This is a brilliant video summarising how childhood trauma can lead to addictive tendencies, and what is needed to heal it. I love Gabor Mate’s work and his way of explaining things. Below is a summary of some of the key points:
Trauma is not what happens to you. It’s what happens inside you as a result of traumatic experiences.
Trauma is the disconnection from your self, your emotions, your body and your gut sense or intuition. You lose connection to yourself and how you authentically feel.
This disconnection results in difficulty being in the present moment and in the development of negative views of your world and of yourself. It results in a defensive view of other people.
Addiction is not the primary problem. It’s an attempt to solve a problem, which it does temporarily, but it creates even more problems in the long term.
Recovery is rediscovering, finding your self again, reconnecting to your self, your body, your emotions, your gut sense and intuition. You reconnect to who you authentically are and how you authentically feel.
Recovery and healing are about reconnection.
There are many ways to release trauma and reconnect with your body. One of the main methods I use is Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE). I am qualified to teach TRE to individuals and within a few months will be qualified to teach it to groups. If you’d like to learn more about TRE and how it can help you to reconnect with your body please visit my TRE page.
Gabor Mate – How childhood trauma leads to addiction (9:09 mins)
Here’s a video exploring what it means to be free of the past, how you know when you’ve broken free of it and are no longer being affected by it so much. I hope you find it useful.
To be free of the past means to no longer be affected by it, which means you no longer think about it, cling to it, or be affected by it in your current day to day actions. It no longer informs your thinking, attitudes or expectations of what is to occur in the future.
To be free of the past means you are completely present to the moment, living now. Your energy is here now, not split between worry about the past and future, with only partial attention on the now.
When you are present now you can notice the signs and synchronicities that occur all around you, giving you feedback about how you are progressing in life and guiding you forward as to what to do next.
When you are present to life in the moment you notice your inner guidance, your intuition, and your body’s signals about what it wants from you. Your body will tell you what food is most beneficial to eat at each meal. If you are lacking a particular vitamin or amino acid you will get an inkling to eat a specific vegetable or meat if you need protein. Your body will tell you. You just have to be quiet enough in your mind to hear it.
Likewise, your body will tell you whether or not someone is being honest with you, or whether or not you should trust them. You will get messages to go certain places with no explanation of why. If you follow the inner advice you may be shocked that you bump into someone important to your goals at that place or find the perfect book to help you along your path.
Living in the now enables you to meet people a fresh – to not have tainted views of them based on past experiences. It means you can be friendly and kind to all with no baggage or preconceived notions of who they are.
There is much to gain from living in the now and breaking free of the past. But how do you do it? How do you let the past go? You do so with every breath, every thought, every action. You do so by paying attention to your now and calling your mind back to now whenever it wanders to the past or future. You do so as a loving discipline, centring yourself back to the now with your senses – focusing on what you see, feel, hear, taste and smell.
You can use Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) to help you to clear out the past energies, the tensions, stresses and traumas that have accumulated throughout your life and weigh you down.
It is these old stagnant energies that lead to our fears of events happening again. We still have the emotional pain inside and want to avoid feeling it again. It is all this past residue that keeps us away from living more fully in the moment.
TRE can help you to ‘shake out’ these old energies, thaw out any frozen shock and trauma so that you can finally discharge that energy, let it go and focus more on your now. When your body is more relaxed and feeling safer, it is easier for you to live life from a more joyful place, connecting with others and having fun.
Your interactions with people will feel more satisfying and fulfilling as you will be connecting more deeply, intimately, seeing into each other’s soul, your essence, rather than distracted, surface chit-chat. Such deep interactions fill your cup with love and attention – you feel seen, heard, valued, loved and this fills you up.
You no longer need to scream out for attention or to be heard. You are seen and heard, first by yourself, then others. So make the effort to be more in the now. You will be surprised how much more enjoyable the day is, how much less stressful it is, and how much more productive it is. Achieve one task at a time without pressuring yourself by worrying about getting it all done. One step at a time is enough.
