Category: Personal Development

Do we need to forgive?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Family Constellations, Healing from child abuse, Personal Development

This short video explores forgiveness and whether or not we need to forgive. I hope you find it useful. Many blessings, Jodi-Anne

Many people say that to have peace we need to forgive those who have hurt us, to let go of the pain and any resentment, judgement, hate or anger we may feel towards the other person. It is true if we hold onto these emotions we are keeping ourselves stuck in the energy of the past events and keeping it alive in our bodies. By focusing on the “wrongdoing” we keep our self reliving it and replaying it in life, as we attract in other similar situations – in a subconscious attempt to heal the wound.

If we have formed beliefs that the world is dangerous or people can’t be trusted or everyone’s out to get me, then we live life with that viewpoint. 

Our eyes can’t perceive all the data that is there when we look at a scene. Millions of bits of information are sent to our brain which filters it based on our beliefs of what is most vital for us to see for our survival, our well being. So if we are locked in fight or flight or trauma from the past with beliefs that we are in danger all the time, then that is what the data gets searched for and we only see that subset of information about the scene we are viewing. We don’t notice the beauty, the love being shown between people or animals and their owners, etc, we just see the potential dangers, threats and situations to avoid in order to best protect ourselves. It is a self-protection mechanism called a ‘negativity bias’. It is an evolutionary tool, a mechanism that makes sense biologically to keep us alive.

The sad part is that if you have those types of negative beliefs or buried trauma inside your body you miss out on seeing and feeling all the goodness in life that is there waiting for you to see it, to let it in, to trust and believe it is possible, that you deserve it and to accept it. You are worthy of good things, of fun, of love, of laughter and joy. You are worthy of wealth, an abundance of food, shelter, clothing, health, etc.

The world is abundant, there is goodness out there, all around us, we just have to do the work to heal our programming – our negative beliefs and to shift out the pain and trauma in our bodies so it knows the war is over and can relax and start to enjoy life more.

Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) helps you to clear out the stagnant fight, flight, freeze energy out of your body so you can relax. It helps to complete the old trauma activations by shaking and using up the cortisol and adrenaline released during moments of stress, tension and trauma. If in those moments you didn’t flee or fight back then those chemicals stay in your body adding to tension, rigidity, pain and numbness. This can be reversed by completing the trauma activations so your body can calm and relax back down knowing it’s over, you’re safe now and all is well.

If you are holding on to a grudge about what has happened to you or onto what you have missed out on because of your experiences – then you are keeping yourself caught in that dynamic of feeling bad, victimised, empty of joy and vitality. You are punishing yourself with your choice of thoughts and actions that will result from that level of thinking.

Forgiveness is not about letting go of wrongdoing, it is about realising that whatever has happened in your life has happened and accepting it and getting on with your life to let more goodness in. 

You accept what is and turn towards life, to focus on the now and what is to come, instead of being turned away from life focused on the past, entangled with it and missing out on your now. Focus here, now and move forward, you can do it. It is a choice you have to choose to make.

Many people hold on as they think it is punishing their parents or those that hurt them. They don’t want to let them off the hook, but doing this just keeps you caught up in the pain. You need to choose to let it go for your own sake, so you can move on and enjoy life. Your parents may not have been perfect parents, but they did what they could for you with the knowledge and emotional maturity they had. They too may have been suffering and caught up in the pain of their past.

Family Constellations shows us that when people are entangled with ancestors and the traumas or unfinished business within the family system, their energy is literally stuck there in that event or with that ancestor who may have been rejected, died young or suffered some tragedy that wasn’t spoken about or fully grieved. That stuck energy, that trauma occupies their energy, they are bound to it, turned towards it, enmeshed with it and literally unable to look away and focus on their now.

If your parents were entangled in the past in this way, they simply could not focus all their energy on being present with you, giving you the love and nourishment that children desire, hunger for. They literally were not available to live their lives fully and you missed out on their attention, the full connection with them that you wanted. They too missed out on being fully present in their life and on being an attentive, loving parent with their children. They missed out too.

See how the trauma continues down the line. If you judge your parents and turn away from them, reject them, assume you are better than them or know more than them – then you too turn away from being present fully in your life. A lot of your energy is caught up with your past and what you missed out on, on the pain and disappointment or anger over what happened. You say no to them and in essence no to life. You stop letting whatever goodness they can give you in. When you have kids they too will feel the lack of your presence and feel like you are not fully present or available for them. They too will feel they have missed out and they may judge you and turn away as they get older. The pattern repeats unless you heal the trauma so that all who are entangled can finally let it rest and turn to focus on their own lives, to live them fully, joyously, focused on creating and accepting the goodness of life.

Family Constellations can help to untangle the traumas and past hurts, it can help free everyone involved, so they can focus on the now and enjoy it.

Your parents didn’t deliberately hurt you. If it seemed like they did, this was just their pain seeping out, being projected onto you. They too have wounds from their childhood and from their ancestors which they carry. They too are burdened and lived out all this pain the only way they knew how to do so. The result was what you experienced as a child. They didn’t have the tools to do it differently. Now we can. Now we can set ourselves and them free, to enjoy life more fully.

