice from a higher Source’ contains 85 answers to questions I’ve asked about life. The answers are channelled, downloaded from the Universe/God/Life/Whatever you want to call it. They are loving messages of support to help us through the challenging moments that we face. I’ve asked questions such as ‘How do you heal from the past and enjoy life?’, ‘What is our purpose?’, ‘How do you recognise when a relationship no longer serves you?’, ‘How do you accept the now, and not focus on past or future as the source of happiness?’ ‘Why do we have to go through so much pain?’ and many, many others.

CoverI randomly open it each morning and read the answer I’ve opened to. It amazes me how it is always the one most relevant to how I’m feeling at that time. This book gives us hope and understanding of what is occurring and why. It helps us to see the bigger picture unfolding on Earth, as we all consciously evolve into loving, heart-felt human beings.

Both books and ebooks can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (To purchase in your country’s currency, once the link opens, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country 😊😊😊)

Happy reading, many blessings, Jodi-Anne

What is suicide? How best to help someone feeling suicidal?

Suicide is a way of escaping emotional pain that has become too strong to bear. The person is overwhelmed by life and unsure of how to cope or what to do. They sense it would be easier to leave and return into nothingness. They may or may not be aware that to do so is to return to God, to unconditional love and support that is available to all of us while still in the body.  We can access this support by asking for it. That is what prayer is – you are asking for love and support to help you through tough times.

Each can pray easily just by asking “Lord, please help me to overcome my burdens and release them at a rate my body can handle. Please help me find the strength to carry on, the humility to ask for and accept help, and the humbleness to sing your praises. Thank you Lord for your help and support. Please hold my hand as I walk forth on this journey which feels too much for me right now”.

Anyone can pray. If you don’t feel comfortable asking Jesus, ask Mother Mary, God, The Universe, Mother Nature. It matters not who you ask, but that you do ask. Ask and you shall receive. Listen quietly within to hear the answer, to feel the support and gain the insight and clarity you need.

Many people when they hit rock bottom do so because they feel alone, lost, abandoned, disappointed with life, they feel it is meaningless, that there is no point going on. You can help someone in such a state by loving and accepting them, by doing fun things together, even if it is just watching cartoons, sitting in nature, massaging their feet, eating cake, having a laugh. You want to lighten their spirits in whatever way will work.

Just telling them how much you care and would miss them helps, but it also creates a pressure, a feeling of guilt for the person and this isn’t helpful. They are already burdened enough without adding more for them to feel bad about.

It is more effective to say “I love you and I see you are struggling to stay here on Earth. I respect your right to choose to leave or stay. I hope you choose to stay because I do love you, value you and want you in my life. However, if you feel you must go I will accept your choice. It will be hard, but I will honour you and your life and remember you fondly. I will make something good out fo it, even if you can’t at this stage. Know you have had a beneficial impact on me, you have helped me in so many ways, just by being my friend/family member. We have shared so much and I thank you for that. I hope we get to continue sharing life together, but if not I respect your choice and I will look upon you fondly and hold you in my heart. You are very special to me and always will be, no matter what you choose”.

This makes it clear that they are loved, wanted, cherished and respected. That is what the person is longing for to feel connected, valued, heard. They don’t want to be lectured at, rescued or made to feel guilty. They don’t want to be called selfish or broken / damaged / worthless, they are already feeling that.

By respecting their choice you are giving them permission to make a change in their life. They may have been feeling weighted down by life and now you are helping them to see they have choices, more choices than they realised.

Don’t ask too much of them. Let them be, send love regularly and hold them in your heart. Pray to the angels to take care of them and let go of trying to figure it out / control it. You can’t. You simply can’t. If the person chooses to die – it is their choice, not yours. If it is their destined time to go, you can’t stop it. If it isn’t they will stay regardless of what you do.

Remember to honour yourself and your family throughout all of this. Be there for them too. It is a big ask for all involved, as everyone’s emotions and hurts will be triggered. It leads to lots of growth in all who are affected, if they truly allow themselves to feel their pain and listen to their hearts.

