Tag: overcoming depression

How do we reset our moral compass after abuse?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse, Parenting, Personal Development, Self help techniques

Recently I’ve been having more memories of sexual abuse arise. As I comfort my younger selves and release the buried trauma and emotion I found myself asking this question and channelling this answer. I hope it is useful to those who have experienced abuse and are finding their way through it. Many blessings to all, Jodi-Anne

When you have been sexually abused your body becomes numb, armoured, and protected so that you don’t feel the full impact of the abuse or what happened afterwards. As you heal you start to soften the defences and open back up to love, touch, closeness, and intimacy. For some this is too scary, so they stay celibate, not able to trust another to treat them right.

Some stay in the pain and continue to let themselves be touched in ways that are not beneficial. They let themselves be used by others for the momentary feeling of being wanted, loved, and special, only to find that once the act is over the other leaves them feeling even more alone, abandoned, used and discarded.

It is a hard path to navigate. It is hard on your body that gets armoured with each impact, each indiscretion, and each choice. It is not empowering to sleep around thinking you have the choice and freedom to do as you please. Seducing others so you feel powerful just leads you to despise them and yourself. For at a later stage you will regret your choices and your naivete. You will feel the emptiness and neediness that was underneath your actions. Even though you were voluntarily engaging with others sexually, it is still a form of self-neglect and self-abuse.

The healing comes when you start to honour yourself more fully. When you start to say “No, I am going to look after myself. I don’t need anyone else to give me false affection. I am going to meet my needs. I am going to honour my body and all it has been through. I am going to treat myself like the precious being that I am. I am going to hold my own hand and look after myself. I will love, cherish and honour the innocence inside me, which is still there, still pure, no matter what I’ve been through. I am still a beautiful bright light. I’ve just been covered in dust. I am going to cleanse my lens and shine.”

you are worthy of love signage on brown wooden post taken
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Pexels.com

No need for shame, guilt, punishment, rejection or further loss. You are worthy of great love, kindness, care and joy. When children are exposed to sexuality too early they don’t realise their bodies are sacred. They don’t realise they are precious and only to be touched by loving hands at the right time when they are older. They simply don’t have the information or adult reasoning capacity to make wise choices.

The physical sensation of pleasure is tempting. The choice to have closeness and feel special is attractive. It draws them in, especially if they are not receiving healthy levels of love and affection from their parents, leaving them needy, hungry, longing for connection, susceptible and vulnerable to abuse.

Children are so innocent, so pure. Even those that appear a little naughty or rebellious. They are just learning what it is like to be human, how to deal with all the emotions that arise in their bodies and little brains.

They need healthy adults to guide them and protect them from inappropriate activities. If these adults are not around or not paying enough attention then the child may find itself in less-than-ideal situations. It is not the child’s fault. The child is still innocent, even if their curiosity led them down a destructive path. They just needed more guidance and protection from the adults around them.

Parents need more support, guidance and help. Parenting is a hard job. It is a job, a full-time job, and now that it is common in society for both parents to be working, and for children to be put into daycare more often, the children are made susceptible to inappropriate tactics of other immature, wounded adults.

Children’s emotional needs for safety, feeling loved, seen and heard do not get met if parents are always rushing, tired and exhausted. Their needs don’t get met if parents aren’t available to play and be with them, to sit and hold them in nurturing and healthy ways. If they don’t get their needs met then they are put at risk, as they will be looking for that love, that closeness and connection from others who they encounter.

Our society is not set up for parents to be successful. It is set up now for parents to be drained, stressed, exhausted and depressed or angry, as they know life can be easier and more enjoyable.

Many parents struggle with putting their children in care for long hours each work day, but they feel they have no choice when they need the income to provide a home and a lifestyle of success and wealth.

Children do not care about wealth. They care about you and their connection with you, with how close they feel to you, of whether they feel wanted or not, or a burden to you. They sense your disappointment with life if that is your situation. They sense your emotional pain and distress. They try to help fix it so you can be available to love them more. They want you to feel good so you can give to them. So they sacrifice their needs and start asking for less, expecting less from you. They may help out around the house more or just play on their own.

They may disconnect from you and connect with others whose time and attention they can get. This leads to unhealthy patterns where a child may start seeing the most popular kids at childcare or school as their role models, their leaders or pseudo-parents. They start to copy them and take their lead as to how to dress, behave and what to do. They become followers of others in the hope to belong and be accepted, to receive praise and love from others.

