This short video explores how to move through depression and find peace. It looks at why it can be so hard and ways to support yourself as you heal and find peace. I hope you find it useful. Many blessings, Jodi-Anne
Category: Healing from child abuse
How do you stay balanced and grounded during tumultuous times?
When unexpected events occur it shakes your foundations, your normal way of being. If you feel uncertain, unsafe or scared then your nervous system will react with either fight, flight or freeze responses.
People who get angry at what is occurring, who rage that more should be done are having a ‘fight’ reaction. The adrenaline and cortisol pumping through their veins fuels an aggressive reaction.
There may not be an enemy that can be fought. In this case, you can’t fight the Corona Virus in the traditional sense. It doesn’t have have a physical body for you to face up to, seething and threaten it and go several rounds in the boxing ring.
This is what those in a fight response are ultimately wanting to do because the act of fighting uses up the adrenaline and cortisol enabling them to calm back down, for their nervous system to regulate.
Without the fight, the cortisol and adrenaline stay in their blood and gets stored in the body as tension, tightening of muscles, clenching of the jaw, etc.
It takes emotional awareness to notice what is occurring and to take action to self-soothe, rather than lash out at others with the upset that you have. Be aware many people may behave in ways they normally wouldn’t as they are in ‘survival’ mode, feeling unsafe and a need to protect themself and their family. To some, it may literally feel life-threatening, so their behaviours may be extreme.
Those who react with a ‘flight’ response will want to run away to escape the danger. They will find it hard to be still and being locked in their home may feel stifling and like being in prison.
The cortisol and adrenaline in their system are priming their muscles to run, run, run, so it’s almost impossible for them to meditate, relax, deep breathe, be still and enjoy the chance to rest and strengthen up. The flight reaction of their nervous system is telling them it is not safe to relax and enjoy the time at home.
Even though they may consciously want to relax, they can’t. The reason for this is that the ‘survival’ mechanism is a different part of the brain, the hindbrain, that takes over when we’re in a fight, flight or freeze response. The neocortex or rational thinking part of the brain gets suppressed.
Evolution wise this made sense. When a lion is about to attack you it doesn’t help you to be able to talk to it or to think slowly through all your options, the pros and cons of each, to decide what to do. You need to react instinctively and quickly in the face of danger, and that is what the limbic system does. That’s why it is so hard to think clearly and express yourself if you’re in a heightened nervous system reaction with high levels of a fight, flight or freeze response occurring.
Those people that have a ‘freeze’ reaction are instinctively hiding and holding still, hoping that the lion won’t see them. They hold their breath, breathe shallowly and slow down their internal bodily reactions, coming to a place of panicked stillness in the hope that they won’t be seen.
They may dissociate from their body, literally escape it by focusing elsewhere in their mind, off in daydreams or splitting off part fo their consciousness.
They literally jump out of their body, like energetically floating above it. This is the out of body experience people can have during a near-death experience. They see their body from the perspective of being outside of it. They’ve been so scared, so terrified of death, they’ve jumped out of their skin.
This too is part of the ‘survival’ mechanism. If the lion was about to eat you, you don’t want to be fully conscious in your body and feel it, so you jump out. The body also gets pumped full of opioids which numb you, so you don’t feel yourself being eaten or killed.
That’s why some people will seem numb, not fully present, not with you when you try to talk to them. They’re not. They’ve escaped. This can be dangerous as someone who is dissociated from their body can be accident-prone. They’re not paying close attention to what they do. It takes them longer to notice that they’re touching the hot kettle and it’s hurting them.
They may be forgetful. If you are dealing with someone who has dissociated, numbed out, know it’s not that they don’t care. They have switched off out of panic, out of terror, feeling like death is imminent. We need to help such a person to reconnect with their body, to bring them back to the present moment gently, compassionately.
Don’t expect too much of them or ask them to do anything complex. They simply can’t. Until they calm back down they can’t concentrate and be responsible for others. This is where compassion and understanding can help prevent any judgements, arguments and accusations. When you know what is occurring you can adjust your expectations to help the person to recentre, to come back into their body.
Looking them in the eyes, holding their hands or feet, talking to them softly, this will gently invite them back into connection with their body. Standing on the grass with bare feet will help them to ground. Touching things, smelling things, tasting things – reengaging the senses will help bring them back. There’s a lot you can do to assist such a person.
Essential oils can be very calming and again help you to connect back to the present moment. The olfactory bulb is connected directly to the limbic system, the emotional part of the brain, so smells quickly alter how we are feeling emotionally. Within seconds a comforting smell can result in a little or a lot of relaxation.
Gentle movement can help a person who is coming out of a freeze response. Whether that be yoga, tai chi, qi gong. You don’t want to do heavy aerobic exercise as that ramps the body up. You want to do gentle, calming exercise so the person feels safer.
One process that can help with all of these reactions – fight, flight and freeze – is Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE). It is a series of gentle exercises designed to start the body’s automatic stress, tension and trauma release process.
The body has a built-in mechanism to ‘shake off’ tension, stress and trauma. The shaking uses up the adrenaline and cortisol from the fight, flight, freeze reactions and it enables the body to calm back down, to drop out of a parasympathetic freeze reaction or a sympathetic fight or flight state, to the calm parasympathetic state where we can connect and relate to others.
It’s a natural process available to all of us. If you would like to know more about TRE you can visit my TRE webpage, the TRE Australia website or the global TRE website.
I can teach individuals TRE as part of an online appointment or an in-person appointment. You can then use it to help your body calm and relax whenever you need to. It’s a great self-care tool that not only helps you to come out of a heightened nervous system state but also helps you to open up and expand.
When your nervous system calms, it no longer sends your brain signals that you’re in danger, so the mind relaxes too, and the defensive mechanisms that you’ve used to protect yourself start to soften. They start to loosen up so it’s easier for you to choose to think and behave differently than you’ve always done. You’re no longer fighting against yourself so much.
