How to relax, have fun and play?

When your early life was full of fear and tension, you brace yourself for the next fight, the next bout of anger that gets taken out on you or your family. You live frozen in fear ready to detach, fight, flee or hide. You live braced for anger and you lose your ability to relax and have fun.

This is the legacy of being raised in an abusive home filled with violence, be that physical or emotional or both. You freeze inside. Your energy is tied up with protecting yourself and those you love. It is focused on ways to escape or avoid the worst situations you fear. You scan for ways out or ways to diffuse the bomb so explosions don’t occur.

All this fear, all this tension, makes it hard to relax and have fun. That doesn’t even enter your mind. You are exhausted from being on watch, on guard duty, helping yourself and your loved ones survive.

As you grow this pattern becomes ingrained – a strong sense of responsibility, of duty, of action to protect self and others pervades all you do. You can become over serious and focused on work or your chosen cause that you fight for – whether that be protecting children, the planet, animals or some other group that you feel is being exploited and abused.

You can become so focused on your duty and responsibility that you forget to actually live your life. You feel it is so important to keep going, keep trying, keep doing ‘what is right’, what is needed.

But in doing this you are depleting your energy reserves. You are being sucked dry of all your vitality, your joy and your enthusiasm. Eventually you will give up, it will all seem too hard, and then you collapse, exhausted, burnt out and wondering why life is so hard.

Life isn’t that hard. You’ve made it hard by driving yourself relentlessly on a cause that doesn’t need your energy. You alone do not need to save the world, the children, the poor, animals, etc.

You do not need to sacrifice your life in order to help others. You are allowed to play and have fun. You have just forgotten how to. It is such a foreign concept for you. You don’t even know where to begin.

There are so many fun things you could do, but they seem like a waste of time, unimportant or too much effort. This is just your conditioning, your habit, your fear of relaxing, being vulnerable and feeling what is underneath your compulsion.

You are not going to die just because you slow down. You are not going to be crushed by the emotional pain inside or the abuser who may no longer be present in your actual life. He is just in your head, your thoughts, your self-critical or abusive voice telling you off inside. You are not at war any more. It is okay to put the guns down. It is okay to rest and enjoy life.

This is the challenge now – to relax, to enjoy life, to find the passion and joy that you had as a child and buried when pain took over.

You have to let your true, original-self back out. This part of you may have been buried so long you don’t even recognise it as part of you anymore. It may be so deeply repressed and depressed that it takes a while to find it, to get to know it, to believe it is okay to have fun.

This is the inner work and healing you need to do in order to enjoy your life. You have to work with these inner parts and defense mechanisms to dismantle the armour, so you can relax and be free to enjoy your life.

Just being aware of it, of facing the truth of what is occurring in your life helps. It helps loosen the ropes, so you can go within to untangle yourself and free yourself from the inner prisons you have been trapped inside. This all takes time. And it takes a willingness to surrender your roles and responsibilities. A willingness to let go of focusing on helping others, the planet, animals, etc and honouring yourself – making yourself the priority, believing it is okay to do it, that you deserve it and that it is safe to look underneath the facade of your life to the deeper processes at play.

You don’t need to spend years analysing yourself or locked away doing healing processes. This is another distraction, another trap that can become all consuming, tiring and even exhausting if you do too much.

Your body needs time to integrate the shifts and changes. It will tell you when something is needed – be that healing work, rest, changes to diet, etc. If you listen your body will tell you what is needed. It will help you move forward.

When your body trusts you to listen, it will let baggage surface at a rate it can handle, for you to heal the issue and make the necessary changes to your beliefs, habits and thinking patterns. It will guide you to what you need at the rate you can handle it.

You don’t have to search for issues to heal. You don’t need to avoid life by focusing on healing or on rescuing others. You don’t need to avoid yourself and your life out of fear or emotional pain.

Sit with yourself. Sit with what arises. Feel into it. Breathe through it and let it shift. You don’t have to run away from it any more. Let yourself be. Let your self be still and absorb the healing energy of nature, of love, of friendships, of fun activities and playfulness.

Let the seriousness go and let life lead you forth. In time you will learn how to play again. It will just happen spontaneously as you slow down, relax and trust life to lead you forth with ease and grace to your destined future. You can’t get it wrong. You don’t need to figure it out, solve it or make it happen. You just need to relax, unwind and listen within.

Let it happen naturally and peacefully. It doesn’t have to be war like any more. Let the war go and know that you’re perfectly okay. It’s just habits to let go of.

If you have a very strong, determined mind, you have to detach from it and focus on your heart, your body, and listen to what they need. They can lead you forth. Send love to your mind and ignore its suggestions, it’s have to’s and must do’s. Let go of its priorities and to do lists and just BE.

Listen into your heart, your inner child and let them speak softly to you about what they would like from you.  Re-establishing these connections, the ability to be peaceful and at rest in your body. These are what lead to inner joy and freedom to be playful. It is an inner stance; an inner way of being that is then easily translated into living life with love, joy, fun and vitality.

While you are still standing there frowning with seriousness or angry that it seems so hard or furious because it should be easy. Any of these just block your peace. Of course it looks silly to play or relax when you are wound so tight you are about to explode.

Find a way to soften. Find what works for you: being in nature, gardening, being with kids, pets, or friends, doing art or music or exercise. Find whatever way in works to get you to let go of control and surrender into softness. Bodywork, massage, etc can help, as can a relaxing bath, a piece of chocolate cake or lemon tart – anything that brings joy more to the surface, so the serious you steps aside, retreats back into the background, allowing you the chance to experience another aspect of life.

