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How to get out of your own way?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Personal Development

Many of you block your own progress with worry and fear. There is no need to worry, life will take you where you need to go for your highest evolution and growth. Worry does not slow the process down, it just makes it more painful. You do not have choice or the power to change your fate. You only have the power to change the level of ease and grace through which you experience what occurs.

What is to occur is set prior to your incarnation. So stop trying to control it or trying so hard to get somewhere, something. You can not achieve more than you are meant to. You can not evolve any  faster than is destined. Your influence is miniscule in the BIG picture of life.

Yes, you do have choice to feel that emotion surfacing or push it down. But if you push it down it will just come up again another day. If it needs to be flet it will keep surfacing until you feel it. You have no choice in the matter, it must be felt. You must evolve. You cannot fail or slow it down. What will be, will be. Life will bring you the people, events, situations and experiences necessary to move you along your path, so relax and enjoy the ride. hot air balloonKnow there will be easy times and challenging times. Don’t fight against the challenges. Don’t live in fear of what may occur. Just ride the waves with gratitude, knowing that this too shall pass. The sun will come out from behind the clouds, storms are only temporary. Spring will always be sprung! So, enjoy life more, have more fun. Let go of being on guard, of being so careful and serious.

You can’t get it wrong. You can’t prevent what needs to occur and conversely your lack of scanning for danger will not stop danger or attract more of it. What is meant to be, will be. You are safe. You are loved and cared for by the Divine. Any ‘negative’ experiences are part of what was needed for your growth. In time you will see that. In time you may see the growth and see the gift that the event gave you. At the time of a ‘disaster’ it won’t seem like a gift, but it is. That job loss, relationship end, accident or health crisis led you to a new direction, a new phase of your life, which led to clearing and raising your vibration. It all happens to lead you forth. No mistakes. Nothing haphazard. Nothing by chance. So relax – you’ve got this!! Your higher self has it all under control, so glide through life with ease and grace, see it as a skate in the park, a picnic with the ducks, a walk through the forest, an adventure of a lifetime. For that is what life is, a grand adventure, one that can be filled with ease and grace if you get out of your own way and accept what comes.

Accept what comes, accept what goes, trust it is all occurring for your highest good. See the lessons, learn the code, read the clues, do better the next time – react differently, have firmer boundaries, be more kind and loving – whatever it is. Life is just giving you opportunities to practice, until you master being a being of love and light, walking with grace on Earth, inspiring others to open their hearts and let their lights shine. That is what life on Earth is about. It can be fun or drudgery based on how you think and react to what occurs. Only you can make the decision to glide gracefully through all that occurs. Do so and life is much more fun.

But please don’t beat yourself up if you do worry, if you fall into fear, anger, harshness and cruelty. These are only defense patterns surfacing to be released, to be loved and accepted. They just show you that part of you is still hurting, still sad or afraid and in need of love. Love those parts of yourself and welcome them back into your heart. Welcome them home to be cared for, to play and be at ease again. As you do so you become more whole and integrated, then the defense patterns disappear. They dissolve as they are no longer needed. So when you act in less than loving ways, accept it, take responsibility for what you have done, apologise to those affected if needed and then do your inner work so it will happen less and less. Noone is perfect. Noone can be loving all the time. You are human after all. You are here to learn and grow and you are doing wonderfully. The fact that you are reading this shows your heart is opening up, your light is shining and you are embracing your magnificence. For you are magnificent. We all are. We just don’t see it clearly until we have released our past hurts and opened up to see life as it is – a glorious opportunity to evolve and grow through all sorts of experiences while here on Earth.

Enjoy each day knowing you will get where you need to go. No need for worry, fear or controlling life. Relax. Breathe. Enjoy. Choose peace and harmony with all you do. Blessed BE. Your life is very good and it is going to keep getting better and better as you open your heart more and more and shine your light more fully. You are beautiful beings of light just waiting for the chance to ee more clearly the beauty of who you are and of what life brings you. It is all good. It all serves a purpose and it is all helping you to awaken, to learn to support yourself and to choose peace and harmony with all you do. You will get there, at the right time and place. No race, no pushing, no controlling needed. Relax and flow through all that life brings you with ease and grace. So be it. Amen.

lightWe watch you and smile as you progress. We see your greatness and we know you will too. We celebrate as you realise you are enough, you are acceptable, worthy of love, health and abundance. You are worthy of all good things. As you accept and embrace this we can bring you the things you have always wanted. We can help you have Heaven on Earth. You can have it. You just have to get out of your own way and allow it. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (26 March 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

What is the healthiest attitude towards money?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Personal Development

Money is not evil or bad. It is not sinful to have money. Lust and greed are just egoic states of being that souls must move through as part of their learning and growth. Money is just the tool for this learning and healing.

Money supports you, enables you freedom to do as you want and choices of how to live in life. Money is just the tool for this. It is just a tool that can be used for many things. It can be used to help yourself or others who are in need – this is God’s use of money – service with money to help the poor, the destitute and needy. This is God’s mission for all to rise above the poverty line, for all to live knowing his love and the wealth and bounty that comes from knowing you are safe, you are loved and you are held tight in his arms. No need to worry or fear, you are supplied for today and tomorrow.  It is all taken care of, relax, enjoy your life and serve.

Humanity is evolving and growing. It is moving from thousands of beings seeing themselves as separate to each other, to the majority acknowledging we are one, we are interconnected and hurting one, hurts us all. We are moving towards seeing the totality, the unity of all that is. For many it is just a concept. For some it is truth, they see, feel, hear, touch and taste it. They sense the bigger forces at play. They see the interconnection with pollution and environmental destruction on the planet. They understand the damage caused by greed and ruthless companies hell-bent on profits at the cost of nature and life. They see the destructiveness of Western expansion on local communities and indigenous lifestyles. They see all of this.

Part of the next wave of evolution is the expansion of the heart to hold all people dear, not just your family members, but all of society, which is your larger family. When you do this you automatically expand as love is felt for all beings, for life and the planet. In such an enlightened state you wish to help all, to be of service, so all flourish and succeed, so all feel the warmth and love of God, Source, Universe – whatever you want to call it.