When we’re in a defended state we may consciously want to change or start a hobby or change our life, but internally our body resists it, subconsciously thinking and reacting as if the change is a threat and should be avoided, hence the resistance and difficulty taking action.
When your nervous system is relaxed and calm, and your body is feeling safer, you don’t have so much resistance. your body actually wants to connect with others and enjoy life.
It is my hope that this blog helps you to understand the various reactions that those around you may be having during this challenging moment in time with the Corona Virus. It’s not that people are cold, callous, uncaring of others. They’re just reacting in survival, feeling a need to compete with others in order to survive. They want the toilet paper, food, etc to ensure they and their loved ones are okay. This is part of our primal, instinctive reactions when we’re in a fight, flight, freeze reaction.
With empathy and compassion, we can help each other to calm, to do the best we can through all of this. Try not to take people’s reactions personally and do what you can to help yourself and others to balance up, stay grounded and enjoy these times as much as we can. Blessings to all. Namaste.
By Jodi-Anne (28 March 2020).
- Further free guidance on healing techniques and self-love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
- If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
How to recover when someone you love commits suicide?
When someone you love commits suicide it shatters your whole world. You wake up feeling like nothing will ever be the same again, and that’s true. It won’t be. Your life has been irrevocably altered.
You will have many, many moments of questioning “If only I’d done this….. if only I’d told him/her I loved them more…. If only I’d spent less time on my own goals and more with them”. Stop this. This is just torturing yourself. You can’t know the reasons why this has occurred. Even if a note was left it will only be part of the picture.
The truth is that this beautiful person was struggling to the depths of their core and couldn’t see a way out. They saw no other option than to leave their body as a way to end the pain.
Unfortunately that doesn’t work. You carry the pain with you to the afterlife and as a soul you reflect on your life, you see the pain you have caused others, you see where you could have chosen differently, and you feel all your regret, shame, anger, embarrassment and sadness over it all. You take the time to reflect, to realise, to learn and grow with the support of the Angels, Ascended Masters, your ancestors and Guides and then when you feel strong enough and ready you reincarnate into another lifetime with similar circumstances, so that you can choose differently.
You keep doing this until you find a way through, till you evolve or grow with love into Godlikeness, into mastery of that situation, that challenge and then life will bring you another lesson, another challenge to work on.
That is life. That is what it is all about. So the end of your current life is just one chapter in a very big book. It is not oblivion. It is not eternal damnation. It’s just a pause along the way that is the journey of that soul’s life.
So when someone you love has died by their own free will, there is nothing you can do to change the fact that it has occurred.
Your lesson, your challenge is to stay here too, to not give up, to not escape the pain through addiction or self-harm. Your challenge is to be loving and kind to yourself and others around you, while you all grieve and go through the stages of denial, questioning, bargaining, raging, grieving and accepting what has occurred. It is a process. It takes time, lots of time.
But to do it as gracefully as possible requires you to sit in stillness, to go within and feel your pain, to love and hold the parts of you that are struggling, to comfort yourself and give yourself the space you need to adjust to this change in your life. Cancel your to do list, rest and BE. Give to yourself the time and space you need.
Your loved one is still with you, watching over you in spirit. They see the pain they’ve caused, that is part of their lesson. They realise the damage they’ve done.
You can help them by helping yourself move through it as quickly as possible, and this happens when you are honest with yourself and them about how you feel. So have conversations with the deceased person. Close your eyes and imagine them in front of you, talk to them, hug them, hold them, empty out the grief in your heart, tell them all you need to say. You can tell them your ‘if only’s’ and see if they respond. They may tell you there is nothing you could have done.
When someone is stuck in that much darkness, even if someone comes in shining a light they can’t let it in. It seems too foreign, not a match, not a puzzle piece that can slot into place. No matter what you attempted, the same outcome would have occurred in this lifetime and the proof of that is it did occur, the person ended their life.
If we believe that God has a plan for us all, then we have to accept that suicide, as horrible as it is, is also a part of God’s plan. It is one of many dark choices that people face along with committing crimes, killing others, raping or torturing others, etc. There are many hard lessons that people go through, the challenge of resisting and doing their best.
Sometimes they get so depleted, so exhausted, so filled with a sense of hopelessness that they say “That’s enough for me this lifetime. Take me home. I will try again another time, but for now I’m done.” That is what suicide is. It is opening your arms up to God and saying “I can’t do this one, please bring me home to rest, to strengthen up, before I try again”. We all go through moments of despair. Some we find a way through. Some we don’t.
Suicide is not a massive sin as has been preached in the past. It is just a giving up on this game, this lifetime. It is not a finality, just a stepping stone in the journey and it will continue on.
Yes, the soul will have to work through all the pain leading up to the event and that which is caused to others afterwards. It’s not easy, but it is the redemption that leads to the growth, and there are celebrations on high when the soul finally does master the lesson and makes it through. Even if still only a partial joy in life, if they manage to keep living their life they will be led forth to find peace and happiness. It can take many lifetimes, but the person will always be supported along the way by their Guides, their higher self, and their Angels.
Try to understand suicide is not wrong. It’s unfortunate and unnecessary, but it is an option provided to us all if we feel we can’t proceed.
That person who is now in spirit will be okay, and what they long for is that you too will be okay, that you will find a way through to find peace and joy again in your own life.
They don’t want you to be damaged or adversely affected by their choice. Do something in honour of them so that you are growing and advancing, make a decision to live more fully, to honour your heart and its needs.
Use their experience to motivate you to live your life more fully, more beneficially for you and others. If you need to change jobs, move, travel, take a risk to let people close or to reach out when you sense someone is in pain, do it.
Do whatever you can to make something good come out of this experience, then you are creating a positive legacy as a result of your loved one’s choice and that pleases them, then they can relax knowing you are okay, and something good has come from it all. That reduces the burden they feel.
So if you want to help them, help yourself. Honour yourself and your needs. You will get through this. Just take it day by day and honour where you are at. Honour your needs. If you need to rest do so, the dishes can wait. It’s okay if the house is a little dirty, or you’re eating ‘take out’ for a while.