Do the work to heal and let go of the pain, accept what happened and see your parents for who they truly are, and thank them for your life. Focus on the goodness they gave you and let it in. Even if there was trauma and abuse, they gave you life and that is a great gift. Accept that and honour them for that.

If your parents are still alive and you interact with them, let yourself receive their love in whatever way they can show it to you. They may not be able to express it, but perhaps you can see it in their gestures, their gifts, their contact with you and wanting to spend time with you, their compliments or money or food – whatever it is, let them give to you, let yourself receive the goodness, love and energy from them so that your cup is filled, so that you are nourished and can live your life from a place of fullness, not emptiness, barrenness, darkness.

If your parents are dead or are not able to give you love then you can visualise receiving the love and goodness from them and from other relatives with who you may have had more positive interactions. Recall positive times and relive those memories, anchoring in the fun, the love, the goodness. See those ancestors around you in Spirit, supporting you, encouraging you, cheering you on as you live your life.

Let the goodness in. There is much waiting for you to receive it, but to do so you have to let go of the old emotions and traumas, so your arms are free to receive the new. You can do it!

You can do it for yourself, for your children, for your family. All will benefit when you heal and let go of the past burdens that you have carried. The whole family system is affected when a member of it chooses to love and does the work to heal. It is a true gift that you can give to yourself and your family, so all can live more peacefully.

Forgiveness is not about right or wrong, about who did what and atoning for it, making up for it. It is simply about accepting what occurred and healing the wound so you are free from the pain. 

It takes effort to heal and become free. Simply saying “I forgive you” does nothing, very little. It actually has a negative effect because in essence, it is a judgement on the person and their action. It says “I know you should have done better, but you didn’t, and I begrudgingly accept that and I will forgive you because I am a better person, a bigger person than you”. See the judgement in this, feel how it stops the flow of love.

It is like putting a boulder in the river, disturbing the flow of life force energy from your ancestors, your parents, to yourself. It is like you are trying to politely cover up something that is disgusting and pretending it is no longer there – like putting a white cloth over the top of some vomit or dog poo. It still stinks, it is still there, but it appears to be gone, buried, hidden. You then tiptoe around it, trying not to look at it or step in it, but it is still there, just waiting to be seen, festering, decaying and having a negative impact on your vitality.

You are not bigger than or better than your parents. They are the BIG ONES and you are the LITTLE ONE. They came first, they gave you life and the life force flows from them to you. If you resist them, you resist life. Let the life force flow to you unhindered. It is not about forgiving them, it is more about accepting them for who they are and letting them stand there with no judgement or condemnation. Just let them be who they are and thank them for what they did give you. Anything they couldn’t give you, you can get from elsewhere. You can make something good out of what they gave you, make something good out of your life and the opportunity presented to you. In this sense, forgiveness is about peace, acceptance and harmony, and restoring these to the family system for the wellbeing of all. Blessed BE, Amen.

In this video, Jodi-Anne explores ‘Do we need to forgive?’ It is one of over 100 questions she has asked about life and channelled an answer through automatic writing. All of these answers to questions about life, how to live peacefully and happily are available for free on the ‘Life Insights’ page of her website.

How do you free yourself from fear?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse, Personal Development, Self help techniques, Uncategorized

Hi everyone, here’s a video looking at how do you free yourself from fear. I hope you find it useful. Many blessings to you, Jodi-Anne

In this video, Jodi-Anne explores ‘How do you free yourself from fear?’ It is one of over 100 questions she has asked about life and channelled an answer through automatic writing. All of these answers to questions about life, how to live peacefully and happily are available for free on the ‘Life Insights’ page of her website.

How do you heal from emotional abuse?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse, Personal Development

This short video explores the impacts of emotional abuse and what is required to heal from it. I hope you find it useful. Many blessings, Jodi-Anne

How do you move through depression and find peace?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse, Personal Development

This short video explores how to move through depression and find peace. It looks at why it can be so hard and ways to support yourself as you heal and find peace. I hope you find it useful. Many blessings, Jodi-Anne

Why is joy so fleeting?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Personal Development, Self help techniques

Here’s a video blog looking at why joy is so fleeting and ways to be able to feel joy more often. Enjoy!

Joy is an emotion that occurs when you are totally at peace and living in the Now. You are not thinking about the future or the past or what you need to do later in the day. 

Joy is the sheer pleasure of being present and attentive to the moment at hand, and whatever is arising. Few of you can stay present for very long. You skip all over the place with your thinking and therefore joy is lost. 

It takes focus, immersion, surrender and acceptance for joy to be present. It is not a doing or an efforting, it is an ease, a relaxation into what is.

The questioning mind keeps you away from joy. The judging mind sends it away further. All these mind activities keep you stuck in the head and away from your heart, which is where joy is felt. So you can’t have lasting joy unless you can rest in your heart. When you can do so, you see beauty and joy everywhere. 

You see it in nature, in the sunshine, in dogs playing, children laughing. You see it in life and its busyness and you see it in the faces of those who are eating cake or ice cream or who are on an endorphin high after exercise. Joy is everywhere when you are in the receptive state to see it, feel it and receive its vibration.

