How do you love another fully? By not fearing losing them or being rejected by them. By accepting them fully as they are – good points and bad points. We all want to be loved and trusted, but we fear showing our true self to others for fear of rejection, loss, pain.
It is sad but true, most people keep a wedge between themselves and others. They only let people in close enough to connect, but far enough away they feel safe. Then they wonder why they feel alone.
To live life is to love fully. You need to fully love to live fully. To hold back out of fear means you never experience the fullness of being seen, held, known and loved. It would be sad to miss out on that greatest of gifts. Choose to love fully, choose to risk your heart breaking. It will only break open. Do not see loss of loved ones as inevitable. See it as destined timing for being together and apart. You share in each others lives for a time and then others come into your life.
You will always love someone, something and hopefully yourself as well. For when you love yourself fully you do not feel so alone, nor does separation with another feel so devastating as you still have your own love to sustain you as well as God’s and that is a lot of love.
So take the risk and love fully, let people close, know they can’t really hurt you. Even if they leave how you think about it is what determines your reactions to it. You can choose to celebrate what you shared and be grateful. You can choose to be excited knowing the Universe will bring you another great love in time. You could choose to mourn the loss of this love or be devastated by it. You can choose to see the time alone as a chance for self reflection and growth. It all depends on what you think about the situation and how you choose to react.
Know that death is not the end, but the beginning. Death is a reuniting with your whole self – soul energy with God’s energy and your higher self, the part of you that is God-realised. Death is a coming home to the fullness of who you are. It is a celebration of light not encountered while on Earth. It is rhapsody and pleasure. It is bliss.
We all will die. We all must awaken to that truth and celebrate life while we have it. Make the most of your interactions with others. Love fully so you will not be alone at the end, but surrounded by all who hold you dear. Celebrate their lives and yours and all you have shared. Do not hold back out of fear. Do not isolate yourself or stay stuck in pain. Let go of the past and any hurt from relationships.
There is much you can do to clear out stress, tension and trauma from your body. As you do so it is easier to relax and enjoy life. Your body will be less reactive, less hyper vigilant, more willing to connect and socialise when your nervous system is calm. Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) can help you to discharge the old stagnant energy so that you can open to being more playful and for life to be more enjoyable. When you look through stressed or traumatised eyes you see danger and threat, you see more negatively. When you look through relaxed eyes you see beauty and love everywhere, you see more positively, because your body and nervous system is calmer, more peaceful, more relaxed and open. It’s not closed off out of fear or hurt.
Start a fresh each day choosing love and laughter. The choice is up to you. In the end that is what it comes down to, a choice – to love or not to love and how much to love. Choose to love fully and you will experience life more fully.
Let the guard down and love. No need to protect yourself, defend yourself, keep a distance between you and others. Let people close. Love them and their flaws and they can love you and yours. We all have areas for growth. We all have habits we could improve. That is okay. We all deserve love, we don’t need to be perfect. We don’t need to earn love. We all deserve it because we are alive and being alive is an opportunity to love – to give and receive love. So let the guards come down and love.Blessed BE. Amen.
When feeling blue it is tempting to look for something to fix and change, to push the low feelings away. However, that doesn’t work – it’s a form of rejecting ourselves and our feelings – which just makes us feel worse. Instead we need to sit with and feel our feelings, then they will shift. This is the advice my higher self gave me on how to love a situation into peace (5 Nov 2014).
Life will always have its ups and downs. You are learning not to let them get you off centre and if they do to balance up quickly. No need for fix-it mode. It is a normal reaction to be upset to challenging situations – just honour your feelings and body’s needs and turn your thoughts positively as soon as you can. You exhaust yourself by pushing to heal, by judging your reaction as not okay and desiring joyous feelings straight away. Instead of fighting / changing what is – love it, love it into peace. That will nourish you, instead of exhaust you.
How do I love a situation into peace?
Accept it. Acknowledge it as a part of your evolutionary growth, leading you somewhere higher/brighter. It is helping you evolve, clearing out residue. Accept the stuckness or low feelings and trust it will alter when it is meant to. Ask your higher self and the Angels to assist you in finding balance within. Breathe in coloured light, talk to your sub-personalities – comfort yourself / selves. Send love to your heart and mind.
Do these things to honour yourself, comfort yourself – not to fix / change. It is about loving what is, knowing it will change in time. It is a receiving / accepting process, not an active / forceful process.
Jodi-Anne started her life full of pain, disappointment and shame. She felt unloved and unwanted by her parents and worked hard to succeed and prove she was worth loving. She hoped to get noticed and loved, but found that she rejected any kindness for lack of trusting it was real. She was wounded and armoured living from the mind and closing her heart so as not to feel the pain within or experience any more loss and disappointment.