It’s okay to ask for help if you need it. Let family, friends, and/or a therapist be there to assist you on your path, as you learn to keep moving forward, to see that there is still goodness in this world and that you can find peace and happiness again. Blessed BE. Amen.
Channelled By Jodi-Anne (16 July 2019).
- Jodi-Anne has the ability to ask and receive answers to questions about life. The information she receives comes from Spirit, Source, God, whatever you would like to call it. She is just the conduit receiving the message. Take what reads true for you and leave the rest. Each soul has their own truth, their own values and insights. This is just one messenger and the information she has received. Blessed BE.
- Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
- If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
How to relax, have fun and play?
When your early life was full of fear and tension, you brace yourself for the next fight, the next bout of anger that gets taken out on you or your family. You live frozen in fear ready to detach, fight, flee or hide. You live braced for anger and you lose your ability to relax and have fun.
This is the legacy of being raised in an abusive home filled with violence, be that physical or emotional or both. You freeze inside. Your energy is tied up with protecting yourself and those you love. It is focused on ways to escape or avoid the worst situations you fear. You scan for ways out or ways to diffuse the bomb so explosions don’t occur.
All this fear, all this tension, makes it hard to relax and have fun. That doesn’t even enter your mind. You are exhausted from being on watch, on guard duty, helping yourself and your loved ones survive.
As you grow this pattern becomes ingrained – a strong sense of responsibility, of duty, of action to protect self and others pervades all you do. You can become over serious and focused on work or your chosen cause that you fight for – whether that be protecting children, the planet, animals or some other group that you feel is being exploited and abused.
You can become so focused on your duty and responsibility that you forget to actually live your life. You feel it is so important to keep going, keep trying, keep doing ‘what is right’, what is needed.
But in doing this you are depleting your energy reserves. You are being sucked dry of all your vitality, your joy and your enthusiasm. Eventually you will give up, it will all seem too hard, and then you collapse, exhausted, burnt out and wondering why life is so hard.
Life isn’t that hard. You’ve made it hard by driving yourself relentlessly on a cause that doesn’t need your energy. You alone do not need to save the world, the children, the poor, animals, etc.
You do not need to sacrifice your life in order to help others. You are allowed to play and have fun. You have just forgotten how to. It is such a foreign concept for you. You don’t even know where to begin.
There are so many fun things you could do, but they seem like a waste of time, unimportant or too much effort. This is just your conditioning, your habit, your fear of relaxing, being vulnerable and feeling what is underneath your compulsion.
You are not going to die just because you slow down. You are not going to be crushed by the emotional pain inside or the abuser who may no longer be present in your actual life. He is just in your head, your thoughts, your self-critical or abusive voice telling you off inside. You are not at war any more. It is okay to put the guns down. It is okay to rest and enjoy life.
This is the challenge now – to relax, to enjoy life, to find the passion and joy that you had as a child and buried when pain took over.
You have to let your true, original-self back out. This part of you may have been buried so long you don’t even recognise it as part of you anymore. It may be so deeply repressed and depressed that it takes a while to find it, to get to know it, to believe it is okay to have fun.
This is the inner work and healing you need to do in order to enjoy your life. You have to work with these inner parts and defense mechanisms to dismantle the armour, so you can relax and be free to enjoy your life.
Just being aware of it, of facing the truth of what is occurring in your life helps. It helps loosen the ropes, so you can go within to untangle yourself and free yourself from the inner prisons you have been trapped inside. This all takes time. And it takes a willingness to surrender your roles and responsibilities. A willingness to let go of focusing on helping others, the planet, animals, etc and honouring yourself – making yourself the priority, believing it is okay to do it, that you deserve it and that it is safe to look underneath the facade of your life to the deeper processes at play.
You don’t need to spend years analysing yourself or locked away doing healing processes. This is another distraction, another trap that can become all consuming, tiring and even exhausting if you do too much.
Your body needs time to integrate the shifts and changes. It will tell you when something is needed – be that healing work, rest, changes to diet, etc. If you listen your body will tell you what is needed. It will help you move forward.
When your body trusts you to listen, it will let baggage surface at a rate it can handle, for you to heal the issue and make the necessary changes to your beliefs, habits and thinking patterns. It will guide you to what you need at the rate you can handle it.
You don’t have to search for issues to heal. You don’t need to avoid life by focusing on healing or on rescuing others. You don’t need to avoid yourself and your life out of fear or emotional pain.
Sit with yourself. Sit with what arises. Feel into it. Breathe through it and let it shift. You don’t have to run away from it any more. Let yourself be. Let your self be still and absorb the healing energy of nature, of love, of friendships, of fun activities and playfulness.
Let the seriousness go and let life lead you forth. In time you will learn how to play again. It will just happen spontaneously as you slow down, relax and trust life to lead you forth with ease and grace to your destined future. You can’t get it wrong. You don’t need to figure it out, solve it or make it happen. You just need to relax, unwind and listen within.
Let it happen naturally and peacefully. It doesn’t have to be war like any more. Let the war go and know that you’re perfectly okay. It’s just habits to let go of.
If you have a very strong, determined mind, you have to detach from it and focus on your heart, your body, and listen to what they need. They can lead you forth. Send love to your mind and ignore its suggestions, it’s have to’s and must do’s. Let go of its priorities and to do lists and just BE.
Listen into your heart, your inner child and let them speak softly to you about what they would like from you. Re-establishing these connections, the ability to be peaceful and at rest in your body. These are what lead to inner joy and freedom to be playful. It is an inner stance; an inner way of being that is then easily translated into living life with love, joy, fun and vitality.
While you are still standing there frowning with seriousness or angry that it seems so hard or furious because it should be easy. Any of these just block your peace. Of course it looks silly to play or relax when you are wound so tight you are about to explode.
