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Why do we have to go through so much pain?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Healing from child abuse, Personal Development

The pain is what leads to the growth. I know it is hard to accept, but without it people would simply live superficial, easy, materialistic lives. They would be caught up in seeking pleasure and never question the status quo.

It is the pain that makes people wake up. It is the pain that gets them to slow down and reflect on life. It is the pain that humbles them, brings them to their knees and gets them to accept they can’t do it on their own. It is the pain that leads them home to God, to peace and happiness. It is the pain that saves them and turns them to the light.

golden heartI know it is extremely hard and challenging when you have suffered severe pain and tragedy, when your emotions are spent and your body exhausted. I know it is devastating to see the suffering in the world, to feel the pain of all those around you, but it is the depth of suffering that will lead you to stand up and shine your light the brightest, to help reduce the suffering of others.

As each person comes out of their tunnel of darkness, they can show the way to others. They can stand in the face of the other’s pain and say “You can survive this. I am proof and I am here”. It is the pain that leads to your ability to overcome and to stand strong. It is the pain that teaches you to reach out for others to support you and help you through. It is the pain that brings you to your knees and then that enables you to empathise with other’s when they are on their knees.

You learn we are all the same, we all go through it, we all need help and support sometimes. You learn we are one, the Universal experience is that of pain and suffering and overcoming it and embracing the light. That is growth, that is evolution. There is no other way, no other way to achieve that depth of understanding and compassion. Each goes through it, each matures as a result of it and each gets stronger and shines their light more brightly because of it.

Each lifetime you explore a different aspect of life and round out your experiences. They do not all involve suffering, but some must for you to evolve and grow. You also have lifetimes full of pleasure and happiness. These are good, but slower in growth terms, as it is the challenges that lead to growth. It is those few key moments, where you get to choose to act or not act, to help or not help another, to choose love or fear – those key decisions and turning points, that life is all about. The day to day stuff is relatively unimportant and meaningless from an evolutionary point of view.

Without the catastrophes change would not occur. The Earth needs the earthquakes and volcanoes to make new land, to change what is. Floods and storms create the new on Earth. It all serves a purpose, it isn’t a catastrophe. Sometimes land needs to be split apart and what has grown there is wiped out and started again. that is life. Species die and are wiped out, pollution occurs. It is all part of it. We aren’t meant to live completely rosy lives full of health and happiness.

We are meant to face great challenges, to see if we rise up and behave greatly. We all face our demise with old age and have to surrender control as our bodies weaken and become frail. We are all humbled one way or another. We are all led to question life and why what happens does happen the way it does. We are all led to question God’s existence and whether we believe in him/her or not.

We are all led to the altar, but only some knock on the door, only some enter the kingdom, many turn away, many don’t knock out of fear or anger, pride or jealously. They don’t knock and therefore don’t get an answer. God is there waiting to answer their questions, but they have to ask. Without asking there is no call and therefore no response. It isn’t God’s fault we don’t ask, he is there encouraging us. But he waits patiently knowing everyone will knock eventually. It just takes time, different amounts of time for each to grow weary enough, that they gladly surrender and come home to his arms, his heart and choose to live in peace, accepting what is and flowing with life. While we still fight against what is, we are held separate from God’s love, wishing life was different or rebelling against it’s seeming unfairness.

Each person gets what they need for their evolution and growth. Yes it is hard, yes there is a great deal of pain and suffering, but it leads you home to the light in a way that cannot be obtained any other way.

Move through the pain to the light and you can help others learn how to do so too. You can help reduce the suffering in the world by guiding others through their tunnels of darkness in the quickest way possible, so they can enjoy life again and see the light.

You don’t have to stay trapped in darkness any longer. You see the door, walk through it into the light of day, of surrender to what is and living each day being grateful for what you do have and focusing on what is good in the world. Focus on the good and you will feel better. Be and spread love and you will feel better. Focus on the beauty of creation, of nature, of life and feel that in your heart. Fill your heart with love and joy by allowing that to be your experience of life. Do things that bring you joy, spend time wtih people who you love and feel love from. Focus on and multiply the good in your life and it will become your predominant experience of what is here on Earth.

You do not need to stay stuck in pain. The pain is just a stepping stone moving you towards the light. Take the leap and move forward into peace and joy and leave the past and suffering behind.

Focus on the now and all that is good in your life and the world. That is how you move out of pain and into peace. Feel what you need to feel then move on. Do the emotional release work and releasing your conditioning and mental programming. Release it and find peace. Clear our the trauma and tension from your body. You can use Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) to help you to do this, to activate your body’s natural, inbuilt mechanism for releasing stress, tension and trauma. Release these stuck energies and it’s easier to be in the now, to be present with others, to enojy life. Release it and move forward.  You can do it and you can help many others to do it too.

Happy kidsYou are each a role model for those around you. You are each a catalyst of growth for many. You have a greater influence than you realise. When you choose to shine your light, all those in your local vicinity receive a wave of higher vibration energy, which helps them to let go of their pain and move forward.

So your vibration helps to free them of their suffering, to loosen the grip on the ties that bind them, the inner knots and tangles inside, these slowly unwind, free up and you are helping them do it by shining your light. So realise that you serve many and your suffering has led you to this service, this gift of light that you give to others.

It does all serve a purpose, even if it appears random and senseless at first. Know you are loved and there is help all around you, waiting for you to let it in. Let the light in and choose peace, for you truly can have it when you let go of the past, your judgments on what is and flow with life. So be it. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (2 June 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

Why do we fight against what is?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Personal Development

You fight against what is because you know it is not meant to be the way it is. Life can be loving, kind, joyful, filled with connection, fun and peace, but for most of you it is not. It is often filled with drudgery, monotony, boredom, loneliness and sadness. Inside you know this is not needed, you know love and freedom to be yourself and follow your heart is needed. You know this, so you fight against what is.

