Tag Archives: releasing judgement

How to know when to stay or go?

There are times in all relationships when intimacy declines and you start to wonder whether the relationship is a healthy one or not.

One of you may have diverted your energies elsewhere, making you unavailable fully to your partner. Some people connect in at work, sport, a hobby or focus more on the children leaving a partner feeling alone and less connected. Of course some have affairs. But more often than not one or both partners become distracted internally, dealing with whatever emotional pain and triggers have been occurring.

This diversion inwards makes less energy available outwards and again a partner may feel left out in the cold. They can feel that their partner’s warmth, their focus, and their energy are not with them anymore. Sometimes if this is temporary it can be sustained in the relationship as is. If the distracted partner comes back to focus with the other, all is well.

Sometimes however this disconnection can continue for a long time. It can be completely unintentional and not due to a lack of love. If one or both partners are dealing with emotional pain, they are simply not available to fully connect with the other. They may truly want to, but feel unable to.

If the partners can talk about what is going on honestly. If they can support each other in their efforts for growth, they may find a way through. But both must be willing to talk openly, honestly and to do the work to heal their inner hurts.

No matter how much you love the other, you cannot heal their wounds for them. They have to go within, feel and heal. They have to make the time to look at the way they are living their life and choose to make changes so they can be happier, healthier and more available to mutually nurture and nourish the partner and the relationship.

Each has to choose to make the relationship a priority, to create time together doing fun things. If they don’t it can become stale, boring, not stimulating and they might drift apart.

No matter how hard you try to please the other or to take care of the other, if they are not looking after themselves it won’t work.

They have to step up, take action and do the work to heal their hurts, change their thinking and behaviour patterns, so that they can be more positive, more available for themselves and the other. They have to do the work. You can’t do it for them.

If you stay too long in the above scenario you will become deflated, depressed and despairing. It is outside of your control to make it work. You can’t force it, pretend it, fluff it up so you feel better. You need to face facts and see whether or not your emotional needs, your intimacy needs, your physical needs, etc. are being met within the relationship.

If they are not you need to consider leaving for the sake of your own health. You can’t wait forever. You will get angry. You will get resentful. You will get manipulative and forceful trying to get your partner to take action. But if they aren’t ready, they’re simply not ready, and no amount of pushing, cajoling, crying, etc. will change that.

You can’t roll a boulder uphill easily. That is what you are doing if you are trying to get someone to change who simply doesn’t want to or know how to.

Even if they’re depressed and unhappy, they won’t change till they feel capable and you can’t make that happen. You can love them, encourage them, provide books or other resources, but then you need to accept what is. Step back and wait. Give the person a chance to decide what they are and are not willing to do.

Sadly they may choose not to take action. That is their right. Your choice is whether to accept that or not. Your choice is to decide how long you are willing to wait before you start focussing elsewhere too.

The healthiest thing to do is to focus on making your life happier. Spend time with friends, do activities or hobbies you enjoy. This takes the pressure off of the relationship so you both can breathe.

If the partner becomes more available you can connect back in deeply. If they don’t you will feel more held and fulfilled in your life outside of the relationship and you can let that expand. The choice is yours.

Face facts and decide what to do. Don’t pretend all is okay if it is not. Don’t blame the other. Just see it from their side. They need to focus elsewhere. This is not a rejection of you or a judgement of you. It is just a phase of life taking them in a different direction. The question becomes will your roads meet again or travel further apart.

Surrender and trust that no matter what happens life will lead you both forth to experience what you need to, in order to keep healing, evolving and opening your hearts. You will both be taken care of as you move along your journeys, together or apart.

If you do part, give thanks for all you have shared, learned and grown during the relationship. Give thanks for the good and challenging times through which you gained more clarity on what is important to you, and what you will not accept or compromise on.

Give thanks for the love, the joy, the passion which may have long gone cold. Give thanks for the acceptance and connection which would have nourished you in the beginning. Let go of judgements, condemnations or harshness. Just let go with love and trust you will be led forth into that which you need next in your life.

When the time is right you will meet another and the cycles of love and growth will continue. We go through many of these cycles each lifetime. Sometimes the cycle occurs with the same partner, when relationships cool then warm up again, and sometimes it occurs with new partners.

Trust that what is meant to be will be, and all is truly okay, even if it feels painful to acknowledge the truth of the current situation. Take a deep breath and smile, knowing all is okay deep within and anything that needs to shift and release will.

Flow with the waves of emotion and let them dissipate. You will have grief over letting go of something you thought would last forever. It’s only natural. Be kind to yourself each day and don’t think too far ahead. Relax and let go knowing all will be okay in the end. Blessed BE.

By Jodi-Anne (27 April 2019).

  • Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.
  • If you found this blog useful you may wish to consider purchasing a copy of Jodi-Anne’s book ‘Advice from a higher Source’ which contains 85 more answers to questions about life. The paperback book or ebook can be purchased online at – http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JMS2011. (Once you have clicked into view the description of the book, go to the top of the page and choose the flag symbol for your country, this will show you the price in your currency and enable you to purchase it in that currency)
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How to accept divine timing and your growth rate?