Find a way to soften. Find what works for you: being in nature, gardening, being with kids, pets, or friends, doing art or music or exercise. Find whatever way in works to get you to let go of control and surrender into softness. Bodywork, massage, etc can help, as can a relaxing bath, a piece of chocolate cake or lemon tart – anything that brings joy more to the surface, so the serious you steps aside, retreats back into the background, allowing you the chance to experience another aspect of life.
You can do it. It is happening already, just you judge it because you would like it all fixed now, thank you very much! This is a process. It takes time. It takes patience and kindness. Frustration, impatience and judgement just slow it down. Be kind to yourself and others as they unravel their armour, their conditioning and their way of seeing life.
It is a complete personality shift to let go of being so serious, fighting for a cause, and sacrificing who you are and your life for a valid reason. To see that it is all a choice, to see that it has been used as a way to escape or avoid being vulnerable and taking risks. It is hard to look at all of this, for your very foundations are being shaken.
God does not require you to self-sacrifice to fight any battle. God just wants you to evolve into a God-like being of love, kindness and peace, sharing these energies wherever you go. How you choose to live your life doesn’t matter. When you have this inner peace and love inside it touches everyone you interact with. Your light shines out positively affecting all. You don’t have to effort it, force it. It just happens.
You don’t have to make yourself the best you can be. STOP. Stop this. Just relax and be you. All of us are good people. All of us are innocent, kind and loving underneath our wounds. We just have to drop below the surface and reconnect to our innate qualities, our true self. For that is already a beautiful child of God. We don’t have to improve that. We can’t. It already is perfect as it is.
Each of us truly is okay, truly is enough. We are just learning to accept that, to believe that and to love our self and others in a way that we all can relax and just BE, knowing we are okay and we can choose to enjoy life, have fun and play. No seriousness needed. Trust life to lead you forth, to guide you to your passion and your joy.
No need to try to figure it out. Just relax and BE. That is all that is needed. Drop the judgement, the trying, the forcing and just allow. Allow life to happen – in all its glory and majesty, and in all its boredom and stagnation. These are just phases you move through, like the ocean waves. There are highs and lows. There can be intensity and calmness, even flatness. These are all just phases. None are better than the other. When the time is right the winds of change will blow and move you into the next phase of your life.
So relax, let go and BE. It doesn’t have to be so challenging. Put your feet up. Read a book. Watch a movie. Go for a walk. Cook some food. Enjoy life in its simplicity and its day to day tasks. All can be enjoyed if you see it this way. Blessed BE. Amen.
By Jodi-Anne (17 March 2019).
- Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
- If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
How do I stop reacting from the past?
To stop reacting from the past you need to let go of old hurts and realise that the actions today are not related to the past. The person with you today is not the person from the past. They do not think, react or explode like the person in the past. Any similarities are there as triggers to help you release your past residue. They may have some similar traits, but it is not the same.
In the past when you were hurt so deeply it was because you were a child and felt helpless to control or shift what was occurring. You couldn’t escape the pain unfolding in your childhood home. You couldn’t leave. You couldn’t heal the adults or talk them into a better feeling state. No matter what you did to make life better – being quiet, cleaning up, being funny or cute or getting good grades. No matter what you tried you couldn’t shift what was going on inside the adults involved. It was up to them to heal themselves, to take responsibility for what was occurring and to do something about it.
Likewise, if you are still expecting the worst, reacting to your partner or others as if they are that past person, then it is your responsibility to shift the feelings and patterns inside yourself.
Your partner is allowed to behave the way that he or she does. They are allowed to have their ups and downs, their challenges and time required to find a way through them. They are allowed to be human and imperfect. They are allowed to be who they are with their quirks, habits and abilities – good and bad.
As long as they are not abusing you or being mean to you, you have no reason to truly be upset with them. It is not their fault that you fear the worst. It is not their fault you expect World War III whenever they get a little upset. It’s not their fault if you misinterpret their reactions and feel unloved, ignored or left behind. It is not their fault what is going on inside you. That is your area of control and responsibility.
Let the person off the hook. They haven’t done anything wrong. They are just being themselves and you are triggered by some of their behaviour. The trigger is in you and it is occurring to help you see there is some wounding in you that needs to be seen, felt and released.
So thank the person for showing you your route to freedom – they have shown you where you need to focus your healing energy, so that you don’t automatically react with fear around them or others, so you don’t live on egg shells waiting for the walls to crumble, so you don’t live tensely waiting for the moment to run and hide.
That high level of preparedness, of reactivity, is bad for your health. It not only impacts your ability to enjoy life. It impacts your immune system and digestion, and many other bodily functions. Instead of being in rest and digest mode (parasympathetic nervous system), you are in fight, flight or freeze (sympathetic nervous system) with adrenaline and cortisol pumping through your body. Blood is diverted from your organs and into your periphery, your muscles so that you can react instantly.
You need to calm your body down. You need to come out of hyper-alertness, hypervigilance and relax. Easier said than done! There is an alarm going off in your head shouting “Danger, war. React”. But really there is no danger, no war. No need for overreaction.
The work that needs to occur is inside you. It is not your partner’s responsibility to fix what is inside you or to not trigger you. If the pain is inside you then you will get triggered. Even if they altered their behaviour you will get triggered by something else because the pain is inside you.
Leaving, being on your own, isolating doesn’t resolve the pain. It just avoids it, delays its resolution. So it is best to stay and face it, unless the relationship truly is toxic and abusive, then you should leave for your sake and your children’s. But if there is love, if there is tenderness, closeness, compassion – some of the time – then the relationship is a beneficial one.
It will never be perfect, no relationship is. Each person is here to evolve and grow, so they will have times of feeling stretched, triggered, lost and despairing.
It is the path to freedom – to feel these things and move through them. That’s the challenge to move through it so you’re not constantly reacting the same way to the same thing.
When triggered remind yourself this is not the past, this is not the same, this is not my parent or whoever it was who did abuse you in the past. Remind yourself I’m not a little child anymore. I do have power. I do have choice and I choose to support myself through this reaction. I recognise this is my stuff. It’s not about the current person and his actions and reactions. He/she is okay and probably doing the best they can right now, same as me. I’m going to honour us both.