That means your heart needs to be peaceful and for many of us, that isn’t the case very often. Many people have hearts full of emotional pain, yet to be released, full of fear and mistrust, confusion and pain, doubt and loss. There are lots of emotions and painful thoughts or beliefs leading to and perpetuating these low vibration emotions and energies. People’s bodies are filled with these issues creating emotional density or baggage. The heart is weighed down and joy which is very light is not felt.

It can be felt temporarily when you do something that stills you, that takes you to your heart and to enough inner silence that you can hear the heart’s message. This might occur during meditation, a walk-in nature, holding a baby or a beloved pet. Whatever it is that takes you inside yourself and quietens your mind, then you can feel joy.

Joy can last and become your predominant experience, once you have cleaned out the emotional density and ceased reacting to the events that occur around you. 

If someone cuts you off in traffic, you don’t have to get agitated or angry. You can stay calm and peaceful. It’s a choice. A habit to break and a decision to choose differently. Even if someone is in your face saying unkind things, you don’t have to react with fear or with anger back. You can just stay centred, send love to your heart and your inner child, and choose peace. You can send the person love and acknowledge their power, for that is what they are truly seeking, to be seen, heard, acknowledged and accepted. They are hurting inside and lashing out. Don’t deepen their wound by reacting badly/painfully, send them love and help them heal. If you can do this, you can maintain your state of balance, peace and joy, no matter what you encounter.

It is possible, you just have to learn to do so, to be able to step back and witness what occurs and choose your reaction. So monitoring your thoughts and being quiet enough to hear them, is an important skill to learn in order to have peace and joy all the time.

If your body automatically reacts with exaggerated fear responses to situations this is a signal that you have trauma inside that needs to be released. Your body is reacting as if you are in severe danger when you are not actually in danger.

A door may bang, a raised voice might occur, a car backfires and your body goes into freeze, into hypervigilance and defensive reactions. This is a sign that you need to comfort your body, connect inside and release that stress, tension and trauma, so that your body can relax, become more peaceful and able to relate to others, to live in more joyous and open ways. While your body feels there is a threat, danger, it won’t relax fully. This makes it hard to have sustained joy as your mind is preoccupied expecting danger and scanning for it.

The scanning for danger distracts you from the moment, the stillness, the joy of being present to what is. It keeps you activated, primed ready to respond to whatever does occur. It can be exhausting even though nothing bad is actually happening.

You can use Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) and other embodiment activities to help you to clear out the stress, tension and trauma in your body, so it is easier for you to be in the now, to relax and to enjoy life. TRE activates the body’s natural, inbuilt mechanism for releasing stress, tension and trauma. It helps to calm your nervous system, to come out of freeze, fight and flight, back into calm social engagement, where you feel safe, can relax and play with others and enjoy life.

It is well worth learning TRE to help you be calm, playful and joyful as you move through life. It does take some time for your body to reach this state. You have to clear out the old stuck energies so the new lighter energy can enter. Thankfully with TRE, you can do it at home, whenever you want, as part of your self-care process. Once you have learned how to self-regulate your TRE you can do it on your own, for free, for the rest of your life. Your body will thank you for it!

Even if you temporarily lose your cool and need to balance back up, you can do so quickly if you don’t berate yourself for it. You can simply notice that you reacted, learn from it, heal whatever button or event it triggered from your past and vow to react differently in future. Love yourself and the situation for the healing it enabled. Thank it and let it go. No need to hold on to it. No need to beat yourself up for slipping or not being perfect.

You are human and you are evolving and growing each day. Each day moves you towards having greater peace and joy in your life. The recipe is clear, less doing more being, less judging more accepting, less resistance more allowance, more fun and creativity, more stillness and going within, more practice and friendships – more sharing and growth. All of this adds up to a life full of joy and happiness, being of service in whatever way feels right to you. 

Blessed BE. Amen. May joy be in your hearts now and always. So be it.

How do you stay balanced and grounded during tumultuous times?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse, Personal Development, Self help techniques, Uncategorized

When unexpected events occur it shakes your foundations, your normal way of being. If you feel uncertain, unsafe or scared then your nervous system will react with either fight, flight or freeze responses.

People who get angry at what is occurring, who rage that more should be done are having a ‘fight’ reaction. The adrenaline and cortisol pumping through their veins fuels an aggressive reaction.

There may not be an enemy that can be fought. In this case, you can’t fight the Corona Virus in the traditional sense. It doesn’t have have a physical body for you to face up to, seething and threaten it and go several rounds in the boxing ring.

This is what those in a fight response are ultimately wanting to do because the act of fighting uses up the adrenaline and cortisol enabling them to calm back down, for their nervous system to regulate.

Without the fight, the cortisol and adrenaline stay in their blood and gets stored in the body as tension, tightening of muscles, clenching of the jaw, etc.

It takes emotional awareness to notice what is occurring and to take action to self-soothe, rather than lash out at others with the upset that you have. Be aware many people may behave in ways they normally wouldn’t as they are in ‘survival’ mode, feeling unsafe and a need to protect themself and their family. To some, it may literally feel life-threatening, so their behaviours may be extreme.

Those who react with a ‘flight’ response will want to run away to escape the danger. They will find it hard to be still and being locked in their home may feel stifling and like being in prison.