The fight, the resistance, doesn’t serve you. It just upsets you, makes getting through the day even harder. It limits you, you feel restricted, annoyed, agitated and your emotions could spiral lower and turn into a bad mood, through which you then view the present as unacceptable, life as challenging and other people as obstacles to getting your tasks done.

When you drop into such a low vibration state, you can feel depressed about life and wonder if this is all it will ever be. But it won’t. It is changing all the time. You are healing each day and as you heal your vibration changes, and what you attract into your life changes. You are only where you are, because of your thinking and your emotional density. Let that go and you can be as light as a feather. Trusting life can be as easy as breathing, when your heart is heard and your body clear.

For most people this is a long way off. That’s okay. It just is. Your physical body could not cope with letting go of all the density in one moment. It would explode! It has to be done bit by bit, layer by layer, so your body and your thinking can adjust, so you can cope with it all.

Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) can help you to slowly ‘shake off’ all that built up tension, stress and trauma within. TRE is your body’s natural mechanism for releasing stress, tension and trauma. It activates a ‘shaking mechanism’ where your nervous system discharges all that stagnant energy stored in the body.

It opens you back up to flowing more freely, to being connected within, embodied, grounded, able to be present to the now, not tied up in the past or worrying about the future. When your body and nervous system calms it’s much easier to be present, to connect with others and enjoy what is occurring around you.

You will get there. It is your destiny to walk the Earth free from fear, restriction, hardship and poor health. You will shine brightly, have fun and follow your heart. You will still work, but it will be work you love, being of service to the whole in your unique way. You resist the now, fight against it, because you already want to be at the end place where life is more blissful.

hot air balloonBut know it is a  journey, it is meant to take time and even when you get to that blissful future place there will still be challenges and opportunities to grow and evolve further. That is life, that is evolution, that is how it is meant to be. You will just go through them more easily when you no longer fight against it. You simply accept what is and let it pass, knowing this too shall pass and brighter, more light filled times will come. They will.

You sense what is to come and want to be there NOW. No waiting, no stopping to pass go, now, now, now. In your impatience you create resistance, which actually slows it down. Your vibration drops, it is like hitting the pause button. Your future is hurtling towards you on a conveyor belt, good things are coming, they have to when your vibration is high. But if you get consistently upset, angry, depressed, frustrated, etc, your vibration drops and the conveyor belt slows. Your future is still coming, but slower, in a sense, because really it happens as it needs to. But you get the picture. Your emotions create resistance and this slows your ability to enjoy your now and to move into your future joyful states.

It is hard to explain in words. What is destined will be. It is pointless fighting against it or worrying about it. It will happen. What you can influence or change is how you feel during the journey to it. You can suffer if you choose negative feelings and thoughts or you can flow and be happy if you choose to just witness what is and trust what will come is what is needed, and it will be as it should be. TRUST. SURRENDER. HAVE FAITH. Know you don’t need to do anything in particular. What is set, is set. You just determine how you experience the ride. If we were you we would choose peace and joy. Why not? They feel great!

So don’t fight against what is, know it is a point in time leading you forth to what you do want. The now is a cleansing period for releasing what no longer serves you, so that your desired state can manifest. You know deep down that peace and harmony are your natural state and you can be that all the time if you accept what is and all aspects of life that occur. You don’t need to judge them, hate them, feel angry about whatever occurred or towards whoever was involved. Do what is needed to resolve the issue and balance back up to peace and joy.

In time you will do it automatically, because you won’t want to stay feeling any other way. You won’t let life events knock you around so much, as feeling good will be your top priority. You can do it and you will do it. It is just a stepping stone away from the cosmic perspective or a journey away this lifetime as you walk your path towards living with ease and grace.

So be thankful for what is, know that even the most challenging times are helping you clear out the emotional density and vibrational blocks, so that you can have what you want. You have lifetimes of density to release, oodles of fear and hate and density to release. It takes time. It takes a lot of time to release your judgements and conditioning, so you can walk freely, singing joyously, as you go about your day. Trust the process. Trust life and enjoy each moment. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (28 May 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

How to let yourself be your whole self?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Personal Development, Uncategorized

When you have suffered a painful start to life you bury your true self inside under layers and layers of protection. The innocent part of you is wrapped up safely, hidden away and kept under wraps for fear that exposing it will result in more pain, loss or abandonment.

This makes it very difficult to know who you are and to live your life with joy. Basically, you walk around with a gaping hole in your heart as part of you, the core part of you is missing in action. It is simply not there, disowned, buried, ignored and left in the dark.

This results in a sense of emptiness and loss that cannot be filled by material objects or worldy pursuits. No matter what you achieve or do, you still feel empty and like something is missing, beacause it is. You are missing, the truest part of who you are, the indivdual, unique aspects of you.

We often modify who we are to fit in to different situations. We show different parts of ourself or aspects of us to different people and situations. At work you may be smart, responsible, friendly, helpful, kind and thoughtful. At home with friends you may be more casual, relaxed and playful. On the sport field you may be more rambunctious, competitive and blood thirsty. With your kids you are hopefully gentle, loving, kind and attentive.

But how are you when you are with yourself? Do you sit quietly and listen within to hear what it is your heart needs? Do you even know that your heart speaks to you or your inner child? Do you give yourself any time in the day to be with you? Do you even know what it is that you really like to do? What activities make your heart sing? What is it that you thoroughly enjoy doing, where time just flies past and you feel really peaceful and complete afterwards? These are things your true self, your unique self likes to do, things that fill your emotional needs up, they fill up your cup of life, your reserves and fuel for completing the rest of the tasks you need to do in your day to day busyness.

