Tag Archives: faith

What is the most helpful thing to say or do for someone who is dying?

cropped-chakra-banner.jpgThis is a topic many of you struggle with. Finding out that someone you love is dying soon or slowly in pain, terrifies you all. It breaks your heart open and you feel temporarily lost as the normal layers of protection over the heart are dislodged. You feel vulnerable, exposed, scared, and lost. Many want to run and hide, put the defences back in place and forget the news that shocked them.

Others want to rush to the person to comfort them, to assist them, to be with them. Some do that. Some feel so awkward not knowing what the best thing to say is or to do. They feel frozen in terror unable to decide. This is shock. It is the freeze or immobilisation state. You need to calm and soothe your body, so it can relax back into its normal state, before you can be of use to yourself or the person who is dying.

The news which is always devastating serves as a catalyst shaking up all who hear it. It gets them to question how they are living their lives.

You automatically wonder what it would be like to have received a death sentence like that yourself or for it to occur to those you hold dearest – parents, partner, or children. You try it on in a sense. You try to imagine it or feel it. You do this as you are trying to make sense of the implications, trying to understand how the other person feels and how you can help.

Do not torture yourself guessing. Simply ask. You can say to the person “I’m having difficulty accepting the news. I’m so sorry you are going through it. I wish I could change it. Please tell me if there is anything I can do that would be useful for you. I don’t mind what it is. I just want you to know I love you and I’m sorry you are going through this.”

That is the truth of the matter. Don’t burden the person with how you feel or what it has brought up for you. Try not to put on a stoic face, emotionless and soldier on through an interaction with the person. They don’t need any coldness.

They need warmth, closeness, to know they matter, that they have made a difference in your life and that they will be missed. Helping them to feel loved, seen, accepted, and cherished is the best thing you can do.

Let go of your fears and just be there, if it is appropriate for you to do so. You can offer, but accept if the person says no, that they would prefer to spend their remaining time alone, or with their family and closest friends.

You don’t have to turn up on the door step and camp out. It isn’t necessary. You don’t have to feel guilty for living your life or having fun. You don’t have to sacrifice your wellbeing. It won’t help the other to live longer.

If you do notice yourself falling into unhelpful patterns, stop, listen within, and send love to the part of you that is scared, hurting or feeling vulnerable. Talk to that part of you and comfort them.

Remind them that you’re not in trouble here. You didn’t cause it. You can’t control it. And you can’t fix it. It’s not your responsibility, and it’s okay to be upset. Comfort that part of you and find peace with what is.

It’s okay to rage at the sky or God, to say how it seems unfair or you wish it was different. It’s healthy to let the emotion out. Whether its fear, anger, rage, sadness, despair, guilt for being healthy, etc. Just acknowledge what you feel inside and love those parts of you, so that you can come back into balance.

Know that in time it will be you or someone closest to you. Death happens to us all. We can’t prevent it, but we can choose to live our lives more fully, so that when death does come knocking, and it will, that we can open the door and smile saying “I’ve got no regrets. I’m ready. It’s okay you’re here.” To not fight against what is.

When it is your time, it is your time. No amount of begging, crying, bargaining will alter it. We all have an allotted amount of time here on Earth. We each have the choice of how we spend it; of how much love we share and how much good we do in the world. Do what feels right to you and celebrate your life.

Thank the person who is dying for all they have shown you, for being the catalyst for your healing and learning to love even when it’s painful.

Thank them for all you have done together and shared. Tell them your favourite memories of them and your time together. Help them to see the goodness of their life, to feel a sense of “Yes, I’ve used my time well. I have mattered. I have loved, and I’ve had some fun”.

Help them to celebrate their life so that they can ease into their transition more peacefully. Of course you can only do this if the person is willing. They may have anger, guilt, resentments, grief, etc. that they are working through. They may feel a victim, abandoned by God. They may be thinking it is unfair or refuse to even acknowledge their situation.

Some choose to soldier on living life as normally as they can, until they drop dead. Others decide to party, travel, make the most of their remaining time. Some have no choice, bedridden and in pain. We do not have control of what occurs and when. We only have a choice in how we respond to it.

Just talk to someone who is dying and accept where they are at, whatever stage of the mourning process they are in. Accept where they are at and be there as much as they want you to be. And celebrate your life, your time and your options.

Thank this beautiful person for reminding you that life is short and you need to use the time you have as wisely as you can. Thank them, love them and let them be however they choose to be. It’s their life. Their rapid process of clearing, realising, feeling, etc. as they wind down and close off from this lifetime.

Yes you can talk about what happens after death, but be respectful. Everyone has different beliefs. Some won’t want to talk about it, and some may be desperate to do so, wanting to prepare themselves for the next chapter.

Know that you are all taken care of. There are Angels, Guides, loved ones who are departed, who will meet the person when they cross over. Death is not the end. It is just a waking up out of the body and ego, back into the fullness of who you are.

Your higher self, soul self, is magnificent. Part of you has been on a journey here on Earth to learn and grow. You already have the fullness of life, but you step down into a body to experience it, to feel it, to go through duality.

earth-1375640_1920 (Pixabay free)

In the other realm there is love, fullness, oneness. There are no opposites. You come to Earth to experience the opposites, to feel loss and pain, and love and joy.