The cortisol and adrenaline in their system are priming their muscles to run, run, run, so it’s almost impossible for them to meditate, relax, deep breathe, be still and enjoy the chance to rest and strengthen up. The flight reaction of their nervous system is telling them it is not safe to relax and enjoy the time at home.

Even though they may consciously want to relax, they can’t. The reason for this is that the ‘survival’ mechanism is a different part of the brain, the hindbrain, that takes over when we’re in a fight, flight or freeze response. The neocortex or rational thinking part of the brain gets suppressed.

Evolution wise this made sense. When a lion is about to attack you it doesn’t help you to be able to talk to it or to think slowly through all your options, the pros and cons of each, to decide what to do. You need to react instinctively and quickly in the face of danger, and that is what the limbic system does. That’s why it is so hard to think clearly and express yourself if you’re in a heightened nervous system reaction with high levels of a fight, flight or freeze response occurring.

Those people that have a ‘freeze’ reaction are instinctively hiding and holding still, hoping that the lion won’t see them. They hold their breath, breathe shallowly and slow down their internal bodily reactions, coming to a place of panicked stillness in the hope that they won’t be seen.

They may dissociate from their body, literally escape it by focusing elsewhere in their mind, off in daydreams or splitting off part fo their consciousness.

They literally jump out of their body, like energetically floating above it. This is the out of body experience people can have during a near-death experience. They see their body from the perspective of being outside of it. They’ve been so scared, so terrified of death, they’ve jumped out of their skin.

This too is part of the ‘survival’ mechanism. If the lion was about to eat you, you don’t want to be fully conscious in your body and feel it, so you jump out. The body also gets pumped full of opioids which numb you, so you don’t feel yourself being eaten or killed.

That’s why some people will seem numb, not fully present, not with you when you try to talk to them. They’re not. They’ve escaped. This can be dangerous as someone who is dissociated from their body can be accident-prone. They’re not paying close attention to what they do. It takes them longer to notice that they’re touching the hot kettle and it’s hurting them.

They may be forgetful. If you are dealing with someone who has dissociated, numbed out, know it’s not that they don’t care. They have switched off out of panic, out of terror, feeling like death is imminent. We need to help such a person to reconnect with their body, to bring them back to the present moment gently, compassionately.

Don’t expect too much of them or ask them to do anything complex. They simply can’t. Until they calm back down they can’t concentrate and be responsible for others. This is where compassion and understanding can help prevent any judgements, arguments and accusations. When you know what is occurring you can adjust your expectations to help the person to recentre, to come back into their body.

Looking them in the eyes, holding their hands or feet, talking to them softly, this will gently invite them back into connection with their body. Standing on the grass with bare feet will help them to ground. Touching things, smelling things, tasting things – reengaging the senses will help bring them back. There’s a lot you can do to assist such a person.

Essential oils can be very calming and again help you to connect back to the present moment. The olfactory bulb is connected directly to the limbic system, the emotional part of the brain, so smells quickly alter how we are feeling emotionally. Within seconds a comforting smell can result in a little or a lot of relaxation.

Gentle movement can help a person who is coming out of a freeze response. Whether that be yoga, tai chi, qi gong. You don’t want to do heavy aerobic exercise as that ramps the body up. You want to do gentle, calming exercise so the person feels safer.

One process that can help with all of these reactions – fight, flight and freeze – is Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE). It is a series of gentle exercises designed to start the body’s automatic stress, tension and trauma release process.

The body has a built-in mechanism to ‘shake off’ tension, stress and trauma. The shaking uses up the adrenaline and cortisol from the fight, flight, freeze reactions and it enables the body to calm back down, to drop out of a parasympathetic freeze reaction or a sympathetic fight or flight state, to the calm parasympathetic state where we can connect and relate to others.

Graph depicting reactions that occur as arousal from stress, tension and/or trauma increase within the body and how movement can help discharge the arousal, returning us down the curve to a calm, relaxed state. Used with permission from: Richmond Heath, TRE Australia, https://treaustralia.com.au/

It’s a natural process available to all of us. If you would like to know more about TRE you can visit my TRE webpage, the TRE Australia website or the global TRE website.

I can teach individuals TRE as part of an online appointment or an in-person appointment. You can then use it to help your body calm and relax whenever you need to. It’s a great self-care tool that not only helps you to come out of a heightened nervous system state but also helps you to open up and expand.

When your nervous system calms, it no longer sends your brain signals that you’re in danger, so the mind relaxes too, and the defensive mechanisms that you’ve used to protect yourself start to soften. They start to loosen up so it’s easier for you to choose to think and behave differently than you’ve always done. You’re no longer fighting against yourself so much.

When we’re in a defended state we may consciously want to change or start a hobby or change our life, but internally our body resists it, subconsciously thinking and reacting as if the change is a threat and should be avoided, hence the resistance and difficulty taking action.

When your nervous system is relaxed and calm, and your body is feeling safer, you don’t have so much resistance. your body actually wants to connect with others and enjoy life.