They no longer look to their parents for that role modelling. They no longer care as much about winning their parents’ approval, so they don’t care so much when you tell them off or discipline them. They feel “You don’t care about what I wanted so why should I care about what you want or need”. They rebel from younger and younger ages. This is documented in Gabor Mate’s book ‘Hold onto your kids: why parents need to matter more than peers.‘ It is a brilliant book for parents to read and it includes guidance about how to win back your children’s hearts and minds so that they do feel close to you, listen to you, and see you as their role model for life guidance.

The focus of society on wealth at all costs has serious consequences for all of us. Our children suffer. Our health suffers. Our joy suffers.

If you are an adult survivor of child abuse, know that your parents did for you what they could with the awareness, emotional pain and life challenges they had. You can heal and break free from the pain of the past. You can reclaim your innocence, your purity, your light and your joy. It just takes time. Time to heal, to feel what has been buried inside, to mourn what was, to feel and release anger, disappointment, resentment, despair and rage, to move through depression and numbness, to open back up to lightness, to feeling sensation in your body and dropping back inside of it, to inhabit it instead of being dissociated or stuck mostly in your mind or your base instincts/survival mode.

It’s a big journey to come home to your heart and honour the beautiful child that you were, to love, honour and protect that child so it feels safe inside you and relaxes to play again, to enjoy life again, freeing you to move forward now from a place of wholeness, not emptiness. Honouring yourself, and being there for yourself and your children. This is how we reset the moral compass. We choose love and safety, fullness and flow as our guiding lights, instead of fear, emptiness and neediness. Meet your own needs so you can venture forth with excitement, joy and passion for life.

May you find your way through any darkness and rough terrain as easily as possible, so you can enjoy the sunshine and the rain, all of life’s phases and challenges. They all become easier when we are facing them from a full cup, from a nurtured and satisfied place of self-love and self-acceptance. You are important. You do belong. And you are wanted. Welcome home to your heart. Blessed BE.

P.S. There is a range of free resources on my website that may be of assistance to you with your healing journey.

Healing from painful beginnings and child abuse: an overview

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse
Healing from painful beginnings and child abuse: an overview (36:05 mins) 

While every individual will go through their own healing experience there are common healing stages. People cycle through these healing stages, moving from one to another and back again until they have released the past and can concentrate on their present and future unhindered.

1. Acknowledging that abuse occurred

  • Admitting it – no more denial
  • Acknowledging the impacts on you & your life
  • Dealing with the emotions & memories
  • Accepting yourself & your reactions as normal
  • Learning to trust your self & your intuition

2. Making the decision to heal

  • Choosing hope over resignation or despair
  • Making an active commitment to change
  • Putting aside other demands and allowing time to experience emotions, to think about the issues, and to get the necessary help & support
  • Allowing the painful emotions to come up and release – dealing with the chaotic nature of this on your day to day life
  • Finding support – from yourself & others

3. Talking to others about the abuse

  • Breaking the silence
  • Reducing shame & guilt by acknowledging out loud that you were abused & it wasn’t your fault
  • Choosing who to tell, what you want from them & dealing with their reactions

4. Placing responsibility where it belongs

  • Recognising the abuse was the abuser’s fault, not yours – you are not to blame at all. You were a child
  • You are not to blame if you went along with it – the abuser had power over you & you didn’t have all the information to decide objectively – you were a child
  • In the case of sexual abuse, you are not to blame if your body was aroused – it’s a normal bodily response. You’re not to blame if you felt positive feelings of intimacy with the abuser – they may have been nice & loving to you when others weren’t
  • Any problems that arose within the family as a result of the abuse were not your fault
  • Identify & understand how you were tricked, bribed, threatened or coerced by the abuser – you were used & abused
  • You are strong though – you have survived. You can heal & create the life you want!

5. Dealing with the loss and sadness

  • Feeling grief over – what happened to you, your loss of innocence & childhood, the loss of trust, sadness that the relationships weren’t the way you would have liked them to be, sadness over the impact of the abuse on you throughout your life
  • If you get depressed, get help to move through it
  • Feel all these feelings, talk to safe people about them, release the emotion – the intensity will pass

6. Expressing anger

  • Feeling anger over what happened
  • Expressing anger towards the abuser & others involved, rather than at yourself (This is done in safe & constructive ways in private, not necessarily with the actual people involved)
  • Letting go of the need for retaliation
  • Building self assertion & strength