She achieved many impressive promotions in her career and multiple qualifications only to realise that these did not make her happy or healthy. She realised in time that she hated her life and fell in and out of depression for many years. She awoke to God and the greater evolutionary journey in her mid 20’s. Since then she has been focused on releasing her emotional pain and baggage to return to a state of harmony and peace. She has used many different healing modalities and is trained in those she found most beneficial – Psych-K, Reiki, Light Therapy.
In an unexpected turn of events Jodi-Anne found herself returning to the role she first commenced her career with. She had loved that role and sang through each day enjoying being of service to the community as an Environmental Health Officer. She is currently reliving this experience and happy living simply and performing a job she enjoys and enjoying her life outside of work.
For the first time ever she has no desire to achieve, advance, fix, heal or change herself or anyone else for that matter. She finally has peace inside and is content being in that feeling and opening to greater balance in her life with social activities, close heart-focused friends and a love for life.
She is not seeing clients or offering healing services at this stage.This is a time of celebrating the peace within and honouring self. Jodi-Anne will from time to time post on this website. She will not however be on here regularly so do not be surprised if she does not answer emails or queries quickly. She is finally living and loving her life.
It is her hope that all beings find this peace and become that in the world, for then we truly will have peace on Earth. Much love to all, Jodi-Anne x
When emotions are overwhelming it is tempting to get busy, to turn to sugar or other addictions to numb out and escape the feelings. This just keeps the emotions buried inside. The only way to truly escape from them is to feel them and release them so that they are no longer inside, surfacing over and over again in an attempt to get you to embrace them.
There are many ways to feel and release emotions. Below is a range of techniques that you can use for either no or low-cost. Try each and see what works best for you. If you find that you still can’t cope with the intensity of the emotions then reach out for support. A list of free counselling helplines within Australia is included below. If you are not from Australia an internet search or question to your local doctor will hopefully provide you with details of similar services available close to you.
Expressing how you are feeling – Speak your truth, honour your feelings – just do it in a way that is safe. If that means screaming into a cushion or in the car with the windows wound up, do it. If it means crying while curled up on the floor, do it. If it means beating cushions on the lounge while expressing your anger, do it. If it feels safe to do, you may choose to imagine the person who upset you is there with you and tell them the consequences of their actions and its impact on your life. The important part is expressing what you feel. Letting it leave your body rather than locking it up inside you.
Writing out how you are feeling – a journal or diary can be used to write about how you are feeling and why. This honours your emotions and helps you to connect within, to reflect on what you are feeling and the reasons for it. It helps you to gain insight into your experiences and behaviour. It can be very helpful especially if you feel you can’t share what you are going through with anyone else. Some people like to express their feelings in poems or songs, they find that very therapeutic. You can also write letters (which you won’t actually send) to those that hurt you expressing your emotions, the impact on your life and your needs now. Because you don’t actually send the letter you can express the depth of your rage and grief, really letting the person know how you feel. After you’ve written it rip the letter up and burn it, let it and the emotions go.
Drawing how you are feeling – art can be a powerful method for releasing emotions as it is more ‘feeling’ based and less ‘thinking’ based. Pick up crayons, paint or clay – whatever feels right – and use it to express what you’re feeling. Just scribble or draw, allow what needs to be expressed to come out. You don’t need to try and draw something specific, let it evolve out of your emotions. It can be very surprising to see what appears this way. When it’s done the emotion is out of you and on the paper. You can keep your drawings as a record of your healing journey or rip them up and burn them as a symbolism of release.
Moving the energy – emotions are energy in motion (e-motion). You can shift anger and rage by doing vigorous exercise. Go for a walk, run, swim or whatever form of exercise feels right. Do a gym class, punch a punching bag, whatever works for you. As you exercise you release the pent up energy and therefore the emotions.
Embracing the healing power of nature – sitting or walking in nature can be a powerful healer. I find that being in a garden or forest helps me to centre and ground, to balance back up, to feel stronger, more peaceful and able to cope with whatever I’m facing. Standing near or in the ocean, feeling the salt air or the salt water if I’m in it helps cleanse me, freshen me, drain away the negative emotions, leaving me feeling lighter, cleaner and stronger. (Having a bath with a handful of rock salt in it does a similar thing).