If you are not taking the time to listen to and meet your heart’s needs, then it is likely that your cup is close to empty. You may feel drained, exhausted and wondering whether it is worth the effort doing all the things you do. You are probably craving change, but not sure how to go about it or if you have the energy to try.

reading in natureUncover who you really are and sing through life. Make time for your true self and true desires and you will feel much better. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive. Your heart’s desire may be for long walks in nature; to simply sit and read a book; to play with your dog; to cook a nice meal; to watch the sunset; to play sport; to spend time with friends; to eat chocolate cake while savouring every bite and letting it ooze down your throat.

Slowly, simply living life, enjoying it more fully, being present to each moment as it goes by. Less stress, less rush, less fuss and bother, less worry or forcing things to happen, less controlling and mind chatter. Just relax below that, slow your breath and drop into your heart centre, listen to it, it will tell you what you need to be happier and more fulfilled.

As you meet your own needs you become more of who you truly are, as you are allowing it back to the surface. It doesn’t matter if others don’t like doing what you like doing. It doesn’t matter whether you can only do it for an hour a day or an afternoon a week. What matters is you take the time to connect in with your heart and breathe through any stress and tension there to get back to a state of peace and oneness with your core self.

If you still have reistance to connecting with your heart, just send love to those parts of you who are scared to be seen. Breathe in gold light through your crown chakra and into each chakra, then see the gold light spreading through every cell of your body, every muscle, every fibre, all your DNA, RNA and molecules. This helps to relax, calm and soothe the body. It gives the cells what they need to start healing and releasing that which no longer serves them. Gold light is a high vibration that can help shift out that which no longer serves us and that which holds us back from living life more fully.

Embrace who you really are, your uniqueness. It truly is okay to be you. There is no need to hide it or yourself away from the world. While those in your early life may not have honoured who you are, you can and must if you want to be peaceful and happy. Own it, own who you are and have fun in your unique way.

When you let yourself have pleasure, by doing what you love, you will discover how you can do that and be of service to others. There is a way that your passion can become helpful to others and even a source of income for you, if you wish it to be so. It is up to you. You may not want to turn it into a business adventure. You may just want it to be your hobby, your special time out just for you. Whatever it is, do it, honour who you are and let your real self shine. No need to hide it under a bushel, let your love out, your light shine through and be at peace. For you truly are safe and deeply loved throughout the Universe. You just need to clear out the old story and residue, so you can see the truth and live your life without fear and with a lot more joy. So be it. Amen.

Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) can be used to help shake out any fear, tension and trauma you have within. If we’re caught in fear it is usually due to past painful events that hurt us and we’re wanting to avoid experiencing that again, so we contract, limit ourselves and our expression in an attempt to stay safe and not experience any more hurt, rejection or shame.

If you were ridiculed for your uniqueness, your passion and joy when doing what you love most, you may have decided not to do it any more. You may have given it up. Denied yourself what you loved most, so that you would fit in, be more accepted and less ridiculed.

It is understandable as a child you would do that to protect yourself, but as an adult it doesn’t matter what other people think so much. Clear out the old pain and trauma with TRE so you can open back up to fully being you and doing what you love. You will feel so much better when you take the time to spend on your passions, your joys. It will positively impact all of your interactions because you will be more content and peaceful in yourself.

When you honour you, you give permission to others to follow their passions and joys too. You role model to them that it’s okay to be who they are. The world needs more of us doing this so there is less anger and conflict in the world. See how big an impact this can have. It’s not selfish or self-indulgent to take time for your passion, your hobbies, your joys. It’s a gift you give to yourself and the world.

By Jodi-Anne (22 May 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

What to do when those you love are in pain?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Relationships, Self help techniques

It is very tempting when someone you love is in pain to want to try and fix it, to help them feel better, to make it go away, so you can enjoy each other’s company again. It is understandable that you would want to do this, for it is hard to see them in pain and not to feel pain yourself. But know you are not serving them if you try to distract them or if you get upset with them and they swallow the pain, so you feel better and won’t be upset with them any longer.

They need to feel, release and process their pain. They need to feel into its depths, express its impact on them, move through the emotions, back to a place of calm and peace. If you can’t allow them to do this, they stay stuck and so do you and your relationship.

So, how to stay strong in the face of someone else’s pain? Remember it is growth, and they will get through it. Remember it is temporary and will leave if you let them feel it fully into completion. Remember it is not all about you and that they need to go through this. Remember deep emotional pain can only be processed at a rate that the person’s body and consciousness can handle. It can’t be done all at once. It can’t be magicked away.

Telling them to go see a therapist to process it on their own, away from you, just blocks their flow more. Yes they could see a therapist and get help. They could take more action to heal and be, what you consider, as more responsible for their own healing. But remember they are not you. They are themselves and they need to find their own way.

Imagine how you would feel if you were in deep pain and someone told you to basically go away and only come back when you are in a good mood? You would feel unloved, uncared for and you would rebel, because it doesn’t feel right. You may get angry, stubborn and dig your heels in. The choice the other has made, makes it less likely you will get help and it distracts you from feeling the deep pain, because now you are preoccupied with being treated unfairly by one of the few people who you do trust and love and their reaction has you wondering whether or not that trust is unfounded.