7. Working through the difficulties caused by the abuse

  • Working through difficult physical, social, emotional & behavioural problems
  • Working through unhelpful beliefs about oneself, about abuse or about life in general

8. Building a future

  • Accepting the abuse happened & it is part of the past
  • Development of self acceptance & self respect
  • Acknowledging the wisdom & strengths you’ve gained from surviving the abuse
  • Overcoming residual feelings of vulnerability & lack of confidence
  • Dealing with fear & planning ways to take care of yourself in different situations
  • Setting goals & taking steps to create the life you want
  • Feeling more in control of your life

Summarised many years ago by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith from: MacDonald K, Lambie I & Simmonds L, 1995, Counselling for sexual abuse. A therapists guide for working with adults, children and families, Oxford University Press, London, pgs 30-43.

How do you heal from childhood sexual abuse? (Part 2 of 3)

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse, Self help techniques
How do we heal from childhood sexual abuse? Part 2 (20:10 mins) 

In the first blog on this topic, we focused on the fact that a lot of healing is required to release the buried emotions and pain that result from childhood sexual abuse. We gave some advice on how to move through tough emotions that surface and demand our attention.

Today we talk about the wider implications. When one has been sexually abused as a child you can lose the sense that your body is precious and should be treated as such. You can forget that sexual intimacy is meant to be loving, kind and about connection with self, other and God/Source Energy. It is a sacred act resulting in a union between man and woman. It results in conception, birth and parenthood. It is a sacred act necessary for the continuation of the species. It is meant to be enjoyable and safe.

For those who have been sexually abused as children sex does not feel sacred or safe – It can feel scary, dirty or carnal. The sacredness can be regained once healed, but for many who have suffered abuse sex feels like a threat, dangerous, or worse, meaningless – something you do just to please your partner or to get attention from another.

Many who have been abused as children continue to let themselves be abused by others. They don’t know how to set boundaries or say no. They don’t know that there is a choice to say no or that sex can be different to the physical activity that they have experienced.

Sex can become an addiction, a seductive tool used to get what you want in life. This really devalues your body as it is used by others. But someone who has been deeply hurt may be so numbed from their pain and hiding from their true feelings that they don’t even notice that they feel devalued, used, taken advantage of, etc. In essence, they let the abuse continue, not knowing that they deserve better.

Some do the opposite. For some, the abuse was so terrifying that they won’t let anyone close and sex becomes something that simply doesn’t happen as it feels too dangerous. In between these extremes is the person who can have sex with their partner, but may not feel much physically during the act, their mind wanders thinking of other things, so energetically they are not present or fully participating in the act – they have left in their minds to a safer place.

It takes much healing to get to the space where you can be fully present during sex, enjoy it and see it / feel it as a sacred process of surrender – allowing yourself to merge with your beloved partner and God. God is of course not involved in this, but the energy of union, of oneness, of love, is God and it is through the sexual act that we become most vulnerable and intertwined with another – we become one with them and therefore return in the moments of deep connection to Source, to our true state of oneness with all that is.

Another aspect of life affected by childhood sexual abuse is our self-image of what it means to be a man or a woman. It will affect what we think about ourselves, our worth, our appearance, our attitudes, etc. 

It shapes our view of the world to one that is less than loving and kind, less than supportive and caring. All of this has to be worked through as we learn to love ourselves and dress according to our personality or being. For many years a sufferer of childhood sexual abuse may dress like a tomboy to avoid feeling feminine or threatened by further abuse. Baggy clothes are common, trying to hide the fact they are a woman or young teen.

Of course, those who have gone the opposite direction dress provocatively revealing their sexuality to all, showing they have power over others by alluring them. That is what the provocation is truly about. It is the person’s way to attempt to feel powerful, to have control over others. That way if they feel they are in control it is less scary than thinking others can control them. It is just a form of self-defence.

Both responses are okay and understandable as a result of what they have been through. The goal however is to heal and find balance, where you can just be you and dress how you like because you want to – not because you are trying to prove anything to anyone else or to get approval.

When we heal fully we come to a place of self-love and acceptance where it doesn’t matter what others think. When we are in this healthy place we can live our life doing what we want, being present to the moment and enjoying all that comes. We are not preoccupied with the past or the future. Our body is relaxed, not on guard, not scanning for danger or looking about needily or for protection. We are at ease, peace, trusting, flowing with life.

