Tag Archives: supporting another

Why do we have to go through so much pain?

The pain is what leads to the growth. I know it is hard to accept, but without it people would simply live superficial, easy, materialistic lives. They would be caught up in seeking pleasure and never question the status quo.

It is the pain that makes people wake up. It is the pain that gets them to slow down and reflect on life. It is the pain that humbles them, brings them to their knees and gets them to accept they can’t do it on their own. It is the pain that leads them home to God, to peace and happiness. It is the pain that saves them and turns them to the light.

golden heartI know it is extremely hard and challenging when you have suffered severe pain and tragedy, when your emotions are spent and your body exhausted. I know it is devastating to see the suffering in the world, to feel the pain of all those around you, but it is the depth of suffering that will lead you to stand up and shine your light the brightest, to help reduce the suffering of others.

As each person comes out of their tunnel of darkness, they can show the way to others. They can stand in the face of the other’s pain and say “You can survive this. I am proof and I am here”. It is the pain that leads to your ability to overcome and to stand strong. It is the pain that teaches you to reach out for others to support you and help you through. It is the pain that brings you to your knees and then that enables you to empathise with other’s when they are on their knees.

weeping-womanYou learn we are all the same, we all go through it, we all need help and support sometimes. You learn we are one, the Universal experience is that of pain and suffering and overcoming it and embracing the light. That is growth, that is evolution. There is no other way, no other way to achieve that depth of understanding and compassion. Each goes through it, each matures as a result of it and each gets stronger and shines their light more brightly because of it.

Each lifetime you explore a different aspect of life and round out your experiences. They do not all involve suffering, but some must for you to evolve and grow. You also have lifetimes full of pleasure and happiness. These are good, but slower in growth terms, as it is the challenges that lead to growth. It is those few key moments, where you get to choose to act or not act, to help or not help another, to choose love or fear – those key decisions and turning points, that life is all about. The day to day stuff is relatively unimportant and meaningless from an evolutionary point of view.

Without the catastrophes change would not occur. The Earth needs the earthquakes and volcanoes to make new land, to change what is. Floods and storms create the new on Earth. It all serves a purpose, it isn’t a catastrophe. Sometimes land needs to be split apart and what has grown there is wiped out and started again. that is life. Species die and are wiped out, pollution occurs. It is all part of it. We aren’t meant to live completely rosy lives full of health and happiness.

We are meant to face great challenges, to see if we rise up and behave greatly. We all face our demise with old age and have to surrender control as our bodies weaken and become frail. We are all humbled one way or another. We are all led to question life and why what happens does happen the way it does. We are all led to question God’s existence and whether we believe in him/her or not.

We are all led to the altar, but only some knock on the door, only some enter the kingdom, many turn away, many don’t knock out of fear or anger, pride or jealously. They don’t knock and therefore don’t get an answer. God is there waiting to answer their questions, but they have to ask. Without asking there is no call and therefore no response. It isn’t God’s fault we don’t ask, he is there encouraging us. But he waits patiently knowing everyone will knock eventually. It just takes time, different amounts of time for each to grow weary enough, that they gladly surrender and come home to his arms, his heart and choose to live in peace, accepting what is and flowing with life. While we still fight against what is, we are held separate from God’s love, wishing life was different or rebelling against it’s seeming unfairness.

Each person gets what they need for their evolution and growth. Yes it is hard, yes there is a great deal of pain and suffering, but it leads you home to the light in a way that cannot be obtained any other way.

Move through the pain to the light and you can help others learn how to do so too. You can help reduce the suffering in the world by guiding others through their tunnels of darkness in the quickest way possible, so they can enjoy life again and see the light.

You don’t have to stay trapped in darkness any longer. You see the door, walk through it into the light of day, of surrender to what is and living each day being grateful for what you do have and focusing on what is good in the world. Focus on the good and you will feel better. Be and spread love and you will feel better. Focus on the beauty of creation, of nature, of life and feel that in your heart. Fill your heart with love and joy by allowing that to be your experience of life. Do things that bring you joy, spend time wtih people who you love and feel love from. Focus on and multiply the good in your life and it will become your predominant experience of what is here on Earth.

You do not need to stay stuck in pain. The pain is just a stepping stone moving you towards the light. Take the leap and move forward into peace and joy and leave the past and suffering behind. Focus on the now and all that is good in your life and the world. That is how you move out of pain and into peace. Feel what you need to feel then move on. Do the emotional release work and releasing your conditioning and mental programming. Release it and find peace. You can do it and you can help many others to do it too.

Happy kidsYou are each a role model for those around you. You are each a catalyst of growth for many. You have a greater influence than you realise. When you choose to shine your light, all those in your local vicinity receive a wave of higher vibration energy, which helps them to let go of their pain and move forward. So your vibration helps to free them of their suffering, to loosen the grip on the ties that bind them, the inner knots and tangles inside, these slowly unwind, free up and you are helping them do it by shining your light. So realise that you serve many and your suffering has led you to this service, this gift of light that you give to others.

It does all serve a purpose, even if it appears random and senseless at first. Know you are loved and there is help all around you, waiting for you to let it in. Let the light in and choose peace, for you truly can have it when you let go of the past, your judgments on what is and flow with life. So be it. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (2 June 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

 

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What to do when those you love are in pain?