As a partner it is true, you don’t want to be dragged down by a friend, family member or your partner’s bad moods. It can affect your ability to enjoy your own life. But it is probably only occurring occasionally and you too have the occasional bad day. How would you feel if they pulled away from you when you are feeling blue? It would hurt, wouldn’t it? What you really need at those times is a hug, is for someone to say “I’m sorry you are feeling sad, angry, whatever it is.” “I’m sorry you went through that, it has affected you deeply.” That is what the person needs most – to be loved, accepted, their feelings validated. They need to be heard. You don’t have to sit with them for hours listening to their story. You could, but you don’t have to. Just be supportive. Don’t make them feel wrong, bad, dumb for being upset. They have a right to feel the way they do. They may have lived through horrible circumstances.

Instead of hiding from the pain, honour it, allow it, accept it and let it transmute. When you fight against it, resist it, bottle it up, it has to explode out. If you give the person the space to feel how they feel it can come out more gently. So just love them, that is what is needed most. And what you need most is to support yourself, while you are supporting them. So you don’t become depleted, drained, and exhausted.

Sometimes it can feel as if being there for another drains all your positive energy away, you feel your vibration dropping, you feel yourself becoming annoyed, exhausted and flat. This is just your reaction to them. It is how you have chosen to respond. It may be you have reacted in fear – fear of their sadness or rage. It may be that you have reacted judgementally – thinking they shouldn’t do this to you or they should sort themelves out. You may have reacted wtih avoidance – wanting to escape and not be there. Any of these reactions create pain inside of you, and it is your pain that affects your energy levels, not what the other person is doing, saying or the energy they are emitting.

shine-your-lightIf you could meet their pain with love, if you could stand strong and shine your light into their darkness, if you could hold your focus on love and light and seeing the best in them, seeing them peaceful and happy, if you can just be with them and their energy and emotion, then your light would help liberate them. They could be freed from some of their burden and you could maintain your vibration and state of peace.

It is your internal reactions that affect how you feel after the interaction. So don’t hide or run away from people and isolate yourself. There is no need. Just work on being able to stay connected to Source while dealing with someone in emotional pain. Breathe deeply and stay present. Send love and light to your inner child and any parts of you that feel uncomfortable, tell yourself you are safe and it is okay. You can do all of this, while still being present for the other person.

If you are struggling to stay present to others look at how well you are being present to yourself. Are you exhausted or stressed yourself? If so do the work to look after your own needs so that you have more energy and can be more present.

Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) is a powerful process you can use to help release stress, tension and trauma from your body. By doing so your nervous system relaxes more enabling your body to be calmer, be able to interact with others more playfully as you know you are safe and you fee more peaceful inside. This helps you to stay grounded, to be in your body and able to stand strong in the face of another’s turmoil. By clearing out the stress within you, it gives you more capacity to deal with whatever life brings you. You don’t get shoved into overwhelm as easily. It is well worth using TRE to support yourself and enable you to more easily stay present to those in your life who you care about and want to be supportive of.

Remember they are in pain, they are struggling to cope. They need your support and light to help lift them out of their darkness. Don’t trap them in it by refusing to be present, to look at their pain. Be there. Be strong and loving and supportive to both of you. A time will come when the tables are turned and you will need their support, you will need them to be there for you. Be that support for each other and your relationship can blossom and flourish. Fight against their pain and your relationship will wither and die.

Know that they are so much more than their pain. The pain is just a small part of who they are and it will get less and less if it is acknowledged, accepted and allowed to be there. Fight against it and it will get bigger, louder and more violent in its ways of getting attention and trying to get respect and acceptance. The choice is yours.

Work on your own reactions and choose peace and love and joy in the face of another’s pain, hold the vibration of love and you can stay balanced, even in the murkiest, darkest waters of Hell. For that is where a person is, who is in deep emotional pain. They feel consumed by it, trapped by it, unable to break free from it. They feel in Hell and if their thoughts plummet and become negative, it becomes a repetitive loop. They feel like they are floating in a small boat, down rivers of darkness, with no knowledge of how to get out or where they are going. They need someone to shine a light for them, so they can see more clearly a direction out of the caves of darkness and into the light of day. Be that light. Be that love and you can both enjoy life at deeper levels. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (15 May 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

It didn’t start with you – inherited family trauma

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Uncategorized

Here’s a link to an article about a great new book explaining how we can inherit trauma from past generations of family members and how we can use family constellations and other methods to heal it.

The article (and the book) include case studies of clients that were not be helped with traditional psychology approaches that focused on what had happened throughout the client’s life. Once they opened to the idea that the trauma, pattern, addiction, health issue may have been inherited, solutions were found using Family Constellations concepts.

If you have an issue that doesn’t seem to shift no matter what you do, consider looking further back in your family line at where it may have come from. I can help you to do this.

it didn't start with you book

How to let what needs to happen, happen

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Self help techniques

Often you humans second guess yourself, your instincts tell you what needs to occur, but you don’t listen. You question, you doubt, you rationalise and think it through and usually you choose not to do what your gut tells you, you should do.

Your intuition is your body’s messaging telling you what is most in line with your highest good. Whether it be a message from the heart advising the path that will lead to most joy, or a fearful warning advising a path to avoid. If you listen the truth is there for you to hear. It is only when the mind is too busy or the body too fearful or exhausted that you can’t hear the messages which are subtle and vibrational.

deep-breath1Calm your body, breathe deeply and ask for a sign, sit in stilness and meditate or sit in nature and feel your nervous system calm and self regulate, then you can hear a message, sense how you really feel or play out the options and see how your body feels in each imagined scene. Your body will tell you which path suits you best. It is often said and always true, the answers are within, you just have to quieten the mind and listen.

Often it is tempting to keep busy doing, doing, doing, then you don’t have to face the facts that you are not satisfied with some element of your life. You don’t have to admit to yourself that something isn’t working, but that gnawing, nagging, empty feeling will build until you do listen and you do pay attention.