You can get to this stage and you will. All human beings will. It just takes time and effort – a willingness to keep dealing with whatever emotions surface and releasing them to the light, so that your body is ‘lighter’ and you do not feel so burdened, weighed down, heavy from it all – which is what depression is. It is a person feeling ‘de-pressed’ – pressed down by all the weight of their life, their stories of what has occurred to them and their fearful, angry, shameful reactions to it.

“Depression” is calling you to “deep rest”. It is your body’s way of saying I need you to stop now, to feel and heal this, to let it go. Enough running, pushing it away, trying to pretend it isn’t real. Stop, feel and heal. REST then you can feel better, find peace and happiness. This is what is needed. You deserve it. You are allowed to have it and you have done nothing wrong.

Any actions that you have taken resulted from your pain, your past experiences. You had no control over what occurred to you. You did your best to cope and live life. If you did some things you are not proud of, forgive yourself. Forgive and free yourself of any shame or guilt and choose to behave differently from now on. Know you did the best you could at the time. Let yourself off the hook and let yourself have fun and enjoy your life. You deserve to do so, to be free of the past and making the most of your now.

A big part of healing from sexual abuse is learning to trust another, to let a partner close to you – to be able to determine when it is safe to do so and the person is someone who is trustworthy, who will treat you well and who wants to be in a loving, intimate, connected, heart-felt relationship with you.

Recognise however that if you are not in such a relationship with yourself you are not likely to do so with a partner. Are you loving and supportive of yourself? Do you respect and treat yourself well? Do you lovingly speak to [yourself] and honour your own needs? If not, don’t expect a partner to do so. Their behaviour will reflect the way you treat yourself. If you treat yourself poorly you are role modelling to a partner that they can do so too.

Part of healing is learning to see the truth that people may treat you poorly if you let them, but as you heal and become more whole, you won’t attract that behaviour. You simply wouldn’t get into the relationship as you would know deep in your core, your intuition and gut feelings, that that person is not suitable for you as a partner. But in order to access your knowingness, your intuition and gut feel you have to be connected to yourself, to listen to your feelings, and identify your needs. This requires learning to be fully grounded in your body, present within it. 

You can do this by simply closing your eyes and focusing on your breath in your belly. Get used to breathing deeply and witnessing your body’s reactions, practice feeling/listening to what is occurring inside you. Throughout the day notice whether you are in your body or if you have floated off into your mind or escaped into fantasy / left your body, so to speak.

There are many techniques you can use to help you settle back into your body. One that I use is Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE). It helps the nervous system to relax and unwind, so that the body drops out of hypervigilance, fight, flight, and freeze, so it can return to its normal relaxed state.

TRE is a simple set of exercises you can do on your own at home to start the body’s natural stress, tension and trauma release mechanism. We have an inbuilt mechanism to shake off all the tension and trauma. It uses up all the fight and flight chemicals, like cortisol and adrenaline, that get stored in the body every time we get triggered and don’t act.

If we did run or fight back these chemicals would get used up, but if we freeze or we push through forcing ourselves to stay present in a situation where our body is uncomfortable and telling us to flee, then those fight/flight chemicals stay within, adding to the muscles clenching and tension patterns in our body.

Using TRE helps the body to relax, to let go of those patterns, to feel safer and more peaceful within. When that happens the mind also relaxes and our defences melt as the mind is no longer being sent danger signals by the body. It no longer senses threat at every corner.

There are other techniques you can use that also help the body to calm, such as spending time in nature, meditation, gentle exercise like yoga and much more.

Learning to be present to what is occurring in the moment and being grounded in your body is a major step in healing as you can then feel and process what needs to be let go of. When you are present in this way, you can get inner guidance as to what to do and how to improve your experience of life.

The answers are all within you. Your soul knows what you need to do and it will talk to you. Listen to your heart and follow its guidance. This is the goal to reach to live as happily ever after as possible. Healing from childhood sexual abuse takes time and effort, but it is worth it, to find the freedom and peace that awaits you when you heal. Blessed BE. Amen.

Here is the link to part 3 of how to heal from childhood sexual abuse.

How much free will do we have?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Personal Development

You come to Earth with a plan in place that unfolds in a set way so that you can experience the events you chose to learn from. If you wanted to learn how to overcome sadness, loss, grief then you need to experience events that create those emotions, so these events, these catalysts and triggers are set prior to you incarnating.

Where free will comes in, is in how you respond to those events. How you react to them determines how long you struggle and suffer and how long it takes you to heal.

