When we have been wounded in life we develop strong defence mechanisms to keep ourselves safe, to survive the best way we know how. My defence mechanisms were to isolate, hide, and try to fix the pain of myself and others so love could flow. I felt alone, sad, isolated and at times angry and resentful. I slipped in and out of depression, exhaustion, and collapse. When I’d find enough strength I’d try to climb out of the hole I’d created for myself and I’d try to be special so that I might get loved, accepted, be wanted and belong.
What I didn’t realise for decades was I was already loved, accepted and I belonged. I had just shut off to my family system out of fear, wounding and disappointment of what occurred in my early life. This disappointment was a key feeling throughout my life. No matter how much I achieved it never felt enough. No matter how much I learned it didn’t seem to be all I needed.
The truth is I was looking in the wrong places. I was needy and desperate and trying to be the best I could be because then I’d be special and get seen and loved.I tried to save and rescue Mother Earth with my sustainability career. I tried to save and rescue others in my early counselling and healing work. I tried to save and rescue myself and to appear strong and capable and like I had all the answers, but really I was still feeling like that wounded, scared child inside.
It was only when I turned within to work with my inner child, my defence mechanisms, my emotions and my nervous system which was locked in states of fight, flight, freeze, and collapse, that I started to receive relief. And amazingly I realised I already had all I needed. I didn’t need to be big and special to be seen, I could relax and be me, and share from the heart. I could slow down, take care of myself and live my life for me.
I could serve from a place of empowerment, helping others to unravel their own defences and patterning, helping them to see how they could feel and release their emotions and how they could calm and rebalance their nervous system. I could plant seeds that clients watered so they could grow into beautiful gardens and joyous lives.
I didn’t need to be special to be loved. I just had to heal my wounds enough that I could open the door and let love in. It had always been knocking but I’d been too scared to let it in, to trust it would stay and that I wouldn’t be devastated when it left me. For that was my fear, parental divorce and separation from parents when young had led me to a fear of loving and losing. I’d shut down internally and was focused on self-reliance.
When we shut our internal doors to love we can’t feel the goodness of life that is available to us. We end up stagnating, getting lonely and sad. We see the pain all around us instead of the love and light. It is so important to heal those patterns so you can open the curtains and let the light in. We are all doing the best we can with the life experiences we have faced. It is a challenging journey coming home to our hearts, our beauty, and our innocence to realise we are enough as we are. No need to fight and struggle with life. No need to impress and earn love or to hide and reject all that is given to you.
It’s okay to let the defences down, drop from the mind and enter your heart, to reestablish feeling and connection with your body, to become re-embodied and come home to all of who you really are. It’s a joyous journey when you can be comfortable in your own skin, your life, your essence.
I’m so grateful I no longer feel a need to be big or special, and I can just do what I love sharing insights and tools that others may find useful on their journey, helping people to go within and unlock their defences, so they too can find that inner peace and safety that most of us have been searching for our whole lives.
If you would like to find out more about what I do or the tools I use please visit my website – https://www.jodiannemsmith.com/
With love and appreciation for all our journeys and the challenges we face. Many blessings, Jodi-Anne
It can be hard to know when to let go and when to hold on. In this video, I discuss some signs to watch out for to help you get clarity.
Relationships occur to support your growth and expand your understanding of life. Through conflict and challenges in relationships, you learn to see your conditioning, your patterning and what it is you need to heal.
Simply leaving one partner and moving to the next one will result in repeating the lesson and confrontation which will surface once again hoping you will heal it and resolve the issue. Once you heal the issue inside you, you no longer need to manifest it in the outside world.
So how to tell if the conflict you face in a relationship is leading to beneficial growth and therefore is still a useful, supportive relationship or if it is time to leave? That is the million-dollar question.
If your relationship is generally happy, filled with love and supportive of you and your growth, then it is beneficial. If your partner accepts you as you are, cares for you and wants the best for you then it is clear that this is a beneficial relationship in which you can continue to grow.
Life will never be completely easy and relationships will always have their ups and downs. The challenge is not to run away too early or throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak.
It is a time of tumultuous growth on Earth. Much is being asked of you all and you are clearing out dense emotions and energy at a rapid rate. There are going to be times when you or your partner are bogged down in their stuff, where they are not able to see the light of day, where they appear stuck and hopeless. Will you love them at this point or leave them? Love stays. Love heals. Love reconnects the wounds within to the light of love and freedom.
Love and support each other through these challenges. See the good in each other, not the weaknesses. See the growth and changes occurring in all beings you interact with.
While there is love and support a relationship is worthwhile. When the love is gone or there is meanness, harshness and selfishness, then perhaps it is time to part. But not beforehand and don’t go too soon, as it may just be a healing crisis that can be worked through resulting in elevated energy/vibration for all.