You may know the truth, but refuse to act. It is too scary to leave that job or partner or to take the risk to follow your heart and passion. Life does not have guaranteed outcomes, other than death and growth. All changes lead to growth. The road may not be smooth and straight. It may be narrow and bumpy, and you may almost fall off a cliff, but the beauty you will see, he expansion that will result is worth the risk.

If something is meant to happen, it will. You may try to control it, prevent it, stop it from happening, but it will happen at precisely the time it was meant to occur. All your actions will do is cause you pain and suffering. You could instead choose to flow peacefully with what life shows you is going to happen. Let jobs, people, homes, situations come and go, without grasping or holding on – just trust and flow. It is not easy or natural to most of us, it needs to be learned, to surrender to the divine and the mysteries of life.

What needs to happen will, so don’t worry about making the right decision so much. You can’t get it wrong. What needs to occur will, so take the pressure off and out of the decision making and choose more peacefully. Choose what will bring you joy. Trust the Universe to look after you and provide what is needed for your highest good.

door chakraIf you attempt to walk through a particular door and it is closed, it doesn’t mean it was a wrong choice, it just may not be time yet. Instead of pushing, surrender and wait. Wait for the signs and synchronicities to signify the time is right. Life will lead you where you need to go. Yes prepare, yes be ready, but wait / pause / breathe until the doors open and its easy for you to stroll through. No need to struggle, push, force. That is the old way, the way of competition, exhaustion, of winners and losers. The new way is the way of the heart, the way of love, compassion and service, the way of joy, the way of benefitting the whole, not just yourself.

You succeed most when you are passionately aligned with your heart’s purpose and guidance, which will lead you forth with ease and grace. Breathe through any fear and allow what needs to happen, to happen. Let it occur, like rocks being washed along a flowing river, just glide, just rise and fall with the tide. No need to fight for air or to be in one particular place. Trust life to guide you forth with ease and grace. So be it. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (01 May 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

How do you stop making yourself wrong?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse, Self help techniques

If you were abused as a child, you were constantly told or shown that whatever you did was not good enough, not acceptable, basically wrong.

Even though the issue was really the emotional state of the parent / abuser, to you as the child, it would have seemed that you were the problem, that there was a fault, a flaw, an imperfection with you. You probably beat yourself up a lot, trying to work it out, “What exactly is it that is wrong with me?”.

An abuser is likely to have told you off for what you said, how you stood and looked at them, for being defiant or a smart ass, for talking back, and sometimes for simply breathing and being alive. In essence it felt like everything about you was wrong or not good enough, not acceptable or okay.

should-have-done1This sets up a pattern of self-loathing, even if you believe the abuser is full of shit, making it up, f*cked up. Even if you do place the blame on them, part of you still wonders “Am I to blame? Is something i’m doing provoking them? How can I change who I am to be less offensive?”

You certainly change who you are by watching carefully all that occurs, trying to make sense of a situation that does not make sense. You lose your innocence, your spontaneity and start becoming the watcher, the cautious one, the guarded and over protective one. In essence, you lose access to your soft, vulnerable, innocent self, your authentic self, as all these defense mechanisms kick in to protect you.

As a part of keeping yourself safe you will have developed a very strong inner Judge and Critic, who keep watch and tell you when you are doing something wrong. They become very strict monitoring your every move and they work with the inner Controller and Pusher to modify your behaviour and control your every move.

When this team of sub-personalities take over life can be very bleak. They push you to do what they think will protect you best. They watch you and criticise you first, before any one else gets a chance to, because then they can force you to modify your behaviour to be less susceptible to getting told off or abused from others. However, you are now being abused from within. There is no kindness, no rest, no fun, when this is the team controlling your ship. If these have become your dominant sub-personalities or primary selves, life becomes very painful indeed.

This inner team of voices hounds you, day in, day out, telling you what you could do better, how you should have behaved, or what you should have said. What you did do or say is never enough. It could always be better. This team thinks they are helping you avoid confrontation. They are in essence trying to help, but it is a painful process.

The habit of feeling wrong, bad, not good enough, can become so strong that you come to think of yourself as a bad person, an unworthy human being who doesn’t deserve to be alive. It is very cruel and unnecessary.

Once you are an adult and no longer in your abusive childhood home, you don’t need this barrage of judgement, criticism and control to continue, but it does until you learn how to switch it off. You do so by becoming aware of the patterns, listening for those inner voices and urges, and simply choosing to ignore them.

When the Judge comes in and says “That wasn’t good enough”, you can simply reply “I know I could have done better, but it was good enough”. When the Critic comes in and says “You are terrible, you should have …….”, you can simply say “I am no longer willing to put myself down. I am not listening to you”. As its voice ramps up, you can say “Look, I know you think you are helping me, but you are not. What I need now is for you to have a rest, a holiday, to go away and let me live in peace. I can handle it now. You have done a good job in the past. When I was in danger, you did keep me safe. But I am not in danger now and I need you to turn down the volume, so I can focus on enjoying life more and have more fun, friendships, inner peace and joy in my life. The war is over! You helped me survive it. But now it is a time of peace and you deserve to rest, to go on holiday, and to let other aspects of me come to the fore, to guide me in this phase of my life. Thank you for all that you have done, but it is time for a change of guard, a change to who is the dominant sub-personalities operating in my life. Please step back and let this change occur.”

When you can do this, have these inner conversations with those parts of yourself, they will listen. They will watch and test whether you mean it. They will observe whether or not you really are safe without their feedback and constant response. If they can see you truly are okay, then they will back off. It is not all of you beating yourself up. It is just these parts of you and they were doing it, trying to help you.