The major events in your life to prompt you to feel your pain, that guide you to overcome it are all set on your path so you have access to the help and support you need along the way. But you have free will as to whether you accept that help, with how deep you’re prepared to feel and how quickly you work through your layers of emotion and defences to reach back to your core wound, to free your heart and open it back up.

You can choose to take a lifetime or more to resolve a grudge, to forgive and let go or you could do it much more quickly. It is these types of choices where you have free will.

But it’s not as serious as you worry it to be, because in parallel lifetimes you are living out the other options, so you get to learn from all the possibilities to grow and evolve. So really you do achieve all the growth that’s possible. You experience all that is. That’s why you incarnate, to feel, learn and grow.

When you’re on the other side there is only wholeness. There’s no separation, no pain, no uniqueness as such as you merge back into Universal Consciousness, oneness. There’s no up and down, good or bad, etc. There’s just oneness, the all that is. You incarnate to experience the duality.

So yes there is free will to push that emotional pain down, but it will just come back again later. Likewise, you can’t hide from relationships forever. Someone will come to trigger you, no matter how much you try to avoid it.

If you need the trigger to help you feel, to progress, to kick start the next phase of your life then the trigger will come, be it in a movie, a book, a partner, a friend, a relative or a stranger in the street. Whatever is needed to trigger you so you can feel and heal will occur. You can’t hide from it forever. You come to Earth to grow so events happen to get that to occur.

The free will, the choice of how to respond, to embrace it, resist it, resent it, fight it, run away from it, all of that are just choices you can make in the short term, but ultimately life will guide you to a place where you have to feel, something will happen to force you to stop and pay attention, be it an accident, an illness, the loss of a loved one.

Many tragedies in life occur as part of the healing process. They are the catalysts for change. No one can escape these forever. We will all eventually lose those we love as they transition back to the other side, to watch us and cheer us on as we continue our process of growth and learning here on Earth.

Your free will determines how much you suffer, how long it takes to get back on your feet, to heal and find peace and faith in the evolutionary process leading you forth.

It’s not an easy journey here on Earth, but through your choices you can make it as easy as possible by going with what is rather than resisting it, resenting it or fighting against it.

Ask us your Guides, the Angels and Archangels for help and support. We are always with you when you ask. Your job is to ask, to listen, to hear our messages and to choose whether or not you wish to heed our advice.

You have free will to say “No, I want to do it my way or try my way first”. Go ahead, by all means, try. That’s why you’re here to experiment and explore, to open your heart and to become your higher self in a body spreading love and light to all. You are here to become, to reawaken to all of who you are and to help others to also awaken and when you all do you create Heaven on Earth. It’s possible and it’s happening with each healing, each step forward, each choice to embrace the light, to feel and heal and move forward.

The human race is evolving quite quickly. The chaos and calamity is just the old making space for the new to enter. The old foundations have to crumble for the new structure to be created. It is all happening as it needs to for the evolution of all. Blessed BE.

Yes, some of you go through extremely horrible events, you do, it’s not easy. The challenge is to let these tragedies lead you to be a better, healthier, happier person than you were before, to work through it and heal, to open up rather than close down out of resentment, anger and overwhelm.

There’s always help available. You just need to use your free will to choose it, to accept it, embrace it and move forward. Blessed BE.

Channelled by Jodi-Anne (1 Dec 2020).

  • Further free guidance on healing techniques and self-love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
  • If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)

How do we heal from child abuse?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Healing from child abuse, Personal Development

This week I’m sharing a video on healing from child abuse, on the difficulties involved and the ways forward. It helps to know you’re not alone, to see your reactions and challenges are not abnormal, but a consequence of what you’ve experienced. All of your defence mechanisms and conditioning can be healed so you can enjoy life more, feel safe and live life happily and peacefully. It takes a lot of work but you can do it. I hope this video gives you insights into the process and the next best steps for you. Many blessings, Jodi-Anne

If you would prefer to read the blog the video is based on you can do so here.

Tension and Trauma Release Exercises helps hugely with this release of blocked, trapped energy within the body. TRE is a process that activates the body’s natural mechanism for releasing stress, tension and trauma. The body will systematically shake out the contractions and release the stiffness enabling the body to come back to life more, to move through the emotional residue and open back up to love, laughter and play.

As the buried tension and emotions are released the body starts to feel safer, no longer under threat as the old trauma activations are completed. The past is known as the past. It no longer feels like it could happen again at any moment. The hyper-vigilant defensiveness softens and the person is able to be in the now more fully, not distracted by the past or worrying about the future.