I’m going to sit and breathe and let these feelings flow out of me. I’m going to do whatever I need to, in order to honour myself and my body and balance back up. I’m not going to beat myself up for reacting.
I’m going to speak softly and soothingly to the younger part of me who is hurting and hug them, hold them, comfort them, help them to let go of the past pain and see that it’s okay now. It’s safe to relax and have fun. I’m going to invite that younger part of me to rest in my arms, or a garden, or a fun place in my heart; to see that they are cared for and loved, and safe and protected. That’s my job as the adult that I now am. I need to look after me, so that I do feel safe and can let go of the past.
What happened in the past is not occurring now, but it feels like it is as the trauma is still present in my body. I have to help my body let it go and I do that by being kind and gentle with myself, and my partner or whoever it is that has triggered me.
I am the one who got triggered. Therefore it is me who needs to do something to feel better. It is not about them changing. It is about you altering your inner reactions so you do not trigger so easily. So stop blaming, judging or condemning the other person, and focus on healing your inner world.
Do what is needed to soothe your body – spend time in nature, have a bath or foot soak, have a massage or other form of body work, rest, draw or write to shift the energy out, relax, rest, meditate, listen to soothing music, smell relaxing smells – essential oils, incense, cooking. Do whatever you need to do to look after you.
And know that each time it happens you are letting go of the old so you can be present to the now, to be here now, not dragging along the past in your back pack or body. In this sense it is good that you got triggered, so you can clear out more of the past stuck within you.
You may resent the fact it is still occurring, but the truth is it needs to occur to help you heal, to give you the opportunity to honour yourself. And the more pain you went through, the more there is to be released. It just is what it is.
Don’t fight against it. Don’t resent it or the other person – that just prolongs it. Do what you need to do to find peace. That is the most useful thing to do. There are many tools and techniques you can use to release stress and trauma out of your body, but listening to and honouring your body and its’ reactions is a very, very good start and it is free. There is no need to see a practitioner, unless you want to or feel that you need help to build the skills to self soothe.
Whatever you do, choose peace and kindness for yourself and the others involved. Each is doing the best they know how with their current mindset and feelings. Each is serving the other with what gets triggered and each can help the other as they move through their releases by just being there and accepting the process.
No one needs to be rescued. Just seen, loved and accepted as they are. Give each other that gift and in time you will blossom.
This is just residue releasing so that you can be more present to enjoy the now together or apart. It matters not. Free the space within you, so love can fill up the space previously occupied by hurt, loss, disappointment or grief. Let it go and let love fill the space. You can you know. It is worth the time and effort to do it, so you can enjoy life more. Blessed BE. Amen.
By Jodi-Anne (24 February 2019).
- Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
- If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
What is the source of evil actions?
There is no evil force as such. It is just misguided souls that have connected in with the darker urges, the primal, survival urges.
There is darker thought and that attracts darker entities that also cling to the primal-ness of man and its animal urges. These darker thoughts, urges, and tendencies lead to great anger, rage, guilt and shame. This leads to pain intensifying and the heart being shut down, ignored, emotions not felt, softness rejected, steel like grips on control, on destruction of anything that threatens or could lead to softer feelings. It is violently rejected to avoid feeling the pain.
So it’s not evil as such, just deeply wounded, and like attracts like. So people who are deeply hurt and vengeful are drawing on the energy of other souls who feel the same way – incarnate and discarnate. These energies, these souls join together and can be a strong force suggesting, encouraging the living being to act out in destructive ways, to get even with those who hurt them.
The darker energies, the souls who are still hurting can take over the living person and make them do atrocious acts. This is what you call possession.
But it’s not an evil force out there attacking innocent people. It is just other wounded souls linking together. It is the collective pain and trauma of humanity projected out, seeking somewhere to go, to resolve, to find peace.
This is why exorcism that attempts to fight against an entity will rarely work. The entity fights back. They enjoy the game, the struggle, the pain they cause. What they don’t like, what repels them is love and purity, light and innocence.
They don’t want to be near that as it would cause them to feel their pain and that is all they are – a big ball of energetic pain that has lodged itself within the person. As the person heals, as they let love in, the darker spirits have to leave as they no longer match the vibration of the person they were inhabiting and are no longer welcomed there.
In a sense they can’t stay if the person asks them to leave. They only hang around as the person energetically is open to receive them. So the solution is always love, not fighting, love.
Outright evil does not exist as its own being. It is just the wounded energies of the masses, playing out its pain, begging for healing. And just like a child who doesn’t want to eat its vegetables, it resists the light thinking it will destroy them, but really it would nourish them and bring them home to their hearts.
Evil energies are just misguided souls that are playing out their pain until it gets healed. They recreate the traumas over and over again looking for healing. Same as we humans do.
Unintentionally or unconsciously we repeat patterns in our relationships, our work, our finances, etc. until the wounds, the negative conditioning gets changed and we realise that we are loved, we are lovable, and we are perfectly okay.
It’s a long journey to acceptance of what is, has been and will be. To trust in life and know that you are being led somewhere useful for your conscious evolution. The same process of growth continues after death in the spiritual realms.
We are all surrounded by spirits every day. They walk amongst us, talking to us subconsciously, encouraging us to do good or bad depending on their tendencies.
By calling on your Angels, Guides and Higher Selves you can protect yourself to an extent from these entities that may encourage you to do harm.
Call on the entities of love and light to protect you, to guide you, to help you heal and embrace love and goodness. They will guide you, as they do for all of humanity who has the free will to choose light or darkness, good or bad.
It is up to the souls involved to choose where there allegiance lies. Eventually all choose love and light, all ascend towards Heaven’s door and being able to see and feel God’s light, God’s presence in your heart and the heart of all beings. Blessed BE, Amen.
By Jodi-Anne (19 February 2019).
- Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
- If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
How do you be authentic?
To be authentic means to be honest and show all of who you are to the world. You don’t pretend to be perfect or to have it all together. You show your humanness – your strengths, your doubts, fears and messiness. You show it all, accepting this too is part of who you are.
You don’t need to parade your weaknesses around. You just don’t actively hide them. You are not embarrassed about them. They are simply areas of your personality that have not yet healed into wholeness, into love and peace. They are your growing edge, your next steps. And it is wonderful that you are seeing them, acknowledging them, loving and accepting them, because then they can shift and dissolve.
Life is not as harsh as many think it is. These aspects surface to be released, to be felt into completion. If you willingly feel it, face it, breathe into it, acknowledge any earlier memories associated with it, love the younger part of you involved and bring it into your heart, then it dissolves, the pain goes.
It is only when we try to ignore it that it stays or gets louder, so we will look at it and hopefully embrace it. If we do, the shifting can be easier and we won’t need to attract people or situations to trigger us on that issue.
If you don’t heal the betrayal inside you, you will attract someone to betray you, so you feel those feelings and can heal. It happens to help you heal. But often us humans don’t realise that. We think the person hurting us is bad, broken, evil, unkind or unaware.
We think we are bad, broken, a victim, that life is unfair and cruel, and people can’t be trusted. This is all just wounding to be healed.
We are all innocent, all pure, and all capable of goodness and love, as it is our core nature. We are just clearing out density, so we can embody the light.
So if you have a habit or a thinking pattern or defensive mechanism that you are ashamed of, let go of the judgement. It’s just a habit to break.
Love and accept yourself, see what is going on, and be kind to yourself. Embrace yourself like you would if it was a child hurting, because it is. It’s your inner child, your younger self that needs help to let go of the hurts.
When you can look at it like this, it is easier to see there is nothing ‘wrong’ with you, nothing to hide. You are just a work in progress, we all are. We are all working towards wholeness – where we accept ourselves and others, and flow with life in loving and peaceful ways.
We all have aspects of ourselves that need upgrading or healing. We each have those annoying thought patterns or habits. Love yourself anyway. Be who you are. It’s okay to be you exactly as you are.
You don’t need to hide, or pretend to be better than you are, or hide how you are feeling to please another. You don’t have to pretend to be something you are not, or alter yourself to fit in with the crowd.
Be who you are and shine. Be who you are and love and accept yourself. When you do you will attract others who are also being authentically themselves, and you can enjoy life together, acknowledging each other’s gifts and areas for growth.
We all want to be seen as we are, to be loved and accepted. We just fear we will be rejected, seen as not good enough. If you have these fears it shows you a part of you is still hurting from past experiences. Go inside and heal that part, help it to let go of its pain. Listen to it. Embrace it. Breathe with it while it releases its emotions. Let it be healed by golden and rainbow light. Give it a place in your heart. Accept it and love it and the wound will disappear.
For it is your own love and acceptance you have been craving. When you give it, it is easier to be yourself and show it to the world, as you know you are okay. Even if someone does reject you or is cruel, it won’t destroy you. Just feel any emotional reaction and send love, knowing their reaction is about them and their inner state of pain or turmoil. It is not really about you.
When you are authentically yourself your energy levels rise, as you are no longer wasting energy hiding, or trying to figure things out, or guessing at what other’s want. You can just be yourself, smile and ask for what you want, trusting others to do the same.
You take responsibility for living your life peacefully and lovingly, doing kind acts wherever you go – when you want to, and when you don’t want to, you don’t. You can do whatever you feel like as long as it isn’t hurting anyone else. When we each take responsibility for balancing our own lives we will have fuller energy cups. We won’t be depleted. We won’t be exhausted trying to give from an empty cup. Instead we will overflow from fullness and joy.
It will be easy to give and have a positive impact as our energy field is clear and radiant. That is what it means to be authentically yourself, shining your light for all to see. No need to hide who you are.
You are a beautiful child of God, a masterpiece, just chipping away the rough edges to reveal the beautiful statue within the stone. It takes eons to wear away those rough edges. So be proud of them and of your progress.
No need to be perfect. It’s okay to be flawed, to be human. We each have a different mix of density – pain, thoughts, and patterns. We are each a unique kaleidoscope of life experiences, and we each have beauty. See the love and accept who you are.
Show that to the world and celebrate who you are warts and all! We all make smelly poo and farts. We all have snot and pus when infected. We all lose hair and skin cells and bleed. We are all of this, as well as our smiles, our light, and our love. It’s time to embrace it all and just be yourself. So be it. Amen.
By Jodi-Anne (5 August 2018).
- Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
- If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
How do we stop fighting against our lives?
You fight because you resist surrendering your defences and feeling your pain. It feels too big, overwhelming, obliterating. You sense the depths of emotional pain inside and you fight against facing it all.
Yet at the same time you search for solutions so you will feel better. You want it to be gentle, sanitised, easy, but emotional pain has to be felt and transmuted, felt into completion, loved and accepted. You get tired of layer after layer surfacing and wonder whether it will ever end. It won’t. It just changes form.
You are not lost or drowning, you just think you are. It is like you are in water that is deep enough that it has the illusion you can’t stand in. You swim or doggy paddle trying to stay afloat. You know you can only do it for so long. Eventually you have to give in, to let yourself sink. It is only then you realise you can actually stand and you are okay.
That is what you’re doing. You keep swimming or running or hiding when you don’t need to any more. It is safe for you to be still, to rest, to play, to look around and enjoy life, to connect with others. But part of you still flees, still fears bad things happening. Part of you still stays small hoping not to be noticed, worried what others may do to you.
You waste so much energy in fight or flight or trying to figure things out, solve imaginary problems, predict future outcomes in an attempt to avoid those you don’t like. What is meant to be will be. You can’t run away from it or hide. It will happen.