This is the natural evolution of human life. It is occurring all around us. And as a part of that evolution your relationship with money evolves. It is no longer one of clinging and desperation for fear of lack. It is no longer one of greed and separation, bolstering up a false sense of ego self seeking outside approval and showing off to get it. Your relationship with money evolves to one of peace and grace, a confident knowing that all is well, you are loved and looked after and when you vibrate at a state of wellbeing then money flows to you easily and gracefully. You will be guided forth to do what you need to do to serve self and others, to gain the wisdom and wealth needed to implement your purpose, your God-given mission here on Earth. When you are in this state of flow and grace, there is no grasping, no forcing, no efforting, no lack. So money comes, it flows with ease and grace as does love, health and vitality.

You can see clearly how this is really about your vibration, your state of being. It is not about money as an entity or substance. Money is just one more thing in your life that is utilised as part of your evolution and growth. It is not good or bad. Same as alcohol, drugs, tobacco and other items you judge as bad, evil, dangerous and intoxicating. The substances are not the problem. It is the use of them, the emotional state of the people which leads to addiction and poor behaviour. It is the emotional state, their level of vibration that leads to the substance being used in a destructive way.

We are not saying drugs can be used in a healthy way. They cannot, they lower your vibration, interfere with your clarity and your connection to Source. We are just saying that it is how items are used that makes them beneficial or destructive. The items themselves are just learning tools, just part of the evolutionary journey. As you raise your vibration and connection to Self and Source you don’t need or feel a pull towards these lower vibrational substances.

People who use drugs and alcohol do so because they feel disconnected, they have emotional pain and turmoil inside that they wish to escape. Alcohol loosens their lips, loosens the hold of the ego mind and helps them relax and break free from the pain inside temporarily. It quietens the busy mind and the negative self talk. That feels like relief, so it feels beneficial. It is just a temporary fix, but it gives reprieve from the daily hell and torment that many people live in.

As they evolve they gain that peace, that reprieve from other sources – from being in nature, from meditation, from art or sport or whatever activity they enjoy doing and can lose themselves in. This creates space, for the mind is not so active and in that space is God, Source, no-mind, the pervading peace of Christ. It is this that we are all evolving to. Then we don’t need substances to be addicted to, whether that be money, drugs or something else.

Instead of plugging the hole with substances you can use Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) to shake out the hurts underneath, to discharge the painful emotions and stagnant energy from moments of trauma experienced through life.

When you learn to heal and become your own supportive guide you no longer feel so empty, sad or angry. You feel more heard, seen, valued and appreciated. All of this lessens the sense of emptiness. It starts to fill your internal cup. You feel replenished and cared for, ready to be seen and enjoy life. When we fill the hole inside ourselves with love, with light, with laughter, we don’t need the other substances.

TRE can help you on this journey, so that you release the old and open to the new. When you do this there’s less need to consume. You don’t waste your energy trying to impress others. You’re content to just BE and enjoy life doing what gives you joy and peace.

Then money just becomes something we are grateful for, that we welcome, that we accept when it is in abundance and also at times when it is in short supply. We watch it come and go, knowing we are safe and looked after and more will come. We trust our inner guidance and know we will be guided forth to act when the time is right to be of service, and part of that will involve obtaining the money needed for us to fulfil our role. Life becomes about service, connection and love, and in that state money flows to you easily to support your mission, as you are not blocking it or yourself. You are not judging it or yourself. You are welcoming life and saying yes to it all. This is the healthiest relationship to have to money and to life. It is what you are here for. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (25 Feb 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and HEALING FROM CHILD ABUSE pages of this website.

How to stop expecting the worst to occur?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse, Self help techniques

When someone has been raised in a violent, rage-filled home it is understandable that they automatically expect the worst to occur, because in their childhood home it did occur. Any small provocation could turn into World War 3, and as a result, the child learns to brace itself ready for what is to occur. The body goes into fight, flight or freeze ready to protect itself from the danger that was always present.

Even if the rage and terror only occurred occasionally, it is likely the child would be on high alert, as you never know what will trigger rage and horrible experience for them and the family. This fear of what may occur and usually does occur leads the child to not be able to relax and enjoy life.

Good events often turn bad or nasty once the drunk parent loses their temper, so having fun feels unsafe, dangerous to the child or doomed to end badly. This is why many children raised in alcoholic or drug-addicted homes don’t know how to have fun. They tend to isolate preferring to stay home or alone as this feels safer than risking interaction with others or having fun.

The reactions of children are not exaggerated. They respond to what occurs in their environment. If danger, violence, hurtful events occur often enough an association is built up in the brain that pain is what life is about. It becomes the dominant neural pathway and belief of the child, so naturally, they expect the worst and they do so because it often happened.

It is very hard to change this deep patterning of expecting the worst. It is not as simple as changing a thought. Every fibre of your being is used to violence, danger and preparing to protect itself. The terror, the helplessness and powerlessness of childhood abuse are catastrophic. A child in an abusive home will literally shut down, numb out, and fantasise leaving and having a better life.

The fantasy leads to resentment, shame, guilt and blame. It leads to more longing and feeling not good enough. Your family, yourself, your life are all judged as not good enough and as needing to change. This frustration at what is can become an explosive rage at the unfairness of life, of your experiences. You can then become violent, filled with hate and the cycle repeats. The child then grows into an adult with volatile tendencies and may become abusive to their families, existing and new. This is the repetitive nature of abuse in families.

The abuse comes from emotional pain that has not been dealt with. The sadness, the rage, the helplessness is all bottled up inside. If allowed out explosively it is destructive. If kept inside it is deadening, life becomes a numb, painful place where you just go through the motions, doing what you have to do, but not really feeling or enjoying anything very much.