The safer the body feels, the more space there is to focus on what you actually want to do and be in life, instead of automatically reacting to triggers from the buried trauma and pain.

It is worth the effort to heal the trauma so you gain that freedom to be you, to enjoy your life and have fun. TRE is a great tool to help with this. With consistent use of TRE your body will slowly unwind the tension and trauma patterns so you can move forward. 

In this video, Jodi-Anne explores ‘How do we heal from child abuse?’ It is one of over 100 questions she has asked about life and channelled an answer through automatic writing. All of these answers to questions about life, how to live peacefully and happily are available for free on the ‘Life Insights‘ page of her website.

What to do when those you love are in pain?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Health, Personal Development, Relationships

This weeks video blog looks at the challenge of how best to respond when someone you love is in pain. It discusses how to protect your energy and not get dragged down by the other’s mood or pain, how you can stay strong to shine your light and your love to help them heal and move forward.

It is very tempting when someone you love is in pain to want to try and fix it, to help them feel better, to make it go away, so you can enjoy each other’s company again. It is understandable that you would want to do this, for it is hard to see them in pain and not to feel the pain yourself. But know you are not serving them if you try to distract them or if you get upset with them and they swallow the pain, so you feel better and won’t be upset with them any longer.

They need to feel, release and process their pain. They need to feel into its depths, express its impact on them, move through the emotions, back to a place of calm and peace. If you can’t allow them to do this, they stay stuck and so do you and your relationship.

So, how to stay strong in the face of someone else’s pain? Remember it is growth, and they will get through it. Remember it is temporary and will leave if you let them feel it fully into completion. Remember it is not all about you and that they need to go through this. Remember deep emotional pain can only be processed at a rate that the person’s body and consciousness can handle. It can’t be done all at once. It can’t be magicked away.

Telling them to go see a therapist to process it on their own, away from you, just blocks their flow more. Yes, they could see a therapist and get help. They could take more action to heal and be, what you consider, more responsible for their own healing. But remember they are not you. They are themselves and they need to find their own way.

Imagine how you would feel if you were in deep pain and someone told you to basically go away and only come back when you are in a good mood? You would feel unloved, uncared for and you would rebel because it doesn’t feel right. You may get angry, stubborn and dig your heels in. The choice the other has made makes it less likely you will get help and it distracts you from feeling the deep pain because now you are preoccupied with being treated unfairly by one of the few people who you do trust and love and their reaction has you wondering whether or not that trust is unfounded.

As a partner it is true, you don’t want to be dragged down by a friend, family member or your partner’s bad moods. It can affect your ability to enjoy your own life. But it is probably only occurring occasionally and you too have the occasional bad day. How would you feel if they pulled away from you when you are feeling blue? It would hurt, wouldn’t it? 

What you really need at those times is a hug, is for someone to say “I’m sorry you are feeling sad, angry, whatever it is.” “I’m sorry you went through that, it has affected you deeply.” That is what the person needs most – to be loved, accepted, their feelings validated. They need to be heard. 

You don’t have to sit with them for hours listening to their story. You could, but you don’t have to. Just be supportive. Don’t make them feel wrong, bad, dumb for being upset. They have a right to feel the way they do. They may have lived through horrible circumstances.

Instead of hiding from the pain, honour it, allow it, accept it and let it transmute. When you fight against it, resist it, bottle it up, it has to explode out. If you give the person the space to feel how they feel it can come out more gently. So just love them, that is what is needed most. And what you need most is to support yourself, while you are supporting them. So you don’t become depleted, drained, and exhausted.

Sometimes it can feel as if being there for another drains all your positive energy away, you feel your vibration dropping, you feel yourself becoming annoyed, exhausted and flat. This is just your reaction to them. It is how you have chosen to respond. 

It may be you have reacted in fear – fear of their sadness or rage. It may be that you have reacted judgementally – thinking they shouldn’t do this to you or they should sort themselves out. You may have reacted with avoidance – wanting to escape and not be there. Any of these reactions create pain inside of you, and it is your pain that affects your energy levels, not what the other person is doing, saying or the energy they are emitting.

If you could meet their pain with love, if you could stand strong and shine your light into their darkness, if you could hold your focus on love and light and seeing the best in them, seeing them peaceful and happy, if you can just be with them and their energy and emotion, then your light would help liberate them. They could be freed from some of their burdens and you could maintain your vibration and state of peace.

