In this short video Nadine Burke Harris explains how adverse childhood experiences impacts the health of the child and continues to do so over the lifetime of the person. She explains in scientific terms why this occurs and ways the impacts can be reduced. She believes that this is a public health issue and should be addressed as such with multidisciplinary teams available to help affected individuals to heal the trauma and reduce the impacts.
Here is a great article explaining how our ancestor’s negative experiences affect their DNA expression, which can be inherited by future generations. For instance, if Grandma was raised in an abusive, alcoholic home or suffered some other trauma, some of that trauma and reactions to it can be passed onto future generations, predisposing them to becoming anxious or depressed.
These are insightful videos by Gabor Mate who explains that emotional pain and trauma underlies addiction. He also explains how trauma/addictive tendencies get past on through the generations unintentionally when addiction affected parents are not able to be present and available to their kids.
I love this video by Johann Harri. In it he explains that the opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, it is connection. We all need to feel connected to others, to belong, to be loved and accepted as we are. Without that we look for that connection in things or substances.
This is a great article posted on ‘Side Effects Public Media’ website explaining the impact of childhood trauma on a child’s developing brain.
The healthiest response to loss of a loved one is to allow whatever emotions you are feeling to flow through you and be released. Death is not annihilation of the person. It is the liberation and expansion of the spirit back to its fullness.
We can only access a small portion of our true self while in the body. We are limited due to our minds, egos, and the distractions of the flesh, which stop us connecting with God, our higher self and innate wisdom. All of that comes back together at the point of death. It is freedom from suffering and re-immersion into bliss and peace, knowing with full certainty that you are loved, accepted and complete, because love is all there really is on the other side. That is what you are immersed in, the vibration of God which is love, so it is a peaceful and joyous occurrence.
For those left behind when someone dies there is temptation to be angry at God for letting it happen; there can be guilt for not seeing the person enough; shame over any resentments you still hold towards the person and of course sadness at your loss. The sadness really is about those who stay, not those who go. It is saying “I will miss having you here to talk to and see, I love you and didn’t want you to go. I am sad for my loss, not yours. You are at peace, with God and your family. You are in a better place than I. I wish you well and I will soldier on in this place, till I too join you in that place”.
The sadness can also be tinged with fear of your own death or others you love. Know we will all die, but we only do so when it is our time – it is planned, pre-set before we are birthed. We have a destiny to fulfil and we cannot avoid it. No one dies before their allotted time. No one goes unexpectedly – they know intuitively, deep within, when it is to occur.
Our time on Earth serves a purpose for our evolution and growth. We come to learn / master certain lessons or experiences, to round out our soul’s knowing of all that is. In each lifetime we experience certain events or aspects of the whole. We keep doing this until we have experienced it all. In one lifetime we may be the villain, in another the hero, and yet another the victim. We get to experience it all. This can only occur if we can end each lifetime once the mission is completed, so we can go on to the next. There is no oblivion or nothingness. Life goes on in a different form and then a different body. So there is no real death. Life continues.
Your loved ones watch you from the other side. They send you love, they cheer you on, they sit beside you when you cry and despair. They are not gone and you are not alone. Know they continue to exist and they want you to enjoy your life as much as possible, to make the most of the gift of life on Earth. So do not wallow in pain and grief for too long. Let the emotions flow.
Talk to your loved ones still here about how you feel or a counsellor if necessary. Spend time in nature and let it soothe your soul. Meditate and connect in with the silence and your heart. Feel your heart and its messages. Let yourself rest and recuperate. Look after yourself well with nourishing food, time for sleep and exercise. Remember to live, it’s okay for you to live on. You don’t have to die too. Don’t shut down or numb out, out of loyalty or longing to join your loved one. They don’t want this. They don’t want their death to harm you. They want you to live fully, to embrace life in honour of them. They want their influence in your life to have led you on to greater things, not hindered you or slowed you down. It helps to say “I will live fully and honour your memory. I will live a while longer, then I will join you at the right time. It is not up to me and I surrender to God’s plan”.
Most of all it is important to honour your needs and emotional reactions. Don’t suppress your feelings or deny them. This just buries them in your body which can eventually lead to illness.
If you have to go to work or care for young children, then make sure you do take some time each day for yourself, to sit with your feelings and honour your needs. You can’t give constantly to others and not burn out. You need to also receive – let other’s assist you. Let go of your perfectionistic tendencies – it is okay for the house to be a little dirtier than normal; it’s okay to eat take-away food for a while, rather than cooking yourself.
Honour yourself and your needs. Be kind to and comfort yourself, like you would if it was a good friend going through the experience. Be that friend to yourself and let people in. Don’t isolate yourself thinking people won’t understand. They will. Everyone goes through this at times – be it the death of a pet; a close friendship or relationship; or death of a loved one. It is all similar – a dying of what was known and a moving into the unknown. That is what people fear, the unknown. They worry what will occur and whether or not they will be able to handle it. Know that you will. Whatever comes you will handle it. You are strong enough. Otherwise it would not be occurring.
It is through adversity we learn to accept, surrender, let go of control, to open up to God and the mysteries of the Universe. It is through challenge that we see how strong we can be, when we need to be or events force us to be. It all leads to our spiritual growth and evolution and that is what we are here for. Life on Earth continues until we have learned what we wanted to learn, what we chose as our focus, prior to incarnation. When the learning is complete, so are we, and we let go of the body and return home to God, to our fullness and to those who came before us. It is a celebration and graduation all at once. A time of joy and love, so choose peace when someone you love crosses over. Know they have gone home and they are okay. Honour yourself and your needs and know it is all happening as it is meant to. There are no accidents or mistakes. Trust in life and keep living. It is not your time to go yet. Blessed BE. Amen.
By Jodi-Anne (12 Aug 2015).