Deep depression and sadness can occur as you realise how much you are missing out on, as you can’t shake off the doom and gloom and it feels like life never changes or improves. It can feel hopeless and people often wonder what is the point of going on. Here is the risk of suicide. Children who were abused can grow up feeling unloved, unwanted, unnecessary and feel like there is no point living, that no one would really miss them, etc. STOP! Stop this thinking. You are deeply loved, deeply, deeply loved, by God and many of the people around you, they just may not show it to you in the ways that you would like. Most parents do love their children, just their own emotional pain and addictions stop them being there for the child, stop them being tender and caring.

To stop expecting the worst to occur we have to learn to be kind and loving to ourself. We have to make the effort to do fun things and to enjoy life. Try out a hobby, a sport, an activity of some sort and find what makes your heart smile.

apple loveAll the negative emotions and painful experiences will need to be released, so you can return back to a state of peace and calm. This will happen slowly and naturally. Don’t push it, force it, try to make it happen sooner. Remember to be kind to yourself in all you do.

When an emotion comes up, feel it, then let it go. Don’t hold onto it. Don’t go into judgement about it or the people involved in the remembered situation. Judgement just keeps you stuck, feeling justified in your pain and dysfunction. Judgement and blame are just ways to stay stuck in your head, ruminating over what occurred, instead of being in the present moment and listening to your heart.

When you have experienced deep pain and trauma your heart is often filled with such sadness that it is hard to feel it and sit with it. If you need help processing your emotions get it. You need a safe space in which to rest, to feel what needs to be felt and to release it safely – a counsellor, a friend, a family member, a space in nature that you connect with.

There are lots of ways to release the emotion – drawing it out, singing, running, crying, whatever works for you to shift it from locked inside your body, to being released outside of you. The concept of emotional transformation is to lovingly release what no longer serves you. You just feel it and breathe through it, until your body calms back down. You do this every time you are triggered and notice your body going into restriction, bracing itself for the worst to occur. You do this every time you feel the emotion from the past bubbling up to be released.

The more you clear out the old buried emotion and trauma, with love and kindness, you create a space for new energies to enter, for joy and peace to take hold, for love and kindness to become your dominant experience.

One way to help your body gently release all of the buried tension, trauma and stress is to use Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE), to activate the body’s natural healing mechanism.

Just as your body will automatically tense at the threat of danger, react with fight, flight or freeze, it also has a process for coming out of that reactive, hypervigilant state back into calm, peaceful relating.

The process the body uses to do this is called ‘tremoring’. It literally shakes out the stress and tension that has been stored in the muscles of the body so they can relax.

All of the fight, flight chemicals, such as adrenaline and cortisol get used up with the shaking. When we get triggered and our body wants to run away or fight back but we don’t do so, those chemicals stay in the body. It is these that add to the tense muscles, the contractions and shallowing of breath, the frozen states within us.

TRE is a gentle process enabling the body to heal itself, to unwind the tension and calm back down. Once you have learned how to do TRE you can use it at home for free whenever you want to calm your body and release daily stresses.

As you release the old energies you make way for new lighter energies to enter. This makes it easier for you to move forward, to try new things and not feel so threatened.

As you’ve got less pain inside your defence mechanisms start to soften, the self-protective processes aren’t as strong as your body is no longer signalling your brain that you’re in danger all the time. As the signals ease off your mind and body relax and you can see more clearly what is actually occurring around you.

When your body is full of trauma and pain you see through that lens and you see it outside of you, see the risk of pain everywhere. It’s not that the world is a horrible, dangerous place. It’s just that’s what you see because of the pain inside you. If you clear out the pain you can see the beauty and joy in the world more easily as your body now has room for these to enter.

If you’d like to learn more about TRE visit the TRE page of my website. It would be my honour to help you learn this life-changing process to help you calm your body and enjoy life more.

As your body becomes clearer you start to expect love and kindness, it becomes your new norm. First, it comes from how you treat yourself, then it will come from those around you – as like attracts like. Vibrationally those around you will mirror what is locked inside you.

self-love-healthy

You don’t ever need to accept poor treatment, just walk away, send love and know that it is not personal. Anyone who hurts another is in inner turmoil and is just as mean and cruel to themselves. Such people need love and acceptance, not judgement and rejection. It is okay if you can’t do this yet. If you feel you still need to defend or protect yourself from others and the outside world. Your defensive patterns and automatic reactions will soften as you heal, as you start to experience kindness and peace inside.

It does require a lot of self-love and self-kindness, which you may not be used to doing. You have to cultivate this habit, you do so by tuning into your body and what it is feeling and what it needs. If it needs to rest then rest. Don’t push through till you are absolutely exhausted. Rest. Be kind and tender to yourself. Become the loving parent you didn’t have – be that for yourself.

Learn to have fun, try things out. Don’t be surprised if you don’t feel much fun at first – you are used to social situations being challenging or threatening, so it is going to take some time for it to stop being the automatic reaction and for fun to take its place. Keep doing things and you will notice in time that you are relaxing, you are having fun, and all is well.

You don’t have to stay stuck in pain or isolation. This does not help you. It just avoids the work needing to be done to find freedom and peace. There is much you can do to change negative beliefs and programming so that you do expect good things from life and you do enjoy whatever you experience. These belief changes will help, but the trauma and pain need to be released too. You can try to think positively as much as you like, but if you haven’t done the deep healing work, you are just playing around the edges, like the tip of an iceberg. You can make the tip look nice, but there is still much more to be done underneath the surface.