It is my hope that this blog helps you to understand the various reactions that those around you may be having during this challenging moment in time with the Corona Virus. It’s not that people are cold, callous, uncaring of others. They’re just reacting in survival, feeling a need to compete with others in order to survive. They want the toilet paper, food, etc to ensure they and their loved ones are okay. This is part of our primal, instinctive reactions when we’re in a fight, flight, freeze reaction.

With empathy and compassion, we can help each other to calm, to do the best we can through all of this. Try not to take people’s reactions personally and do what you can to help yourself and others to balance up, stay grounded and enjoy these times as much as we can. Blessings to all. Namaste.

By Jodi-Anne (28 March 2020).

  • Further free guidance on healing techniques and self-love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
  • If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)

How to know when leaving is your best option?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Personal Development, Relationships

Many of you on the healing path are committed to loving fully. You do your best to love unconditionally and to accept those around you as they are.

You try to ignore when people behave in less than ideal ways and love them through it, knowing they only lash out, shut down, are moody, or whatever it is, because they are hurting inside.

You know love heals all things so you shine, shine, shine your love at the person hoping it will help them shift out of their stuckness, back to happiness. This is honourable, but you shouldn’t keep doing it to your own detriment.

Each individual has to feel their emotional pain into completion. They have to make the effort to go within, feel it, embrace their younger selves who are hurting, help free them from the pain, and welcome them into their heart. No amount of your love can do that for them.

The individual has to do the work to heal. If they don’t all that you are doing is lifting them up slightly, but they’re going to fall back down again. They have to, in order to go into their pain and process it.

Life will keep bringing them challenging situations to get them to feel, heal and release the past. If they try to avoid it, or blame others or their circumstances, they are just prolonging the misery.

We know you want to help them through it, but you can’t do it for them. By staying all you are doing is exhausting yourself, and having your vibration lowered by their dense energy and moods.

Yes, the other is an innocent soul that is hurting. That’s true. We understand you want to look after them, help them, care for them. But if they’re not looking after themselves, not honouring who they are and making the effort to heal, then you’re wasting your time.

You are better off to leave, let your vibration rise higher and shine your light wherever you go, knowing it benefits all. And those who want to heal, who want to go within and do the work to free themselves – they will uplift you, inspire you and cheer you up as they progress.

You benefit from helping them as it fills you with joy to see their progress, to see them getting happier and more fulfilled. It’s a win-win situation, where both are benefitting.

You don’t have to stay connected to people whose energy or behaviour drains you. You owe it to yourself and to those you work with to leave, so you can shine more brightly for all.

The person may struggle and drop further into pain if you leave, but that’s not your fault or your responsibility. It’s actually your gift to them, as it will help them feel and release their pain. It may be the catalyst they need to help them move forward.

So trust your inner guidance. Trust the Universe to look after the other if you go. Trust that everything happens for the benefit of both parties. Trust you will be led forth to your next adventure, to the next scenario to deepen your growth, as will the other.

Don’t hold yourself in pain out of love and loyalty. Sometimes it is meant to end. You are meant to go. You know the truth of this in your heart. You are just finding the courage to hear it, accept it, and act upon it. Blessed BE. Honour yourself and shine your light for the good of all.

Channelled By Jodi-Anne (8 January 2020).

  • Jodi-Anne has the ability to ask and receive answers to questions about life. The information she receives comes from Spirit, Source, God, whatever you would like to call it. She is just the conduit receiving the message. Take what reads true for you and leave the rest. Each soul has their own truth, their own values and insights. This is just one messenger and the information she has received. Blessed BE.
  • Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
  • If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)

How do you let go of someone you love?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Personal Development, Relationships

The time comes in every relationship where you start to question whether there is potential for continued love and growth, or whether it is time to separate and expand your wings.

Sometimes the answer is obvious. If there is hurt, suffering, cruelty, abuse, or more subtly if there is disrespect, lack of love and nurturance, lack of support and care for each other. In these situations separation is warranted as the two souls are no longer energetically supporting each other to grow.

It is trickier to ascertain the ‘right’ move when there is love, respect, support and care, but it just no longer feels like a useful connection, when it feels like walking through mud or uphill. There’s nothing particularly bad or wrong, it just feels heavy instead of uplifting, joyful and celebrating life.

If your relationship feels like it is winding down, petering out, closing off, if it feels like it is closing, completing, finishing, then energetically the separation has started. Your ego is fighting against it, because it loves the person. Your situation may be safe, comfortable, known and easy, but your soul wants you to explore more, to grow, to experience new things.

When this is occurring it is tempting to fight back, to say no, to say “I love this person so much, please don’t make me leave.” But the more you resist, the more you suffer.

Your energy will take you where you need to go, and if it is away from that person, then it will occur, if that is what is most in line with your highest good.

Instead of fighting against it, celebrate what you’ve shared. Celebrate all the growth, love, joy and care that you’ve shared. Celebrate the good times, the challenging times and all that has occurred in between.

Yes, your world is changing. Yes, you are moving on and you don’t want to let go, but you will need to. Trust it is also in line for the highest good of the other person. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be happening. Trust that even if the other person doesn’t want to let go either, that there’s a reason for it.

Of course you want to hold on if it feels safe, comfortable, known. But there’s more out there, more growth, more situations that will help you evolve and reach your highest potential.