Meditation – If you can sit still and meditate then simply observing your emotions and the associated thoughts can allow them to shift and release. They no longer need to fight for your attention so they quieten down as you honour them and accept them – as you acknowledge the reason the emotions arose and what information they are giving you about your life and any actions needing to be taken. Just sit and breathe deeply, witness what occurs within your body. Allow emotions, thoughts, images and memories to surface and release. Our breath is very powerful and can shift even the most intense of emotions if you allow the process to occur – keep breathing and witnessing – and allow the emotions to flow and shift. Trust that they will move and breathe through any resistance.
Flower remedies – There are a wide range of flower remedies such as Bach Flower Remedies and Australian Bush Flower Essences. These are relatively low-cost and help the body to balance emotions and clear blockages. There are remedies to assist when you have experienced shock or trauma (Rescue Remedy or SOS Remedy). There are also remedies specific for individual emotions and issues – such as grief, fear, anger, sadness or for building confidence, self-love and self-esteem. Many health food shops and some chemists stock flower remedies within Australia. They can also be ordered over the internet from wholesale stockists or manufacturers.
Australian Counselling Helplines
Below are the details of some of the free counselling services provided by organisations within Australia. (This information was accurate as of 2010.) Visit their websites to find out what other services they provide or can refer you to. There are often support groups and sometimes workshops you can attend. There are also some Government funded services to support those suffering from depression and mental health issues. Ask your local doctor about what services are available in your local area.
Adults Surviving Child Abuse (ASCA), Phone: 1300-657-380 – provides support, information and referrals throughout Australia to survivors of all forms of child abuse and neglect, male and female, family members, supporters as well as health professionals. Operating hours are 9–5 EDST with answering machine outside these hours and while counsellors are on another call. All calls made after hours will be returned the following day. http://www.asca.org.au/
Kids help line Phone: 1800 55 1800 – Kids Help Line is Australia’s only free, confidential and anonymous, 24-hour telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged between five and 18. http://www.kidshelpline.com.au/
Lifeline Phone: 131 114 – A 24-hour telephone counselling service available for anyone, at any time, and from anywhere in Australia for just the cost of a local call. http://www.lifeline.com.au
Parent help line Phone: 1300 364 100 – The Parent Helpline is a service of the SA Government Department Children, Youth and Women’s Health Service and provides telephone information, counselling and support – 24 hours a day, seven days a week, every day of the year. It is available to parents of children and young people from birth to twenty five years and to people working with children and young people, including teachers and childcare providers. http://www.parenting.sa.gov.au/helpline/. For details of services provided in other states of Australia see: http://www.aifs.gov.au/nch/resources/counselling.html#nat
Paying for supportive healing services
If you have funds to spend then you can of course choose from a wide range of modalities and services to assist you with your healing journey.
If you want to talk about your experiences – then Counsellors, Coaches, Psychiatrists and Psychologists may be of assistance. Each has a different approach, cost and use. Ask questions before deciding on a practitioner to see. What is his or her experience with healing from child abuse? Do they regularly prescribe the use of anti-depressants and medication? How long do they normally see clients for? What are their spiritual beliefs? Find someone who you resonate with, who feels safe to be with and who listens to and honours you. Be prepared that you will probably feel worse before you feel better. As you make insights about your life and the reasons for your behaviours you will uncover the pain that led to your conditioning and repetitive patterns. It is painful facing all of this but it has to be done in order to heal and find inner peace. Take your time, rest when you need to and explore yourself and your past at a rate you can handle. Many abuse survivors, like me, push themselves way too hard in an attempt to heal quickly. Be kind to yourself.
If you want to use non-talk focussed approaches – then a range of methods can be used to support your body to release and heal. Massage is very beneficial; especially for physical and sexual abuse survivors who learn from it that touch can be safe and nurturing. There are many different types of body-work that can be of assistance, including: acupuncture, bowen, myofascial release, reiki and rolfing. Ask friends what they have tried and felt helped. Get referrals to practitioners that people you trust have visited. Do some research on the internet and follow your intuition as to what feels most appropriate for you. Try something and if after a few visits it doesn’t feel helpful, try something else. When you have found something that works for you, stick with it. Allow it to take you deep within. Often people stay at the surface by chopping and changing the modalities that they are using. They fail to go deep within, feel their pain and release it. Instead they just seek pleasure from these body-work approaches. While this feels good it’s not achieving the ultimate need – releasing the emotions buried within the body.