The most important thing to realise is that your reaction of expecting the worst to occur is a normal, understandable reaction for someone who experienced constant or ongoing terror as a child. You couldn’t relax or enjoy life because of the abuse occurring, the rage-filled or drama-filled atmosphere of your childhood home. So your reaction is normal and it can be healed – it just takes time. So be kind to yourself as you go along the healing journey and don’t give up. With every step you take, every emotion you release, your life is getting better and better. Your vibration is rising as you have less emotional density locked inside and therefore you will attract differently.

deserve good lifeIt is a long journey and sometimes it feels ridiculously long and tedious, but it is a path you have to walk if your life started harshly. You can find your way to peace and happiness, it just takes time, self-love and peaceful thoughts. Do the work required and you will be rewarded with a much more peaceful experience of life. You can have a life filled with positive events and experiences, and as that becomes your normal day to day occurrence, you will learn to expect the best to occur each day and you manifest heaven on Earth. Remember it is possible. It just takes time and effort. You can do it. You deserve it and you can achieve it. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (12 Jan 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

Healing from childhood sexual abuse (part 3)

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse, Self help techniques

In the first blog on this topic, we talked about the impacts of abuse and mentioned some tools for healing. In the second blog, we focused on the impact on your sexuality and ability to interact lovingly with others. In this third blog, we focus on the pain and releasing it from the cells of your body.

black cloudWhen great trauma occurs it is often too intense for the person to cope with. They escape it in some way. It may be by pushing the pain down in their body – swallowing it, holding it deep inside locked in the cells and muscles of the body. Others push it out, try to escape it by pushing it away, pretending it didn’t happen, not wanting it to touch them ever again. This keeps it in the person’s energy bodies and it does still affect them and touch them, just energetically. It is like the black cloud walking along behind or above them. Either way, the pain and trauma stays with you.

You can tell the trauma is still there by the bodily reactions when someone comes close to you. Do you react in fear? Does your breath stop or become shallow? Do you flinch? Do your muscles tighten? Do you try to shrink and become smaller to avoid their touch? Do you become angry and resentful? Do you puff up trying to become bigger to warn off the person and protect yourself?

Clearly, any of these reactions show that the body is not relaxed and at ease, the body is not feeling safe or trusting of other people. This shows the body is still locked into the trauma and is in a state of fear, not love, not peace, and certainly not joy. It can be. You just have to release the trauma out of the body.

The trauma is stored within the cells and muscles of your body. That’s why you get tight muscles. They’re literally frozen, tensed up in fear, ready to react to defend yourself, run away or freeze and be still so you hopefully can hide and not be seen.

It is exhausting for the body to be tense and on hyperalert so much. This tension and the trauma underneath it can be released out of the body so that your body relaxes and so that your mind doesn’t feel a need to be so defensive. Relaxing the body results in the mind softening and your defences melting. We literally thaw out the frozen parcels of trauma stored within the body so they can melt away.

One way to do this is through ‘tremoring’. Your body has an inbuilt shaking mechanism to help shift out the trauma and tension from your body. All mammals have it. The shaking uses up the adrenaline and cortisol, the fight or flight chemicals that were created in the life-threatening moment. If you couldn’t run away or fight back at the time, then these chemicals didn’t get used up. They stayed in your body resulting in the tension and clenched muscles.

Your body was primed, ready to fight or run, but it didn’t get to and afterwards the body didn’t relax fully. It still felt on edge, nervous, anxious, because these chemicals weren’t discharged. The trauma activation never got released. Later when we get triggered, when our body startles easily, is on edge, even if there is no real danger, it is because of these unfinished trauma activations.

You can use ‘Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) to help the body complete these activations, to use up the fight or flight chemicals through shaking, resulting in the body finally being able to relax, to know the war is over, that you survived and you’re okay. 

TRE is a very simple process and once learned you can use it yourself forever for free, to release stress, tension and trauma. If you’d like to learn more about TRE click here to watch some videos or to book in an appointment in person or an appointment online to learn TRE. It is well worth doing so your body can finally relax.

Another important process for helping the body to relax and to complete the trauma stored within is inner child recovery work. When you get triggered or scared it is actually a younger part of you that is triggered and scared.

By becoming conscious of your bodily reactions it enables you to start self-soothing. You can tell yourself “You are safe, it’s okay I’m not in danger here”. You can self soothe by holding your own hand, so to speak, or lovingly stroking your arm or your hair. This calms the body, to know it is held and cared for. I have literally stroked my own hair at times of distress and it feels like a safe adult is brushing the hair of a vulnerable child, and this act of self-kindness leads to a softening of the emotion and relaxation back to peace.

inner-childBasically, you become the protective, loving parent of the scared child within you. There is literally a scared child inside you and an angry one and a mad, bad, stomp on all the bad guys one who wants to punish those that hurt people. These are the parts of you from the time that you were that age and experienced those things. You can easily access these inner children by closing your eyes and asking to see them.

At first, they may be hiding from you, you might just sense a closed door or a room of furniture with the inner child hiding behind the sofa, just peeking out at you. You need to win their trust, to have them feel you are safe, you will be there for them and they can tell you how they feel and what they need and you won’t reject or abandon them.

In time as you imagine sitting and talking with them, they will start to trust you and come closer, they will start to share their deepest secrets about what hurt them the most. Listen to them, reassure them you love them and that they were not at fault. It was not their fault if someone older sexually abused them or interfered with them. Many inner children may be confused. They may have allowed the contact to occur because the perpetrator was being nice to them, showing them love and tenderness when others weren’t. When it is a parent, step-parent, Uncle, Grandpa or family friend involved, it is extra confusing to the child as that person was known to them, was a safe space, but then all of a sudden wasn’t.

The child may not have thought what occurred was wrong, they may have thought it a game, only to find out later it was labelled as bad or sinful. There are lots of different scenarios.

The point is your inner child is likely to feel confused and until that is cleared up, they won’t feel comfortable trusting anyone else who enters your life. They will always be cautious and on guard, wondering if this new, supposedly safe person is going to one day hurt them like the family member did. Therefore, they don’t relax, they keep their guard up and stay alert for danger.

In this way, they refuse to let love in. Even if the other person is genuinely authentic in their caring for the person who has suffered abuse, it is difficult for the abused person to accept it, believe it or reciprocate it. This, of course, has detrimental effects on relationships and prevents true intimacy and the feeling of being loved for who you are. Without love coming in from within – to ourself, or from without – from others, our cup becomes empty and we can fall into despair, depression and feeling worthless, unloved, unwanted and think the world is a horrible place.