Life is not easy. We all go through our ups and downs. Know that suicide is just another way to die. It is not a particularly bad sin or problem. The person will still be welcomed and loved by God. They will find peace and healing on the other side and they will get to return to Earth and try again. They will reexperience a similar situation, so they can play out an alternative outcome. This can occur many times, until the person finds a way to cope, survive and thrive. It is part of their soul’s evolution and expansion.

So do not judge another who suffers. Don’t fear they will go to Hell and be punished. Don’t sacrifice yourself and your needs trying to rescue them. They need to feel empowered, not weak. They need to know they have choices, rights, etc, so that they can have a sense of power. Find what brings them joy, what they love and do that – be it a hobby, gardening, travel, etc. Find ways to help lift their moods and bring joy into their life. These are the best things you can do.

And know that if you lose patience, if you get frustrated and angry, if you explode at them about it all, that’s okay too. Just apologise afterwards and explain how hard it is for you to watch them in pain and how you wish you could take it away. Tell them how much you worry and that you know it doesn’t help, but it’s hard not to do. Show kindness to yourself and them. It helps more than you know. Blesed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne M Smith (22 November 2017).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

If you find this information useful consider donating to support the sharing of more useful information, even $5 is a great help.

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What to do when you feel broken?

There are days when you wake up and feel broken, like it is all too hard. Sometimes these will be rare and sometimes common. It just means you are in a process of change. Old muck is surfacing to be released – old pains, fears, doubts, disappointments and hurts. When this occurs it can feel like nothing is changing and life won’t get any better, but it already is better. You are just releasing the old, to see more clearly.

Your lives are okay as they are, it is your judgement of them that creates the pain. There may be things you would like to have change, this will occur in time, but dwelling on it, getting upset, angry or depressed about it, doesn’t resolve it in anyway. Feel and release the emotion, then take steps to create what you want – action is needed for change to manifest. Action on releasing your hurts, altering your thinking and action to change your every day habits and behaviours. If you always do what you have always done, is it surprising that you get the same outcome. Change is inevitable, it will come in small or large ways, chosen or forced on you by life events.

If you are feeling low, broken, sad, angry, hurt, know your body is asking for your attention, for your help to clear out the old and refill your body with lighter energy, a higher vibration outcome for all concerned.

If you are feeling so flat that you can’t be bothered doing anything, accept that and rest. Don’t fight it. If you are feeling lost and confused, wait for clarity, pray for guidance, meditate. There is no point trying to make a decision, it is not the right time. Wait for clarity to dawn, then act.

You can take baby steps towards improving your life, but in reality your life is okay, it is the way you are thinking about it, judging it that is causing you stress and anxiety. So what if you don’t love your job or you are alone or your friends don’t treat you the way you would like. Are you treating yourself kindly? lovingly? Work on your self first, on self love and when you anchor that in, you will see more goodness in the world and attract it in.

If you are exhausted, recovering from illness or a disappointment in life, of course you are going to feel flat. Don’t judge it, fight it, resist it. Accept it and honour your body’s needs. If it need rest, then rest. If it needs nourishment then eat some yummy, feel good, hopefully healthy food. If you need some fun, have it, even if it is just reading a comic or watching TV or chatting to a friend on the phone.

Do what you need to do to let your vibration rise and for you to start to feel better. A bath, a walk on the beach or out in nature will help wonders. Soothing music, candles, aromatherapy – lots can be done to life your mood simply and cheaply.

It is not always going to feel like this. Your body is processing past hurts and issues that you are remembering. If you are doubting your abilities, don’t wallow, find a way to build your skills if that is the issue, or to practice what you are concerned about, so that you feel more confident doing it. There’s always a way forward, you just have to be prepared to take it.