If you are willing to talk a little – then there are a range of practices available that are quick and brief therapies rather than involving years and years of talking. Homeopathy can be very beneficial – you talk just enough that the practitioner can select the right remedy to support you with the major issues you are currently facing. You use that for four to six weeks then return to repeat the process. Thought Field Therapy, PSYCH-K, and the LifeLine Technique can help you to release buried emotions and/or change self-defeating, subconscious beliefs. You don’t have to explain your history or anything about yourself. Just tell the practitioner what the topic is that you want to work on and any beliefs that you want to change. They will then guide you through the process. A different topic is worked on each session.
There are many options and many ways to heal. The above are just a sampling of techniques that I’ve experienced as beneficial in my healing journey. See where you feel guided and follow that path. Trust in yourself and the process. Your journey like everyone else’s will be unique to suit your unique needs and issues.
A lot of us spend a huge amount of time and energy trying to control what happens in our life. We may attempt to control what our partner and children do, what happens at work, how we look at all times, how our friends and family behave, and what other people think of us. Ultimately all of this is wasted time and energy because we can’t control these things. Worrying about them certainly doesn’t help, it just drains us.
All we can control and change is our self – our thoughts, beliefs, behaviours – how we react to people and situations. Once we realise this we can use our time and energy more wisely, focusing on improving our self and doing what we want with our life. This is a big key to freedom and happiness. It’s like the serenity prayer:
God help me to recognise the things I can control and the things I can’t
Things I can change / control
Things I can’t change / control
What I think about myself
What other people think of me
My beliefs, opinions & expectations. How I react to & judge other people
My feelings
Speak honestly about my feelings & what I want. What I do to & for other people
Other people’s feelings
What I swallow today. What I do for exercise today
My weight today
Make amends for past actions. What I will do now & in the future
What I did in the past
The pain I feel from the past. What I say to people
What others did in the past
My level of independence. My ability to cope with what others do.How I behave.
What other people do now & in future
The people I spend my time with
Who my family members are
What I do to earn money
Time wasted in a job I don’t like
My activity & stress levels now & in the future. My diet
Being sick today
The present & what I do that may assist in a positive future
The future
Accept myself & take action to accomplish what I want
What other people accomplish
My level of gratitude for what I do have. How much I enjoy my life as it is.
What other people have or do that I can’t do
My attitude towards aging. Staying young at heart, fit & healthy
Getting older
Make the most of every day. My beliefs about what death means
Dying
More detailed explanations of some of the above:
Your feelings – When a feeling has been triggered such as anger or grief, you have that feeling – you can’t wish or ignore it away. It’s there. You need to work through those feelings, allow yourself to feel them and release them in a healthy way. Once the feeling has passed you can then train yourself not to react that same way in the future, you can change your beliefs and thinking so that you don’t get angry or hurt by what someone else does or says.
Your partner’s behaviour – When your partner does something that you don’t like, you can try to ignore it and say nothing. You can waste energy wishing they wouldn’t do whatever it was that upset you. You can waste energy trying to control them by telling them off and telling them what you think they should do. Or you can try to manipulate them so that they feel guilty or ashamed to behave the way they did. Ultimately all of these techniques will not work and will only cause larger problems. You can’t control anyone else’s behaviour, so you’re wasting your time. You’re better of to stop, look and listen to yourself. What has upset or annoyed you? Why? What do you assume your partner’s behaviour means? What has it triggered in you from the past? Is your judgment about the way it should be done reasonable? Learn from it. Then honestly discuss your feelings and your response to what they did with them. That way you can both learn about each other and resolve the issue.
Expectations – Let go of conditional thinking – if I do ……….. then ………….. will happen. Life is not that simple and having expectations just sets yourself up for disappointment. Let it go and flow with life.
Prepared by: Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, 2006, Letting go of control and worry, adapted from: Hendricks G & Johncock P, 2005, The book of life – the master key to inner peace and relationship harmony, The Transformational Book Circle, Ojal, California.
This post contains information I prepared as a course handout on addiction several years ago. I share it in the hope that it assists someone to gain clarity and insight into how best to help themselves or a loved one suffering from addiction. Love, Jodi-Anne.
Addiction types and why used
There are many types of addictions. They vary greatly from substances relied on to help us get through the day (coffee, tea, sugar, fat) to those stronger drugs used to escape our feelings and reality (alcohol, smoking, cannabis, LSD, coacaine, heroin, etc). There are also addictions that are action based (work-a-holism, shopping, gambling, lying, stealing, sexual addiction). There are many types of addiction. Some society condones – study, working, shopping. Some society fears and shames those involved – illicit drugs and alcoholism.