Yet the love and the light is there, good people are all around us, we just have to learn to let the love in, and to do so we need to allow ourselves to feel vulnerable, to take the risk to love and receive love, to surrender to life and its process of awakening.

While the inner child is still confused, scared, angry or ashamed this process is blocked or minimised, often to the point of almost complete annihilation. Anyone who dares to show you love or acceptance becomes seen as a threat, a bad person or foolish one because if they truly knew you, you think they shouldn’t love you, and hence if they do they must not be very wise, smart or worth much. So you judge them and push them away.

inner childTo stop such patterns you need to heal your heart, talk to your inner child, send it love. Any time you feel scared, know it is your inner child asking for reassurance, wanting to know you are aware of its concern, and you are taking care of the situation, that you will keep them safe and it’s okay for them to go play or have a nap. They may prefer to stay with you, clinging to the back of your leg, watching to make sure you do handle whatever interaction is occurring that has led to their nervousness.

In time, once they have seen you do handle it and keep them safe, then they will relax and go play, they will become a joyful, innocent child again and this frees you the Adult to also enjoy life again. Your body relaxes, so much so, that when someone approaches you, you do not react with fear or hesitation. You can welcome the person and interact joyfully, peacefully, light-heartedly. It takes a long time to reach this stage, but it is worth the effort.

All it takes is becoming conscious of your patterning and comforting your self, your inner child, becoming the good parent to it and guardian of it, and in time it will relax. Then the pleasure is amazing. You can stare at the leaves moving in the tree and feel transported into a magical place again, you can feel the awe and wonder that a little child feels for life. You can see the beauty and love all around you and you can let it in.

You can let yourself receive love and goodness and the Universe pours it into you. It always has been doing this, but our defences have stopped us receiving it. With those defences melted away, we can finally accept the goodness and allow ourselves to have a happy life, with friends, love and peace. It is wonderful to do so. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (25 Dec 2015).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self-love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

How to forgive yourself?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Self help techniques

We have all made poor choices at one time or another. We have all done things we later regretted or with hindsight wished we hadn’t done. Given our time over we would choose differently. We all make mistakes = miss takes. To err is human, to repeat the same error over and over again is foolish. We must learn from what we experience or what we experience will not change.

Life presents us with a series of opportunities to choose again, to choose from love, to take more positive action than we were able to take at first. This is life – a cycle of improvements, of decisions born from hate, lust, envy, greed, etc that eventually get made from love, with consideration and compassion for all involved. As we learn we evolve higher in our consciousness and our vibration raises.

self-love-healthyDo not punish yourself over your earlier choices. At an earlier time of life you did not have the knowledge and awareness you do now. Let yourself off the hook. See yourself with kindness and compassion, and lighten up! Let go, don’t be so serious. It is alright to have stuffed up, we all do at times. We all make poor choices some times. We just need to learn from them and choose differently.

You don’t need to suffer, make amends or go without. You don’t need to make yourself ill or keep yourself poor or sacrifice your joy. You deserve to be happy, no matter what you have done before. Choose peace with your past and enjoy your now. You are allowed to, really you are.

Know that we all make mistakes, sometimes big, sometimes small. It is part of being human. Say you’re sorry if you want to and get on with your life. Your loved ones will forgive you for hurting them in time, especially if they can see your growth, your genuine regret and sorrow over what you have done. It is okay to move forward and prosper. It is okay. No matter what you have done, you can choose peace and choose future actions from a space of love, to do so is divine. To do so is freedom and liberation.

Trust in life to help you move forward and achieve your dreams. If it is meant to be, it will. Know nothing happens by accident, it is all preplanned, destined from before you were born. The things you class as your deepest regrets were meant to happen, they lead to your greatest growth. That is their purpose, that is the reason for their existence. So allow what is, accept what has been and choose peace in the now. It is up to you.

Would you hold a small child responsible for their actions? No, because you know they don’t know better. They are not mature enough to know the consequences of their actions. We are the same. We may be adults, but we are immature beings unaware of the bigger picture and slowly waking up to our purpose in our life. When we know better we can do better, but not before. So forgive yourself for past actions and love who you are now, love yourself and others. Be kind in all you do, then you can be proud of your now and your future. Blessed BE. Amen.

Spring-FlowersIt is truly okay to move forward and forget the past. You don’t have to cling to it. Let it drop away and start anew. Just like rain washes away the residue on roads and lawns, let your tears wash away your regrets and sadness. Let the sun rise and joy fill your eyes. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to bloom and show your beauty to the world. Let your garden blossom and honour all the plants within it. For it is the variety that makes it interesting. Let yourself blossom and celebrate life. For you truly can. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (20 Dec 2015).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

Does evil exist?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Healing from child abuse

Evil does not exist as a specific entity. Only evil acts occur and these occur as a result of people’s thinking and their beliefs about right or wrong. Someone may truly think that a certain person is bad and should be killed. It is not that the first person is evil, they are just deluded by their thinking. It is at the thinking level that change is  required.

When masses of people believe the same thing atrocities can occur. Good people caught up in bad situations due to a mob mentality. It is very hard for the individual person to resist this when there is mass hysteria and pressure to go along with the rest. These atrocious acts are often done with a clear conscience, as those doing them believe that their cause is important and their actions justified. They don’t realise the damage they do or the harm they cause. That is blocked from their sight, filtered out of the data that they observe. Simply because of their thinking and belief systems about right or wrong.

Child abusers who harm children don’t realise the long term consequences of their actions and don’t care what they are. Does this make them evil? Yes and no. The acts are detrimental, but they occur due to the person’s lack of awareness and their own internal pain. Most who abuse others were abused themselves and the cycle continues because noone seeks help to resolve their inner pain. Instead the pain is projected outwards causing pain for others and so on and so on. This occurs until someone is brave enough to look within, feel the emotions locked inside and become more aware. Then with kindness and love the person heals the hate and the need for revenge drops away.

apple loveAs love expands in one’s heart, the judgement of others also drops away and eventually compassion is felt for all involved, and it is acknowledged that anyone hurting another is hurting deeply inside. So the individuals are not evil, just misled, unaware and wounded internally. Love is what heals such conditions. Love is needed, not judgement, condemnation, punishment, isolation or imprisonment. LOVE.