Likewise, the Pusher was trying to get you to do certain things to keep you safe, or to achieve certain things because then you might finally get the recognition you deserve, or break free from dependency on others through a successful career, financial independence.  These parts of you were helping in the only way they knew how. They didn’t realise it harmed you or caused you pain. They simply didn’t notice that or felt it was a minor, acceptable outcome, for a higher good. Their focus was on the goal of keeping you safe, avoiding  abuse, and therefore safe and isolated from other people, from your heart and the pain within it, and from all the softness of life. This was their job to keep you safe. They have worked hard, thank them and let them know the war is over. You have won, largely due to them.

Many of us have been free of our abusive childhood homes fro decades, yet we still act as if we are there, constantly looking out for danger, reacting in fight or flight and being wary of all that occurs around us. It is a painful way to be. We have to learn how to turn these defense mechanisms off, so we can finally relax and enjoy life. Talking to your sub-personalities, thanking them for how they have helped you and explaining what your new goals are and ways they could help you now, is a big part of this change.

Instead of telling you off all the time, the Critic can be asked to monitor when your body is getting tired and to let you know to rest. It can be asked to gently let you know when you are being too serious and you need to lighten up and have some fun. You give them a new job description, so to speak, so they can still serve you, but in ways that help you to achieve today’s goals.

You can ask the Pusher to help motivate you to exercise and eat well or to connect with others, instead of isolating yourself. You can ask the Judge to remind you when you are being unkind to yourself or others, or to alert you when there is an opportunity that would be beneficial to accept.

positive inner helperYou ask this inner team to become your greatest supporters, to show their love for you, by helping you achieve today’s goals. The past is the past. You don’t need to live there any more. Time to upgrade your inner workings to reflect life now, and life now can be full of love, joy and connection.

One way I found extremely helpful to shift this patterning was Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE). These inner parts were still strong because of the stress, tension and trauma in my body. This tension led me to feel stuck, wound up, anxious, on edge, looking for danger, because my body was still braced against it. My body was sending signals to my brain that I wasn’t safe. Hence, those inner parts were sensing that they were still needed to protect me as it felt like I was in danger, when in reality there was no external threat just the inner pain still active inside.

TRE helps to discharge the tension, stress and trauma. It helps to complete the overwhelm and trauma activations from the past so that the nervous system and body calms back down, so that you come out of freeze, move back out of fight and flight, into a relaxed way of being. Bit by bit your body ‘shakes’ out the tension and calms down, so in time you do feel safe, you are able to relax and peacefully connect with others, knowing the past is over, gone and life can be different now.

When your body calms and feels safe the inner parts relax because they see that they are not needing to defend you or be on high alert. They too relax and this enables you to enjoy your now and meet people anew without the old threats interfering. It is well worth the work to heal so you can joyfully live in the now doing what you want without the old defense mechanisms activating. Blessed BE.

(For more on sub-personality theory, see Hal and Sidra Stone’s Voice Dialogue).

By Jodi-Anne (24 April 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

How to be grateful?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Personal Development, Self help techniques

Gratitude is not hard. It is a habit to cultivate. Instead of seeing what is wrong with the world, just focus on what is right. Focus on the beauty, the joys, the flowers and trees. Focus on the kindness, the peace and tranquility of nature, the laughter of children.

gratitudeGratitude comes easily once you have made it a habit. You can be thankful for the food you eat, the clothes you wear, the home you live in, the friends you have. There are many people in the world who do not have these luxuries, they sleep cold in the street and starve most days. So be grateful for what you have, even if it annoys you, even if it is not your favourite taste or look. At least you have it, whatever it is.

Be grateful for arriving safely at your destination each day and waking to a new one the next morning. Many people don’t wake up, they die, and you have been gifted with another day. Even if your life is not how you would like it to be – if you are unhappy at work, alone, or unhappy in your relationship – don’t focus on the negatives as that will just increase the size of them. It will seem worse than it is and your level of dissatisfaction will increase. Focus instead on the positives. At least you have a job, it is providing you with income, opportunities to make friends, to learn and grow. Find the good in it and you will feel more satisfied.

Think about what it is you would prefer, the kind of job you would like to move into, picture it, feel it, know you will make the change when the time is right and be grateful to the Universe which is guiding you towards it. Know it will happen with certainty and take steps towards it, even little ones – read a book related to it, research positions, training required, do a course, talk to someone in the role. Each step you take you will feel more empowered, excited and hopeful. This is much more productive and feels better than simply complaining about your current job or feeling stuck and acting like a victim. You are not a victim. You have options. You just have to learn to take them and believe that you can change your life. You truly can.

Gratitude is one of the keys to a satisfying, fulfilling, enjoyable life. Your circumstances don’t have to change to create it, just your attitude and your thinking patterns. Each time you catch yourself thinking a negative thought or complaining, stop yourself. Just stop it. Refuse to do it. Refocus on something else. You can say to your mind “Thank you, but i’m not doing that any more”, then look for a more positive aspect of the situation or a solution to focus on.

When you focus on solutions, you find them. When you focus on problems, you see more of them. Like attracts like energetically. When you focus on problems, your mind thinks it is helping you by coming up with all sorts of thoughts about the problem. It is like you have placed an order at the restaurant and your mind serves up all kinds of beautiful dishes in the hope to help you, to serve you and fulfil your order.

If your focus is on solutions, then your mind and intuition will come up with lots of ideas on how to solve the situation. They will just surface and come to you, if you ask for guidance and you allow some space and time, to sit quietly and listen for the answers from within.