Trust life to guide you forth. If you are meant to leave you will get a clear message. If you are confused then it is not time to go. Look at your own stuff to heal, focus there and keep healing your own stuff, raising your vibration and welcoming greater love and light into your heart, body and mind.
You are a being of love. It is only the wounds that stop you from seeing it and feeling it. Don’t reject yourself or others. Love them. Love them all. It is love that heals and reunites us.
If you are being abused by a partner by all means leave. But if there is love there, support and encouragement – see it, value it, appreciate it.
If you can talk heart to heart and connect deeply that is a gift, a powerful healing opportunity guiding you both to wholeness. Don’t turn away from such love because it is not your version of perfection.
All relationships will have challenges, that is what they are designed for. They help you clear out your conditioning and patterning. Will you love or reject the other when they are less than perfect? You too are less than perfect. Do they accept you? Are you being less loving than them?
It can be very complicated to see through all the projections and wounded aspects to see into the heart of the other. But try to do so. In their heart they are still pure, innocent souls. Each just needs love and acceptance to help them unlock the door to their heart and let their light shine.
That is why we bond in a relationship. We are looking for someone to love us as we are, which gives us permission to consider that we are worthy of love and are okay even with our wounds. When we feel this, we can let our guard down, the defences and walls dissolve and we can be vulnerable, authentic and intimate.
Without that acceptance, we don’t feel safe to expose our tender hearts and heal our deepest wounds. It is the love and safety that comes with intimacy – seeing into another’s true essence, that heals us both, all who participate in it. Be that loving. Be that supportive of each other and your relationship will continue to grow and evolve.
That is the goal of life – to evolve into conscious and loving light beings while living here on Earth. If you can still your mind and go deep within to the still place of your heart, you will hear the truth about your relationship and you will know what to do. The answers are within you, you just have to have the courage to hear them and the sense to patiently wade through all the static-like noise that comes from your projections and mind chatter.
Never take action rashly. Never leave or attack the other when you are feeling threatened/defensive/rageful. Breathe through those emotions and work through your stuff, so you come to a place of balance before talking to your partner or friend about the situation. In this way, you respond with honesty and love for both of you, as opposed to reacting full of initial emotion, which does not necessarily represent how you really feel.
You can use Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) to help you to release your frustration, stress and tension. It will help you to complete unfinished trauma activations from the past, so that you can relax, be more present and see how you feel based on today’s information, rather than being driven by past pain and disappointments.
TRE can help you to balance your nervous system, body and mind. It helps you to reach a place of greater peace and calm where you can enjoy socially interacting with others, not seeing threats or dangers where none is present.
Trust life to lead you forth. Let go of needing to control it all or figure it out. If you are confused it is not time to leave. It is time to look within and heal the buttons being pushed and the wounds beneath them.
Relationships are not meant to be warm and fuzzy all the time. They are tools for growth and learning how to love fully, accepting another as they are – not directing them to be your ideal man or woman.
They are who they are, accept them. Don’t try to change them or control them. That will only result in resentment and frustration on both sides. No one likes to be told they are not okay or not good enough. No one deserves to be treated that way.
Love everyone you come in contact with. That is what we all need, to open our hearts and become our true, authentic selves. So choose peace and happiness. Don’t take things personally and accept each other as you grow and evolve in love. That is how it should be. Blessed BE. Amen.
In this video, Jodi-Anne explores ‘How do you recognise when a relationship no longer serves you?’ It is one of over 100 questions she has asked about life and channelled an answer through automatic writing. All of these answers to questions about life, how to live peacefully and happily are available for free on the ‘Life Insights‘ page of her website.
This week I’m sharing a video on when to stay or go from a relationship. As conscious, loving beings we often stay longer in a relationship than may be beneficial for us. We keep hoping our love, our sharing, our acceptance of the other will lead to their growth, to improvements in the way the other relates to us and the world. We hope our love is enough to prompt change in the other.
If we stay too long we can become exhausted, angry and resentful. No matter what we do it won’t be enough if the other person doesn’t want to heal, to look within feel and grow. If they are content with the status quo it is pointless staying if you are not being treated how you would like, if your heart is feeling taken advantage of or neglected by the other.
You owe it to yourself to honour your own needs and leave. Trust you will be taken care of by life. You will be guided forward to what you need most and in time that may include a more loving, heartfelt partner who can meet you with an open heart.
Like attracts like. Keep healing your pain, your hurts and treat yourself with love and kindness. No partner will meet all of your needs. You need to meet your own needs so you can then interact from a place of overflowing love and join from that space.