You don’t need to see the whole path in front of you, just the next few steps. When driving at night the car’s headlights illuminate the way in front of us, but we can only see a short distance ahead. We drive on trusting the next part of the road will be illuminated when we approach it. We don’t waste energy worrying if the road is there or not. We trust it is.
Similarly, life leads us forth and we cannot get lost. The path we are to take is determined and we are guided to it. It is predestined, chosen before we birthed. It just plays out like a movie. We are the lead character and live through each scene, each chapter of our life. We are all held safe in God’s arms as we journey forth on this path of evolution and growth.
There are potholes and obstacles on the road, but we are guided around them. Sometimes one’s car breaks down and we have to rest and repair it. This is all part of life. Some journeys are long and tedious, some are short and joyful. You never know what is going to occur on each drive. It is part of the mystery and adventure. Even unexpected setbacks, accidents and tragedies are part of God’s plan, leading us forth, on this evolutionary journey.
Through pain, we wake up to what is truly important in life. We let go of the mundane, rat-race and focus on what we really care about, what we are passionate about and what makes our heart’s sing. Life is that journey to our singing hearts. Before the music is pitch-perfect we have to clear out the baggage of the past and be able to live in the now. It is worth the effort. Blessed BE. Amen.
In this video, Jodi-Anne explores ‘What does it mean to be free of the past?’ It is one of over 100 questions she has asked about life and channelled an answer through automatic writing. All of these answers to questions about life, how to live peacefully and happily are available for free on the ‘Life Insights’ page of her website.
To be authentic means to be honest and show all of who you are to the world.You don’t pretend to be perfect or to have it all together. You show your humanness – your strengths, your doubts, fears and messiness. You show it all, accepting this too is part of who you are.
You don’t need to parade your weaknesses around. You just don’t actively hide them.You are not embarrassed about them. They are simply areas of your personality that have not yet healed into wholeness, into love and peace. They are your growing edge, your next steps. And it is wonderful that you are seeing them, acknowledging them, loving and accepting them, because then they can shift and dissolve.
Life is not as harsh as many think it is. These aspects surface to be released, to be felt into completion. If you willingly feel it, face it, breathe into it, acknowledge any earlier memories associated with it, love the younger part of you involved and bring it into your heart, then it dissolves, the pain goes.
It is only when we try to ignore it that it stays or gets louder, so we will look at it and hopefully embrace it. If we do, the shifting can be easier and we won’t need to attract people or situations to trigger us on that issue.
If you don’t heal the betrayal inside you, you will attract someone to betray you, so you feel those feelings and can heal. It happens to help you heal. But often us humans don’t realise that. We think the person hurting us is bad, broken, evil, unkind or unaware.
We think we are bad, broken, a victim, that life is unfair and cruel, and people can’t be trusted. This is all just wounding to be healed.
We are all innocent, all pure, and all capable of goodness and love, as it is our core nature. We are just clearing out density, so we can embody the light.
So if you have a habit or a thinking pattern or defensive mechanism that you are ashamed of, let go of the judgement. It’s just a habit to break.
Love and accept yourself, see what is going on, and be kind to yourself. Embrace yourself like you would if it was a child hurting, because it is. It’s your inner child, your younger self that needs help to let go of the hurts.
When you can look at it like this, it is easier to see there is nothing ‘wrong’ with you, nothing to hide. You are just a work in progress, we all are. We are all working towards wholeness – where we accept ourselves and others, and flow with life in loving and peaceful ways.
We all have aspects of ourselves that need upgrading or healing. We each have those annoying thought patterns or habits. Love yourself anyway. Be who you are. It’s okay to be you exactly as you are.
You don’t need to hide, or pretend to be better than you are, or hide how you are feeling to please another. You don’t have to pretend to be something you are not, or alter yourself to fit in with the crowd.
Be who you are and shine. Be who you are and love and accept yourself. When you do you will attract others who are also being authentically themselves, and you can enjoy life together, acknowledging each other’s gifts and areas for growth.
We all want to be seen as we are, to be loved and accepted. We just fear we will be rejected, seen as not good enough. If you have these fears it shows you a part of you is still hurting from past experiences. Go inside and heal that part, help it to let go of its pain. Listen to it. Embrace it. Breathe with it while it releases its emotions. Let it be healed by golden and rainbow light. Give it a place in your heart. Accept it and love it and the wound will disappear.