Sometimes staying is not the best option on a higher level, bigger picture perspective. Yes there’s love, respect, care and support, but is there a spark, an aliveness, an excitement, a joy and vitality between you? Do you light up inside when you see the person and spend time together? Do you laugh and bring out the best of each other, while also listening heart to heart to each other when feeling challenged? Are you both growing, looking within and doing your inner work? Or are you just standing still, being together, because it’s easier, less risk, less effort?

It’s perfectly okay to leave, to walk away, to separate, to let go of the known and enter the unknown. You just have to find the courage to turn around and walk away, to take one step after the other, to get used to being outside of your comfort zone and to move forward alone.

It is not wrong to leave. You are not punishing the other or rejecting them. You are simply saying goodbye as the connection no longer nourishes you, fills you up or leads to joy and happiness for you.

There’s no need to make the other person wrong, bad or deem them not good enough. No need for stories to justify what is occurring. Just accept, it simply isn’t serving you anymore and it is time to part. You can separate with love, with purity, with honesty. You can separate with excitement and joy for the new.

You are not being disloyal. You are just honouring your inner impulses which are moving you in a different direction. Each will face challenges as they open to the new and learn to be on their own again or with a new partner when the time is right. The Universe will orchestrate what each needs and look after you both.

Don’t hold on out of fear for your partner’s welfare without you. Take a deep breath and let go. Trust life to lead them forth to what they need too. Trust life to help them continue to grow and evolve too. Trust life to look after you both and relax.

If it feels inevitable, like you don’t really have a choice, then know your intuition and clarity is guiding you forward, helping you walk where you are reluctant to go. It’s okay. Surrender. Let what needs to happen occur.

You can say goodbye with love and move forward with joy. It doesn’t have to be tragic or painful or dark. Just accept what is. Let it occur naturally and easily, for it can. You are just two souls that have supported each other’s growth and now it is time to venture forth alone, in separate directions, as each grows and evolves on the path most suited for that individual.

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

So celebrate the love, the growth, the time shared together and move forward with peace in your heart, knowing all is well and much goodness will come from this change for both of you. Much goodness comes to you both as you step forward into the next phase of your life and go your separate ways.

Be gentle with yourself and the other as you go through this process. Part of you may get angry and push the person away, as that then feels easier, better, if you have a reason to go. There’s no need to create any drama or conflict. Just face facts.

“I love you, but I no longer want to be with you. I feel our lives are moving in separate directions. Thankyou for loving me and sharing the time with me, but it feels like it is coming to an end. Please let me go with love, so we can both move forward knowing we are cared for and supported in our evolution and growth. You are a beautiful human being and I wish you well. Go forth with love, with my blessing and gratitude for who you are and all we’ve shared. Goodbye and good luck with all you do”. So be it. Amen.

That is all that is needed, an honouring of what has been and a willingness to move forward into what will be. Know that you will both prosper, both love again, both be okay. Trust in this and choose peace for everything truly is okay.

It is just the crumbling of your known space, your foundations, so that something new and magnificent can rise from the ashes. Trust in your transformation and know the other will grow too. Everything that happens does so the souls involved grow and evolve.

It’s okay for you to leave, even if the other is upset, hurt, or angry. Trust God to look after them. Trust life to guide them forth. You can’t hold their hand and look after them forever. You have to let them go and grow on their own.

It’s just like letting go of your adult children when they leave home. You need to let them explore life on their own and you need to turn away to focus on your own life and fill the void that is created with the separation, with love, peace and acceptance of what is.

You will be fine. Trust in life to lead you forth. Your heart will hold your hand. You are not alone. There is great love and support showering down around you from the Universe, your Guides, ancestors, the Angels and Archangels who watch your progress and smile, as you close the door on your past, on your known life, and open to the new.

Open the door and walk through. Great goodness awaits you as you walk forward with love into the new. Know you can cope with any challenges that occur. You can breathe through any pain or emotions that arise, and you can give love, joy and support to yourself and your inner child. You can be that loving partner to yourself. You can be that for you. You are enough.

You don’t need to cling to someone who loves you if the situation no longer serves you. Let go with love and move forward courageously into the unknown, into freedom and growth. You can do it. And you will when the time is right. Blessed BE. Amen. All is well, truly it is.

Channelled By Jodi-Anne (13 August 2019).

  • Jodi-Anne has the ability to ask and receive answers to questions about life. The information she receives comes from Spirit, Source, God, whatever you would like to call it. She is just the conduit receiving the message. Take what reads true for you and leave the rest. Each soul has their own truth, their own values and insights. This is just one messenger and the information she has received. Blessed BE.
  • Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
  • If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)

What is the most helpful thing to say or do for someone who is dying?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Personal Development, Relationships, Uncategorized

cropped-chakra-banner.jpgThis is a topic many of you struggle with. Finding out that someone you love is dying soon or slowly in pain, terrifies you all. It breaks your heart open and you feel temporarily lost as the normal layers of protection over the heart are dislodged. You feel vulnerable, exposed, scared, and lost. Many want to run and hide, put the defences back in place and forget the news that shocked them.