It is very tempting when someone you love is in pain to want to try and fix it, to help them feel better, to make it go away, so you can enjoy each other’s company again. It is understandable that you would want to do this, for it is hard to see them in pain and not to feel pain yourself. But know you are not serving them if you try to distract them or if you get upset with them and they swallow the pain, so you feel better and won’t be upset with them any longer.

They need to feel, release and process their pain. They need to feel into its depths, express its impact on them, move through the emotions, back to a place of calm and peace. If you can’t allow them to do this, they stay stuck and so do you and your relationship.

So, how to stay strong in the face of someone else’s pain? Remember it is growth, and they will get through it. Remember it is temporary and will leave if you let them feel it fully into completion. Remember it is not all about you and that they need to go through this. Remember deep emotional pain can only be processed at a rate that the person’s body and consciousness can handle. It can’t be done all at once. It can’t be magicked away.

Telling them to go see a therapist to process it on their own, away from you, just blocks their flow more. Yes they could see a therapist and get help. They could take more action to heal and be, what you consider, as more responsible for their own healing. But remember they are not you. They are themselves and they need to find their own way.

Imagine how you would feel if you were in deep pain and someone told you to basically go away and only come back when you are in a good mood? You would feel unloved, uncared for and you would rebel, because it doesn’t feel right. You may get angry, stubborn and dig your heels in. The choice the other has made, makes it less likely you will get help and it distracts you from feeling the deep pain, because now you are preoccupied with being treated unfairly by one of the few people who you do trust and love and their reaction has you wondering whether or not that trust is unfounded.

As a partner it is true, you don’t want to be dragged down by a friend, family member or your partner’s bad moods. It can affect your ability to enjoy your own life. But it is probably only occurring occasionally and you too have the occasional bad day. How would you feel if they pulled away from you when you are feeling blue? It would hurt, wouldn’t it? What you really need at those times is a hug, is for someone to say “I’m sorry you are feeling sad, angry, whatever it is.” “I’m sorry you went through that, it has affected you deeply.” That is what the person needs most – to be loved, accepted, their feelings validated. They need to be heard. You don’t have to sit with them for hours listening to their story. You could, but you don’t have to. Just be supportive. Don’t make them feel wrong, bad, dumb for being upset. They have a right to feel the way they do. They may have lived through horrible circumstances.

Instead of hiding from the pain, honour it, allow it, accept it and let it transmute. When you fight against it, resist it, bottle it up, it has to explode out. If you give the person the space to feel how they feel it can come out more gently. So just love them, that is what is needed most. And what you need most is to support yourself, while you are supporting them. So you don’t become depleted, drained, and exhausted.

Sometimes it can feel as if being there for another drains all your positive energy away, you feel your vibration dropping, you feel yourself becoming annoyed, exhausted and flat. This is just your reaction to them. It is how you have chosen to respond. It may be you have reacted in fear – fear of their sadness or rage. It may be that you have reacted judgementally – thinking they shouldn’t do this to you or they should sort themelves out. You may have reacted wtih avoidance – wanting to escape and not be there. Any of these reactions create pain inside of you, and it is your pain that affects your energy levels, not what the other person is doing, saying or the energy they are emitting.

shine-your-lightIf you could meet their pain with love, if you could stand strong and shine your light into their darkness, if you could hold your focus on love and light and seeing the best in them, seeing them peaceful and happy, if you can just be with them and their energy and emotion, then your light would help liberate them. They could be freed from some of their burden and you could maintain your vibration and state of peace.

It is your internal reactions that affect how you feel after the interaction. So don’t hide or run away from people and isolate yourself. There is no need. Just work on being able to stay connected to Source while dealing with someone in emotional pain. Breathe deeply and stay present. Send love and light to your inner child and any parts of you that feel uncomfortable, tell yourself you are safe and it is okay. You can do all of this, while still being present for the other person.

Remember they are in pain, they are struggling to cope. They need your support and light to help lift them out of their darkness. Don’t trap them in it by refusing to be present, to look at their pain. Be there. Be strong and loving and supportive to both of you. A time will come when the tables are turned and you will need their support, you will need them to be there for you. Be that support for each other and your relationship can blossom and flourish. Fight against their pain and your relationship will wither and die.

Know that they are so much more than their pain. The pain is just a small part of who they are and it will get less and less if it is acknowledged, accepted and allowed to be there. Fight against it and it will get bigger, louder and more violent in its ways of getting attention and trying to get respect and acceptance. The choice is yours.

Work on your own reactions and choose peace and love and joy in the face of another’s pain, hold the vibration of love and you can stay balanced, even in the murkiest, darkest waters of Hell. For that is where a person is, who is in deep emotional pain. They feel consumed by it, trapped by it, unable to break free from it. They feel in Hell and if their thoughts plummet and become negative, it becomes a repetitive loop. They feel like they are floating in a small boat, down rivers of darkness, with no knowledge of how to get out or where they are going. They need someone to shine a light for them, so they can see more clearly a direction out of the caves of darkness and into the light of day. Be that light. Be that love and you can both enjoy life at deeper levels. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (15 May 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.