All of these addictions are used as a way to cope, to attempt to feel better, to enjoy life, however the high is only temporary, requiring the addict to use again / to repeat the activity over again. Sometimes at higher doses or risk. Until ultimately there is a crash – a near death experience – over dose, car crash, blood poisoning; a terrifying experience – waking up in an unknown place or with an injury or person you don’t remember connecting with. It may be a loss of a job, home or family when they can take it no more. Some tragedy has to happen for the addict who is truly afflicted and caught in the co-dependent cycle to wake up and want to change. Without that crash the addict may not be ready to make the effort to heal. No-one will be able to force them to. Healing is an inner process that must unfold at a rate the addict can handle. It must be done in a supportive environment where the addict feels safe, accepted and encouraged. Any guilt, shame, pressure or judgement will just drive them further into addiction.
An addict may seem to improve temporarily but if you watch closely you may notice that they have simply swapped one source of addiction for another – changed substances or fixes. To really heal you have to go within, deal with the source of the unrest, of the need to medicate, numb out, find a high. You need to heal the pain, release the shame, guilt, feelings of loss, abandonment, not being good enough, not being loved and accepted as you were by your parents and any others through your life that have caused you trauma or a low sense of self-esteem and self-acceptance. You have to learn to love and honour yourself and treat yourself well – to become your own happy, loving parent.
Addiction sources and healing process
Some addicts do come from what appear to be happy homes, but somehow they developed an angst that needed to be filled by an addiction of some sort. Perhaps they felt stifled as a child, given too much attention, felt a need to achieve or be perfect. They may have felt trapped in a box of expectations and felt they couldn’t live up to it, so they gave up.
They may indeed have had a happy home (this is extremely rare due to the way the conditioning process works – the psychology of child development and the most common child rearing practices and disciplines). But let’s say they did have a happy home. They were totally loved, accepted, held regularly, fed when they were hungry, comforted, had all their needs met. They weren’t yelled at, disciplined through harshness but through kindness. They escaped unharmed from their early years. Then they went to school! For many people school is a nightmare – from bullying, to challenges with subject material that they can’t grasp or feeling they don’t fit in, or can’t do what others can – sport, academic, dance – whatever it may be. Some very rare individuals may escape school unscathed. Then comes relationships and work where further potential loss, hurt, betrayal, feeling not good enough, rejected, etc can come.
Somewhere along the line life provided a knockout blow that the person couldn’t cope with and they turned to an addiction to cope, to numb the pain, to feel free of their inner pain. They may be able to cope when the specific events occurred but they are cumulative all adding together until one day the foundation crumbles and addiction commences.
Even those who start young experimenting with drugs and alcohol do so because they are unhappy in some way. This is not to say their parents did anything wrong. They probably did the best they could. But their child has grown vulnerable to addiction due to some experience. The way society operates today encourages this. We are all so busy rushing around that we don’t get to love and cherish our children as we should. Working parents, divorces, step-parent issues, poverty, stress, use of TV and computer games as ways to escape and entertain children. All diminish the quality time connecting – talking, sharing, encouraging / accepting, honouring, loving each other, sitting quietly together or in nature playing non-competitive games or art or dance or many other ways that we can interact in positive relationship building and affirming ways that let our children know they are loved, accepted, okay. They are safe. The world is a good place that will provide their needs. They can follow their hearts and achieve their dreams. Few children get such a positive foundation to life, a foundation of self-acceptance and self-esteem to live from.
Most get fear and self-judgement, a need to impress or achieve or hide to keep safe. These are the underlying sources of addiction and it is these issues that need to be healed so the addict stops self-medicating or moving from one form of addiction to another. When they heal they find inner peace, love and eventually even joy and happiness. It can be done. It takes a lot of effort and willingness to face your past, feel and release the emotions buried within, face the fears and risk showing who you really are, risking rejection and ridicule to follow your heart, speak your truth, even if it is very different to other people. You become your authentic self, the person you were born to be, that has been hiding behind addiction and a raft of defense mechanisms acting as a protective mask. Keeping the vulnerable true self hidden away safely inside.
Addiction is very challenging to overcome as using is so quick and easy compared to the healing work. This is why for most people it takes some kind of disaster – trauma and crisis – to get them ready to make the effort, to face their demons and break free. Without that it is just too easy to keep escaping. But when you’ve truly lost something you love, then that shock, that pain may be enough to tip the scales. That is why you should not ‘enable’ an addict. Don’t clean up after them, bail them out, lie or make excuses for them. Don’t try to protect them by rescuing. They need to face the consequences of their actions if they are to heal and take responsibility. Yes, it is hard to watch them suffer but if they create the mess they need to deal with it. You can simply be there to support them emotionally as they pick themselves back up, offering love, forgiveness, acceptance – this is what they need.