For it is your own love and acceptance you have been craving. When you give it, it is easier to be yourself and show it to the world, as you know you are okay. Even if someone does reject you or is cruel, it won’t destroy you. Just feel any emotional reaction and send love, knowing their reaction is about them and their inner state of pain or turmoil. It is not really about you.
When you are authentically yourself your energy levels rise, as you are no longer wasting energy hiding, or trying to figure things out, or guessing at what other’s want. You can just be yourself, smile and ask for what you want, trusting others to do the same.
You take responsibility for living your life peacefully and lovingly, doing kind acts wherever you go – when you want to, and when you don’t want to, you don’t. You can do whatever you feel like as long as it isn’t hurting anyone else. When we each take responsibility for balancing our own lives we will have fuller energy cups. We won’t be depleted. We won’t be exhausted trying to give from an empty cup. Instead we will overflow from fullness and joy.
It will be easy to give and have a positive impact as our energy field is clear and radiant. That is what it means to be authentically yourself, shining your light for all to see. No need to hide who you are.
You are a beautiful child of God, a masterpiece, just chipping away the rough edges to reveal the beautiful statue within the stone. It takes eons to wear away those rough edges. So be proud of them and of your progress.
No need to be perfect. It’s okay to be flawed, to be human.We each have a different mix of density – pain, thoughts, and patterns. We are each a unique kaleidoscope of life experiences, and we each have beauty. See the love and accept who you are.
Show that to the world and celebrate who you are warts and all! We all make smelly poo and farts. We all have snot and pus when infected. We all lose hair and skin cells and bleed. We are all of this, as well as our smiles, our light, and our love. It’s time to embrace it all and just be yourself. So be it. Amen.
If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
It is human nature to want to feel loved and secure. Feeling that way occurs when you have a strong sense of belonging – to your family, your tribe, your community, your social supports, friends, etc.
You feel safe and secure when you sense that you belong and are accepted by those around you. When you feel you don’t belong, when you feel excluded or in danger of being excluded, you feel terrified of dying, of being left alone to fend for yourself. This terror relates to tribal days when you did need to band together for survival, to hunt the wild animals that could attack anyone left on their own.
In today’s world it is not so dangerous to be on your own, but loneliness, the sense of isolation, rejection, of not being enough – all erodes your happiness and eventually your health. Studies have shown that those who are lonely and isolated suffer higher rates of chronic illness and shorter lifespans. It is almost like the will to live reduces, because it is so painful to live in isolation and darkness that comes when your thoughts are negative and self-loathing.
It is hard to love and accept yourself when you feel rejected by others. The issue may not be about you. It may be something specific to the group rejecting you, but it still feels bad to be rejected. This is why people will do bad things in a group. They will be immoral and do devilish things that they would not do on their own. They go along with the crowd, they don’t stand up and say “No, I don’t want to hurt that person or break that law. It is immoral and I won’t do it”.
It takes great strength to stand up in such a situation and say no. It risks being ostracised, losing your standing in the group, being rejected and hated. Few people have the courage to do so. Many go along with the crowd and silently regret it for the rest of their lives. This feeds self-disgust and loathing.
Sometimes this gets high enough that a person will leave the group on their own choice, as to stay feels unconscionable. But few people make that choice. Most stay and self-medicate through addiction to numb the painful thoughts and feelings. Others will project the self-hatred out onto their enemy, their chosen other, and this further fuels the conflict occurring.
All of this occurs because each person wants to feel that they belong, that they are accepted, and that they are an acceptable human being.Many of us doubt our worthiness, our goodness, we feel not enough. This comes from childhood conditioning, when our parents weren’t able to be there for us all the time we needed them, and occasionally they looked at us with frustration and tiredness. They gave us looks of desperation and we sensed that they wished we didn’t exist or that we were different to how we were.
This was just their tiredness and stress. It wasn’t really about us. It was about them and their circumstances, but we take those messages to heart and feel that we are somehow unacceptable.