In this video, Jodi-Anne explores ‘How do you know when leaving is your best option?’ It is one of over 100 questions she has asked about life and channelled an answer through automatic writing. All of these answers to questions about life, how to live peacefully and happily are available for free on the ‘Life Insights‘ page of her website.
Many of you on the healing path are committed to loving fully. You do your best to love unconditionally and to accept those around you as they are.
You try to ignore when people behave in less than ideal ways and love them through it, knowing they only lash out, shut down, are moody, or whatever it is, because they are hurting inside.
You know love heals all things so you shine, shine, shine your love at the person hoping it will help them shift out of their stuckness, back to happiness. This is honourable, but you shouldn’t keep doing it to your own detriment.
Each individual has to feel their emotional pain into completion. They have to make the effort to go within, feel it, embrace their younger selves who are hurting, help free them from the pain, and welcome them into their heart. No amount of your love can do that for them.
The individual has to do the work to heal. If they don’t all that you are doing is lifting them up slightly, but they’re going to fall back down again. They have to, in order to go into their pain and process it.
Life will keep bringing them challenging situations to get them to feel, heal and release the past. If they try to avoid it, or blame others or their circumstances, they are just prolonging the misery.
We know you want to help them through it, but you can’t do it for them. By staying all you are doing is exhausting yourself, and having your vibration lowered by their dense energy and moods.
Yes, the other is an innocent soul that is hurting. That’s true. We understand you want to look after them, help them, care for them. But if they’re not looking after themselves, not honouring who they are and making the effort to heal, then you’re wasting your time.
You are better off to leave, let your vibration rise higher and shine your light wherever you go, knowing it benefits all. And those who want to heal, who want to go within and do the work to free themselves – they will uplift you, inspire you and cheer you up as they progress.
You benefit from helping them as it fills you with joy to see their progress, to see them getting happier and more fulfilled. It’s a win-win situation, where both are benefitting.
You don’t have to stay connected to people whose energy or behaviour drains you. You owe it to yourself and to those you work with to leave, so you can shine more brightly for all.
The person may struggle and drop further into pain if you leave, but that’s not your fault or your responsibility. It’s actually your gift to them, as it will help them feel and release their pain. It may be the catalyst they need to help them move forward.
So trust your inner guidance. Trust the Universe to look after the other if you go. Trust that everything happens for the benefit of both parties. Trust you will be led forth to your next adventure, to the next scenario to deepen your growth, as will the other.
Don’t hold yourself in pain out of love and loyalty. Sometimes it is meant to end. You are meant to go. You know the truth of this in your heart. You are just finding the courage to hear it, accept it, and act upon it. Blessed BE. Honour yourself and shine your light for the good of all.
Channelled By Jodi-Anne (8 January 2020).
Jodi-Anne has the ability to ask and receive answers to questions about life. The information she receives comes from Spirit, Source, God, whatever you would like to call it. She is just the conduit receiving the message. Take what reads true for you and leave the rest. Each soul has their own truth, their own values and insights. This is just one messenger and the information she has received. Blessed BE.
If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
The time comes in every relationship where you start to question whether there is potential for continued love and growth, or whether it is time to separate and expand your wings.
Sometimes the answer is obvious. If there is hurt, suffering, cruelty, abuse, or more subtly if there is disrespect, lack of love and nurturance, lack of support and care for each other. In these situations separation is warranted as the two souls are no longer energetically supporting each other to grow.
It is trickier to ascertain the ‘right’ move when there is love, respect, support and care, but it just no longer feels like a useful connection, when it feels like walking through mud or uphill. There’s nothing particularly bad or wrong, it just feels heavy instead of uplifting, joyful and celebrating life.
If your relationship feels like it is winding down, petering out, closing off, if it feels like it is closing, completing, finishing, then energetically the separation has started. Your ego is fighting against it, because it loves the person. Your situation may be safe, comfortable, known and easy, but your soul wants you to explore more, to grow, to experience new things.
When this is occurring it is tempting to fight back, to say no, to say “I love this person so much, please don’t make me leave.” But the more you resist, the more you suffer.
Your energy will take you where you need to go, and if it is away from that person, then it will occur, if that is what is most in line with your highest good.
Instead of fighting against it, celebrate what you’ve shared. Celebrate all the growth, love, joy and care that you’ve shared. Celebrate the good times, the challenging times and all that has occurred in between.
Yes, your world is changing. Yes, you are moving on and you don’t want to let go, but you will need to. Trust it is also in line for the highest good of the other person. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be happening. Trust that even if the other person doesn’t want to let go either, that there’s a reason for it.
Of course you want to hold on if it feels safe, comfortable, known. But there’s more out there, more growth, more situations that will help you evolve and reach your highest potential.