Rescuing and the drama triangle
Some ‘do-gooders’ think they are helping but they actually have their own form of addiction called ‘rescuing’. They get to escape the dissatisfaction they have in their own life – be that with themselves, their relationships, their job, their family, etc – by focussing on whoever they are rescuing. They feel good about themselves, righteous even, and this is their fix. But their love and support is not real, it is conditional. They will be there for the addict for a length of time, appearing so saintly and wonderful, but eventually when they get frustrated enough, they will snap, moving from ‘rescuer’ to ‘persecutor’ telling the addict off, judging them as a hopeless case. The rescuer didn’t get what they wanted – to feel like they saved the addict and the addict owed them, was grateful to them. That doesn’t happen so they move into the persecution role, which does not help the addict at all.
The other role that gets played is that of ‘victim’. When the rescuer knows the addict is lying to them, using, stealing or in some other way being irresponsible the rescuer may accept this for a while, until they again move into the persecutor role. Upon which the addict becomes victim to their tyranny of judgement and imposed shame, blame and guilt.
This is the drama triangle and each person moves through the roles of victim, persecutor, rescuer until someone steps into the centre of the triangle, speaks the truth and stops the game. This triangle happens all the time in life – at work, in families, with friends. It is a pattern that repeats until people become aware of it and no longer allow the game to proceed. Choosing instead to feel, to heal, to speak your truth. This is one of the first steps in healing.
So the seeds of addiction are planted from a very young age, especially if there is a family history of addiction that is repeated generation after generation. This may partly be a genetic predisposition, but it is also simply learnt behaviour. If you grow up in an active addiction filled home – you learn that is the way life is lived. You simply see that as normal as you know no other way. This is how it repeats. Also you will tend to subconsciously play out the pattern attempting to heal the issues with your parents. So many ‘Adult Children of Alcoholics’ marry an alcoholic. They either become an alcoholic themselves or they marry one or work with one. They attract it into their lives so they face their pain and heal.
Again this happens naturally enough – if they were raised in an alcoholic home that is what feels normal to them, so they accept partners behaving that way too. They may believe deep inside that they don’t deserve better, that this is how relationships are. Their beliefs affect their actions and their experiences in life. It is these beliefs that need to be changed to break the pattern and cycle of addiction and pain. Getting to the point where you do believe that you are okay, lovable, acceptable, that you deserve to be treated well, that you are a good person, and that good things can happen to you. These and many other positive subconscious (deep) beliefs form the foundation of health and recovery. “I cope easily with my life”. “I love and accept all that occurs”. “I forgive those that hurt me and let go of the past”. “I live in the now and focus day by day”. “I’m doing okay”. “I’m proud of how far I’ve come”. “I know I will make it”.
The use of affirmations can be very powerful. This can be done for free wherever you are. Have them written up where you will see them and read them regularly. Say them out loud. Write them and notice what negative comments occur within you. Repeat this – writing the affirmation and then listening for the internal reaction, writing that, then the affirmation again. Do it about 20 times in a sitting. This will give you insight into what your resistance to healing is, to what negative beliefs you have that need changing. This is a powerful process to do. You can use affirmations many times throughout the day when you feel yourself tempted to use your addictive substance or behaviour.
You can also use ‘Thought Field Therapy (TFT)’ or ‘Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)’ – energetic tapping processes that helps to relieve the build-up of energy encouraging you to use. With TFT there is a sequence to use for addictive urge. There are also tapping sequences for releasing the underlying emotions and problems leading to the urge. This helps to release the pent up energy and emotion. It is similar to acupuncture but without needles, just tapping on the meridian points. There are many different treatments that can be used. Some cost, some don’t.
Affirmations is a good place to start as it is free and it works. At first you may feel stupid saying to yourself “I love and accept myself” over and over. You know you don’t believe it. But repeating it regularly plants the seed in your subconscious and it slowly sprouts and grows, till one day you find you do actually believe it. The strength of affirmations is increased if you say them while looking at yourself in the mirror. You stare into your own eyes while saying “I love and accept myself” or “I choose health and happiness now” or whatever affirmation you use.
The process can be sped up by using techniques like ‘Psych-K’ or ‘The Lifeline Technique’ which reprogram the desired belief into your subconscious mind. It literally replaces the old one so that your dominant, underlying thought is the new one. These techniques are part of the new energy psychology tools that have evolved from split brain research. They help to get both sides of the brain communicating which makes subconscious belief change possible – quickly and easily.