It is your internal reactions that affect how you feel after the interaction. So don’t hide or run away from people and isolate yourself. There is no need. Just work on being able to stay connected to Source while dealing with someone in emotional pain. Breathe deeply and stay present. Send love and light to your inner child and any parts of you that feel uncomfortable, tell yourself you are safe and it is okay. You can do all of this, while still being present for the other person.

If you are struggling to stay present to others look at how well you are being present to yourself. Are you exhausted or stressed yourself? If so do the work to look after your own needs so that you have more energy and can be more present.

Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) is a powerful process you can use to help release stress, tension and trauma from your body. By doing so your nervous system relaxes more enabling your body to be calmer, be able to interact with others more playfully as you know you are safe and you feel more peaceful inside. This helps you to stay grounded, to be in your body and able to stand strong in the face of another’s turmoil. By clearing out the stress within you, it gives you more capacity to deal with whatever life brings you. You don’t get shoved into overwhelm as easily. It is well worth using TRE to support yourself and enable you to more easily stay present to those in your life who you care about and want to be supportive of.

Remember they are in pain, they are struggling to cope. They need your support and light to help lift them out of their darkness. Don’t trap them in it by refusing to be present, to look at their pain. Be there. Be strong and loving and supportive to both of you. 

A time will come when the tables are turned and you will need their support, you will need them to be there for you. Be that support for each other and your relationship can blossom and flourish. Fight against their pain and your relationship will wither and die.

Know that they are so much more than their pain. The pain is just a small part of who they are and it will get less and less if it is acknowledged, accepted and allowed to be there. Fight against it and it will get bigger, louder and more violent in its ways of getting attention and trying to get respect and acceptance. The choice is yours.

Work on your own reactions and choose peace and love and joy in the face of another’s pain, hold the vibration of love and you can stay balanced, even in the murkiest, darkest waters of Hell. 

For that is where a person is, who is in deep emotional pain. They feel consumed by it, trapped by it, unable to break free from it. They feel in Hell and if their thoughts plummet and become negative, it becomes a repetitive loop.

They feel like they are floating in a small boat, down rivers of darkness, with no knowledge of how to get out or where they are going. They need someone to shine a light for them, so they can see more clearly a direction out of the caves of darkness and into the light of day. Be that light. Be that love and you can both enjoy life at deeper levels. Blessed BE, Amen.

In this video, Jodi-Anne explores ‘What to do when those you love are in pain?’ It is one of over 100 questions she has asked about life and channelled an answer through automatic writing. All of these answers to questions about life, how to live peacefully and happily are available for free on the ‘Life Insights‘ page of her website.

How do you let go of disappointment and expect the best?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse, Personal Development

When life has been challenging and you’ve experienced multiple disappointments it can be hard to believe that it can get better. Your past experience is that it doesn’t and you can lose hope and faith in a more positive future. In this video, Jodi-Anne explores ways to move out of disappointment and feeling stuck, so that you can enjoy life more.

In this video, Jodi-Anne explores ‘How do you let go of disappointment and expect the best?’ It is one of over 100 questions she has asked about life and channelled an answer through automatic writing. All of these answers to questions about life, how to live peacefully and happily are available for free on the ‘Life Insights‘ page of her website.

What to do when you feel broken?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse, Personal Development

Hi all, I hope you are all enjoying this beautiful weather. In case you’re not here is a video exploring ways to support yourself when you’re feeling broken and lost.

In this video, Jodi-Anne explores ‘What to do when you feel broken?’ It is one of over 100 questions she has asked about life and channelled an answer through automatic writing. All of these answers to questions about life, how to live peacefully and happily are available for free on the ‘Life Insights‘ page of her website.

How do you move through depression and find peace?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Healing from child abuse, Personal Development

This short video explores how to move through depression and find peace. It looks at why it can be so hard and ways to support yourself as you heal and find peace. I hope you find it useful. Many blessings, Jodi-Anne

How to focus on the goodness in your life and stop complaining?

by Dr. Jodi-Anne M Smith, posted in Conscious Evolution, Self help techniques

It is human nature to notice what you do and don’t have, to see what others are doing and compare that to what you see in your own life. But everyone is here to have different experiences. You get exactly what you need for your personal growth, healing and evolution of your Spirit, your consciousness. Nothing happens by accident, it is all purposeful – serving a positive purpose to assist you in your awakening.