You can do it. It is happening already, just you judge it because you would like it all fixed now, thank you very much! This is a process. It takes time. It takes patience and kindness. Frustration, impatience and judgement just slow it down. Be kind to yourself and others as they unravel their armour, their conditioning and their way of seeing life.

It is a complete personality shift to let go of being so serious, fighting for a cause, and sacrificing who you are and your life for a valid reason. To see that it is all a choice, to see that it has been used as a way to escape or avoid being vulnerable and taking risks. It is hard to look at all of this, for your very foundations are being shaken.

God does not require you to self-sacrifice to fight any battle. God just wants you to evolve into a God-like being of love, kindness and peace, sharing these energies wherever you go. How you choose to live your life doesn’t matter. When you have this inner peace and love inside it touches everyone you interact with. Your light shines out positively affecting all. You don’t have to effort it, force it. It just happens.

You don’t have to make yourself the best you can be. STOP. Stop this. Just relax and be you. All of us are good people. All of us are innocent, kind and loving underneath our wounds. We just have to drop below the surface and reconnect to our innate qualities, our true self. For that is already a beautiful child of God. We don’t have to improve that. We can’t. It already is perfect as it is.

Each of us truly is okay, truly is enough. We are just learning to accept that, to believe that and to love our self and others in a way that we all can relax and just BE, knowing we are okay and we can choose to enjoy life, have fun and play. No seriousness needed. Trust life to lead you forth, to guide you to your passion and your joy.

No need to try to figure it out. Just relax and BE. That is all that is needed. Drop the judgement, the trying, the forcing and just allow. Allow life to happen – in all its glory and majesty, and in all its boredom and stagnation. These are just phases you move through, like the ocean waves. There are highs and lows. There can be intensity and calmness, even flatness. These are all just phases. None are better than the other. When the time is right the winds of change will blow and move you into the next phase of your life.

So relax, let go and BE. It doesn’t have to be so challenging. Put your feet up. Read a book. Watch a movie. Go for a walk. Cook some food. Enjoy life in its simplicity and its day to day tasks. All can be enjoyed if you see it this way. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (17 March 2019).

  • Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
  • If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)

How to let life be fun?

Life can be fun if you let go of the seriousness, the shoulds and have tos. You can still achieve your tasks, but in a more relaxed way. Take the time to smell the roses, to notice the leaves moving on the trees, to be present to the sun on your skin and the feel of the wind in your hair. Be in the present moment and allow what is to be felt, enjoyed and valued.

Too few of you value or even notice the simple pleasures in life. You are rushing from one man-made construction to the next, one scheduled event to the next. You push yourselves way too hard and are then depleted energy wise, with no reserves left to go play and have fun. So you collapse in front of the TV or numb out on your electronic devices, passing time in a way that while acceptable to you is really a dull version of what is possible if you met with people face to face.

Meeting face to face, in person, allows true connection and touch, a warm hug, a laugh and genuine smile, a gladness for your existence and theirs. It enables your hearts to connect and open and for love to flow. You may just go for a walk or sit and talk, it doesn’t have to be an expensive or fancy activity. Just being together can be fun and it is this connection that most of you crave.

deserve good lifeMany people are very lonely. They sit alone at home and feel sad, unloved, bored and uninspired. They could do anything with their time, but they don’t know what to do, so they do nothing and then feel even more blue. Make the most of your days. Reach out to others and connect. Call a friend, see if someone is available for coffee. Your to do list can wait. You are allowed to have some time off. You deserve it, you are worthy of it, and you can have it. You just have to choose.

Go the museum, the zoo, the theatre, there are a thousand things you can do, just choose. Make a list of things you would like to try and do them one by one. It can be easy and fun. It doesn’t have to be complicated. You can choose to enjoy life and have fun each and every day. It is up to you.

The baggage and habits that hold you back, that keep you stuck in the same old space, won’t disappear over night, but it will get easier each step you take. Take those steps, take that leap of faith and trust life to bring you all you need to survive, to serve, to thrive, for life can be fun, you just have to let it be so. Alter your thinking and actions and have fun. It is so good to do.

When you have fun your heart smiles, chemical endorphins are released in your body and your body feels better, healthier, happier. Fun is good medicine. Have some today and every day!!! Take the pressure off of yourself and live a simpler life, where you value yourself and others, where you connect more deeply, where you love each other and are there for each other.

Enjoy life more and thrive. Let the good life in. It is always good, it is just our thinking that makes it seem otherwise. Challenges come and challenges go. These help us evolve and awaken to love, to life lived as a vessel of love, being of service to all. It takes time to heal and release your past hurts, your conditioning, but it is worth the effort. It truly is. Having fun can be easy when your body and mind is at peace, relaxed and present in the moment.

When your body is tense, stressed, or traumatised it is harder to be in the present moment. Part of your energy is tied up in the past, in worry or anxiety, in fear and frustration. You can release this underlying tension and discomfort quite easily using Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE). TRE is your body’s natural mechanism for shaking out tension, stress and trauma. When your body and nervous system relax back out of fight, flight, freeze into relaxation it is much easier to enjoy life and have fun as your body is open to it. It feels safe to relax and play, to interact with others and to enjoy life.

Take action to resolve your past hurts and conditioning, so you can have that inner freedom and peace, that natural joy. You will reach that space in time, for that is what the process of life is, a cleansing of the heart to enable evolution, raising of consciousness, and becoming the embodiment of love – to vibrate at that frequency consistently and manifest Heaven on Earth. It can be done. It will be done. You will see and soon. So be it. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (15 August 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.