Surrender to your life’s plan and destiny. It was set before you were born. It was agreed to prior to incarnation. The movie starring you has already been made. It’s in the theatre, part way through screening, and you are waving your hands hoping to change it, to alter the script, but it is already done. What is going to occur will occur. You can’t prevent it or alter it dramatically, so stop wasting your energy fearing what is next, trying to control or manipulate it.
Accept what is and trust you will be led forth by God, by love, by your higher self, to experience what you need in order for you to heal and grow, for your soul’s evolution.
What is needed will occur. Some of it will be enjoyable and some of it will not, but it will all lead you forth to growth and integration of your higher self into your body, so you can shine your divine light and a heart full of love into the world.
You are being led to a good place. It is beneficial. You just doubt it, question it, mistrust it. You fight against it, but it is all happening for your highest good.
You know that tragedies lead to rethinking the way you live life. They lead to personal reflection, insight and growth. They serve a purpose. They come when they are needed. You can’t prevent it.
Stop wasting your energy worrying about ‘What if’s’. Half of what you imagine won’t happen and the other half will not be as bad as you imagine. It is all leading you forth to heal and open up to receiving and giving love more easily.
So relax and enjoy your life. Trust God’s plan. Slow down and have fun. Don’t worry so much. Don’t try to figure it all out. You don’t need to see what is up ahead. What matters are the next few steps. Be in this moment and see where your heart guides you. Listen to your body and its messages.
Slow down and BE. Integrate all the shifts and changes you have been through. Let your body adjust to the changes in vibration and your nervous system to relax out of survival mode into being mode. You can do it. You just need to stop. Stop all thinking about the future. Trust what is to come is good for you. Allow what is, to be what it is and know it will change if and when it is meant to.
You don’t have to work so hard. Rest, you deserve it. You need it. Simplify your life and make time for being, for enjoying yourself, doing things you love and spending time with people you can connect with heart to heart.
You are allowed to take time off, time out from work or study or responsibilities. Relax and be, that is what you need most, and that is how you stop fighting against your life. Accept it as it is.
We each have a unique journey designed for our soul’s evolution. Everyone will experience something different. Some people will have it easier than you and some more difficult. It depends what they are here to learn.
Those who experience deep challenges are keen souls, eager to evolve quickly. They have agreed to experience in one life, what other souls may do over 3 or 4 lives. They have chosen to condense it, so they can evolve more quickly, but that means this lifetime will be full of ups and downs, more chaos, more challenges and disasters than usual.
It can seem too much at times and this is why you fight against feeling the pain. You haven’t chosen a gentle path. You’ve chosen a steep and rocky one, and the best way to navigate it is slowly, step by step, taking time to breathe deeply, to connect to nature and its beauty and calming effects. There are lots of supports available as you navigate through your life.
Just accept what is and do what is needed to heal and balance up, but do it peacefully, slowly, don’t push too hard. Be kind to yourself and your body. It has been through so much and it needs you to treat it with reverence and love. Be that loving parent and best friend for yourself. That is what is needed, so you can relax and enjoy your life.
You can do it. You are and you will get better at it as you stop fighting against what is and you trust more in what is to come, for it is good, very good indeed. It leads you home to your heart with love. Blessed BE, Amen.
By Jodi-Anne (26 July 2018).
- Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
- If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
What is suicide? How best to help someone feeling suicidal?
Suicide is a way of escaping emotional pain that has become too strong to bear. The person is overwhelmed by life and unsure of how to cope or what to do. They sense it would be easier to leave and return into nothingness. They may or may not be aware that to do so is to return to God, to unconditional love and support that is available to all of us while still in the body. We can access this support by asking for it. That is what prayer is – you are asking for love and support to help you through tough times.
Each can pray easily just by asking “Lord, please help me to overcome my burdens and release them at a rate my body can handle. Please help me find the strength to carry on, the humility to ask for and accept help, and the humbleness to sing your praises. Thank you Lord for your help and support. Please hold my hand as I walk forth on this journey which feels too much for me right now”.
Anyone can pray. If you don’t feel comfortable asking Jesus, ask Mother Mary, God, The Universe, Mother Nature. It matters not who you ask, but that you do ask. Ask and you shall receive. Listen quietly within to hear the answer, to feel the support and gain the insight and clarity you need.
Many people when they hit rock bottom do so because they feel alone, lost, abandoned, disappointed with life, they feel it is meaningless, that there is no point going on. You can help someone in such a state by loving and accepting them, by doing fun things together, even if it is just watching cartoons, sitting in nature, massaging their feet, eating cake, having a laugh. You want to lighten their spirits in whatever way will work.
Just telling them how much you care and would miss them helps, but it also creates a pressure, a feeling of guilt for the person and this isn’t helpful. They are already burdened enough without adding more for them to feel bad about.
It is more effective to say “I love you and I see you are struggling to stay here on Earth. I respect your right to choose to leave or stay. I hope you choose to stay because I do love you, value you and want you in my life. However, if you feel you must go I will accept your choice. It will be hard, but I will honour you and your life and remember you fondly. I will make something good out fo it, even if you can’t at this stage. Know you have had a beneficial impact on me, you have helped me in so many ways, just by being my friend/family member. We have shared so much and I thank you for that. I hope we get to continue sharing life together, but if not I respect your choice and I will look upon you fondly and hold you in my heart. You are very special to me and always will be, no matter what you choose”.
This makes it clear that they are loved, wanted, cherished and respected. That is what the person is longing for to feel connected, valued, heard. They don’t want to be lectured at, rescued or made to feel guilty. They don’t want to be called selfish or broken / damaged / worthless, they are already feeling that.
By respecting their choice you are giving them permission to make a change in their life. They may have been feeling weighted down by life and now you are helping them to see they have choices, more choices than they realised.
Don’t ask too much of them. Let them be, send love regularly and hold them in your heart. Pray to the angels to take care of them and let go of trying to figure it out / control it. You can’t. You simply can’t. If the person chooses to die – it is their choice, not yours. If it is their destined time to go, you can’t stop it. If it isn’t they will stay regardless of what you do.