An attitude of gratitude can greatly improve your life and it is simple. It doesn’t cost money. You don’t have to go anywhere to get it. You just have to make the effort to focus your thoughts on more positive aspects of life. Keeping a journal can help. Some people like to write a list of items they are grateful for each night. It may include interactions with others, experiences throughout the day, insights they had, even ‘negative’ experiences that they learned something from.Mandala-Gratitude

Another way to do it, is to sit at the dining table and add a round of sharing to the conversation at dinner. You may ask each person to share something they are grateful for that occurred during the day, or three things. This forces each person to come up with three things to be grateful for. It helps build the habit of being grateful. Good to do.

Gratitude is a tool you can use to help yourself enjoy life more. It is well worth cultivating for a lifetime of greater pleasure and enjoyment of life. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (22 April 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

How to heal from emotional abuse?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse, Personal Development, Self help techniques

Free-BirdEmotional abuse is just as devastating as physical or sexual abuse. It damages the psyche and deeply affects a person’s self worth and feeling of safety. It leaves individuals afraid to interact with others and sets up a condemning pattern inside, where they repeat the abuse to themselves, by calling themselves less than loving names and treating themself in less than loving ways.

While devastating at any age, emotional abuse while a young child (0-6 years) of age is most damaging, as this is when children simply believe and absorb anything they are told. It goes straight into their subconscious programming and they are conditioned to act it out their whole life, unless they learn how to change their subconscious beliefs.

Such negative conditioning can have devastating affects throughout their life. If they are told they are ugly, unwanted, not needed, not liked, a failure, hopeless, that the problems others are facing is their fault, etc, then they will believe it and subconsciously they will play it out in their life – at school, at work, in relationships.

When things are going well the conditioning will cause them to act out and self sabotage. If on the brink of success, and the conditioning is that they are a failure, they will find it very uncomfortable to succeed. They will most likely fail shortly thereafter, if not before.

So they may get the promotion, but then find they can’t cope with the job or do something to cause themselves to be demoted – be late continuously, get sick, make a critical mistake or simply leave the job as they don’t enjoy it. This form of self sabotage happens unconsciously and repeatedly until it is changed.

If a child watched one parent being abused emotionally by the other, then the child learns that is how relationships are. They will accept poor treatment from others as they don’t realise that they deserve better or that there can be loving, safe interactions between people.

Worse, the parent who is constantly belittled is likely to withdraw from the child. They are likely to sink into depression, if not addiction, as a way to cope with their unhappy situation. The child therefore becomes neglected as well as suffering from witnessing and receiving the emotional abuse.

If the parent sinks far enough into depression and doesn’t have the strength to stand up for themselves or leave the relationship, then this destructive pattern can continue for years and usually does. A child in such a situation gives up hope. They may have tried really hard to be a good boy or girl, in an attempt to make things better. They may have tried helping out around the house to make life easier for the parent, and in an attempt to reduce the catalysts for fights. The child tries to be the peace keeper.

When that doesn’t work, they may try to rescue the parent, to help motivate them to leave or by standing up to the abusive one. But of course the child is a child acting like an adult, and the actual adult is stronger, more powerful, and can be vicious. The child is dependent on the abuser for their home, food and other necessities. It is a no win situation.

And in this situation the child has lost the ability to be a child and enjoy their childhood. their thoughts are not about their friends, toys, school, sport, playing games or having fun. Their thoughts are about survival and staying alive. Worse about keeping the depressed parent alive, if they have attempted suicide as a way to escape the abuse. The child becomes numb, simply going through the motions, withdrawn in a shell of self protection. Their life is a series of painful events, marked by even more painful events when the emotional abuser turns the focus on them, and lets rip with a torrent of cruel and mean statements about the child.

As the child grows they may come to hate the abusive parent, they may wishe they would die and even fantasise about hurting or killing the parent. This is just an attempt to gain back the power they have lost, to feel stronger, more independent, not so crushed. Few would actually act out such a fantasy.

Emotional abuse is just as devastating to a child as other forms of abuse. It sets up similar fear patterns, mistrust patterns and self loathing patterns. This damage will take years to heal. It will take many decades for the person to become fully aware of their conditioning, to feel and release the emotional pain, and balance backup to a state of self love.

They will have to learn to monitor and change their thoughts to more loving and supportive ones. They will need to change their subconscious beliefs, so that they do believe they are worthy of love, they are a worthwhile human being and they are deserving of good things.

It will take a lot of time to learn to be kind and loving to themselves. This softness will not be natural as they have grown up in harshness. So it will take time before softness feels safe and acceptable. Keep practicing until it does.

healthy-relationships-300x203Harder still will be the ability to trust others. Mistrust will be so deep. Self protection and isolation so automatic, that it will take a lot of concerted effort to break free of it and be able to let people truly close and truly know them.

It will take a long time for the person to actually know themself – what they like to do, their interests and what is fun for them. At first this is such a foreign concept, as life has been about struggle, survival and avoiding further abuse. It hasn’t been about having fun or doing what they like. So they have to learn how to have fun, how to do a hobby and relax and enjoy it.

Their bodies are often armoured, hard with locked up muscles from keeping all the pain inside. The softness is buried beneath the armour and much work needs to be done to help the body relax and come out of its permanent state of fight, flight or freeze. The body is also likely to be exhausted from the constant stress, trauma, and lack of exercise, good food, etc. When locked in fear the breath often shallows, so the body does not get as much oxygen, it can’t digest and absorb the nutrients as well, and the adrenals get over worked and depleted, resulting in fatigue. Good diet, exercise, emotional release work and body work to help dissolve the armour and trauma all help.

Your nervious system which has been in constant fight, flight, freeze is wound up tight, constantly activated, pumping adrenaline and cortisol through your body, or if you feel there’s no hope and you’ve started to give up and shut down, then your body is pumped full of opioids to numb you.