No parent means to do that to their child. They love you and want what is best for you, but they did not have the energy reserves or capability to be always loving and positive in their interactions with us. No one could. It is very demanding being a parent. There are no times off. No vacations from the responsibility for that child and its life.
Most parents do their best to meet the child’s needs. Some do not. Some in their exhaustion and pain will blame the child for their adult problems. Some may even say it to their child, saying “If it wasn’t for you I could have….. If it wasn’t for you I would have….You ruined my life, etc, etc”. Some parents can be very cruel even saying that they wish the child had not been born.
All of this negativity gets taken to heart by the child, who then has such inner turmoil and emotional pain that they may rebel, turn away from the parents and look for love and belonging elsewhere. This is what leads to gang membership. The person finds a group where they are accepted and approved of. They will do whatever they need to, in order to join and stay apart of their new family.
Thankfully most of us just join a sporting club or community activity or friends group where we feel held and safe and accepted.
All of us try to find somewhere, where we will be accepted and gain a sense of approval, a feeling that we are good enough, we do belong, and we are okay.
Some will try desperately to please their parents, bending over backwards doing whatever they ask, in a desperate plea for acceptance and belonging. Some parents will give that to their children and some will continue to manipulate the child well into adulthood in order to get what they want.
All of this could be avoided or reduced if there was more support for parents when they have their children.If parents with newborns were more supported, whether that be by family, friends, community or government services, it would make it easier for them to be more positive in their interactions with their children.
Most parents unfortunately are exhausted, over tired, fatigued and living on adrenaline, coffee or sugar to get by. It is not a healthy way to be, and it is inevitable that problems will occur. It is hard enough coping with children as a couple. It is even harder as a single parent.
Parents need support so that they can enjoy their time with their children more, so that they can have a more balanced life, with time for them to relax, do a hobby, and have some fun. Without this balance the parents will be in deficit and the kids will feel that and absorb it, feeling like there is something wrong with them, when there isn’t.
The above patterning is the reason for so many people desperately seeking approval. There are solutions at the societal level as discussed, but there are also solutions at the individual level.
We need to recognise any self-lacking thoughts and change them to more positive, self-affirming thoughts. We need to feel our emotional pain from past interactions and be loving and supportive of our self.
Doing inner child work is powerful, reclaiming those younger parts of us that split off, that hid or became tough to survive. We need to welcome those younger selves back into our hearts, give them the love that they missed out on, and welcome them home to our hearts, to know that they are okay and they belong with us.
When we integrate these disowned parts within us, we will no longer feel rejected by the world so much. We can do inner visualisations and Family Constellations with our parents to heal that split and to connect in with their hearts, their goodness, and their love for us.
There are many ways to do this, so that we feel more complete, more accepted and have a stronger sense of belonging, knowing we are okay, we are enough and all is okay as it is.
When we can heal our pain from our pasts and come to a place of self-acceptance and acceptance of our life how it was, is, and will be, then and only then will we drop the need for approval, as we know that we are okay.
Approval then becomes something that is nice, but not needed. We can be our authentic, creative self, showing our heart’s true desires to the world, following our heart’s longings without fear of ridicule or rejection, knowing that if it does occur it won’t cripple us, as we know we are okay.
Criticism can then be seen as another person’s opinion, which is about them, it is not about us. Any barbed spears they throw simply bounce off as there is no wound for them to land in.
When we love and accept our self, we go forth into the world and shine our light confidently, lovingly and securely, knowing we are good enough and all beings are. This is what we hope for all beings, to reach this place of love and acceptance, of self-approval. When that manifests we will have a much more peaceful time on Earth. Blessed BE, Amen.
If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
In the past rejection meant death, whether it was the witch hunts, the torture chamber or being left to fend for yourself in the wild as your tribe moved on without you. To be isolated and alone meant death, not just sadness and loss, death.
In today’s world rejection is less serious, a loss of a friend, a job, a group. They can easily be replaced. It is not life threatening. It only feels like it is or like something serious. In reality it is not.
The intensity of our fear of rejection depends on how much we were hurt when little. If our parents were there for us and we felt accepted, seen, heard and loved then we will have a sense of secure attachment, of love and safety when interacting with others.