Choose kindness to yourself and others, and know that there is support around you at all times. Seen and not seen, physical and non-physical. There are beings of light watching over you, encouraging you, caring for you, holding your hand from afar. You can call on them, your ancestors and others who have passed over to assist you, support you, to hold you while you are feeling vulnerable. There is lots of support out there. Reach out for it when you need it and give it when you are feeling better. Everyone has their ups and downs, know it is just a phase and choose peace. Don’t fight against what is, just ease your way forward, helping your body in whatever way it needs. So be it. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne M Smith (14 October 2017).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

If you find this information useful consider donating to support the sharing of more useful information, even $5 is a great help.

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Stop carrying responsibility for Mum and Dad’s issues – healing family trauma

Are the emotions you struggle with yours? Science has now shown how unfinished trauma is passed on genetically to future generations. We carry the wounds of our ancestors in an attempt to heal it. This process and ways to help release what you carry is explained in the attached article.

For example: Did your mom or dad reject their sadness and grief? Are you, or your kids, depressed or always grieving?

Did they hide or bury their anger? Are you or your children unusually angry, or did you choose an angry partner? Or perhaps you can’t access your anger at all, while feeling depressed and broken?

Did they disown their need for love and intimacy? Do you hunger for love and yet cannot find it?

Family systems seek wholeness by re-creating what was disowned by previous generations. These later generations (ours and our children’s) try to bring this wholeness by acting out rejected family aspects.

Family Constellation work shows us when these patterns run our lives and how to disentangle from them.

Depression: why it is so common and effective lifestyle changes that reduce it

In this 22 minute TED talk Stephen Ildari explains that depression largely results from us living busy, stressful lives that our bodies are not designed for. Our DNA and bodies are basically still geared for a hunter gatherer lifestyle, where there may be moments of stress such as when you are facing a bear or tiger, but then once you have run away or fought the predator, the stress reduces and your body gets to relax.

For most of us today our lives are constantly stressful and busy, resulting in a prolonged stress response and being in fight or flight much of the time. This is detrimental to the body and over time results in depression. Our bodies simply have not adapted to this massive change of lifestyle yet, and the result is the epidemic in depression. One in nine Americans over the age of 12 is taking an anti-depressant.

Stephe Ildari advocates for a change in lifestyle to reduce stress, improve your body’s neurochemistry and decrease depression. He outlines a 6 step Therapeutic Lifestyle Change (TLC) program to beat depression without medication.

His research has demonstrated that the TLC program is an effective treatment for depression, with over 70% of patients experiencing a favorable response, as measured by symptom reduction of at least 50%. That is a lot of relief!!!!! The 6 steps are:

  1. Exercise – he claims exercise is more effective than any pill. Just brisk walking for 30 minutes, 3 times a week can help a lot.
  2. Omega 3 Fatty Acids – our bodies can’t make Omega 3 and 6, we need to get them from our diet. He recommends a supplement that gives you a 1000 mg of EPA and 500 mg of DHA per day.
  3. Sunlight – he recommends that people get at least 30 minutes of bright light exposure per day.
  4. Healthy Sleep – at least 8 hours sleep a night is needed
  5. Anti-ruminative activity – stop yourself ruminating on negative thoughts and feelings. Focus instead on doing something pleasant, calling a friend, exercise or journalling.
  6. Social connection – resist the urge to isolate, reach out and connect to people, socialise and you will feel better.

Doing the above will help your body to relax and return to a greater state of peace and happiness. To learn more about Stephen Ildari’s program visit his Therapeutic Lifestyle Change website.


If you find this information useful consider donating to support Jodi-Anne to share more insights on obtaining peace and happiness.

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Positive experiences reverse impacts of trauma

This is a great 2:37 min podcast explaining recent scientific research that has found that the impacts of trauma experienced in your life or trauma inherited from your ancestors through changes to their DNA that are passed onto you in their sperm or egg, can be reversed through positive environmental experiences.

In this study, which involved mice who had been traumatised, they found that the trauma behaviours such as depressive behaviours, cognitive problems, anti-social behaviours, and risk taking all stopped after exposure to positve environmental experiences. Furthermore the trauma markers on their DNA healed and were not passed on to their offspring.

If you find this information useful consider donating to support the sharing of more useful information.