But what to do when someone is not willing to look within or change their mindset? It is true it is not beneficial to let them keep hurting others, and that is why your laws exist and prisons exist. There is a fine line between helping and making things worse at the institutional level. If prisoners are treated poorly, their beliefs about life are likely to worsen and they will not be rehabilitated at all, no matter how long they are locked up.

If they receive support, encouragement, counselling and healing services while imprisoned their views on life may improve. If they are shown how to heal, to release their trauma so that they can be more peaceful then their anger, hate and rage will diminish.

Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) is a powerful process to help with this as you don’t need to talk about your past. You don’t need to be vulnerable and risk connecting with others. It is a practice you can do by yourself if you want to and it helps your body to release the tension, stress and trauma bit by bit, shaking it off, letting out steam from the pressure cooker inside. It helps you to unwind, be less defended and reactive.

As your body relaxes and starts to feel safer you can see life differently, see more possibilities, as you are no longer locked in fight or flight wanting to defend yourself or attack others. TRE is taught in a wide range of contexts – to individuals, to first responders (army, ambulance, police, fire officers), to children and would be great for inmates too.

If inmates are taught a trade, given an opportunity to make a better life for themselves, then many will, but some may not. Some may be so hardened in their hearts that it can not be felt or accessed, no matter how much love is shone on them. Such a person needs compassion and understanding, to let them be how they are, not made wrong. They may not heal this lifetime, it may be the next or the one after that or many more to come. But kindness and love is going to help chip away at their armour and plant the seeds of change. They should never be treated badly as this will just worsen things.

lightNo person is truly evil, all are of God and God-like, made in God’s image. The light is within us all. The person who does evil acts is just someone who has lost touch with their heart and the light within. They will find it again, it is just a matter of time. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (18 Dec 2015).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

Celebrating life – how to do it?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Personal Development

To celebrate life is to honour and accept all that is. It is to say thank you for all that has been, is and will be. It is saying thank you for all of it. I accept it. I honour it. I allow it to be my truth. I stop fighting against what is. I stop resenting what was. And I stop trying to force what is to come to be what I want. I accept God has a plan for my life and what I need most will come. Life will bring me what I need, so I heal, so I grow, so I evolve into a loving being of high vibration and can be of greatest service while I am here on Earth.

celebrate-17

Celebrating life is acknowledging life knows best. It all happens without my effort, my struggle. I can just relax and enjoy the ride whatever comes, knowing it is needed and meant to occur. The pleasant and unpleasant events, all come for a reason and I ride through them without judgement, without attachment, without misery – my thoughts are calm and accepting of what is – so I don’t feel misery or create drama.

When triggered I use the tools I have learned to process the internal reaction and return to peace. I use my breath to calm my body. I use Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) to release any stress, tension and trauma. And I talk to and hold the younger me who is in pain or who has surfaced related to the trigger and needs reassurance that she is safe, loved, cared for and seen. I give myself the nurturance I need and sing through the day knowing all is well and I am being led forth by the Universe, through good and seemingly bad challenges that lead to my growth and evolution. Thank you, Universe for looking after me. I have faith that all is working out for my highest good, so I relax, trust, play, knowing all is well in the bigger scheme of life.

Instead I celebrate life. I celebrate the diversity of experiences, the learning, the greater self-awareness and the connection to spirit. I feel the vibration in and around me. I sense the love and beauty in all things. I see God’s touch wherever I go and I know I am guided forth to create my best life, to experience all that I can to evolve and grow while here on Earth.

I celebrate life and sing, not because I got my way or things worked out how I wanted because they have not. I sing because I am free. Free of the tyranny of judgement and fear, free from the misery and drama of questioning and controlling. Free from the pain of feeling stuck, lost, fearful.

I celebrate and sing because I am resting in the arms of the divine, knowing I am held and supported, knowing I walk the Earth with an army of supportive Angels and Guides walking by my side, urging me on into the unknown, into the depths of my heart and soul, into greatness, into wholeness, into unity with Self, God, life, with all there is, recognising, feeling and embodying oneness. I celebrate the lack of separation, isolation, loneliness. I celebrate the oneness that is our true nature and the acceptance of self and life that has finally occurred.

I enjoy each day, waiting to see what will occur, what growth will result, what greater freedom will occur due to healing whatever is triggered this day by the people, things, places, times and events I experience. I trust it is all leading me forth to achieve my highest potential, to embody my higher self on Earth. Such a gift, such an opportunity. For these gifts I am grateful and I celebrate life. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (17 Dec 2015).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

How to love yourself fully?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse, Parenting, Personal Development

Most people do not fully love themselves. They may like themselves a bit, think that they are okay, but they don’t cherish the precious being that they are. They don’t look at themselves with love and reverence. They don’t honour their bodily needs and treat themselves with the respectful thought, touch and actions that they would do for others.

self-love-healthy

Many of us have been taught to dislike ourselves. Life has shown us evidence that we are not lovable, good enough or okay. This is false evidence. It was just the interpretation of events that were not actually about you, even if it seemed they were.

Parents can rarely meet all needs of a child. It is too much to ask for. That is why traditionally they say it takes a tribe to raise a child. When one is tired and needs to rest, another steps in to care for the child. That way interactions can be mostly positive, loving, nurturing and accepting.

In today’s way of being parents are often trying to do it on their own or with occasional support from family or friends. The parents are tired, coping with work, money concerns, their own stuff as well as caring for the child. Out of exhaustion and frustration it is harder for all their interactions to be loving and kind to the child. There are times when they simply have nothing left to give and may feel resentful of the child and its needs. They may wish the child didn’t exist or they could give them away. This is just exhaustion. Just a lack of support in the way that modern life operates.