It is not up to you how fast growth occurs. It takes a lifetime to achieve the growth your soul has come to experience. Events will occur to create the shifts needed, for awareness to dawn and self love to occur. This will all happen at the destined time. You can not influence it. You think you can by going to that workshop, doing that healing, but we tell you it still occurs as needed. It is your soul guiding you forth. It is your soul giving you the urge to do the workshop or healing. It is all occurring as it needs to.

Let go of the judgement, the impatience and flow with the process, accept what comes and what goes. It is not up to you. People will come and go out of your life, behave in certain ways to trigger you. Everything that is needed for your growth will come, because it has to for you to evolve as needed this lifetime.

You can’t get it wrong or miss an important event or person. It will all occur as it needs to. You just judge it with your mind, assuming you should be doing more or be more advanced by now. There is no more advanced, there is no better than or worse than, don’t compare your self to others. Don’t assume how you should be is anything other than how you already are.

You humans make it so hard for yourselves. You are determined to see yourselves as not good enough, but this is just your thoughts, just your conditioning. Change it, so you are accepting of yourself, so you know you are exactly where and how you need to be right now, so you can be kind and loving to yourself. That is what is needed so you can enjoy the process more, so you can enjoy the journey.

You wil get where you need to be regardless, but you affect your experience of it with your thoughts. You create suffering and angst with your thoughts and judgements. Accept what is and flourish. Deny it and struggle. Rally against it and feel helpless, depressed or worse suicidal. Accept what is, knowing it will pass, that it is just a phase of growth and you will have peace. Accept yourself and your journey and you will have joy. Accept those around you and trust they are guided forth in their process, that they are all doing exactly what is needed for their evolution and growth, then you will have love overflowing in your life – from you to others and from others to you. Accept what is and have peace.

Foster greater acceptance and trust, faith that it will all work out okay and you will have excitement, anticipation and positive feelings of the future. The choice is yours create negative feelings with your thoughts or positive ones. The same outcomes will occur, just your experience of it, your sense of joy or suffering will differ. Which will you choose? It is entirely up to you. Blessed BE , Amen.

By Jodi-Anne M Smith (21 April 2017).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.

How to accept the choices of others?

When you are caught in emotional pain it is tempting to blame others and judge them for their choices. Yet each is doing the best they can to cope with the pain and trauma they have inside.

hurting againEach is doing what they can to live, survive and eventually thrive. Just because you don’t see another’s pain doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Everyone has challenges. Everyone is evolving and therefore going through challenges and change. It is a never ending cycle of growth.

Allow each person to be where they are and to do it their way. Some will reach out longing for connection. Some will hide and isolate for protection, not wanting to be caught up in other people’s drama or just trying to survive the drama going on within.

When life has been hard it can be very messy inside, chaotic thoughts and mood fluctuations. It can take a lot of energy just to navigate through the day and function effectively enough at work and in your day to day activities. There is often little energy after doing all that and people need to rest, to reenergise, to refill their dwindling energy reserves.

meditationDifferent people refuel in different ways. Some need time alone. Some need time in nature. Some need to exercise or do an activity that they enjoy. Some need to be with friends or family who love them and fill them up. Whatever works for you will not necessarily work for others. Each has to do it their way, in their own time.

Expecting more than someone can give just sets yourself up for disappointment. Learn self reliance and spend time with those who do connect with you, who do have energy for you. Don’t waste your breath complaining about what is – if others can’t give to you, there is nothing you can do to change that fact. The individuals involved have to change, heal, decide to spend time with you. Some might and some might not.

Remember each is struggling with their own internal world, their own challenges and they are doing the best they can. Choose love for all beings and focus on healing yourself, so that you can feel peaceful regardless of what occurs around you.

You may not like the way some people behave or the state of the world and what occurs in it, but it is what it is. Do what you can to be happy, to influence those you can and let the rest go. It is all happening for a reason and it is all part of the evolutionary journey. Choose kindness in all you do and choose peace within. When you can do this you will see more peace outside in the world as well.

Do not let yourself be used, exhausted, emptied by others. Have firm boundaries and say yes when you want to and no when you don’t want to do something requested of you. There is no need to sacrifice yourself to please others. Each is on their own journey of awakening and will get there in the end. Each person will find love and harmony within. They just have to process their pain, release the emotional density and centre within.

Send each person who irks you love. Know they are doing the best they can, then let it go. Let them be where they are at. Let them be who they are. Love and acceptance heals, not judgement or blame. Let it go and choose peace, accept what is and live your life knowing all is okay, all is a part of life and all happens for a reason. Blessed BE. Amen.

By Jodi-Anne (29 June 2016).
Further free guidance on healing techniques and self love are available on the Life Insights and Healing from child abuse pages of this website.