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How to let go of disappointment and expect the best?

When a person has suffered many disappointments in life, they learn to switch off from life, from expecting good things or even believing it is possible for their life to work out okay. This is a self defense mechanism aimed to limit the pain received and protect from further disappointments.

But switching off from life, hope, faith is a disasterous thing to do, it is a giving up of life force energy, of joy, of hope, of happiness. It will inevitably lead to judgement, ridicule, low self-esteem, depression and feelings of unworthiness.

If the major traumas occurred when a young child, 0-7 years old, it is highly likely that a pattern of learned helplessness was embedded in the child’s unconscious and as an adult plays out constantly in all aspects of life, leaving the person feeling a victim, feeling unable to change anything and accepting life is always going to be this way.

With such pessimism life becomes drudgery, one boring or scary or threatening and dangerous day after another. It is easy to see why people may self medicate through addictions to avoid the emotional pain and sense of helplessness and hopelessness.

It is a cruel way to exist, it is a numbing out of life, a walking dead scenario, feeling as if there is no point in staying alive or trying to change anything, because it feels like it never works or changes, it never gets better.

This is a very painful place to be in internally, to feel this hurt and broken that you don’t know how to go on, how to survive, how to live. You give up trying and just survive one day at a time. Life is monotonous, bland, boring and suffocating. Sadly this is a common state of being for many people. Gladly, you don’t have to stay stuck in it.

You only feel so helpless because it is younger parts of you that got hurt and disappointed, whose pain is so high, that it is over ruling everything else. If you heal these wounds and help free your inner child or younger selves then that pain will not be your primary emotion or experience of life.

You the adult has every opportunity to make different choices, to have fun, to be positive and enjoy life. It is just hard to do when your vitality, your life force is stuck in the past, playing out a repetitive loop of negativity.

So how do you free yourself of the wounds? There are many ways that help. At this stage it is just important to know you can break free, that you can heal and that life can become better. To let a glimmer of hope exist.

Just because people in your past hurt you or disappointed you, doesn’t mean it has to reoccur over and over. If you heal the wounds you can flourish. You will no longer attract in that treatment as you will no longer be a vibrational match to it. Once you have released the pain, your body can relax, come out of fight or flight and shut down zombie mode. Life force energy can flow freely through your veins again, revitalising you to live life fully, embracing possibility and taking action to live your dreams, your greatest potential while here on Earth.

To achieve this the wounds must be healed, the emotional pain must be released / transmuted and your heart opened back up to allow love in, to trust and take action, to risk changing / trying something new and letting people close.

When people are closed down out of disappointment, it is like they have bolted the door, put up a security fence, have guard dogs snarling, attempting to keep out anything good from occurring, so that they will not be disappointed or hurt further.

People with good intentions attempt to come close and they are faced with snarling dogs, electric fences and machine guns aimed at them, as if they are the enemy, when all they want to do is love you. It takes a strong and determined person to persevere in this situation and say “Let me in, it is okay, you can trust me”.

Many just walk away, they see the wounding in the other, the closed door, so they turn away. Hence the hurt person ends up alone, isolated, desperate for attention, for love, but not allowing it. No wonder they feel so hopeless.

There is a war going on inside, keeping the goodness away. When someone does come close they can over react with anger, feeling like “How dare they expect me to let them in, how dare they expect me to take a risk”. You push the person away so hard.

Depending on how deep the wound will depend on how automatic this rejection process is. It can be so strong that rage is triggered and a feeling that you could set the person on fire because they have threatened you and your safety by daring to enter into your closed kingdom, and it literally feels like a threat to your existence. So sad when really the other is saying “Hello, do you want a friend? Do you want to play?”.

toddler-sulkingIt is like two young children meeting in a playground and the first person has planted their feet, crossed their arms, stomped on the spot and said “NO”, shouted “NO, you will not play with me, go away, leave me alone”. They are totally closed off in their tantrum about how they feel and what has occurred to them in life. Then they sulk, pout, kick and scream about how unfair it all is. Most of us can see this behaviour in toddlers, young children quite easily, but we fail to see that as wounded adults we are doing the same thing.