Others want to rush to the person to comfort them, to assist them, to be with them. Some do that. Some feel so awkward not knowing what the best thing to say is or to do. They feel frozen in terror unable to decide. This is shock. It is the freeze or immobilisation state. You need to calm and soothe your body, so it can relax back into its normal state, before you can be of use to yourself or the person who is dying.

The news which is always devastating serves as a catalyst shaking up all who hear it. It gets them to question how they are living their lives.

You automatically wonder what it would be like to have received a death sentence like that yourself or for it to occur to those you hold dearest – parents, partner, or children. You try it on in a sense. You try to imagine it or feel it. You do this as you are trying to make sense of the implications, trying to understand how the other person feels and how you can help.

Do not torture yourself guessing. Simply ask. You can say to the person “I’m having difficulty accepting the news. I’m so sorry you are going through it. I wish I could change it. Please tell me if there is anything I can do that would be useful for you. I don’t mind what it is. I just want you to know I love you and I’m sorry you are going through this.”

That is the truth of the matter. Don’t burden the person with how you feel or what it has brought up for you. Try not to put on a stoic face, emotionless and soldier on through an interaction with the person. They don’t need any coldness.

They need warmth, closeness, to know they matter, that they have made a difference in your life and that they will be missed. Helping them to feel loved, seen, accepted, and cherished is the best thing you can do.

Let go of your fears and just be there, if it is appropriate for you to do so. You can offer, but accept if the person says no, that they would prefer to spend their remaining time alone, or with their family and closest friends.

You don’t have to turn up on the door step and camp out. It isn’t necessary. You don’t have to feel guilty for living your life or having fun. You don’t have to sacrifice your wellbeing. It won’t help the other to live longer.

If you do notice yourself falling into unhelpful patterns, stop, listen within, and send love to the part of you that is scared, hurting or feeling vulnerable. Talk to that part of you and comfort them.

Remind them that you’re not in trouble here. You didn’t cause it. You can’t control it. And you can’t fix it. It’s not your responsibility, and it’s okay to be upset. Comfort that part of you and find peace with what is.

It’s okay to rage at the sky or God, to say how it seems unfair or you wish it was different. It’s healthy to let the emotion out. Whether its fear, anger, rage, sadness, despair, guilt for being healthy, etc. Just acknowledge what you feel inside and love those parts of you, so that you can come back into balance.

Know that in time it will be you or someone closest to you. Death happens to us all. We can’t prevent it, but we can choose to live our lives more fully, so that when death does come knocking, and it will, that we can open the door and smile saying “I’ve got no regrets. I’m ready. It’s okay you’re here.” To not fight against what is.

When it is your time, it is your time. No amount of begging, crying, bargaining will alter it. We all have an allotted amount of time here on Earth. We each have the choice of how we spend it; of how much love we share and how much good we do in the world. Do what feels right to you and celebrate your life.

Thank the person who is dying for all they have shown you, for being the catalyst for your healing and learning to love even when it’s painful.

Thank them for all you have done together and shared. Tell them your favourite memories of them and your time together. Help them to see the goodness of their life, to feel a sense of “Yes, I’ve used my time well. I have mattered. I have loved, and I’ve had some fun”.

Help them to celebrate their life so that they can ease into their transition more peacefully. Of course you can only do this if the person is willing. They may have anger, guilt, resentments, grief, etc. that they are working through. They may feel a victim, abandoned by God. They may be thinking it is unfair or refuse to even acknowledge their situation.

Some choose to soldier on living life as normally as they can, until they drop dead. Others decide to party, travel, make the most of their remaining time. Some have no choice, bedridden and in pain. We do not have control of what occurs and when. We only have a choice in how we respond to it.

Just talk to someone who is dying and accept where they are at, whatever stage of the mourning process they are in. Accept where they are at and be there as much as they want you to be. And celebrate your life, your time and your options.

Thank this beautiful person for reminding you that life is short and you need to use the time you have as wisely as you can. Thank them, love them and let them be however they choose to be. It’s their life. Their rapid process of clearing, realising, feeling, etc. as they wind down and close off from this lifetime.

Yes you can talk about what happens after death, but be respectful. Everyone has different beliefs. Some won’t want to talk about it, and some may be desperate to do so, wanting to prepare themselves for the next chapter.

Know that you are all taken care of. There are Angels, Guides, loved ones who are departed, who will meet the person when they cross over. Death is not the end. It is just a waking up out of the body and ego, back into the fullness of who you are.

Your higher self, soul self, is magnificent. Part of you has been on a journey here on Earth to learn and grow. You already have the fullness of life, but you step down into a body to experience it, to feel it, to go through duality.

earth-1375640_1920 (Pixabay free)

In the other realm there is love, fullness, oneness. There are no opposites. You come to Earth to experience the opposites, to feel loss and pain, and love and joy.

You come to Earth to advance your soul’s evolution and learning, through living out various experiences. Each lifetime you choose a different focus to explore and hopefully master. If you don’t, you come back again and have another go.

This is not the end of your friend’s life. It is just the end of this chapter. Her book has many, many chapters already lived and more to come. So don’t despair, know that what is meant to be will be. If she is to live longer she will, but if it is her time then that is final, but she will live on in your hearts and memories.