You come to Earth to advance your soul’s evolution and learning, through living out various experiences. Each lifetime you choose a different focus to explore and hopefully master. If you don’t, you come back again and have another go.

This is not the end of your friend’s life. It is just the end of this chapter. Her book has many, many chapters already lived and more to come. So don’t despair, know that what is meant to be will be. If she is to live longer she will, but if it is her time then that is final, but she will live on in your hearts and memories.

She will also live on in spirit as she explores the other realm, and eventually when she is ready she will choose to return to Earth to undertake her next adventure in duality. All is okay. Just accept what is and breathe through any emotions.

You know what to do. Just be as kind and patient and accepting as you can be, as everyone will be going through deep emotions as they adjust to the news, and work out what they want to do to assist this beautiful person in her final days on Earth. May you all find peace in your hearts. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (11 May 2019).

  • Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
  • If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
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Why do accidents happen?

Accidents happen for many reasons. Some standard, logical such as inattentiveness, tiredness, pushing too hard and not focused in the present moment. In your case, this car accident was karmic. You and the other driver had a destined date for this to occur and you could not have avoided it. We have helped to minimise the impact on you and we are pleased to see your rapid recovery.

The truth is that in everyone’s lives certain events are destined to occur, to help them awaken and advance in their spiritual growth. This is one such incident. Through it, you can see that we are here supporting you, your faith which was already strong is further strengthened. Your love and appreciation of other people – the medical staff, the bystanders who helped out, etc, has grown. You see the goodness all around you and your heart opens and expands, hence the crack, yes only a slight crack, but still a cracking open of your sternum – the walls and defenses that were around your heart are crumbling away, to let the light shine through more brightly.

Accidents serve many purposes. They are not tragedies or random, they are purposeful and deliberate in their occurrence and outcome. It is not necessarily a sign of you needing a wake up call or a punishment or a negative outcome or balancer of karma, etc. You humans are very creative with your judgements. It is simply the best way to achieve the next step in your evolutionary process. It opens you up further to experience the light and to share it with others.

You inspire people through sharing your story and that opens them up to consider our existence, the role of awakening in life and Spirits supporting you all. It is a tool, an avenue through which you can help with the awakening of humanity. Nothing more, nothing less, no big deal. Things like this happen all over the world every day. We don’t want to make it sound too grand. It is just one simple cog in the wheel turning, there are millions of cogs in each person’s life and this is just one miniscule event which will soon be forgotten, so be it.

Yes the same is true of natural disasters which are occurring on a larger and more frequent scale on Earth now. They strip people’s egos back to bareness. It doesn’t matter how pretty or smart you are or what colour your skin is or who you love – Mother Nature’s power can take away all you hold dear in a split second, a mansion or a shack. Such occurrences require people to quickly adjust to the realisation that material objects are just that and they are of no importance in the big scheme of things.

Such occurrences get people to band together, to help each other, to come back into connection. When you have lost everything and someone gives you something or shows you kindness, it touches you deeply, your heart opens up more fully, and you start to value connection more than the material goods. Likewise, the depth of destruction helps open the hearts of those not involved, who send donations, support and help out in whatever way they can.

It also helps lift people out of their routines, their stuckness as they decide to assist. Even if it is just sweeping roads, talking to neighbours, sharing food or clothes – whatever they do, helps them to see that they are fortunate, they are abundant and their choices do matter. They have the power to do good everyday, to make a difference – this empowers them to take positive actions in their life, instead of wallowing in self pity because they don’t have the latest gadget or fashion.

The same is true of illness – it is a teacher, an awakener. A heart attack, cancer, etc occurs to slow a person down, to get them to reflect on their life, what they are doing and prioritising. It gets them to feel their vulnerability, their fragileness, to open to Spirit/God and pray, to consider the existence of a higher power and purpose for life. It leads to significant changes and reshuffling of their perspectives and choices in life.

So all these types of “accidents”, events, serve a purpose and it is one of goodness, of awakening, of inspiring others to see their greatness and capabilities, to shift their focus and way of living life.

Nothing happens without a positive purpose. Trust in this and have faith that all that occurs is serving you mightily. You might not understand it, but it is. All happens for a positive reason, which you may or may not become aware of down the track, till you cross over and watch the replay of your life – to see the opportunities you were presented with along the way, to step into the grandest, highest version of yourself and serve humanity in the unique way that only you can do. You are all special, all important, all capable, all here for a reason.

Have faith that life will bring you what you need every step of the way. You don’t have to try and force things to happen. Surrender and trust and know that we and your loved ones that have passed, watch over you, guide you and cheer you on. We love you dearly and we love all of you the same, for the greatest sinner and the greatest saint are the same in God’s eyes. You are all serving a purpose, experiencing what you need to for your own awakening and asisting others in theirs with your interactions. Without any darkness you wouldn’t see the light. Both are needed, both serve a purpose, and both are good. Do not live in fear of what might occur. Live in faith that no matter what occurs it is serving you, helping you in some way and you are loved and looked after, even when you feel alone. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne M Smith (24 September 2017).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

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