There are many different ways to health, for some they will start with swapping from a less desirable addiction to one less dangerous – so the heroin user may become a sugar junkie or a gym junkie and push themself that way. Notice that word ‘pushing’ – that is a key challenge. Most people do not spend enough time ‘being’ – time spent being still, meditating, listening to their thoughts and feelings, dealing with whatever arises within them in the silence. It can feel uncomfortable, unnatural, a waste of time at first, but this is all just resistance to actually being with yourself and feeling everything that you feel inside. Persevere with it and you will find relief.
Whether you choose to meditate, sit in nature, use guided visualisation CDs, or do exercise then rest. Whatever method you use to help your body relax, de-stress and find peace is an important part of the healing process. Some embrace reiki, energetic healing, chakra balancing, massage or other body-work, which helps soothe your body and release the buried emotions and trauma from your cells. It all takes times and you move forward step by step, day by day, removing layer by layer the buried emotions, trauma and debris accumulated within your body. Be kind to yourself.
Surround yourself with others committed to healing so that you can encourage and support each other. This is why 12 step groups work. They provide a safe, accepting environment and community to be a part of. Clearly hanging out with active Addicts is not going to be helpful, so sometimes you do need to change friendship circles, disassociate from family members or others who encourage addictive behaviour. This can be very saddening and challenging, especially as some people will try to make you feel bad for doing so. They don’t want to face their own stuff and you choosing to do so reminds them that they should. Rather than feel that, they may choose to lash out at you. Don’t fall for the ploy. Be strong. Be loving and kind to yourself as much as you can. It is your life and you can choose to live it however you wish.
Remember there is a lot of support out there – from 12 step groups, counsellors and other therapists, to call lines and much more. If you truly want to heal and break free you can. Here are some good places to start if you want to find out more.
This is a 29-minute video clip of Russell Brand testifying at a Government Committee about reform to the way that addiction issues are regulated and handled. He openly shares his story of overcoming addiction and his belief that most addicts are people suffering from emotional, mental and spiritual maladies. If they heal these issues they no longer need the drug to mask their feelings and internal pain. Russell argues for a more compassionate and loving approach by Government, seeing addiction as a health issue and people needing support to heal, rather than being viewed as criminals or burdens to society. It is wonderful to see his authenticity and truth sharing – he urges more people to do the same so that we can have a real discussion about these issues and how to resolve them.
A large part of the healing journey is releasing buried emotions stored within your body. In order to do so you have to first get in touch with them. Many forms of creative expression can help us to do exactly that. Some people journal, some draw, some sing and some write poetry. Find what type of creative expression works for you. The benefits are enormous.
While we are being creative we operate more from the right side of the brain. This side of our brain is linked to our emotions and intuition. Hence, we can access our feelings and intuitive information from within us. It is much harder to do that when we are operating from our left brain which is focused on logic, reason, and analysis.
A lot of people in our society are very strongly left brained. We are taught to focus on the facts in school, to learn the right answer, and be rational and realistic. The message passed down in school is that being playful, creative, imaginative, and artistic is not as valuable to society and that if we want to succeed in life we should focus on learning a profession. But a focus on the facts and logic separates us from our hearts and our spirit. For many people it feels like a deadening, a deep loss. It is time to resurrect the creative, to reconnect to your heart and soul. Let loose and be creative. Your poems or art does not have to be beautiful or perfect. That’s not the point. The point is about feeling within yourself and letting out whatever is inside waiting to be released.
I wrote poetry for a few years prior to my entering therapy. I then switched to art as my main form of creative expression. Here are a few of my poems from the past.
The last tree. (By: Jodi-Anne M Smith, c1998)
The last tree, is a tree for us all to see, but how long will it last- as long as it has in the past?
We, humans who believe that all is ours to rape and plunder. Have destroyed the Earth and its no wonder,
Because people believe that they are the best, and they don’t seem to care about all the rest.
We are human, but also animal, and we have no right to ruin life especially on a planet as beautiful as this.
Rivers no longer flow, trees no longer grow. Volcanoes continuously blow, the atmosphere unstable, forever changing as carbon dioxide takes over and oxygen disappears
Because we cut down the trees, that help us to breathe. We cut down the trees, to use as we pleased.
But now we must pay; for the mistakes we have made. Hopefully before it’s too late.
Save the last tree, help it to breathe and then maybe we’ll see, that nature is more beautiful than the goods that are made, from the beautiful trees.
Strange Game (By Jodi-Anne M Smith 12/9/1998)
Life can be a strange game.You play to win, to earn and to succeed.But sometimes in winning you lose the lead.