But if our parents weren’t consistently available to us or our interactions with them led us to feel not seen, heard or accepted then we will have pain around interacting with others. If we felt rejected by our parents, not good enough for them, that is a deeply painful process to experience. It is this pain of not being loved and accepted fully by our parents, the devastation of that which then taints our interaction with others. We fear feeling that pain again.
But the reality is as an adult we are not dependent on others like we were as a child on our parents. We needed our parents to care for us, to provide for us. As adults we can give that to ourselves. So rejection is not as serious or life threatening any more. It is just the emotional pain of our past experiences with our parents that leads it to feel so serious.
We can do healing work to heal those wounds so that we feel more secure and safe within. We can meet our own needs and reconnect with our body, releasing the stress, tension and trauma, so that we feel safe and secure within and can be more relaxed and open with our interactions with others. When the wounds are healed it no longer feels so dangerous and we can react playfully and joyfully as we meet others, knowing we are safe and can have fun. Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) can help us to release those tensions and complete the old trauma activations freeing us to enjoy life more fully.
The reality is you may be rejected many times throughout your life. It may be lovers, it may be parents ashamed of your choices. It may be misunderstandings between friends or work colleagues. Do not react with anger or hurt, simply move on, accept it for what it is and move on.
While it feels like loss, like a forced change of direction or focus, it is actually occurring for your highest good. That person or situation has served you well. They have shaped the next chapter in your story. They have helped you redirect your efforts on to something or someone else. Not everyone will be in your life forever. People come and go, they grow and evolve, and their vibration shifts. If your vibrations conflict, you will part. It is not actually personal. It is energetic and it is meant to be.
A deep loss, of a loved one or parent or child for instance, may cripple you emotionally for quite some time. It helps you to release sadness and grief. It helps you question your life and what you are doing with it. This may lead you to listen to your heart more and do something you care more about, instead of just going through the motions, doing things that society tells you to do. The loss prompts significant change and it serves you. It is a gift not a tragedy. A gift, remember that, look for the good that comes out of all you experience and it is easier to accept.
A minor misunderstanding with someone you barely know, which results in the end of the blossoming friendship, shows you that rejection, while a little hurtful, isn’t the end of the world. Life goes on, your normal life is still in tact, just that person will no longer be a part of it. This shows you rejection is okay, there is no need to fear it so much or give your power away to other people so much.
You are actually okay on your own. You don’t need people as much as you think you do. It is not the ancient battle field or tribal village any more. There are large numbers of people out there who are willing to be your friend, your partner, your lover, your work colleagues. When the time is right you meet them. You don’t need to search, you don’t need to try and force it or effort it or think too much about it or what you will and won’t say so people will accept you and won’t hurt you, reject you, abandon or abuse you. Just be yourself. That is all you need to do. Those that are meant to join with you will. Those that aren’t, won’t. It is as simple as that. So stop walking on egg shells around other people. Be yourself and be proud.
Rejection is not a death sentence any more. It is simply one of many events in life that help shift your perspective and help you evolve, as you travel along this journey called life. Blessed BE, Amen.
When you have suffered a painful start to life you bury your true self inside under layers and layers of protection. The innocent part of you is wrapped up safely, hidden away and kept under wraps for fear that exposing it will result in more pain, loss or abandonment.
This makes it very difficult to know who you are and to live your life with joy. Basically, you walk around with a gaping hole in your heart as part of you, the core part of you is missing in action. It is simply not there, disowned, buried, ignored and left in the dark.
This results in a sense of emptiness and loss that cannot be filled by material objects or worldy pursuits. No matter what you achieve or do, you still feel empty and like something is missing, beacause it is. You are missing, the truest part of who you are, the indivdual, unique aspects of you.
We often modify who we are to fit in to different situations. We show different parts of ourself or aspects of us to different people and situations. At work you may be smart, responsible, friendly, helpful, kind and thoughtful. At home with friends you may be more casual, relaxed and playful. On the sport field you may be more rambunctious, competitive and blood thirsty. With your kids you are hopefully gentle, loving, kind and attentive.