Life can’t change dramatically for the better unless you uncross your arms, suck in your bottom lip, and you open up to connection, to playing, to having fun. While you are shouting NO nothing much can change. So you have to be willing to lower the defenses, to open up to another way of being and to feeling and releasing the emotional pain underneath the wounds, then it dissolves, then you walk free of it and you can see the blue sky and sunshine and let it in, you can see the beauty in life and let yourself be replenished by it and experience good things and have your life work out more enjoyably.

It is clear that it is up to you to take action to heal the wounds. Noone else can do it for you. Even those brave souls who wear suits of armour and non-flammable overalls who come close wanting to help you move forward. Their efforts can only help if you let them in. If you keep shouting NO energetically or actually saying it through your words and actions, then their efforts can’t help.

It is up to you to take the risk to let life be different. You can do it and it is worth it, so worth it, to walk free from misery and enjoy life, to be pleasantly surprised by the mystery of life and finally see the goodness in all things. You can achieve this, simply by healing the past so it doesn’t cloud your future. It can be done and I and many others can help you do it, if you let us, if you open up and say “YES to life, YES I am willing to move forward and to risk being happy. YES I can do this, I will do this, I choose this”.

Then life will lead you forth to the right people, places, books, courses and whatever else you need that best suits you to help you heal and break free from the pain. It will be different for each person based on their current state of awareness, willingness, and ability to feel and release their pain. Some will need to do self-study at first, before they would be willing to risk seeing a therapist and trusting someone to help them move forward. Some may prefer talk therapy as they don’t yet feel safe enough to go into their bodies and feel what is there. Some may prefer to start with body work modalities to help the body relax and let go, preferring this as they are too scared to voice their concerns or speak the truth that they have tried to hide from their whole lives.

pathThere are many roads home, to healing, to your heart and wholeness. It doesn’t matter which road you take, what matters is your willingness to take a step forward into the unknown, into life being different. If you are willing, the Universe will meet you and guide you forth.

May you learn to run joyously along your path, knowing you are taken care of, and see the beauty of life and love all around you. For it is there just waiting for you to open your arms and embrace it. Life really is good once you heal your pain and can see more clearly. May you obtain inner peace as quickly and as easily as you can. With love, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (08 October 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

How to love yourself fully?

Most people do not fully love themselves. They may like themselves a bit, think that they are okay, but they don’t cherish the precious being that they are. They don’t look at themselves with love and reverence. They don’t honour their bodily needs and treat themselves with the respectful thought, touch and actions that they would do for others.

self-love-healthy

Many of us have been taught to dislike ourselves. Life has shown us evidence that we are not lovable, good enough or okay. This is false evidence. It was just the interpretation of events that were not actually about you, even if it seemed they were.

Parents can rarely meet all needs of a child. It is too much to ask for. That is why traditionally they say it takes a tribe to raise a child. When one is tired and needs to rest, another steps in to care for the child. That way interactions can be mostly positive, loving, nurturing and accepting.

In today’s way of being parents are often trying to do it on their own or with occasional support from family or friends. The parents are tired, coping with work, money concerns, their own stuff as well as caring for the child. Out of exhaustion and frustration it is harder for all their interactions to be loving and kind to the child. There are times when they simply have nothing left to give and may feel resentful of the child and its needs. They may wish the child didn’t exist or they could give them away. This is just exhaustion. Just a lack of support in the way that modern life operates.

The children however can sense the above. They feel that Mum or Dad is not available, distant, angry or upset. They feel the absence of love and joy when Mum is depressed and lonely, struggling to cope. While the parents actions are not really about the baby itself, it will feel like it is. It’s not that it is the baby’s personality, the being that it is, that is the issue. It is the demands of parenthood in a time when that role is undervalued and unappreciated. It could be any baby and it would get the same response. However, as a baby and a child growing up we do assume it is about us personally. We may think ‘if only I was prettier, smarter, more like Mum, Dad, brother, sister – whoever does get the attention more easily – if only I was like them then I’d be lovable. Then I’d be okay’. This is the foundation of self loathing, self rejection and self denial. We start manipulating who we are to please others, to get approval, to fit in and receive love. It is all about LOVE.