She will also live on in spirit as she explores the other realm, and eventually when she is ready she will choose to return to Earth to undertake her next adventure in duality. All is okay. Just accept what is and breathe through any emotions.

You know what to do. Just be as kind and patient and accepting as you can be, as everyone will be going through deep emotions as they adjust to the news, and work out what they want to do to assist this beautiful person in her final days on Earth. May you all find peace in your hearts. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (11 May 2019).

  • Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
  • If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)

How to know when to stay or go?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Personal Development, Relationships

There are times in all relationships when intimacy declines and you start to wonder whether the relationship is a healthy one or not.

One of you may have diverted your energies elsewhere, making you unavailable fully to your partner. Some people connect in at work, sport, a hobby or focus more on the children leaving a partner feeling alone and less connected. Of course some have affairs. But more often than not one or both partners become distracted internally, dealing with whatever emotional pain and triggers have been occurring.

This diversion inwards makes less energy available outwards and again a partner may feel left out in the cold. They can feel that their partner’s warmth, their focus, and their energy are not with them anymore. Sometimes if this is temporary it can be sustained in the relationship as is. If the distracted partner comes back to focus with the other, all is well.

Sometimes however this disconnection can continue for a long time. It can be completely unintentional and not due to a lack of love. If one or both partners are dealing with emotional pain, they are simply not available to fully connect with the other. They may truly want to, but feel unable to.

If the partners can talk about what is going on honestly. If they can support each other in their efforts for growth, they may find a way through. But both must be willing to talk openly, honestly and to do the work to heal their inner hurts.

No matter how much you love the other, you cannot heal their wounds for them. They have to go within, feel and heal. They have to make the time to look at the way they are living their life and choose to make changes so they can be happier, healthier and more available to mutually nurture and nourish the partner and the relationship.

Each has to choose to make the relationship a priority, to create time together doing fun things. If they don’t it can become stale, boring, not stimulating and they might drift apart.

No matter how hard you try to please the other or to take care of the other, if they are not looking after themselves it won’t work.

They have to step up, take action and do the work to heal their hurts, change their thinking and behaviour patterns, so that they can be more positive, more available for themselves and the other. They have to do the work. You can’t do it for them.

If you stay too long in the above scenario you will become deflated, depressed and despairing. It is outside of your control to make it work. You can’t force it, pretend it, fluff it up so you feel better. You need to face facts and see whether or not your emotional needs, your intimacy needs, your physical needs, etc. are being met within the relationship.

If they are not you need to consider leaving for the sake of your own health. You can’t wait forever. You will get angry. You will get resentful. You will get manipulative and forceful trying to get your partner to take action. But if they aren’t ready, they’re simply not ready, and no amount of pushing, cajoling, crying, etc. will change that.

You can’t roll a boulder uphill easily. That is what you are doing if you are trying to get someone to change who simply doesn’t want to or know how to.

Even if they’re depressed and unhappy, they won’t change till they feel capable and you can’t make that happen. You can love them, encourage them, provide books or other resources, but then you need to accept what is. Step back and wait. Give the person a chance to decide what they are and are not willing to do.

Sadly they may choose not to take action. That is their right. Your choice is whether to accept that or not. Your choice is to decide how long you are willing to wait before you start focussing elsewhere too.

The healthiest thing to do is to focus on making your life happier. Spend time with friends, do activities or hobbies you enjoy. This takes the pressure off of the relationship so you both can breathe.

If the partner becomes more available you can connect back in deeply. If they don’t you will feel more held and fulfilled in your life outside of the relationship and you can let that expand. The choice is yours.

Face facts and decide what to do. Don’t pretend all is okay if it is not. Don’t blame the other. Just see it from their side. They need to focus elsewhere. This is not a rejection of you or a judgement of you. It is just a phase of life taking them in a different direction. The question becomes will your roads meet again or travel further apart.

Surrender and trust that no matter what happens life will lead you both forth to experience what you need to, in order to keep healing, evolving and opening your hearts. You will both be taken care of as you move along your journeys, together or apart.

If you do part, give thanks for all you have shared, learned and grown during the relationship. Give thanks for the good and challenging times through which you gained more clarity on what is important to you, and what you will not accept or compromise on.

Give thanks for the love, the joy, the passion which may have long gone cold. Give thanks for the acceptance and connection which would have nourished you in the beginning. Let go of judgements, condemnations or harshness. Just let go with love and trust you will be led forth into that which you need next in your life.

When the time is right you will meet another and the cycles of love and growth will continue. We go through many of these cycles each lifetime. Sometimes the cycle occurs with the same partner, when relationships cool then warm up again, and sometimes it occurs with new partners.

Trust that what is meant to be will be, and all is truly okay, even if it feels painful to acknowledge the truth of the current situation. Take a deep breath and smile, knowing all is okay deep within and anything that needs to shift and release will.

Flow with the waves of emotion and let them dissipate. You will have grief over letting go of something you thought would last forever. It’s only natural. Be kind to yourself each day and don’t think too far ahead. Relax and let go knowing all will be okay in the end. Blessed BE.

By Jodi-Anne (27 April 2019).

  • Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
  • If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)