The children however can sense the above. They feel that Mum or Dad is not available, distant, angry or upset. They feel the absence of love and joy when Mum is depressed and lonely, struggling to cope. While the parents actions are not really about the baby itself, it will feel like it is. It’s not that it is the baby’s personality, the being that it is, that is the issue. It is the demands of parenthood in a time when that role is undervalued and unappreciated. It could be any baby and it would get the same response. However, as a baby and a child growing up we do assume it is about us personally. We may think ‘if only I was prettier, smarter, more like Mum, Dad, brother, sister – whoever does get the attention more easily – if only I was like them then I’d be lovable. Then I’d be okay’. This is the foundation of self loathing, self rejection and self denial. We start manipulating who we are to please others, to get approval, to fit in and receive love. It is all about LOVE.

In the early stages of life we need to be nurtured and looked after by others, mainly our families and friends who care for us and our welfare. Without touch and care babies do not thrive and gain weight. It physically damages them to be left alone and not cared for. Uncontrolled crying, being left to cry, actually releases cortisol into the baby’s blood stream, a stress hormone, that eats away, dissolves parts of the baby’s brain. It actually damages the brain physically.

So don’t let babies cry. Find a way to be there for them. Ask for help and support when you need it. Go outside into nature and let the Earth’s energy support you if no one else is around. Ensure that you do have plans in place for those times when your personal reserves are empty, when your gas tank is on zero. Have someone you can call on or text that can come help.

Do loving and nurturing things to reduce your stress levels and support your body. Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) is a process you can use at home whenever you like to reduce tension, stress and trauma. It helps you to come out of overwhelm, to calm down and relax, so it is easier to deal with life’s challenges and connect with others. It soothes your nervous system making it easier to face the day ahead and the tasks you must complete.

The breakdown of community and isolation that most people live in, makes connection so much harder. So many people are lonely, scared to reach out to others for fear of rejection or further loss and pain. Instead they hide at home with their pets who provide them with their main source of love and affection.

If so many people are feeling lonely, unloved or deep down feeling perhaps they aren’t lovable, don’t deserve love or will never be loved, shouldn’t we just all take the risk to love each other, to meet each others needs? Acknowledge we are all carrying wounds around this and beliefs about ourselves that we need to change, emotional pain that needs to be felt and released, so that we can realise we are perfectly okay as we are. Take a step today and reach out to another human being. Offer your friendship, your love, your time and see what happens. Not all will accept, but some might and you only need one or two to start with. Offer them your heart and say ‘I will love and accept you as you are, will you do the same for me?‘ You may not say this out loud, but energetically it is what you are wishing to portray. Get out there, join social, sporting, art or other types of groups. Do what makes your heart sing and you will start to feel more fulfilled and full of love as you honour yourself and treat yourself in more loving ways.

There is much that you can do to show yourself that you are loved, lovable and deserving of good things in life. Tell your friends how you feel and you will be surprised that they feel that way too. We all have some self doubt and insecurities. We all have issues we are working through. Sometimes sharing with others is good. Other times put that aside and just have fun. Just go out and have fun.

This is how you love yourself fully, by honouring your own needs and meeting them. By doing for yourself what your parents could not do. You choose to be there for yourself, to meet your needs, to rest when needed and have fun. You follow your heart’s messages and do what it desires. You risk opening up and connecting with others who feel safe and play together, honouring each other.

Love is not hard. It is our natural state, the most natural thing for us to do. We have just been conditioned to be wary of it due to life experiences. It could be school events where you were bullied or teased. It could be workplace incidents that led you to feel incompetent or not good enough. These issues can occur at any time of our life, but the seed of them is planted during our time in the womb and as a baby.

A foetus knows whether it is wanted or not wanted while growing in the Mother’s womb. The foetus receives the Mother’s blood supply and all the molecules of emotion it contains, through the umbilical cord. It carries this from the start, this knowing, and it forms the start of its identity. Preconception, pregnancy and birth truly are significant and important events which shape the personality of the child and its feeling of being loved or not, safe or not, wanted or not. These are times when tenderness and care are needed. When loving touch is needed. Ensure that these are times of love and joy, and your baby will flourish and grow with less doubts about self and his/her self worth.

deserve good lifeThe important thing to realise is everyone goes through this. We are all carrying degrees of ‘Am I okay?’ questioning. Realise you are. You are enough. You are perfectly enough exactly as you are. Find the courage to show yourself to the world and stand strong in who you are. You don’t need to play games for approval or modify yourself to fit in. Let it go and be yourself. Let it go and be happy with what you have and who you are. As you do so your inner world will flourish and your outer world will alter to match it. You are okay. You are lovable, and you do deserve the best in life. Do the healing necessary so you believe in yourself and live life freely as the beautiful human being that you are. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (8 Dec 2015).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

Coping with loved ones with addiction or mental illness

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse

The below is a wonderful post by Ally Hamilton explaining how to cope with a loved one who has addiction or mental illness. It is wise advice about not sacrificing your own life trying to rescue someone who does not want to help themselves. Thank you Ally x

drive you crazy

Yogis Anonymous

Yesterday at 6:20am ·

www.yogisanonymous.com

People can only drive us crazy if we let them. A person can spin his or her web, but we don’t have to fly into the center of it to be stunned, stung, paralyzed and eaten. Remember that your time and your energy are the most precious gifts you have to offer anyone, and that includes those closest to you, and also total strangers. Your energy and your time are also finite, so it’s really important to be mindful about where you’re placing those gifts.

It’s hard not to get caught up when someone we love is suffering, or thrashing around, or in so much pain they don’t know what else to do but lash out. It’s hard not to take that to heart, or to defend yourself, or to try to make things better for them, but you’re not going to walk into a ring and calm a raging bull with your well-thought out dialogue. You’re just going to get kicked in the face, at best, and I use that analogy intentionally. People in pain–whether we’re talking about people with personality disorders or clinical depression, people suffering with addiction, or people who are going through mind-boggling loss–are dealing with deep and serious wounds. They didn’t wake up this way one morning. Whether it’s a chronic issue, or an acute and immediate situation, when you’re dealing with heightened emotions including rage, jealousy, or debilitating fear, you’re not going to help when a person is in the eye of the storm. If someone is irrational, trying to reason with them makes you as irrational as they are; you can’t negotiate with crazy. I’m not using the word as a dagger, I’m saying we’re all crazy sometimes, we’re all beyond reason sometimes. We all have days when we feel everyone is against us, whether that’s based in any kind of reality or not.