In the early stages of life we need to be nurtured and looked after by others, mainly our families and friends who care for us and our welfare. Without touch and care babies do not thrive and gain weight. It physically damages them to be left alone and not cared for. Uncontrolled crying, being left to cry, actually releases cortisol into the baby’s blood stream, a stress hormone, that eats away, dissolves parts of the baby’s brain. It actually damages the brain physically.

So don’t let babies cry. Find a way to be there for them. Ask for help and support when you need it. Go outside into nature and let the Earth’s energy support you if noone else is around. Ensure that you do have plans in place for those times when your personal reserves are empty, when your gas tank is on zero. Have someone you can call on or text that can come help.

pets aloneThe breakdown of community and isolation that most people live in, makes this so much harder. So many people are lonely, scared to reach out to others for fear of rejection or further loss and pain. Instead they hide at home with their pets who provide them with their main source of love and affection.

If so many people are feeling lonely, unloved or deep down feeling perhaps they aren’t lovable, don’t deserve love or will never be loved, shouldn’t we just all take the risk to love each other, to meet each others needs? Acknowledge we are all carrying wounds around this and beliefs about ourselves that we need to change, emotional pain that needs to be felt and released, so that we can realise we are perfectly okay as we are. Take a step today and reach out to another human being. Offer your friendship, your love, your time and see what happens. Not all will accept, but some might and you only need one or two to start with. Offer them your heart and say ‘I will love and accept you as you are, will you do the same for me?‘ You may not say this out loud, but energetically it is what you are wishing to portray. Get out there, join social, sporting, art or other types of groups. Do what makes your heart sing and you will start to feel more fulfilled and full of love as you honour yourself and treat yourself in more loving ways.

There is much that you can do to show yourself that you are loved, lovable and deserving of good things in life. Tell your friends how you feel and you will be surprised that they feel that way too. We all have some self doubt and insecurities. We all have issues we are working through. Sometimes sharing with others is good. Other times put that aside and just have fun. Just go out and have fun. This is how you love yourself fully, by honouring your own needs and meeting them. By doing for yourself what your parents could not do. You choose to be there for yourself, to meet your needs, to rest when needed and have fun. You follow your heart’s messages and do what it desires. You risk opening up and connecting with others who feel safe and play together, honouring each other.

Love is not hard. It is our natural state, the most natural thing for us to do. We have just been conditioned to be wary of it due to life experiences. It could be school events where you were bullied or teased. It could be workplace incidents that led you to feel incompetent or not good enough. These issues can occur at any time of our life, but the seed of them is planted during our time in the womb and as a baby.

A foetus knows whether it is wanted or not wanted while growing in the Mother’s womb. The foetus receives the Mother’s blood supply and all the molecules of emotion it contains, through the umbilical cord. It carries this from the start, this knowing, and it forms the start of its identity. Preconception, pregnancy and birth truly are significant and important events which shape the personality of the child and its feeling of being loved or not, safe or not, wanted or not. These are times when tenderness and care are needed. When loving touch is needed. Ensure that these are times of love and joy, and your baby will flourish and grow with less doubts about self and his/her self worth.

deserve good lifeThe important thing to realise is everyone goes through this. We are all carrying degrees of ‘Am I okay?’ questioning. Realise you are. You are enough. You are perfectly enough exactly as you are. Find the courage to show yourself to the world and stand strong in who you are. You don’t need to play games for approval or modify yourself to fit in. Let it go and be yourself. Let it go and be happy with what you have and who you are. As you do so your inner world will flourish and your outer world will alter to match it. You are okay. You are lovable, and you do deserve the best in life. Do the healing necessary so you believe in yourself and live life freely as the beautiful human being that you are. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (8 Dec 2015).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.