But how are you when you are with yourself? Do you sit quietly and listen within to hear what it is your heart needs? Do you even know that your heart speaks to you or your inner child? Do you give yourself any time in the day to be with you? Do you even know what it is that you really like to do? What activities make your heart sing? What is it that you thoroughly enjoy doing, where time just flies past and you feel really peaceful and complete afterwards? These are things your true self, your unique self likes to do, things that fill your emotional needs up, they fill up your cup of life, your reserves and fuel for completing the rest of the tasks you need to do in your day to day busyness.
If you are not taking the time to listen to and meet your heart’s needs, then it is likely that your cup is close to empty. You may feel drained, exhausted and wondering whether it is worth the effort doing all the things you do. You are probably craving change, but not sure how to go about it or if you have the energy to try.
Uncover who you really are and sing through life. Make time for your true self and true desires and you will feel much better. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive. Your heart’s desire may be for long walks in nature; to simply sit and read a book; to play with your dog; to cook a nice meal; to watch the sunset; to play sport; to spend time with friends; to eat chocolate cake while savouring every bite and letting it ooze down your throat.
Slowly, simply living life, enjoying it more fully, being present to each moment as it goes by. Less stress, less rush, less fuss and bother, less worry or forcing things to happen, less controlling and mind chatter. Just relax below that, slow your breath and drop into your heart centre, listen to it, it will tell you what you need to be happier and more fulfilled.
As you meet your own needs you become more of who you truly are, as you are allowing it back to the surface. It doesn’t matter if others don’t like doing what you like doing. It doesn’t matter whether you can only do it for an hour a day or an afternoon a week. What matters is you take the time to connect in with your heart and breathe through any stress and tension there to get back to a state of peace and oneness with your core self.
If you still have reistance to connecting with your heart, just send love to those parts of you who are scared to be seen. Breathe in gold light through your crown chakra and into each chakra, then see the gold light spreading through every cell of your body, every muscle, every fibre, all your DNA, RNA and molecules. This helps to relax, calm and soothe the body. It gives the cells what they need to start healing and releasing that which no longer serves them. Gold light is a high vibration that can help shift out that which no longer serves us and that which holds us back from living life more fully.
Embrace who you really are, your uniqueness. It truly is okay to be you. There is no need to hide it or yourself away from the world. While those in your early life may not have honoured who you are, you can and must if you want to be peaceful and happy. Own it, own who you are and have fun in your unique way.
When you let yourself have pleasure, by doing what you love, you will discover how you can do that and be of service to others. There is a way that your passion can become helpful to others and even a source of income for you, if you wish it to be so. It is up to you. You may not want to turn it into a business adventure. You may just want it to be your hobby, your special time out just for you. Whatever it is, do it, honour who you are and let your real self shine. No need to hide it under a bushel, let your love out, your light shine through and be at peace. For you truly are safe and deeply loved throughout the Universe. You just need to clear out the old story and residue, so you can see the truth and live your life without fear and with a lot more joy. So be it. Amen.
Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) can be used to help shake out any fear, tension and trauma you have within. If we’re caught in fear it is usually due to past painful events that hurt us and we’re wanting to avoid experiencing that again, so we contract, limit ourselves and our expression in an attempt to stay safe and not experience any more hurt, rejection or shame.
If you were ridiculed for your uniqueness, your passion and joy when doing what you love most, you may have decided not to do it any more. You may have given it up. Denied yourself what you loved most, so that you would fit in, be more accepted and less ridiculed.
It is understandable as a child you would do that to protect yourself, but as an adult it doesn’t matter what other people think so much. Clear out the old pain and trauma with TRE so you can open back up to fully being you and doing what you love. You will feel so much better when you take the time to spend on your passions, your joys. It will positively impact all of your interactions because you will be more content and peaceful in yourself.
When you honour you, you give permission to others to follow their passions and joys too. You role model to them that it’s okay to be who they are. The world needs more of us doing this so there is less anger and conflict in the world. See how big an impact this can have. It’s not selfish or self-indulgent to take time for your passion, your hobbies, your joys. It’s a gift you give to yourself and the world.