When you notice undesirable elements in your life, you do so to be triggered, to feel and release emotion, to heal, to motivate you to take action to change it, if you so desire. Many of you however, choose just to grumble about your life, to feel stuck, lost and focused on complaining about what is wrong. This lowers your vibration, your vitality, it flattens and deadens you. It leads to stagnation and decay. It is the road to depression and sadness.

Instead, when you notice yourself starting to feel flat, negative, sad – stop and rest. Acknowledge a part of you is tired, lonely, scared, angry – whatever it is. Send love to that part of you, knowing that it needs your love, your acceptance, and your attention. Showing care to that part of yourself, will help it to feel better and will boost your energy levels back up.

This  type of subpersonality or inner child work is so important, because it is they who are upset, not you. The Adult part of you is fine, able to make decisions and choices, able to focus on the now and flow with what is. You just have to be able to access the Adult part of you to stay in or return to balance.The Adult trusts, is resourceful and capable. When the Child takes over it feels moody, lonely, it can be negative or pessimistic, but all it is really wanting is some love, to play and have fun, to cuddle a teddy or dog, to be seen, heard, listened to and valued. Then it will let go of its sad or angry or disappointed, hurt or betrayed feelings and focus on enjoying life. It wants to have fun, not wallow, but it needs help to move out of its emotional ruts and tantrums. Send love, talk to and listen to its needs.

The Child is within us all, the younger parts of ourselves, that hold the memories of all that we have been through, that hold our hopes and dreams that we formed in our younger years. They take stock of what was, is and will be. They think they know what is going to happen, based on what has happened, but life is constantly changing.There is always room for growth, for new things, to enter as you clear out the old and make space vibrationally for higher vibrating energy to enter your field. The more you clean out the old, the more new energy and stuff – manifestation can occur.

Life is always moving you forward in a positive direction, but you have to feel and release the buried trauma, emotions, defense mechanisms and controlling energies in order to receive the new. So you will go through challenges to trigger you, to help you release, so you can get your new desired items / way of being in life. It is a cleansing process that has to occur.

If you find yourself stuck in the mire of it all, take some deep breaths, comfort your inner child and choose to rest, to honour your needs for sleep, food, nurturance, fun. Honour where you are at and you will help your body to shift out of that energy, that mood and allow your vibration to rise above it. Don’t keep pushing on or dragging your feet until you are totally exhausted or sick. Listen to your body and its needs. Listen, respond and heal, and you will feel so much better.

You can use a wide range of tools and techniques to help shift your vibration, release the old energies, enabling your energy and mood to elevate. Tension and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) is one process you can use at home for free once you have learned how to do it.

TRE is the body’s natural, built in mechanism for shaking out tension, stress and trauma. Just as your body will subconsciously react in fight, flight or freeze, it also has a subconscious process to help the nervous system to unwind those reactions and to calm back down into a socially engaged state, where you feel safe to play and interact with others.

TRE enables the body to release its contractions, its tightness, its buried tension and emotions bit by bit. Like letting steam out of a pressure cooker so that it doesn’t explode.

TRE supports your body and your health. When you are caught in defensive patterns your body feels like it is fighting to survive, so it focuses its energy on that. Blood flow goes to your arms and legs to enable you to fight or run away. Your digestive system, immune system, reproductive system and much more gets less focus as the body considers these less important than escaping the tiger or threat you’re facing.

The body assumes if you get away from the danger then when you are safe it can return its focus to the health promoting and maintenance activities. Unfortunately many people stay in fight or flight or freeze, in high stress defensive patterns for long periods of time. The body doesn’t get the message that you’re safe now and it should focus its energy back into your health promoting activities. It really is important to do that inner work so your body can function more fully. TRE can help with this.

As you shake out that built up tension, stress and trauma your inner child is willing to talk to you more. They like it as you start to relax and can be more playful. They like to see you are taking care of yourself. Even though your outer world may not have changed that much, it becomes easier to appreciate all you have, to be grateful and enjoy your now more.

You feel better inside and this radiates out enabling your outer world to improve too. This is how you can change your life bit by bit for free at home, by shaking off your tension, stress and trauma. It’s worth doing so you can enjoy life more and stop complaining.

You have what you have to help you heal. As you heal what you have will change. So it doesn’t matter if you have what you want right now, because it will shift. Focus on the journey, on enjoying each moment, on allowing your life to progress and advance. Don’t stay stuck, wallowing in what is. Release it and trust what is to come, for it is good indeed. Blessed BE, Amen.

By Jodi-Anne M Smith (9 November 2017).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

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