Sometimes staying is not the best option on a higher level, bigger picture perspective. Yes there’s love, respect, care and support, but is there a spark, an aliveness, an excitement, a joy and vitality between you? Do you light up inside when you see the person and spend time together? Do you laugh and bring out the best of each other, while also listening heart to heart to each other when feeling challenged? Are you both growing, looking within and doing your inner work? Or are you just standing still, being together, because it’s easier, less risk, less effort?
It’s perfectly okay to leave, to walk away, to separate, to let go of the known and enter the unknown. You just have to find the courage to turn around and walk away, to take one step after the other, to get used to being outside of your comfort zone and to move forward alone.
It is not wrong to leave. You are not punishing the other or rejecting them. You are simply saying goodbye as the connection no longer nourishes you, fills you up or leads to joy and happiness for you.
There’s no need to make the other person wrong, bad or deem them not good enough. No need for stories to justify what is occurring. Just accept, it simply isn’t serving you anymore and it is time to part. You can separate with love, with purity, with honesty. You can separate with excitement and joy for the new.
You are not being disloyal. You are just honouring your inner impulses which are moving you in a different direction. Each will face challenges as they open to the new and learn to be on their own again or with a new partner when the time is right. The Universe will orchestrate what each needs and look after you both.
Don’t hold on out of fear for your partner’s welfare without you. Take a deep breath and let go. Trust life to lead them forth to what they need too. Trust life to help them continue to grow and evolve too. Trust life to look after you both and relax.
If it feels inevitable, like you don’t really have a choice, then know your intuition and clarity is guiding you forward, helping you walk where you are reluctant to go. It’s okay. Surrender. Let what needs to happen occur.
You can say goodbye with love and move forward with joy. It doesn’t have to be tragic or painful or dark.Just accept what is. Let it occur naturally and easily, for it can. You are just two souls that have supported each other’s growth and now it is time to venture forth alone, in separate directions, as each grows and evolves on the path most suited for that individual.
So celebrate the love, the growth, the time shared together and move forward with peace in your heart, knowing all is well and much goodness will come from this change for both of you. Much goodness comes to you both as you step forward into the next phase of your life and go your separate ways.
Be gentle with yourself and the other as you go through this process. Part of you may get angry and push the person away, as that then feels easier, better, if you have a reason to go. There’s no need to create any drama or conflict. Just face facts.
“I love you, but I no longer want to be with you. I feel our lives are moving in separate directions. Thankyou for loving me and sharing the time with me, but it feels like it is coming to an end. Please let me go with love, so we can both move forward knowing we are cared for and supported in our evolution and growth. You are a beautiful human being and I wish you well. Go forth with love, with my blessing and gratitude for who you are and all we’ve shared. Goodbye and good luck with all you do”. So be it. Amen.
That is all that is needed, an honouring of what has been and a willingness to move forward into what will be. Know that you will both prosper, both love again, both be okay. Trust in this and choose peace for everything truly is okay.
It is just the crumbling of your known space, your foundations, so that something new and magnificent can rise from the ashes. Trust in your transformation and know the other will grow too. Everything that happens does so the souls involved grow and evolve.
It’s okay for you to leave, even if the other is upset, hurt, or angry. Trust God to look after them. Trust life to guide them forth. You can’t hold their hand and look after them forever. You have to let them go and grow on their own.
It’s just like letting go of your adult children when they leave home. You need to let them explore life on their own and you need to turn away to focus on your own life and fill the void that is created with the separation, with love, peace and acceptance of what is.
You will be fine. Trust in life to lead you forth. Your heart will hold your hand. You are not alone. There is great love and support showering down around you from the Universe, your Guides, ancestors, the Angels and Archangels who watch your progress and smile, as you close the door on your past, on your known life, and open to the new.
Open the door and walk through. Great goodness awaits you as you walk forward with love into the new. Know you can cope with any challenges that occur. You can breathe through any pain or emotions that arise, and you can give love, joy and support to yourself and your inner child. You can be that loving partner to yourself. You can be that for you. You are enough.
You don’t need to cling to someone who loves you if the situation no longer serves you. Let go with love and move forward courageously into the unknown, into freedom and growth. You can do it. And you will when the time is right. Blessed BE. Amen. All is well, truly it is.
Channelled By Jodi-Anne (13 August 2019).
Jodi-Anne has the ability to ask and receive answers to questions about life. The information she receives comes from Spirit, Source, God, whatever you would like to call it. She is just the conduit receiving the message. Take what reads true for you and leave the rest. Each soul has their own truth, their own values and insights. This is just one messenger and the information she has received. Blessed BE.
If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