Obtaining the goal can be enthralling.But if all you have is that, then the moment is fleeting
Forever searching, powering on, to find the next run, next glow, next surge – Fake fun
Giving your all to such a quest, is dangerous and destructive, it hurts you at best
It doesn’t really matter how high you climb, If you can’t open your eyes and see, if you can’t enjoy the view and the breeze.
Society tells us that we must succeed, but sometimes I wonder if that is what we really need
Live life, rest and breathe.
Going low in order to grow (By Jodi-Anne M Smith 27/9/1998)
My life I have simplified, I have removed the sources of stress, the result has been remarkable – I am at ease and at rest.
I came close to losing my mind, before I paid attention to the warning signs.A dangerous situation where I was afraid and upset.
The people around me who saw me so bad, have now come to realise the pain I suffer and this has made them sad
It seems they have realised that I need them so, and now they are there and are helping me to grow.
Communication is occurring, Our love we are sharing, and together we are finding strength and happiness.It is a great feeling to know they are there and that they care.
I am healing and blossoming, growing and coming alive. I am happy and relaxed, I’m living my own life.
It is unfortunate that in order for this to happen, I felt like I almost died.I was so sad and depressed all I could do was cry.
I thought my life I needed to change completely. But this was not true. I just needed to take it easier and to my heart be true.
Now that I have done that I feel better than before, I feel capable of doing anything. I can take what ever life has in store.
But one thing I know, one thing is for sure. I won’t ever again let myself get so low.
In future the warning signs I won’t ignore – I will pay attention when they come to the fore.
But as always does, good has come from bad, and in some ways I had to get so sad, before I could get glad.
I had to get so low in order to grow. But now that I am there, it is go, go, go.
Together with everyone, my love I show.
Bliss and happiness – together we bloom and we grow!
Today I woke up feeling great peace and joy in my body. I felt like celebrating. I didn’t know what I was celebrating. As the day wore on I felt pleasure, joy at being alive and at feeling so good. After a while I noticed that I felt a little agitated. I couldn’t sit any longer and just BE or read or do pleasurable activities. Part of me was wanting to push, to achieve, to do. Part of me was upset about me feeling pleasure.
When I felt into that agitation and breathed through the resistance I heard a quiet thought that said to me that feeling pleasure was not okay. A scene from my childhood filtered up to consciousness and I felt shame and dirty. I witnessed a time when I was about 5 years old and a the son of friends of my Mother’s would visit and play doctor with me. We would sneak into the spare bed, take off our underwear and touch each other. It was quite innocent, but he told me that I couldn’t tell my Father about it as my Dad would be very angry with me. This was the seed of the subconscious beliefs that ‘pleasure is not okay’.
As I witnessed this scene and felt into the associated memories and emotions I cried. I cried tears of sorrow and anguish over what we had done and the impact it has had on my life. It led to me not allowing myself to feel lasting pleasure. It led me to feel that pleasure was a dirty, shameful thing that should be hidden. It taught me that feeling pleasure will lead to punishment. That it is naughty and something I will get told off for. These formed deep, core beliefs that have affected me ever since.
Thankfully I have learned how to reprogram subconscious beliefs so now when ever such an unhelpful belief pops up I can replace it with a belief that I would prefer using the Psych-K process.
Today as I sat and listened within I heard a number of related issues to be reprogrammed and the list below is the new beliefs that I programmed into my subconscious.
Feeling pleasure, peace is okay
I am allowed to feel pleasure
I deserve to feel pleasure
It is safe for me to feel pleasure
Positive things come from my feeling pleasure
I am accepted when I feel pleasure
I accept pleasure into my life
I AM PLEASURE
These beliefs now form my core operating programs in relation to pleasure so I should start to notice some subtle and or significant shifts in my behaviour and what I attract / allow into my life. YAY!!!!!!
Here is a short video, 11:22 mins, of Jessica Ortner (from The Tapping Solution) interviewing Sonia Ricotti (author of the book Unsinkable). It is a fabulous summary of what to do when you feel like you have hit rock bottom and you are stuck. Sonia reminds us that fighting ‘what is’ leads to negative emotions and keeps us caught in our story, our interpretation and judgement of the events. Instead she encourages us to accept ‘what is’ and ‘surrender’. When you do this you allow yourself to feel and release any emotions around the situation. This creates more space inside you, which enables peace and clarity. From here you can start to see what actions you could take to help yourself move forward.
How do you love another fully? By not fearing losing them or being rejected by them. By accepting them fully as they are – good points and bad points. We all want to be loved and trusted, but we fear showing our true self to others for fear of rejection, loss, pain.