A range of actions can help your nervous system to calm – deep breaths, time in nature, but most importantly Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) which activates the body’s natural stress, tension and trauma release mechanism, so that the body can complete the unfinished trauma reactions and return to its normal, calm state. It is well worth doing to help you find greater peace.

Once the nervous system calms and you are no longer in constant fight or flight, your mind will soften as your body will feel safer and your mind won’t feel a need to be so defensive, so your defences melt and you can open up to play, to softness, to enjoying life interacting with others.

There is much that can be done to heal from childhood emotional abuse, but it takes a lot of time and effort. If you are going through this process, be as kind to yourself as you can, understand that you are undoing a lifetime of conditioning and it will take time. Every step you take is helping. Every day it wil get a little bit better. If you feel discouraged seek help, join a support group, see a counselor, or start a fun activity to help balance up. Love yourself and your life will improve. It takes time, but it is well worth doing. Good luck, I know how hard the journey is. I also know it can be done. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (02 April 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

What is God-realisation?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution

God-realisation occurs when a person realises that there is a larger purpose to life and an orchestration of events to help you grow and evolve into a loving being of light, being of service while living on Earth.

God-realisation is simply honouring that larger process of evolution that is occurring for all beings and choosing to align with it, not fight against it.

God-realisation occurs when you consciously look for signs and synchronicities to guide you forth, trusting the Universe and your higher self to provide you with what you need for your highest and best growth.

God-realisation occurs when you see this dance of creation and realise that you are just a small piece of the puzzle, being guided by larger forces which are loving and benevolent. In awe of the process you awaken to God, to love, to spirit, to the unseen dimensions, which include the realm often thought of as Heaven.

amazing-nature-sunrise-hd-wallpaperHeaven is simply a realm where there is no resistance to life, all live in harmony energetically and physically. It is a realm in which beings / souls are transparent and can see each other’s thoughts and essence. Hence lying and manipulation are not possible. People live in peace, connected to and vibrating at the rate of Source energy. It is therefore blissful, heavenly, beautiful and beauty filled.

It exists as a space to visit and return from if you have a Near Death Experience. It exists as a place we go to between incarnations. It is one place, one dimension or realm of many. It is not a place that is distinct from other aspects of life. It is all interconnected and we touch it when our heart melts looking at a new born baby or when in nature and standing in awe and stillness at the beauty of Mother Earth. It is a pure, loving vibration that we can tap into and become most of the time. We can live from that pure, loving space if we heal our emotions and vibration, so that it elevates to Christ-consciousness or God-realisation. Christ was an example of someone who obtained the God-realised state while on Earth. He is a guide for us to do the same.

It is not about Heaven or Hell as places to fear or to worry about. You will be accepted in Heaven, as it is not a place of judgement or exclusion. It is not a place of isolation or welcoming. All are welcomed. All are loved. It is only we humans who judge and exclude.

A Source-realised person knows they are love, they are worthy and they are of God. We are all created from Source energy. It is all there is, so we are pure and innocent. We are capable of kindness and loving our neighbour as we love ourself.

Most of us have just forgotten to truly love ourself, let alone anyone else. We have forgotten that we are children of God, aspects of Source energy visiting Earth for a chance to evolve and once completed we rejoin the whole. We are that. It is all one. All aspects of the Great Creator, the Source of all things, commonly known as God.

There is majesty in the Universe and its orchestration of events to assist each person to evolve and grow, to heal their hurts and return to wholeness, to awaken to God-consciousness and God-realisation. It is happening all the time, it is a process that takes a lifetime – in the sense of discovering it, experiencing it, and then becoming it.

At first you may be able to tap into the energy of Source/God when in meditation or prayer or nature. You may glimpse it. You may have an altered experience, a heightened moment of clarity and sensitivity. Then you may lose it, feel like you can’t access it again, until you raise your vibration further, then you see it more often. As you keep clearing out dense energy, emotions, baggage, you raise your vibration to the  point that the mysterious can become an every day experience.

You can be tapped in, tuned in, receiving messages from your higher self and Guides who are there assisting you behind the scenes. It is always there, just you can’t see, hear, feel them or their help until your vibration raises to a certain level. Help is always there, in the form of an Angel or Guide, a friendly entity of light or good spirit who is helping society to evolve. There are many beings of light assisting humanity’s evolution.

There is great love throughout the Universe for those courageous souls who come to Earth in its dense energy to live out a lifetime of pain and awakening to enable their evolution to expand, to further their growth in Self and God-realisation. That is what is occurring over and over again with each soul who is here and they grow a little more each lifetime they live. It is a slow process in human terms, but a fast one from an evolutionary perspective. It is all purposeful, all happening perfectly from that bigger perspective.

We are simply a piece of the puzzle, each piece needed, each piece unique with its own gifts and state of awareness. No need to compare yourself to others for you are unique. Your combination of past lives and experiences from this life is unique. You are here to learn and grow in a way that is unique to you. You serve the whole by being YOU. Don’t try to be something you are not. You have evolved to a certain point and that is okay. Where you are at is okay. There is no better or worse, no higher or lower. A greatly advanced soul may choose a particularly harsh life experience to test their mastery of the concepts. They may appear to our human eye as someone who is struggling with life, who is down and out, so to speak, but that is just a phase of their awakening, their remembrance of truth.

When they remember and heal their hurts, they will shine their light so brightly. They just have to see through the fog to the light of day, then they step into their magnificence. So don’t judge someone by where they stand today. Accept and love all beings and focus on seeing their best attributes, see them doing well, being happy and realising their truth. We all will in time. It is just a step along the journey to Self-realisation and God-realisation. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (01 April 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.