Remember to honour yourself and your family throughout all of this. Be there for them too. It is a big ask for all involved, as everyone’s emotions and hurts will be triggered. It leads to lots of growth in all who are affected, if they truly allow themselves to feel their pain and listen to their hearts.
Life is not easy. We all go through our ups and downs. Know that suicide is just another way to die. It is not a particularly bad sin or problem. The person will still be welcomed and loved by God. They will find peace and healing on the other side and they will get to return to Earth and try again. They will reexperience a similar situation, so they can play out an alternative outcome. This can occur many times, until the person finds a way to cope, survive and thrive. It is part of their soul’s evolution and expansion.
So do not judge another who suffers. Don’t fear they will go to Hell and be punished. Don’t sacrifice yourself and your needs trying to rescue them. They need to feel empowered, not weak. They need to know they have choices, rights, etc, so that they can have a sense of power. Find what brings them joy, what they love and do that – be it a hobby, gardening, travel, etc. Find ways to help lift their moods and bring joy into their life. These are the best things you can do.
And know that if you lose patience, if you get frustrated and angry, if you explode at them about it all, that’s okay too. Just apologise afterwards and explain how hard it is for you to watch them in pain and how you wish you could take it away. Tell them how much you worry and that you know it doesn’t help, but it’s hard not to do. Show kindness to yourself and them. It helps more than you know. Blesed BE. Amen.
By Jodi-Anne M Smith (22 November 2017).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
If you find this information useful consider donating to support the sharing of more useful information, even $5 is a great help.
How to move out of survival and live?
Many of you who have had deep pain and hurt in your younger lives have learned to survive by doing whatever is necessary to get through your day. You work, you smile, you help, you laugh and you hide away at home when you can because that feels safe. In essence you are still expecting attack and you work hard to avoid it. Your focus is on getting through each day without attack, with minimal dnager, conflict and abuse. You collapse at the end of the day exhausted, satisfied to have survived and to have gotten through relatively unscathed.
In doing this you are simply surviving each day, you are not enjoying your life very much or creating what you really want. You are not living your authentic self, you are using a range of cover ups and defense mechanisms to protect your vulnerable, scared child. That feels more important than having fun, socialising. This is true for many of you.
There are others who are also just surviving, but they focus on pleasure and not much else. They have given up trying to achieve anything or to be successful in their chosen path. They have given up on their dreams believing it isn’t worth the effort to pursue them. They settle for comfort food, alcohol, drugs, sex and a simplistic, hedonistic life, without contributing very much to society.
There are many survival patterns, underneath them all is pain, pain waiting to be felt and released, so you can step up and show your true self to the world, so you can enjoy life and contribute to the welfare of all by shining your light brightly.
You do not need to stay hidden, small to be safe. You don’t need to keep yourself small, stuck to feel like you have no control, no choice, no option. You do have options. Every day, every hour, every minute you are making choices affecting your health and wellbeing. You choose to do nothing or to sulk or pout or be angry or disappointed or to feel hopeless, like there’s no point trying. You choose to repeat the same mundane day over and over – go to work, eat, sleep, wake up, repeat over and over. You choose to numb out and watch TV or to eat or drink or whatever method you use to escape your dissatisfaction with your life. You are choosing to be stuck, to be a survivor or victim of life and your experiences.
You could be choosing to do something new, to try a new hobby, to connect with people and do activities, to have fun and socialise. You can choose to do study to work towards a career change or to volunteer at a nursing home or food shelter or other act of service, which not only helps others but results in you feeling better about yourself and your life. There is so much you could choose to do, but you have to choose it. You have to action it, take the risk for things to change.
Don’t let your life slip away. Take charge and live it. Flow with what life brings you, the ups and the downs, and make the most of it. When you get triggered or you get insight into your defense mechanisms, your pain, work through them to heal them and free yourself up. You don’t have to stay stuck in the old patterns and pain – free yourself and live.
One way to do this is using Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE). It can help you to calm your nervous system and body, so it drops out of fight, flight or freeze. TRE is a simple set of exercises to activate the body’s own tremoring mechanism which uses up the stress chemicals, cortisol and andrenaline, which get created when we are triggered and stored in our body if we don’t actually fight or run away.
TRE can be learned in an individual appointment online or an appointment in person. Then you can use it at home whenever you want to as a part of your self care routine.
When your nervous system calms, your body relaxes and it’s easier to make new choices and changes to behaviour, as your neocortex comes back online, the rational decision making part of the brain. When we’re in fear the amygdala and emotional part of the brain, the hind brain take over and focus on survival only. This is why it can be hard to think or make decisions when you are scared. The rational part of the brain has shut down so you can respond instinctively, quickly to increase your chance of survival.
You don’t have time to contemplate your choices when a lion is chasing you. You need to act fast and run or hide/freeze hoping not to be discovered. If you’re going to be brave and fight you need those extra stress hormones to give you the energy and drive to charge in. Your body will also fill you with opioids so you don’t feel pain as much, just in case you do get hurt or worst case scenario killed. The opioids numb the pain. They also are part of the dissociation process, helping you to feel less connected to your body, so you don’t feel what is happening to it.
TRE can help you to unwind all of these patterns and stored energies in your body, so you can be relaxed and at ease, more able to make choices from a calm state and to enjoy your life.
It is time to have fun, to be free, to shine your light, to do what you missed out on, to experiment and discover what you enjoy in life. It is time to LIVE, choose it and the Universe will help you do it. CONNECT with nature, with yourself, with others. Let yourself be seen, heard, supported and loved. Let the goodness in, it is all around you, waiting for you to open your arms to receive it. It is time, it is overdue, it is banging on the door hoping you will hear it. Step up, speak up, live your life and let go of the old ways. It’s time to live more fully, not just survive. Blessed BE, Amen.
By Jodi-Anne M Smith (23October 2017).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
If you find this information useful consider donating to support the sharing of more useful information, even $5 is a great help.