You can offer your love, your patience, your kindness and your compassion if someone you care for is suffering. You can try to get them the support they need. You can make them a meal, or show up and just be there to hold their hand, or take them to the window to let in a little light, but if someone is attacking you verbally or otherwise, we’re in a different territory. You are not here to be abused, mistreated, or disrespected. You are not here to defend yourself against someone’s need to make you the villain. You don’t have to give that stuff your energy, and I’d suggest that you don’t. It’s better spent in other places.

We can lose hours and days and weeks getting caught up in drama or someone else’s manipulation. That’s time we’ll never have back. Of course things happen in life; people do and say and want things that can be crushing sometimes, but the real story to examine is always the story of our participation. If someone needs you to be the bad guy, why do you keep trying to prove you’re actually wonderful? Are you wonderful? Brilliant, get back to it. If someone has a mental illness and they are incapable of controlling themselves, keeping their word, or treating you with respect, why do you keep accepting their invitation to rumble? You already know what’s going to happen. Don’t you have a better way to spend your afternoon? My point is, life is too short.

When a person is in the kind of pain that causes them to create pain around them, your job is to create boundaries if it’s someone you want to have in your life. You figure out how to live your life and honor your own well-being, and deal with the other party in a way that creates the least disharmony for you. That means you don’t get in the ring when they put their dukes up. You don’t allow yourself to get sucked in. Do you really think this is the time you’ll finally be heard or seen or understood? People who need to be angry cannot hear you. It doesn’t matter what you do or say, they have a construct they’ve built to support a story about their life that they can live with; it doesn’t have to be based in reality. Not everyone is searching for their own truth or their own peace; some people are clinging to their rage, because that feels easier or more comfortable, or because they really, truly aren’t ready to do anything else yet. You’re not going to solve that, but you can squander your time and energy trying. You can make yourself sick that way. I just don’t recommend it.

You really don’t have to allow other people to steal your peace, whether we’re talking about those closest to you, or people you don’t even know, like the guy who cuts you off on the freeway, or the woman talking loudly on her cellphone at the bank. You don’t have to let this stuff get under your skin and agitate you. You don’t have to let someone’s thoughtless comment or action rob you of a beautiful afternoon. Of course we give our time to people who need us. I’m just saying, don’t get caught up in the drama. Sending you love, Ally Hamilton

 

What is impatience?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Personal Development

Impatience is not accepting God’s plan for your life and assuming that you know better what should occur in it.

Impatience is arrogance, wondering why you don’t have all that you want and getting angry or frustrated as you feel you have missed out. But you haven’t missed out on anything. You have experienced exactly what you needed to experience in this life time, for the greatest evolution of your soul. Trust in this. If you do trust God / the Universe to bring you exactly what you need then you can relax and flow. You can be peaceful and content. You can be happy right now in whatever circumstances you are in.

Impatience is an unwillingness to accept what is or to accept divine timing. What you want may or may not eventuate, it depends on what will lead to the most growth for you as a soul. Sometimes painful experiences are needed to help us separate from our ego mind and being totally focussed on ego goals e.g. career, success, wealth, advancement.

God works in humble ways and through humble means. There is no fanfare when flowers blossom, even though it is a miraculous achievement, one worthy of singing and exalting. Likewise when a limb falls off of a tree there is no mourning, no solemn exchange or grief. Nature just flows and accepts what is.

tree and flowerNature shows us the transitions in life, the process of birth, growth, decay, rotting and death. It shows us what we all must go through. What we all must learn from. We cannot avoid these stages completely. We can certainly go through them with ease and grace, but it is hard for most to accept the loss of their vitality or ability to do all that they used to be able to do. Many people fight death and old age, try to deny it, resist it, but that doesn’t work. Accept it as part of life, love yourself through all stages of life, all shapes of your body, trim and athletic or round and pudgy. It doesn’t matter which.

What matters is love. Are you able to love yourself and others at all times? Can you remain kind and patient when people need your help? Are you still loving when you don’t get your own way? Are you still happy and peaceful in amidst chaos, trusting it will shift and accepting it as God’s will? These are the signs of spiritual mastery. These show you your progress. The other material stuff does not matter. God does not care if you own 3 houses and a sports car. He cares if you can give your time and attention to the poor and destitute making them feel loved and accepted, and worthy of life. God cares how loving we are to ourselves, others and the Earth. God is love and wishes us to become that too.

There is no rush in mastering this. Life is our learning ground and we evolve at a rate we can handle. We will get there this lifetime or another. There is no rush, so relax, enjoy what comes, knowing it is helping you evolve. That is all you need to do.

Follow your heart’s guidance. If it is telling you to leave your job or relationship then do it. We fight so hard against the heart’s messages out of fear. What if it isn’t the right thing to do? What if i’m mistaken or naive? Most of society doesn’t listen to their heart. They are conditioned not to, so it does feel risky to listen to it, to follow its urges, especially when that requires letting go of security and control, which in reality are illusions, but strong ones the ego mind holds on to.

Will I be safe if I follow my heart? Most certainly yes. God and the angels will be by your side, singing and celebrating as you move into your true profession, being of service in whatever way makes your heart sing and your eyes water with gratitude. Noone is holding you back from this except yourself. Trust the process. Trust in life and have faith that all is working out as it needs to for your highest good and the highest good of all.

We are all evolving into loving, light filled beings. This is what life on Earth is about. It’s not about achieving material wealth or success at ego tasks. Those are distractions from the true task. The task to love more fully every day and stay connected both to God and your heart as you move through each day. So let go of impatience; and trust, accept what is and listen to your heart. It will guide you home to peace and happiness. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (01 Dec 2015).

Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.